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 Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 12:32 pm
So here's a big surprise for everyone here. I'm pretty cynical when it comes to the topic of love. I've never been anyone's "baby". And those awkward high school years have left me convinced that the kind of gushy, romantic love from romantic comedies and teen dramas is reserved for the pretty girls.
But I've recently become convinced that love just isn't meant to last.
What's the statistic? A third of all marriages fail? Half?
And I'm not entirely unbiased considering that not a single married couple from my childhood is still together.
And is it a problem with our modern culture? Once upon a time, couples really did stay together until death. But I don't think that they stayed together for love. Divorce was so stigmatized that it was worth staying in a loveless marriage to avoid being branded like that.
And, of course, we can't forget how women have changed.
It's 1952. A man comes home drunk and hits his wife. It becomes a pattern. He has a steady job and a college education. She has no education past high school and no way to support herself. Can she really etch out a happy life for herself being a secretary for the rest of her life?
So she rationalizes the situation with herself. She won't bother him while he's drunk again. And she'll convince herself that she's happy.
It's 2010. A man comes home drunk and hits his wife. He has a steady job and a college education. So does she. Chances are she won't let him do it again. No one would blame her if she got a lawyer and moved out.
My point is, I don't think that marriages were so much more successful because of love. I think they stayed together because of financial obligations and social stigmas.
All backing up my point that love was never meant to last. People change. Love changes.
What do you guys think? Is true love forever?
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Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:10 pm
I think the main problem with love today is that everyone is so confused about what it's supposed to "be". I mean seriously, most people have to "Try out" a relationship to see if it will work. Most people consider the "try out" to be a time to see if they are sexually compatible, if they are compatible in each others' social circles and familial circles, seeing if they can fake their way through each others' interests, and so forth. Too many people are looking for what the rest of society defines as a good and attractive pairing, that they don't even consider what would actually be important to them.
The definition of love as put forth in TV dramas, movies, and books are exaggerated to the point of lunacy. Following the media's guidelines at making such a union that last beyond the bounds of life is absurd to say the least. In real life, a relationship is work, but it is work that is well worth the effort. It's not romantic all the time, what makes rare moments romantic is the effort it took to get to that moment. If they showed that effort on TV, most people would turn the tube off. I could go into it, and I am sure that the few married folks on here would laugh with me, but the youngsters would be grossed out, and probably scared to death of their own future.
Now, if you took away all the trappings and fripperies that society has dressed the concept of love up in, you would have a very raw and basic concept that isn't so difficult to comprehend. Love is placing someone elses' interest above your own. When 2 people are willing to do that for each other, you have something that can last forever.
It is just rare to find 2 people who aren't more concerned with what they are getting from a relationship. Especially nowadays, when sex, and material possessions, and romance, and money, and aesthetically attractivity, and adventurousness, and whatever else is glorified as being imperative to a good and happy relationship.
Everyone sees the false representation that has become a part of our daily entertainment, and they want to make it real. They convince themselves that it's real, and that is what they deserve. That right there is the first step down the wrong path, because they enter relationships with the thought of what they can get out of it, and never transition into the thought of putting their partner's interest before their own. Not to say no one does it, but it doesn't work right if it's one sided.
If they really wanted to make an entertaining show about what real lasting relationships look like, they would show the gal popping zits on her guy's back, and the guy going to the store for Midol and tampons, and working hard to make his miserable lady happy during her monthly week of misery. The sitting down to the table to discuss what they can budget for the month, and what each other are willing to give up to give the other something they would like, when it really can't be afforded. Those aren't really romantic moments, but it's what romantic moments are built on.
So, you're right when you say the stuff on TV isn't meant to last. What they show on TV is all self gratification. It doesn't mean that lasting relationships don't exist, it just means people need to start getting back to basics if they expect to find a lasting relationship for themselves.
