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 Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 11:38 pm
Earlier this evening, I was in a dark place. If you've ever felt far away from any sign of God being around you or within you, at a time when you needed it most, amplify that to what feels like 10 times that feeling, and that's what I felt this evening... I can't say I know particularly what it was, but I was just browsing videos and such on youtube, and that's usually where it all goes downhill when you're searching for videos on apologetic's and whatnot. I see peoples' comments on the videos of why people merely dismiss Christianity at "a set of fairy tales" or "the biggest lie and practical joke in all of human history". It just brought me low and felt like crap, and pondered, why would people say such things? Do they desire to see that God that NOT exist, or what? I can't understand these people. And thereby it makes me skeptical because I'm literally cursed with being like Thomas, or Didymus the Twin. He had to see Jesus before he fell at His feet and undeniably professed Jesus as his Lord and Savior, and so it goes with me. Many times this is why I can feel ashamed, to be honest; because I'm not one of those people that is blessed since I do not see, and hence have difficulty believing. I'm an extremely malleable person who's views can be shaken on a dime. It's not that I want it to happen, but doubt creeps in like any other feeling, and every once in a while, it just feels so hopeless, for whatever reason. Maybe I'm being left alone by God for a while, but like a child who's left at home without his parent present there, my weeping begins: when I realize it's happening, I feel terribly distraught and don't want to do anything. I turn into my full-on hermit crab self, and wreck myself into a depressed state of silence, of reflection and the curse of being stuck in what feels like an inner universe, or even better what I prayed heavily on this evening, what Plato describes as the cave of questioning. However, when I get into that mindset; if any of you've read The Allegory of the Cave by Plato, you know that the "hero" or enlightened one who makes it out of the cave by having his blinders removed, and seeing the shadows of vessels and such being cast on the wall, and people chained and bound moving along the continuum of existence without ever looking away, only with their attention on the false images of things being cast on the wall, you realize that many will doubt the things the person who makes it out of the cave goes back to tell them, that the truth will be something that they do not want to hear, and are willing to deride and spit on and gnash their teeth at, publicly humiliate, and even draw the sword on and kill. For me, there are times where I feel like that Truth with a capital T can be that people are being led falsely into believing that God will save them, that we're all alone and there is no hope at all. And to be honest, it's just the kind of person I'm naturally forced to be: a confounded skeptic who happens to have a LOT of faith. However, despite it all, I do not lack the determination to gain understanding to rise above that conclusion.
I'm sorry that was such a long spiel, and if you can understand it I'm happy. If you haven't noticed I ramble a lot when I get serious about talking about something I really focus my attention on. I'd just pray that my very being, my soul, takes some notice, any at all of your prayers for me, and God I would really so appreciate it. I hope none of you are ever cursed with this quality like I am, because there are other things which you are dealing with that are much more painful than this, such as trials in your life at this time. I am also praying for you, and gosh if I could pray for the world to heal all the world, I would. I also tend to feel bad for things that are completely out of my control, but that feeling of anguish, like I was hearing today while listening to a sermon, is never felt enough by people, but I can feel it too harshly a lot. But I'm sorry, thank you if you've read this entire thing, and God bless you all. Lord keep me through all the difficult times and lend me more of an already abundant amount of Grace you've bestowed upon me. Amen, and Amen.
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Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:55 am
They deny Christ because it is their nature to do so. If you are not for Jesus,
then you are an enemy of the cross. They have actively rejected him, and like when someone accepts Jesus, rejecting him does something to you.
1 John 2:22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son. 23 Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: [(but) he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also].
1 John 4:3 And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that [spirit] of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world.
We know that God is real because we see the result of him being real everywhere we turn.
"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Romans 1:20
They know deep down that he is real, but they are fighting to make "reasonings" to why he isn't so they can continue in the state they are now.
It is for themselves the go and argue on apologetics threads and boards,
to maintain their own illusions. "Hah! You could not answer my questions, so I can continue believing what I want."
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Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:40 am
But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. -Matthew 7:14 Last summer, the Holy Spirit inspired me to write this poem. Yeah, sometimes we all get that dreadful feeling that there's no hope for the world, and that God has abandoned us, or that God may not be real. I know how you feel. Never Alone
Daddy, I'm lonely and terrified
My world ripping apart clarified
I'm alone with a false promise of
You bringing down your wondrous love
Daddy, why is the world so cruel?
The others treat me like a fool
They are oblivious to my feelings
Can't you feel the anguish I'm concealing?
Daddy, it's almost as if you aren't there
Are you listening to me from nowhere?
The majority calls you a myth and laughs
And purposefully waver me from the path
Daddy, nobody understands me
My aching heart yearns to roam free
Please talk to me and walk with me
I'm begging for your awesome mercy
~*~
My daughter, why should you feel this way?
