So, due to excitement of seeing my favorite band for the first time in concert, I've been extremely happy. Yet, I've also been holding back. None of you should know this, but I have made a lot of rants about a "problem" that I go through, and have gone through since someone I love ever so dearly died. Now, I won't get into detail about my "problem" cause I know the advice I'll get.
"Go talk to a therapist"
Well, that's exactly why my boyfriend's problems didn't get fixed. He went to see a therapist, they put him on medication, didn't fix the problem, only hid it, he ended up killing himself cause the problem grew and grew.
So, I'm still quite happy as of right now.... Well, kinda. After reading a couple of posts in this guild, and... well.. it kinda built up some rage in me. And what better place to post my rant than the place who gave me the rage? huh?
So here's what i've got to say:
I joined this guild thinking everyone was so nice, supportive, and stuff. Well, I came to find out that there are only few nice people here. I mean, I wanted to be in a place where I could help people. Cause you know, that what i LOVE to do. In fact, I put ALL my problems aside for everyone else. JUST so I could help others. And hey, you know what that gave me? MY "PROBLEM"!!! But, do I give a shiit? no... i put that problem aside too. Just so I can spare everyone else the time. just so i can help others.
I come in this guild all supportive and stuff. I mean, even on my profile i say I support homosexuality 100%. But, I actually got treated kind of like an outcast by someone. I'm not naming names, but you should know who you are.
Now, I'm not trying to be a b***h, but isn't that how homosexuals are usually treated in real life? Yeah... so what? are you trying to show us how it feels? Cause... I know how it feels. No, I'm not lesbian. But I do dress way differently in my area, and i get treated like i'm not human. So, thanks. :3 I really appreciate it. (Wow, there NEEDS to be a sarcasm font.. = . =;; )
Now, this move might be the worst, but as I was reading around, I saw this:
"That is kinda the point. I want other people to hurt. I want them to cry, suffer, bleed, and despair. I want the whole world to be a festering pit of misery and unhappiness."
And again, I'm not saying who. But if you know who, you know who.
And if you're the person who WROTE it... I want you to read this:
I hope you know how INHUMANE that is. And I'll have you know that I did go through all that. Why? Because I dated this really amazing guy for about 4 years. We were committed to each other. We even talked about MARRIAGE!!! Oh, what an amazing guy he was. In second week we dated, I really didn't care about how hot he was, either. He was just so sweet and caring. He always said the sweetest things to me, and his friends always told me about how he always talks about me when i'm not there. So, you're thinking, "How does this have to do with what I said? You sound so happy." Oh, I WAS happy, darling. But, you see. His mom did things to him. Not sexual things, but just something I will not talk about cause it's personal. I did all I could to help him. But instead he chose THERAPY. I tried to talk him out of it. But he kept going. All the therapist did was give him pills. Sure, it HID his depression. No, it didn't help or cure it. All it did was HIDE it. so basically it grew and grew, until he finally snapped.
Wanna know where he is now? In the ground. probably only a skeleton by now.
So, wanna know what happened to me?
I cried. I cried when I woke up because I was still alive. I cried all throughout the day, cause I was without him. I cried myself to sleep, hoping I won't wake up. And the cycle kept going.
I suffered.
I would do anything I could to make myself better. But no. no matter what I did, nothing would get better.
I wrote songs about him. Hell, I kept his blood-stained pocket knife. I still have it, actually. And every time I look(ed) at it, I suffered and cried more. I thought about joining him. I did have the pocket knife, so I can do the same thing as he did. What stopped me? Well, I had a 9 year old best friend, who is now 12, who i cared about so much. She was already suffering from his death too, so I really didn't want to add to that.
I bled.
Only once, I finally got the guts, and I cut a little bit of my wrist with his pocket knife. I never did it again, but I still bled.
Not only was i in despair, but I was EXTREMELY depressed.
Do you even know how it feels? He was my first bit of happiness in like, 12 years. Then he was ripped out of my hands, and torn apart, just like my heart.
No, you don't know what that's like. Because you "don't want any interaction with anyone" So you really have NO ******** IDEA!!!
Now I bet you're like "Well you gotta be happy now, obviously"
In a way. I have a new boyfriend. Yeah, he's great. but he's NO WHERE close to what my ex was. SURE, I ACT like everything's okay. but it's not. and right there on my head-board thing still sits his blood-stained pocket knife. I have to look at it every day of my life as a reminder of what I lost, and will never get back.
So you know what, i hope you feel what I felt. I really hope you do. Then maybe you'll understand.
God, LOOK AT ME!! I'm becoming one of most of you. Bashing all of you cause I'm mad over something.
I'm really sorry, honest. but sometimes a girl has to let out what she feels, and this is what I feel. And how good it feels to FINALLY let SOMETHING out.
So now, I'm gonna give some friendly advice to help stop all this bullshit.
1. Stop taking everything to heart. I mean, this is the INTERNET. Internet fights are just the most ridiculous things ever. No one really wins. And all anyone thinks of you afterward is that you're just a dumb a** bitchy ********.. So really, words are words. It's not like they can scar you for life. Just let everyone know you don't give a ******** BY HAVING NO REACTION!!!
2. Stop being so sensitive. All that does is give a really bad impression of you, and shows how idiotic you are.
Hmm.. i think this whole rant shows how honest I am. How I really do speak my mind. And that I don't try to sugar coat everything. Wow...
I think all my rage is gone.... and I actually think this whole thing was a little affect of my "problem" cause whenever my "problem" shows up, i have a "b***h-flash" and then suddenly it goes away.