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Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:21 pm
Eltanin Sadachbia I think the main problem with love today is that everyone is so confused about what it's supposed to "be". I mean seriously, most people have to "Try out" a relationship to see if it will work. Most people consider the "try out" to be a time to see if they are sexually compatible, if they are compatible in each others' social circles and familial circles, seeing if they can fake their way through each others' interests, and so forth. Too many people are looking for what the rest of society defines as a good and attractive pairing, that they don't even consider what would actually be important to them.
The definition of love as put forth in TV dramas, movies, and books are exaggerated to the point of lunacy. Following the media's guidelines at making such a union that last beyond the bounds of life is absurd to say the least. In real life, a relationship is work, but it is work that is well worth the effort. It's not romantic all the time, what makes rare moments romantic is the effort it took to get to that moment. If they showed that effort on TV, most people would turn the tube off. I could go into it, and I am sure that the few married folks on here would laugh with me, but the youngsters would be grossed out, and probably scared to death of their own future.
Now, if you took away all the trappings and fripperies that society has dressed the concept of love up in, you would have a very raw and basic concept that isn't so difficult to comprehend. Love is placing someone elses' interest above your own. When 2 people are willing to do that for each other, you have something that can last forever.
It is just rare to find 2 people who aren't more concerned with what they are getting from a relationship. Especially nowadays, when sex, and material possessions, and romance, and money, and aesthetically attractivity, and adventurousness, and whatever else is glorified as being imperative to a good and happy relationship.
Everyone sees the false representation that has become a part of our daily entertainment, and they want to make it real. They convince themselves that it's real, and that is what they deserve. That right there is the first step down the wrong path, because they enter relationships with the thought of what they can get out of it, and never transition into the thought of putting their partner's interest before their own. Not to say no one does it, but it doesn't work right if it's one sided.
If they really wanted to make an entertaining show about what real lasting relationships look like, they would show the gal popping zits on her guy's back, and the guy going to the store for Midol and tampons, and working hard to make his miserable lady happy during her monthly week of misery. The sitting down to the table to discuss what they can budget for the month, and what each other are willing to give up to give the other something they would like, when it really can't be afforded. Those aren't really romantic moments, but it's what romantic moments are built on.
So, you're right when you say the stuff on TV isn't meant to last. What they show on TV is all self gratification. It doesn't mean that lasting relationships don't exist, it just means people need to start getting back to basics if they expect to find a lasting relationship for themselves. This!
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Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:36 pm
I think the divorce rate is up to 50% (my dad was making a big deal about it at one point). Anyway...I think people give up too easily. That love you feel at the beginning of the marriage might not last permanently, but you can choose to love after that. There's times where that doesn't work (adultery, abuse, etc.) but I think if it's just that someone feels they're in a 'loveless' marriage, then they need to stick it out, and if they're Christian, seek the Lord.
And I also agree with what Eltanin said.
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:52 am
Eltanin Sadachbia I think the main problem with love today is that everyone is so confused about what it's supposed to "be". I mean seriously, most people have to "Try out" a relationship to see if it will work. Most people consider the "try out" to be a time to see if they are sexually compatible, if they are compatible in each others' social circles and familial circles, seeing if they can fake their way through each others' interests, and so forth. Too many people are looking for what the rest of society defines as a good and attractive pairing, that they don't even consider what would actually be important to them.
The definition of love as put forth in TV dramas, movies, and books are exaggerated to the point of lunacy. Following the media's guidelines at making such a union that last beyond the bounds of life is absurd to say the least. In real life, a relationship is work, but it is work that is well worth the effort. It's not romantic all the time, what makes rare moments romantic is the effort it took to get to that moment. If they showed that effort on TV, most people would turn the tube off. I could go into it, and I am sure that the few married folks on here would laugh with me, but the youngsters would be grossed out, and probably scared to death of their own future.
Now, if you took away all the trappings and fripperies that society has dressed the concept of love up in, you would have a very raw and basic concept that isn't so difficult to comprehend. Love is placing someone elses' interest above your own. When 2 people are willing to do that for each other, you have something that can last forever.
It is just rare to find 2 people who aren't more concerned with what they are getting from a relationship. Especially nowadays, when sex, and material possessions, and romance, and money, and aesthetically attractivity, and adventurousness, and whatever else is glorified as being imperative to a good and happy relationship.
