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 Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:16 am
 W E L C O M EHere is my quest thread for Dren!
I won him in the RP Prompt Event,
so he currently already has artwork.
So that's why his appearance has been left out of the information below.
Please don't post unless you're critiquing,
and even then only if I'm ready for it!
Thank you!
Quest Status: Approved!
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2011 11:45 am
B A S I C S Character Name: Dren.
Type: Pokemon.
Species: Rattata.
Gender: Male.
Height: About 5' 5" or 5' 6".
Age: 18.
Nature: Naive.
Nature: xxxLikes sweet, dislikes bitter.
Ability: Guts.
Ability: xxxRaises attack stat by 50% when affected by the burn, paralysis, poison, or sleep status ailments. Attack drop from burn does not occur.
Skill Set: 1. Dig (Ground).
Skill Set: xxxxxThe user burrows underground, then attacks on the second turn.
Skill Set: 2. Hyper Fang (Normal).
Skill Set: xxxxxDeals damage and has a 10% chance of causing the target to flinch.
Skill Set: 3. Toxic (Poison).
Skill Set: xxxxxBadly poisons the target.
Skill Set: 4. Protect (Normal).
Skill Set: xxxxxEnables the user to evade all attacks. Its chance of failing rises if it is used in succession.
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:35 pm
P E R S O N A Personality: Dren is a very hyperactive boy, and can rarely, if ever, be found sitting still. He has very little patience at all, let alone for moving slowly, and may even become frustrated when forced to slow down. It's not that he likes to rush, actually. He just moves faster than most people; whether it's because his brain processes things faster or he just has an abundance of energy is not certain. He greatly enjoys learning everything about anything, and will often spout off random facts that he's picked up from somewhere he can't remember. They may not always be relevant to the current topic, which can create a bit of an annoyance, but he means well. He's always been very curious, even as a Pokemon, and will often get into trouble because of this. He honestly loves to be around others, and will often approach someone regardless of a looming sense of danger, as that seems to fly right over his little head. However, he seems to have little knowledge of the fact that some people may not want to talk to him whenever he wants to talk to them. Also, he seems to be impervious (or possibly just oblivious) to sarcasm and rudeness, unless of course the words are hurled at him with a great deal of venom or volume. He does not like to be yelled at, not only because it's scary, but also because his large ears are very sensitive and loud noises are even louder to him. He doesn't mean to be a pest, really. He simply likes to be social and talk to people, but his hyperactivity can often grate on others' nerves. However, he is easily distracted, so if you point something out to him that is located away from you, he's certain to go after it and leave you alone. Another way to get him to shut up for a moment is to feed him. Dren has an incredibly fast metabolism, and thus needs to eat a great deal more (or at least much more often) than most people. He's a vegetarian, however, so be sure that your offer is adequate, and he'll be sure to gobble it up, which means that his mouth will be too busy to talk. Unfortunately, this gift of food will often result in his attachment to you, so be wary if you'll ever want some time to yourself. He'll most likely give you a golden star of some sort (whether it's made of paper or merely a sticker) as a reward, something that he likes to carry around with him at all times. He has a bit of an unhealthy obsession with stars, snatching up anything that looks remotely like one or is shiny enough to be considered equal. As expected, it's actually very hard to get on the rattata's bad side. The only imaginable ways would be to lie to him or to physically harm him, both of which are things that are certain to make him leave you alone.
Summary:
Summary: Hyperactive (-): Dren will rarely ever sit still, and as a general rule has little patience. He doesn't necessarily enjoy slowing down, either, so it's best to avoid it. It is unknown if the
Summary: Hyperactive (-): cause is increased speed of thought or just an abundance of energy.
Summary: Easily Distracted (-): Don't expect Dren to stick around for long, especially if he's in a new place. He'll go after anything shiny, new, or interesting, so you'd better hold onto him if
Summary: Easily Distracted (-): it's important. However, he'll stay nearby if you feed him. He's a vegetarian, so choose your offering carefully, but he'll be sure to add you to his "good" list
Summary: Easily Distracted (-): afterward, and no doubt give you one of the stickers he keeps in his pockets.
Summary: Curious (+/-): True to his animal counterpart, Dren will go after anything he thinks is interesting. He loves to learn new things, and will often ask many questions when he's
Summary: Curious (+/-): presented with something he doesn't recognize. When he's provided the opportunity for research, he'll spend hours learning and no doubt end up spouting off random
Summary: Curious (+/-): things he's learned. Luckily, curiosity didn't kill the rat.
Summary: Sociable (+): He absolutely loves to be around others, and will strike up a conversation with anyone he deems to appear friendly (which is just about everyone). However, he doesn't
Summary: Sociable (+): realize that some people may not want to talk to him, and doesn't seem to think about the fact that his hyperactivity could possibly be annoying. So if you're anywhere
Summary: Sociable (+): near him, be prepared.
