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 Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:30 am
I think a lot of you are misunderstanding what an open relationship is.
Let me start by saying that I am not trying to change any of your minds about it. It's perfectly understandable to not be able to be in a open relationship. It's your relationship, run it how you want with your partner. biggrin
I'm going to explain using my current situation as an example. My open relationship, as it is right now is like this: I have one play partner. Now, when I say play partner, I don't mean some random girl I found at a club or Fetlife or whatever and just said "Yeah, you're cute, let's ********". The girl, (Let's call her by her scene name, Miss Luna) had no chance of playing with me until she talked to my owner, Tiffany. They had to discuss our rules, my hard limits, and they had to LIKE eachother. When we met for the first time, we did not just jump on eachother and ********. We hung out, grabbed a bite to eat, and we did play towards the end, but Tiffany knew where I was the whole time, what I was doing, etc.
For me and Tiffany, we don't just let ANYONE into our circle. They have to talk to me and her, they have to constantly communicate, we all have to get along. With Miss Luna, we trust her a lot. So much so, that Miss Luna and Tiffany are going to have a session today! I'm very happy for Tiffany, because she's been wanting the opportunity. Me and her agreed that she and her, if they do plan to make this a regular thing, need to play by themselves. (We have all played together) They'll be here, I'll be in the livingroom doing my own thing.
There is no one night stands, there is no filling in a gap, it's nothing like that. We all know our potential play partners. We're very careful. Me and Tiffany simply like the option to be able to go out and explore with others. It only serves to help me and her learn more about the lifestyle, and protocol. We are exploring and working our way into the Los Angeles S&M lifestyle. We appreciate and love eachother very much, and we have discussed going monogamous. We both do agree, that the option is nice. I cannot emphasize this enough. We always respect eachother more above all others wishes. We never just go out and find some random guy/girl to ******** for a night to get away from the other.
I find that our relationship requires a lot of trust. And yes, we did have our ups and downs at first trying to gauge how the other felt. I still sometimes worry myself to death over whether she's jealous or not. But she consistently kicks me for it.
I find the relationship very rewarding. However, it is not for everyone. There is nothing wrong with that.
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Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 1:36 pm
Great Scoot I think a lot of you are misunderstanding what an open relationship is. Let me start by saying that I am not trying to change any of your minds about it. It's perfectly understandable to not be able to be in a open relationship. It's your relationship, run it how you want with your partner. biggrin I'm going to explain using my current situation as an example. My open relationship, as it is right now is like this: I have one play partner. Now, when I say play partner, I don't mean some random girl I found at a club or Fetlife or whatever and just said "Yeah, you're cute, let's ********". The girl, (Let's call her by her scene name, Miss Luna) had no chance of playing with me until she talked to my owner, Tiffany. They had to discuss our rules, my hard limits, and they had to LIKE eachother. When we met for the first time, we did not just jump on eachother and ********. We hung out, grabbed a bite to eat, and we did play towards the end, but Tiffany knew where I was the whole time, what I was doing, etc. For me and Tiffany, we don't just let ANYONE into our circle. They have to talk to me and her, they have to constantly communicate, we all have to get along. With Miss Luna, we trust her a lot. So much so, that Miss Luna and Tiffany are going to have a session today! I'm very happy for Tiffany, because she's been wanting the opportunity. Me and her agreed that she and her, if they do plan to make this a regular thing, need to play by themselves. (We have all played together) They'll be here, I'll be in the livingroom doing my own thing. There is no one night stands, there is no filling in a gap, it's nothing like that. We all know our potential play partners. We're very careful. Me and Tiffany simply like the option to be able to go out and explore with others. It only serves to help me and her learn more about the lifestyle, and protocol. We are exploring and working our way into the Los Angeles S&M lifestyle. We appreciate and love eachother very much, and we have discussed going monogamous. We both do agree, that the option is nice. I cannot emphasize this enough. We always respect eachother more above all others wishes. We never just go out and find some random guy/girl to ******** for a night to get away from the other. I find that our relationship requires a lot of trust. And yes, we did have our ups and downs at first trying to gauge how the other felt. I still sometimes worry myself to death over whether she's jealous or not. But she consistently kicks me for it. I find the relationship very rewarding. However, it is not for everyone. There is nothing wrong with that. I didn't even know this much about open relationships, to be honest. I guess I understand better now, but honestly, I still wouldn't like this, even with all the trust and the running it by your significant other and knowing the other "play partners." For me personally, I think my issue is my significant other doing things like that with somebody else. Why wouldn't they just want to do it with me? Even if they still do things with me, why do they feel the need to do it with somebody else? Am I not good enough to be liked exclusively by somebody? Why do they want to explore things with somebody else, isn't that basically what dating is for?
TL;DR Even given everything you explained, I wouldn't be down for an open relationship. I have nothing against those who are willing to try it or make it happen successfully like you and Tiffany, but it's not something I would want to do. If my significant other brought it up, I'd say no and explain my reasons, and hopefully they just accept it and stay monogamous, and if not, well then it sucks but hopefully they'll find someone who can give them what they want better than I could.
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Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 2:19 pm
Well, thanks for taking the time to understand.
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Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 2:32 pm
To be honest, until your post, the only knowledge I had of open relationships was slutty teenagers making out with other people because they're horny and their "real" SO is inconveniently located, but falling back on that one person if they can't get anyone else to bone them. So your post was eye-opening, and really interesting.
Still, I don't think it's something I would be able to handle. But you definitely make it sound more dignified than my impression. :3
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Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 2:53 pm
Yeah. Like I said, I'm not trying to change the way any of your relationships work. I'm really happy that you understand that what you've seen from those stupid teenagers is never a healthy relationship.
Also, me and Tiffany live together in a 1 bedroom apartment. We were long distance till around the middle of last year.
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Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 4:19 am
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