Everyone sees the false representation that has become a part of our daily entertainment, and they want to make it real. They convince themselves that it's real, and that is what they deserve. That right there is the first step down the wrong path, because they enter relationships with the thought of what they can get out of it, and never transition into the thought of putting their partner's interest before their own. Not to say no one does it, but it doesn't work right if it's one sided.
If they really wanted to make an entertaining show about what real lasting relationships look like, they would show the gal popping zits on her guy's back, and the guy going to the store for Midol and tampons, and working hard to make his miserable lady happy during her monthly week of misery. The sitting down to the table to discuss what they can budget for the month, and what each other are willing to give up to give the other something they would like, when it really can't be afforded. Those aren't really romantic moments, but it's what romantic moments are built on.
So, you're right when you say the stuff on TV isn't meant to last. What they show on TV is all self gratification. It doesn't mean that lasting relationships don't exist, it just means people need to start getting back to basics if they expect to find a lasting relationship for themselves. Amen! How do I word this without sounding too over the top? Love to me is a partnership and there's a lot of compromise associated with it. Too many people today don't understand the concept of 'compromise'. Like Eltanin said, so many people are looking for what benefits them in a relationship that they don't even think about what they're giving or are willing to give. Love isn't ever perfect and sometimes some thing's just have to give. I'm not sure how to word this also, it's like people go into dates looking for marriage material and judge dates by those standards. To me it seems like it should be more let loose, have fun, ah, hmm...best way I can think of to put this is to see how they'd fit as a best friend, because that's essentially exactly what they become. Someone you'd be willing to clip their hideous a** toenails for them cause you've got their back...I dunno. Eltanin put it better.
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:22 pm
Lateralus es Helica Amen! How do I word this without sounding too over the top? Love to me is a partnership and there's a lot of compromise associated with it. Too many people today don't understand the concept of 'compromise'. Like Eltanin said, so many people are looking for what benefits them in a relationship that they don't even think about what they're giving or are willing to give. Love isn't ever perfect and sometimes some thing's just have to give. I'm not sure how to word this also, it's like people go into dates looking for marriage material and judge dates by those standards. To me it seems like it should be more let loose, have fun, ah, hmm...best way I can think of to put this is to see how they'd fit as a best friend, because that's essentially exactly what they become. Someone you'd be willing to clip their hideous a** toenails for them cause you've got their back...I dunno. Eltanin put it better. YES! BEST FRIEND!
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:54 pm
I agree with Eltanin completely.
Also, if you think that love is not meant to last because people change, then this means friendships are also not meant to last, nor family love, and my experience tells me otherwise. I love my friends and family, even through hardships. I have no illusions as to what our relationship should be - I just accept it, and love it.
For me, it's easy to love. It may not quite as easy to "stay together", but just because your relationship is not the same doesn't mean you've stopped loving each other.
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Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 11:58 pm
I think love can't last if there's no friendship included. Love is something unique, different from friendship, but it needs it. Actually, putting these things in words is very hard. That's why we have poetry and metaphors.
I also think that people are often focusing on reasons why they love someone, like the looks (the very first thing that will disappear!), behaviour or interests, or even the overall effect. You can admire someone that way, but that doesn't mean you're loving that person. You love someone not "because of something", but "even if something".
You can love your family, friends, that-only-one-person, your pet... It makes the word "love" the emptiest and most mysterious term ever.
And I'm too confused now sweatdrop I guess I can't write anything more xd
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Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 3:32 am
Love lasts exactly as long as you want it to last.
I don't believe in divorce for silly reasons, nor does my husband. We both believe that love requires the two participants in the marriage to work at their relationship and communication with eachother.
My mother and father are still in love after 40 years together.
My grand parents (father's parents) are still in love after more than 60 years together and time spent apart due to wars.
My maternal grandmother is still in love with her deceased husband 29 years after his death.
My husband's parents are more polite about it, but they are still in love with eachother, and demonstrate their love openly to their family.
Love is not so much a feeling as an action and state of mind.
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