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 Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 9:54 pm
Let's Pretend
Oh hey, look! more time to think...
What happened to it all?
I wish i didn't blink..
It's all so gone, man, what do i do?
Whatever happened to the times of me and you!?
Its days like this that make it all seem impossible,
When i know damn right, it wasn't you that made me unstoppable.
I wish it'd stop..
One more try for the top..
..And if i shouldn't make it..
My soul,
Just ******** take it.
It never stopped you before...
Hey! what do say we settle the score?
I'll rip it out this time! And you can play pretend!
Act like its fine!
Act like it aint the end!
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Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 1:01 pm
The emotion in this is empowering. The only thing that hinders the wings of your words, is the rhyming. It seems very forced, like you wrote this and then moved the words around so it would rhyme. Sometimes rhyme can be to overcoming for the message and this is one of those times. The way you wrote it seems as if it should be to distressed to be organized into a rhyme. Also, i would love to see more added to it. The reason for the emotions are still unclear and it would be intrested to see you include them in the poem.
Good job
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Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:15 pm
sweatdrop lol the sad part is, I didn't force anything. I know it seems it, but other than the unstoppable part, everything was typed. In about a matter of minutes actually. I think the reason I left it so short though, was because everything I had to say had been said. But, I'm always ready for a challenge, so I'll beef it up for you...I'll post it when I'm done c:
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Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:54 pm
Thanks for asking me to make it longer smile I really like how this came out biggrin
Let's Pretend
Oh, hey look! more time to think...
What happened to it all?
I wish I didn't blink..
It's all so gone, man, what do I do?
Whatever happened to the times of me and you!?
What happened to that chain that held us together?
Not even wind blows through, and your gone forever.
It was him wasn't it? He tore it all apart!
He was the problem right from the start!
He showed you a good time, something I gave you every day!
And now "I'm sorry," is all you've got to say!
Its days like this that make it all seem impossible,
When I know damn right, it wasn't you that made me unstoppable.
A feeling deep inside, that tells me its over,
And a voice, far away, that tells me "You didn't love her!"
I wish I could ignore it, but it feeds day and night.
And eventually I found myself, unwilling to fight.
Then I'm back to those beautiful blue eyes,
And I ask myself, "Why?"
Why this, why me?
Why is this the way things have to be?
Then I see you, perfectly untouched,
Not a glimmer out of place, "perfect" and such,
And I ask myself why I even care,
And this question ..circles.. do I dare?
I wish it'd stop..
One more try for the top..
..And if i shouldn't make it..
My soul,
Just ******** take it.
It never stopped you before...
Hey! what do say we settle the score?
I'll rip it out this time!
And you can play pretend!
Act like its fine!
Act like it ain't the end!
Act like every second that goes by,
Doesn't make you want to die!
Act like every time you breathe,
Is done with so much ease!
Act like you don't give a s**t!
Pretend that, every day, you don't want to quit!
Watch me mess around, and toy with your heart!
Oh, that's right, you didn't have one from the start!
You don't give a ********, as long as there's someone to run to,
So I'll leave you be, you've got some dogs to tend to...
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