Summary: Childlike (+): Due to living with a young child for so long, Dren has picked up many of the mannerisms and habits that come with that age. So, despite the fact that he is actually
Summary: Childlike (+): around eighteen in human years, his mind is still that of a younger child, probably around eleven or twelve years of age. Not to mention that his stature is closer to that
Summary: Childlike (+): of a fifteen-year-old. So don't be surprised if he really doesn't seem like he's eighteen.
Likes: Snacks (preferably fruits, vegetables, cheeses, or nuts), socializing, laughter, gold stars, attention, and learning new things.
Dislikes: Moving slowly, thunderstorms, rain (he can't play outside), meat (except for fish), yelling, and ghosts in general.
Strengths: Dren is very quick on his feet, and his senses of hearing and smell are very sensitive.
Weaknesses: He's probably too friendly for his own good, and his defenses are not the best.
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:38 pm
H I S T O R Y Dren's life has been fairly simple, even from the beginning. Born into a family of innumerable relatives, Dren is the perfect example of a child raised by a village. Everyone took care of each other, no questions asked, if only because there were just so many of the little purple rats in one place. Sure, you could tell some apart, if only because a few raticates dotted the population, but for the most part, they all looked the same to the human eye. Even from birth, Dren had always been curious about everything, often getting into trouble with other family members or guests, and wandering off more than once. In these instances, he would have to be found by someone else, as he'd never be able to find his way back, what with his extremely poor sense of direction. He did all the normal things a rattata did: forage, play, snoop, and forage some more. But one day, sounds of something he hadn't heard before drew him away from the group.
As he ventured out into another of the large grassy fields in the area, he was ambushed by a human trainer and his houndoom. Now, mind you, any normal rattata might have tried to run away. But not Dren. He'd always been way too friendly for his own good, running up and saying hello to anyone he found interesting. So, given the fact that he'd never seen a human or a houndoom before, little Dren pranced right up to say hello. But when a flash of orange fire licked at his fur, he yelped and jumped away, red eyes full of confusion. As the houndoom attacked and beat the inexperienced rattata mercilessly, creating numerous bruises and cuts on his little body, Dren could only cower. He tried to fight back, sure, but the houndoom was much, much stronger than he was, and obviously much more experienced in the world of battling.
Thankfully, just before Dren fainted, something distracted the trainer. He went away, taking his houndoom with him, leaving the rattata to bleed into the grass by himself. He whimpered, hoping that someone would hear him and save him, but no one came for a very long time. And even when someone did, it wasn't a family member. It was another human, which made Dren cower a bit more, expecting more violence and pain, but this human scooped him up gently in her arms and whisked him away. He blacked out a few times, seeing only flashes of new scenery, before he eventually woke fully in a strange, stark white room. A kind-looking woman with swirling pink hair smiled down at him, and he could hear something beeping close by, and when he looked around he was hooked up to all sorts of machines. But he felt..better. Certainly not one hundred percent again, but..better than before.
It turned out that this was Nurse Joy, or at least a Nurse Joy, and the human he'd seen before had brought him here. She was a breeder, one of the humans that didn't use Pokemon simply for battling, and she knew that she couldn't just leave him there. She couldn't just release him back into the wild like this, what with the way he still limped and still needed his bandages changed every so often. So she brought him home, and nursed him back to health. During this time, Dren became good friends with the breeder's daughter. When it was time for him to leave, however, the girl refused to let him go. After much crying and pleading, the breeder allowed the girl to keep Dren as her Pokemon, playing with him and teaching him things.
The girl went to the local school, and would often tell Dren all about the days' lessons and all the new things that she learned. Dren loved to hear these things, and began to wonder what else there was to learn in this human world, to the point of sitting at the window every day until the girl returned home from school, just to hear her stories. Given his curious nature, it was really only to be expected of Dren, but the breeder still found it humorous every time she caught a glimpse of the girl talking to the little rattata, his big red eyes full of almost humanoid interest. Dren enjoyed this so much that he began to wish that he was human, so that he could go to school with the girl and learn with her. Then they could talk for hours about things that they both understood! It would be the best thing ever! And one night, after imagining all sorts of scenarios and possibilities, Dren had a dream.
In the dream, he'd been transported to a vast, vibrant forest, full of large trees and all sorts of plant life. But he couldn't see the sky for all the leaves on said trees, and there seemed to be a strange pinkish mist hovering a few inches above the ground, like a fog. It seemed to flow like a river, converging toward the center of the forest at the largest tree. Curious as always, Dren followed this current and came upon a tall man, sitting in a little alcove near in the tree, as if it had grown that way just for him to sit there. He didn't open his eyes, but a soft smile stretched across his lips as Dren moved closer, saying that he'd been expecting him. Somehow, this didn't seem strange. Dren felt very calm, to the point of sitting down in the pink fog and merely watching. The man had long, swirling pink hair that moved like the mist, and he seemed rather kind, or at least calming in some sense. He spoke about how he knew Dren's deepest wish, to be human so he could go to school. He understood his fascination with the humans, and said that he would grant his wish. All he had to do was speak it aloud, and it would be done. Dren blinked, feeling compelled to trust this man and do as he was told. So he spoke.
