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 Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:53 pm
Some backstory: I'm 29. I'm bisexual. I'm engaged to a man.
My man knows, some friends know and my younger sister knows.
My parents, older brother, extended family, and coworkers don't know.
I don't talk about personal things at work much so coworkers still won't know. None of their business. Extended family can suck it. Half I'm not talking to though I wouldn't be against a couple cousins being aware. They'd not hold it against me.
So, that leaves parents and older brother.
I'm sitting here thinking I'd make a youtube video to come out.
Then got to thinking. Should I come out to them?
What are your opinions? I'm torn. Am I making too big of a deal out of being bi? Should I just keep my mouth shut? Or should I tell them? Help. I don't know what to do. gonk
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 3:54 pm
Everyone comes out to different people for different reasons under different circumstances. The question isn't whether you should come out or not. The real question is do they deserve to know? Are you close enough to your parents and brother to confide in them this information? Are you comfortable with your co-workers to an extent that they won't mind? People who are LGBT, although making great strides in becoming "normal," are still a stigma, so coming out is a matter of angles and timing. Nevertheless, I, personally, find my life much easier when everyone else knows - I make it a point to come out [even to strangers], simply to avoid ambiguity and false pretenses.
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 4:04 pm
lgtenos Everyone comes out to different people for different reasons under different circumstances. The question isn't whether you should come out or not. The real question is do they deserve to know? Are you close enough to your parents and brother to confide in them this information? Are you comfortable with your co-workers to an extent that they won't mind? People who are LGBT, although making great strides in becoming "normal," are still a stigma, so coming out is a matter of angles and timing. Nevertheless, I, personally, find my life much easier when everyone else knows - I make it a point to come out [even to strangers], simply to avoid ambiguity and false pretenses.
Thanks for replying. <33
I think I'm close enough to my 'rents/brother to share it. Though I suspect I know what their reactions might be. My brother will likely be against it, my father will likely have no problem with it and my mother.. I just don't know.
Part of me thinks it'd be a good idea. For example, I went to a gay pride rally with my dad. And the guy leading it asked how many people were straight allies, gay, lesbian, bi and people rose their hands. Had I been alone.. I would've raised my hand. But with my dad being there and not knowing I felt uncomfortable.
I've lied to my brother which I hate. We were in an elevator (I was moving out so we had boxes and furniture) and the elevator opened and a really cute girl was going to get on but saw how full it was and didn't. The doors closed and my brother made some comment about how cute she was. Without thinking, I agreed. He asked if I liked girls and I lied. >_< I hate that. My brother, I love him to death but he's very conservative.. I know making a comment about a cute girl isn't a huge deal but it'd be nice to not have to hide.
RE: Coworkers, I don't think they'd mind too much. We had a coworker that's since moved away due to family issues that was a lesbian and she was out. We all knew about her partner and my coworkers that I saw never made a big deal about it. I don't really hide it from them but it doesn't come up either. I'm not terribly close to them so I don't see it as much of an issue.
I guess I'm asking myself what coming out to them would accomplish. I worry that me wanting to come out is some subconscious attention whoring or something. Or am I denying myself who I am by not being open about it?
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 4:32 pm
I came out to my mother who told my father. Funny thing is now my mom acts like it's never happened. Lol, but my dad every time I get a date is all like "Is that a chick?" rofl
My sisters are cool with it, but I'm sure they still say it's a faze.... (this started at 16-17, I'm 21 now... I'm sure it's not a faze)
It just depends on if you will be comfortable telling them or not. I was tired of my mother treating me like I knew nothing about sex and I was a pitiful sheltered child. So I admitted I prefered women over men; she said it was because I'd never slept with a man. She was surprised to find out I had tested both already (at 1 cool .
Just be prepared for questions. Stupid ones and stuff. ^ ^ But no matter what they say, you are totally awesome and nothing can bring you down!
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 5:14 pm
Lady Kayura Some backstory: I'm 29. I'm bisexual. I'm engaged to a man.