I will gladly aid you through the day
Just remember I am there for you
Turn away from lies and face what's true
There's no need to suffer any longer
I am helping you to become stronger
I want you to realize how much I love you
I have never, ever abandoned you
Let there be light to brighten your soul
Let your faith in me mature and grow
All your problems will be washed away
And your misery will be dashed today
Open your eyes and lift your head up high
Spread your wings and soar to the sky
I have heard your saddened groan
My beautiful child, you're never alone When I am afraid, I will trust in you. -Psalm 56:3 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. -1 Peter 5:7
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Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:56 am
"The Climb" By Miley Cyrus I can almost see it. That dream I'm dreaming, but There's a voice inside my head saying "You'll never reach it" Every step I'm takin' Every move I make Feels lost with no direction, My faith is shakin' But I gotta keep tryin' Gotta keep my head held high There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb The struggles I'm facing The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down, but No I'm not breaking I may not know it, but These are the moments that I'm gonna remember most I've just gotta keep goin', and I gotta be strong Just keep pushing on, cause There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb Keep on movin' Keep climbin' Keep the faith baby It's all about, it's all about The climb Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." -Matthew 17:20
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:23 pm
I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I've experienced so much doubt and crises of faith in my life. I admit, I've always envied people who are so certain about their beliefs, whatever those beliefs may be. My partner is an athiest, and I almost envy him just because he's so sure of himself. For him, there is no divine power of any kind in the universe, and that's that. That's his Truth with a capital T, and it's not something he doubts or worries about or loses sleep over. In his words, "I have never once experienced anything or seen any objective evidence to suggest God's existence, so as far as I'm concerned, God is a product of man's imagination and nothing more. If something down the line changes in that department, I'll adjust my beliefs accordingly. I'm a reasonable man. If God comes knocking on my front door one day, I'll hauppily admit that I've been wrong all these years, but until that happens, a godless man I shall remain."
Now, I don't want to be an athiest, but I do wish I had that certainty. My mother claims that her faith has never waivered, which I find amazing because a person without such strong faith would have given up believing after any number of awful life experiences my mother has had.
I just wish I could live my life with the kind of certainty that those sorts of people have, you know? I feel like I've spent most of my life questioning and doubting, and feeling like no matter what creed I subscribe to, there's always a chance that I'm wrong.
I guess I'm just perpetually aware of my own fallibility as a human being. I am human, therefore inherently flawed, so how can I declare with any real certainty that I'm right about...well, anything, but especially something as vast and complex as the universe and the nature and purpose of existence and all that.
But I guess that's what faith is. Believing something because you know in your heart of hearts that it's true, despite a lack of air-tight objective evidence or even acute knowledge of your own flawed human nature.
Anyway, I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers. smile
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:15 pm
At times, it may feel like God is distant when certain things may occur in our life. I may not know 100% exactly how you feel, and what I can tell you is that when I read my Bible, I truly feel uplifted and at peace. It's the only book that I know that can cause such peace and tears of happiness or even sadness.
After I moved out, my Mom had given me a few books to read. None of which seem exactly 100% according to the Bible and when I tried to read it because "Mom bought them for me and I should at least try", I felt that a spiritual brick had hit me, completely discouraged me, made me feel useless, made me feel like giving up my dreams, and all in all it just doesn't feel comfortable. At that point, I put down those books because I know it isn't doing my soul any good to read them. I can be left discouraged for a while, but that's what God's armor is for - so we can fight off the spiritual enemy. He has given us miraculous armor that can stand up against anything. When I feel discouraged, I know it's time to read God's word and pray.
When I grew up in my parents church, I thought their church was the only way you'd get save because that's what they grew up believing. They grew up also believing many other things that are man-made beliefs by twisting scripture to fit their situation and the way they want to think. When I got older, I felt like something was missing in my life. I thought to myself, "What's wrong with me? I believe in God and I'm a good person! Why do I keep feeling like scum on the inside?" I could never figure it out and became depressed with myself. I could never come around to inflict self-harm because there was something always keeping me from even attempting it. I was depressed for quite a while and even when I came out of that state of depression, I still thought I had too little faith. When I met the man of my dreams and got married, he could explain the Bible to me in ways I never thought possible. He explained using historical context, actually reading the words, looking up words that some may not be familiar with, and using meanings from the original language contexts. It all was fitting together and suddenly made sense to me. I felt peace and security, I felt like I could actually explain my point of view if someone actually asked instead of being like, "Um..uh...I don't know how to explain that."
Now a days, I feel so much stronger in my relationship with God, but I had to go through hardships to get there. Since leaving my parents church, they always seem edgy around me now. When my husband and I are around they aren't always the nicest and are careful what they say. When I get the chance to be alone with my parents, they try to tell me that my beliefs are wrong and that theirs are right. They also say mean things about my husband and his family because him and his parents are ordained ministers and missionaries. when I'm alone, I suppose they see me as more vulnerable to what they have to say, but these days I'm not and will gladly state what I believe if they try to challenge that. We don't speak a whole lot these days and I hardly get a text from them unless it says, "Come get this or that." Not asking, but telling me what to do. Not being able to get along with my parents is definitely a hardship because I expected my parents to be there for me when I graduated from high school, went to college, married the man of my dreams, etc. and after I left their church, they nearly changed. It scares me how they've changed because I feel like I can't even trust them. It's a rough situation and I'm not even sure if time will heal that wound. The only thing that can change it around is God.
As believers, we should remember to test the spirit and not to believe in everything we hear - even if they are reading for the Bible or a preacher. Never take anyone's word for it because:
Jeremiah 17:5 - 10 NIV:
This is what the LORD says:
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
“I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
according to what their deeds deserve.”
1 John 4:1 NIV:
Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.
Proverbs 3:5 - 7 NIV:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.
*God also loves and cares for us! God sent Jesus to go upon that cross and endure all the beating and mocking to give us a Salvation that we didn't even deserve. God and Jesus gave us the chance for Salvation before we were even born. Because of what Jesus did for us, we can build a relationship in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit through His word. It's magnificent that I, who was so undeserving, you that were so undeserving, and the world that was so undeserving have a chance at Salvation because of Jesus' ultimate and perfect sacrifice.
Isaiah 41:11 - 13 NIV:
“All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.
Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.
For I am the LORD your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
Galatians 2:20 NIV:
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
1 John 4:9 - 12 NIV:
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
Psalms 23 NIV:
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
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