"I wish that I was human."
With those six words, the mist around him began to stir, almost boiling like a pit of lava, but it was still cool and gentle on his skin. He snaked up his legs and arms until he was cocooned in it, like a caterpillar. And then everything went black.
He awoke slowly, feeling extremely groggy and tired, like some had stuffed his head full of spiderwebs. He opened his red eyes where he lay on the ground, and everything looked normal. He didn't know why, but he'd been expecting things to be different after that dream. Which, in all honesty, was silly. It was just a dream; it couldn't change anything in the real world. But as he sat up, feeling a strange lump under his stomach, he looked down to see his bed. It was a circular cat bed that the girl had insisted on getting him, and he fit in it perfectly. But now it looked so..small. He frowned, confused, and it only deepened when he sat up completely, finding his field of vision to be centered much higher off the ground than before. As he looked down at himself, he saw not the creamy paws of a rattata, but the hands of a human boy. He squeaked, startled, and scrambled across the room until he bumped into the wall. His stubby little legs had been replaced by long, slender limbs with feet and toes on the ends, which he wiggled experimentally. Wait. Human legs. Human hands. The girl was still asleep, so he padded quietly across the room to the mirror she had in her room. In its surfae he saw not the face of a Pokemon, but the face of a human boy, with flushed cheeks and big red eyes, and purple hair, not fur! He nearly cried out in joy, his large ears quivering. For some reason, they, along with his tail, had stayed. But he really didn't care. He was human!
Due to all the noise he was making, the girl awoke groggily, and the breeder came into the room, startled to find a boy in her daughter's room. Dren smiled at her happily, speaking with his new voice about how he was human now and that his wish had worked. The breeder just stared at him, taking a slightly defensive stance, and probably would have run if it weren't for Dren's slim figure and obvious lack of physical power. The little girl climbed out of bed and toddled over to Dren, who now appeared quite a bit older than her, and stared at him for a long time. But slowly, ever so slowly, a smile spread across her face, revealing a gap where her two front teeth should be that Dren had always liked. She giggled and cried for him, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tight. She'd recognized him! he hugged her back, glancing up at the breeder, who still looked completely lost. The child seemed perfectly happy, and so she sat down with the two of them and talked, learning about what had happened. Dren told them the whole store with a wide grin on his face, and as soon as he was done, he asked a question.
"When does school start?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:07 pm
Just one more reserved post, and then crits will be accepted!
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:40 pm
While most of this critique is designed to be advisory, there are a number of things that will probably need to be addressed. If you disagree with anything you're free to ignore it as at an immediate glance there isn't anything critically wrong with his concept. Most of the critique is predominently focused on the profile construction as opposed to the bulk content.
1. Font Colour
Could you do me a little favour and darken the font colour a touch? While it may seem okay on your monitor it looks very light on mine and I have difficulty reading it. To avoid this issue with other people, deepening the cream font colour is advisable.
2. History
Love it, though I do have one question - As a rattata who's 18 years of age, is it really appropriate for him to attend school with a child? Consider how the mother and school teachers might respond to this and whether or not it will cause issues at a later date!
3. Personality
His personality is very repetitive and juxtaposes about a great deal in terms of how you've written it. Rather than constantly reinforce the same issues over and over again I'd encourage you to split each trait up into bullet points and describe each of them instead. This will make it much easier for people to understand him at a glance. At the moment it requires a couple of read throughs to fully grasp what he's meant to be like, whereas if it was bullet points he'd be much easier at a glance.
HOWEVER, the general premise is adorable from what I have read. *Grins*
4. Conclusion
Well on the way to getting a thumbs up, I just need you to do a couple of tweaks for me before I can say "Go go go!"
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:00 pm
As Epine said, I can not approve this until the personality traits are separated out into at least two positive, two negative, and one neutral trait. It's how Mooty wants the quests laid out.
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:17 pm
alright, changed a few things:
1. personality is separated. but i didn't want to get rid of that beautiful block of text, so i quickly summarized each of his traits a little bit, for easy understanding. if they need to be longer, just let me know.
2. darkened the tan font. if it's still too light, let me know.
3. to answer epine's question, it's because he's relatively around the same age as the girl mentally, and prefers not to be separated from her. but i hadn't really worked out exactly what "grade" he'd be in.
i hope everything is alright! ; U;
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:01 am
Approved. Moving to the Approved Quest section. Please create your journal. <3
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