My man knows, some friends know and my younger sister knows.
My parents, older brother, extended family, and coworkers don't know.
I don't talk about personal things at work much so coworkers still won't know. None of their business. Extended family can suck it. Half I'm not talking to though I wouldn't be against a couple cousins being aware. They'd not hold it against me.
So, that leaves parents and older brother.
I'm sitting here thinking I'd make a youtube video to come out.
Then got to thinking. Should I come out to them?
What are your opinions? I'm torn. Am I making too big of a deal out of being bi? Should I just keep my mouth shut? Or should I tell them? Help. I don't know what to do. gonk Thought I'd offer some help, given how you've been so helpful to the girlfriend and myself. Eventually, they are going to find out. Take a deep breath, then write out how you feel in a letter. Look over it, keep revising and when it looks good enough, you can tell them. [I know it's kinda recycled advice from what you gave me, but hope it helps]
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:16 am
After the original bombshell of coming out, sexuality doesn't matter too much once people calm down. It's a part of you, so it's relevant for people to know. But it's also not necessary to scream every part of your life to everyone, so it's okay if others don't know. (Not because you lied, but because it just never came up in conversation) If your family is gonna hate you because of your sexuality, you'd most likely be miserable with them if you didn't come out too, so just do it is my advice. Even the intolerant eventually shut up. (Coming from my experience, where my coming out was AWFUL) Also, the bigger deal you make it, the bigger deal they may see it as. If you think they'll disapprove, don't make some elaborate scheme to tell them. That in a sense is fueling the fire. If you do it in a more casual way, it's more likely to be taken for what it is: a simple part of you that does not warrant craziness.
I know not all people are the same, but in general, this is my advice.
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Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 5:02 am
i never understand the big deal with the whole "coming out" thing, i see being gay and bi in same ways as being into fat ppl, its no ones god damn business but your own...
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 6:02 pm
I think you should come out. There's nothing wrong with it anyway... Hm I think if you go tell your brother first it would be easy hahaha.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 9:30 pm
just the other day at work i was having lunch with a friend i havint really hung out with in years, and come to find out she was bi and now what it didint matter it wasint some big deal it just came up in conversion and was what ever.
as coming out should be, if it comes up talk about but if you make a point to tell ppl your bi, gay, whatever then your kind of a attention whore.
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Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:17 am
BogiePop i never understand the big deal with the whole "coming out" thing, i see being gay and bi in same ways as being into fat ppl, its no ones god damn business but your own...
Yes, while it isn't anyone else's business but my own, your comparison between being gay and into fat people isn't the best example. You don't see people hating on people for that the same way they hate on gays. They aren't condemned for it.
It's great you don't think there's anything wrong with being gay, that it isn't a big deal to you. But that doesn't mean it isn't a big deal to others.
And hey, thanks for calling me an attention whore. Just the kind of understanding I was hoping for from this guild. = /
GRIZZLYBEARD, my brother's the one I think would react the most negative being ultra conservative and religious.
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Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 11:52 pm
Hmm, I'm here looking for advice since I'm only out about being gay to a couple friends and most of the people on gaia. (Not like that matters much)
But I've been struggling with my sexuality wondering if I really WAS gay but I knew for a fact I wasn't straight. Now I'm set and determined that I'm gay...But coming out doesn't come so easily here because I wasn't sure for so long. Everyone is convinced I'm straight since I've lied to so many people about it, especially at school. I'm only 13 and people say that I have a ton of time to think things over but being a gay teen is probably the hardest thing I'm gonna go through. My family is pretty religious and never had a good perspective when it comes to gays whatsoever, plenty of my close friends are religious too, but my best (Religious) friend is fine with it only because I HAVE known him for a long enough time for him to not care. But I have a younger friend I've known almost my whole life and he's really close. I don't think he'll accept it and will shun me as much as possible...I really hate hiding from him though. But anywayz I think you should tell your dad and see how that works out. BYE!
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