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 Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:34 pm
"Revelation"
When I realized lives were at stake,
I ran out in the open.
When her breath stilled and moss laid it's claim,
I relished her memories with a requiem.
When the soles of his feet were but battered and dry,
I walked because I walked along side him.
Heart!
When I realized that thudding drum was within me,
I smiled.
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Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2011 11:44 am
I like the feel of this poem, the beginning seemed a little slow and strained but nothing a little re-wording wouldn't fix. wink
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 6:58 pm
I'm a bit confused as to how everything ties together here (particularly towards the end), but I still really like this. I appreciate the message, and you end this on a really strong note. Kudos. The only crit I have, really, is to suggest you tie in the events a little better, make a few things more concrete. Other than that, though, 'tis great. (:
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Posted: Sun May 29, 2011 12:45 pm
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Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 4:38 pm
I really enjoyed your poem, but I am a bit of a pecimist, and I keep seeing it another way... anyway I was inspired so much by your poem that I wrote out a little something [ X] Please don't hate me :S
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Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 1:17 am
I don't mind! In fact, I am very grateful!
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