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 Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 2:50 pm
Bondagesecks that was a long read sweatdrop thanks for the advice, I am taking everything into consideration. Oh, and we've been together for a month and a half. Which in my opinion is a little long for some one who just wants sex with me. That is why i think he's not one of those assholes. Actually, I think most people you find will tell you that that is NOTHING in terms of having sex within a relationship. If he actually cared, he'd wait. What's the rush to have sex NOW, instead of months down the road, when you'd most likely be more sure of how you felt about sex and each other? How do you know he's not faking his affection for you in order to sleep with you? Do whatever you want, but it still seems like he just wants you for sex. And if he cared about you and your relationship with him, he'd wait and not ask you any more. At your age (17), I had my first boyfriend. We dated for a little over a year before we first had sex. And that was with a condom, and with me on the Pill for about 2 months. We wanted to wait until we had some privacy, until we were sure that we loved each other, and until we were both truly comfortable with the idea of having sex. Something like that tends not to come right away in a relationship.
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 4:56 pm
Remember, she's not a virgin. He is! (just because someone mentioned losing your virginity smile ).
I agree with Niko. The two of you really need to come up with a plan for the possible consequences of sex BEFORE having it. The last thing you should be wanting at your age is an unplanned pregnancy and a boyfriend who left you as soon as he heard the news because of some lame excuse (like "you weren't a virgin, how do I know you weren't cheating on me?").
Make sure you are using plenty of protection every single time. Ideally, you should be taking some sort of hormonal contraceptive as well as using condoms. 99% effective may sound like a lot, but it really isn't and plenty of things can go wrong (especially if he is a virgin and hasn't tried putting a condom on before).
And now for personal moral judgements (you'll get this a lot, so feel free to skip over it):
I do think a month and a half is a very short amount of time to start having sex with someone. Sex comes with so many risks and dangers, I would rather people only do it with those they are extremely close to. If something goes wrong, you need to know that you can count on him for support. How can you possibly know that after only a little over a month?
As for "he's not one of those jerks" -- you've been dating him for just over a month and he's already asking for sex. You're the woman. Unfortunatly, that means that sex poses much more of a risk to you than it does to him. I don't think a man has any right to ask for sex until a sexual relationship has already been established. You are the one who would have to suffer all the consequences of a pregnancy (including pain, perhaps dropping out of school, etc...) and are at a much higher risk of contracting STDs.
Remember, there's over three billion men in this world, but there's only ONE of you. Taking care of your body should be your number one concern, not appeasing the sex drive of a boyfriend you may not even be with in a year.
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 7:51 pm
Well, here's my two cents on this.
It really depends on what you want out of this relationship. If you're looking for it to last and be something more then sex, you probably want to wait. If you don't want anything more out of it, well that's up to you, I guess. I say that because in general [before anyone wants to jump on me for that, I'm sure there are exceptions] the earlier you have sex in a relationship the more you increase your chances of dooming it and giving it a short shelf life. Once you start having sex, the focus usually becomes sex and when that fizzles, if you didn't build a solid foundation before you started, you have nothing left and it ends. Several authors on the topic of dating and building a solid relationship have said you should usually wait about 3 months before getting intimate and spend that initial time really getting to know each other and trust each other before you hop into bed. A lot of relationships fail because they go in the wrong order of things--they hop into bed, then try to get to know each other, and realize they wouldn't trust that other person as far as they could throw them, they have nothing in common and they just plain don't like them.
And being there are so many risks with sex, I think you shouldn't make the decision lightly. I know you're not a virgin but that doesn't mean you have to jump into the sack all caution to the wind because you've done it before. I think there are a lot of things to talk about and consider before you have sex with him if you still choose to. And I'm going to give you the list of things I thought about before I had sex my first time at 18.
* What are you going to use for birth control? Will you double-up methods? Make sure you know before you even get to that point. In this information age it is disgusting how many teenagers play Russian Roulette with their bodies and assume that nothing will happen to them. The majority of all new STD infections happens in the under 25 age category. You say he's clean and a virgin but if he's done anything that involves contact it really can't hurt to have you both checked out again.
* How do you both feel about an unplanned pregnancy? Where are your political and moral compasses? Do they match up, or do you disagree on these things? It sounds like a 'downer' but you really need to know this stuff long before his p***s comes anywhere near you because no matter what you use as birth control there is ALWAYS a chance of a pregnancy. My husband had a good friend in college whose girlfriend was on the pill and they religiously used condoms with spermicide and she got pregnant TWICE in a year. It happens. It can happen to you.
* If you get pregnant and you keep the baby, how do you feel about having him in your life and having to, at the least, be civil to him for no fewer then 18 years? Even longer after if you have grandchildren. If he's someone you can not see yourself knowing that far in the future, let alone getting along with or staying with, it's in both your best interests not to have sex. It may be fun, but the primary function of sex will always be procreation unless you get older and opt to be sterilized. As long as both your reproductive systems work, they'll do their darndest to do their jobs. Having sex shouldn't be a decision made lightly.
So, as I said in the beginning, it's really up to you and what quality of a relationship you'd like. If you'd like something that will last a bit longer then you probably will want to hold off until you know a few more important things about him. It can make all the difference between making a decision that you later regret versus one you don't have any qualms about and didn't put you into any unnecessary harm.
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Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 12:53 pm
Bondagesecks that was a long read sweatdrop thanks for the advice, I am taking everything into consideration. Oh, and we've been together for a month and a half. Which in my opinion is a little long for some one who just wants sex with me. That is why i think he's not one of those assholes. A MONTH AND A HALF?! neutral my bf and I have been together almost a year and we're just getting around to have sex....
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Posted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 11:34 pm
it could be painful for him and her if the girl is too tight but i doubt it will be for him since you have already had sex.
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