:/ Well I guess I'm done here.
I hope this makes you all think about your actions and what you say to people, though.
"Go talk to a therapist"
Well, that's exactly why my boyfriend's problems didn't get fixed. He went to see a therapist, they put him on medication, didn't fix the problem, only hid it, he ended up killing himself cause the problem grew and grew.
So, I'm still quite happy as of right now.... Well, kinda. After reading a couple of posts in this guild, and... well.. it kinda built up some rage in me. And what better place to post my rant than the place who gave me the rage? huh?
So here's what i've got to say:
I joined this guild thinking everyone was so nice, supportive, and stuff. Well, I came to find out that there are only few nice people here. I mean, I wanted to be in a place where I could help people. Cause you know, that what i LOVE to do. In fact, I put ALL my problems aside for everyone else. JUST so I could help others. And hey, you know what that gave me? MY "PROBLEM"!!! But, do I give a shiit? no... i put that problem aside too. Just so I can spare everyone else the time. just so i can help others.
I come in this guild all supportive and stuff. I mean, even on my profile i say I support homosexuality 100%. But, I actually got treated kind of like an outcast by someone. I'm not naming names, but you should know who you are.
Now, I'm not trying to be a b***h, but isn't that how homosexuals are usually treated in real life? Yeah... so what? are you trying to show us how it feels? Cause... I know how it feels. No, I'm not lesbian. But I do dress way differently in my area, and i get treated like i'm not human. So, thanks. :3 I really appreciate it. (Wow, there NEEDS to be a sarcasm font.. = . =;; )
Now, this move might be the worst, but as I was reading around, I saw this:
"That is kinda the point. I want other people to hurt. I want them to cry, suffer, bleed, and despair. I want the whole world to be a festering pit of misery and unhappiness."
And again, I'm not saying who. But if you know who, you know who.
And if you're the person who WROTE it... I want you to read this:
I hope you know how INHUMANE that is. And I'll have you know that I did go through all that. Why? Because I dated this really amazing guy for about 4 years. We were committed to each other. We even talked about MARRIAGE!!! Oh, what an amazing guy he was. In second week we dated, I really didn't care about how hot he was, either. He was just so sweet and caring. He always said the sweetest things to me, and his friends always told me about how he always talks about me when i'm not there. So, you're thinking, "How does this have to do with what I said? You sound so happy." Oh, I WAS happy, darling. But, you see. His mom did things to him. Not sexual things, but just something I will not talk about cause it's personal. I did all I could to help him. But instead he chose THERAPY. I tried to talk him out of it. But he kept going. All the therapist did was give him pills. Sure, it HID his depression. No, it didn't help or cure it. All it did was HIDE it. so basically it grew and grew, until he finally snapped.
Wanna know where he is now? In the ground. probably only a skeleton by now.
So, wanna know what happened to me?
I cried. I cried when I woke up because I was still alive. I cried all throughout the day, cause I was without him. I cried myself to sleep, hoping I won't wake up. And the cycle kept going.
I suffered.
I would do anything I could to make myself better. But no. no matter what I did, nothing would get better.
I wrote songs about him. Hell, I kept his blood-stained pocket knife. I still have it, actually. And every time I look(ed) at it, I suffered and cried more. I thought about joining him. I did have the pocket knife, so I can do the same thing as he did. What stopped me? Well, I had a 9 year old best friend, who is now 12, who i cared about so much. She was already suffering from his death too, so I really didn't want to add to that.
I bled.
Only once, I finally got the guts, and I cut a little bit of my wrist with his pocket knife. I never did it again, but I still bled.
Not only was i in despair, but I was EXTREMELY depressed.
Do you even know how it feels? He was my first bit of happiness in like, 12 years. Then he was ripped out of my hands, and torn apart, just like my heart.
No, you don't know what that's like. Because you "don't want any interaction with anyone" So you really have NO ******** IDEA!!!
Now I bet you're like "Well you gotta be happy now, obviously"
In a way. I have a new boyfriend. Yeah, he's great. but he's NO WHERE close to what my ex was. SURE, I ACT like everything's okay. but it's not. and right there on my head-board thing still sits his blood-stained pocket knife. I have to look at it every day of my life as a reminder of what I lost, and will never get back.
So you know what, i hope you feel what I felt. I really hope you do. Then maybe you'll understand.
God, LOOK AT ME!! I'm becoming one of most of you. Bashing all of you cause I'm mad over something.
I'm really sorry, honest. but sometimes a girl has to let out what she feels, and this is what I feel. And how good it feels to FINALLY let SOMETHING out.
So now, I'm gonna give some friendly advice to help stop all this bullshit.
1. Stop taking everything to heart. I mean, this is the INTERNET. Internet fights are just the most ridiculous things ever. No one really wins. And all anyone thinks of you afterward is that you're just a dumb a** bitchy ********.. So really, words are words. It's not like they can scar you for life. Just let everyone know you don't give a ******** BY HAVING NO REACTION!!!
2. Stop being so sensitive. All that does is give a really bad impression of you, and shows how idiotic you are.
Hmm.. i think this whole rant shows how honest I am. How I really do speak my mind. And that I don't try to sugar coat everything. Wow...
I think all my rage is gone.... and I actually think this whole thing was a little affect of my "problem" cause whenever my "problem" shows up, i have a "b***h-flash" and then suddenly it goes away.
:/ Well I guess I'm done here.
I hope this makes you all think about your actions and what you say to people, though.
...Wish for you every night.
