January 17th 2012 {12:33 am}
Well I dunno nothing eventful really happened today.My day started off pretty much the same as always.I woke up stopped my 8:30 alarm and rolled back over for another half hour then I woke up again and turned off my 9 alarm and muttered that I needed more sleep. Sometimes I just wish there was a day I did not have to get up early.But sadly I know that will never be the case.If I am not getting up because I have stuff to do then I am getting up because someone is waking me up to something for them.
Honestly I feel like I don't matter in my family but right when I get that feeling someone finds me something to do.And sometimes I really don't want them to rely on me. I mean figure it out for yourself once in while.I know family is supposed to be there and care for each other but most of the time I feel like I am the butt of jokes.Honestly I think my parents specifically my mother doubts my intelligence. Yeah I can laugh and have fun and play the role of the daughter who is bubbly or air-headed if you will.But because I choose to be fun and happy all the time it does not by any means make me stupid or a dummy.
Some of the jokes make me out to be stupid and honestly I can't stand it most of the time.Sunday I was the butt of jokes and I got mad and just left. I told them I was running away from home and they joked that I could not run anywhere.Because I walk so slow that I could not run. And I had to tell them just because you never see me run does not mean I am not capable of running.There is a difference in choosing what you do and not being able to do things. rolleyes
I could sit here all day and make mean hurtful jokes about my sister and my brother...but do I no...because I am mindful of the feelings of others.But do they joke about me yes all the time. Sometimes I think I should just stop caring and let it all out on the table.I just can't wait until the day I get away from all this.
So I went to dialysis early in the morning it was freezing cold and windy.I found out today that I need new headphones because now not even one earplug works. I am sending these back to skullcandy and they will replace them because this is ridiculous. Every pair of headphones I buy like this end up breaking.It has not even been a full year yet and again I have lost another pair of headphones. gonk I am going to get myself an awesome over the ear pair I saw them like 2 years ago and the color would look good with my purple ipod nano. xd .
I am worried about a patient at the dialysis center. She is the nicest older lady and I heard from the staff that she was sick and in the hospital.I care about her but it did not cross my mind to get the hospital name of where she is admitted.My mother asked me why I did not think of it.I said well it never crossed my mind to ask.Somedays I have alot on my mind and some days I have nothing at all on my mind but I still feel like I am full of thoughts.Complicated...that is the best word to describe me. blaugh
Then my boyfriend tells me he finally got his date for shipping off to basic training.April 17th. I dunno what to think.I only feel like he is abandoning me.I have some abandonment issues.Only because he is like the only boyfriend I ever had...in the history of like ever.Well I think that is all I have right now.I need to wash dishes I am sitting here watching cupcake wars on demand and I wish I had a piece of cake. sweatdrop
