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 Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2010 7:02 pm
Character Name: Kiezani (perhaps K'ani if she Impresses)
Age: 17
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Craft/Rank: Farmcraft Apprentice
History:
Being the daughter of two farmers wasn't easy, but Kiezani knew it would lead her to better things. And she was glad for it. She learned many things, starting from when she was very small through her puberty, and even now. Her parents, Ilshar and Amara were the best in her life, along with her two older brothers, Azkir and Freil, who watched her so carefully.
When her mother fell ill, Kiezani wasn't sure what to do. Her father wasn't sure either, and fell into a depressive state, leaving her and her brothers to take care of crops and animals. It was not long after that her mother finally passed. Everything seemed to dim in her world, and even she lost the will to smile and be happy. She felt a twinge of regret, like she could have done something to save her mother, but she knew it was never possible.
Her mother was buried, and life seemed to go on moving. They took care of the crops, and tended the animals. On and on and on... Two years past, and she found herself rebuking this sullen life, wanting something different.
Her brothers watched her with smiling eyes. They had always wanted something different for their little sister. And so they hoped.
Kiezani wasn't sure what to do, longing to be up in those skies like all the famous dragonriders from stories she was told while sitting on her father's knee. But perhaps it was not possible.
When she turned seventeen Turns, her wish was granted. After coming home from the fields, she saw an extraordinary sight. A dragon outside her house, and a dragonrider speaking with her startled father. When she and her brothers came closer, the rider turned his attention to her. He didn't have to say a word, for she felt her heart leap from her chest, and she crowed with joy. Freedom! Freedom at last! Her brothers hugged her tightly, happy for her, and happy for what she would become hopefully. Her father, on the other hand, was sullen, distressed. She hugged him tightly, telling him to keep up hopes, and she would see him soon.
After that, she found herself where she always dreamed to be: On the shoulders of a dragon, flying through the clouds.
Description:
Hair: Auburn. Wavy, to the mid-neck, slightly longer bangs.
Eye: Honey-colored brown.
Skin Tone: Light Tan
Height: 5'11
Weight: 145 lbs.
Build: Average. Chubby in thighs, but has well-toned muscles.
Personality:
Having grown to be really her own source of entertainment, she learned to be a sole creature, enjoying the knowledge her father could pass onto her, as well as her hands-on experience with the animals of her family's farm. Other than the few brief conversation she can hold with her onerous brothers, she kept to herself.
To most people she would could be easily mistaken as a male, if it weren't for her slightly feminine features, and soft-spoken voice. She finds this to be a pain, especially when it is a group of males who find camaraderie with her. Yet, this is where she feels most comfortable. Not only is it a place where she feels equal to all and feel like she is just part of the group, it also seems to be where she can speak her mind without much worry. Around females, however, she is awkward in movements, lacking the grace to complete tasks like sewing and folding clothes, though perhaps the latter takes very little grace to achieve. That's pretty horrible, huh.
When around a large group of people, she finds herself wanting to stay to the very far edges, avoiding most contact with others. In general conversation, she is lacking in the skills to continue on a topic, or perhaps she grows bored with a continued subject.
Though not the most outgoing of people, Kiezani has made it her goal to try and be more conversational with others. By living with her "keep to themselves" brothers, and her rather depressing father, she had very little contact with others in the way of general chit-chat. This left her at a loss for words when she had to speak with others. She is becoming better with her communication, inducing several more-than-one-sentence conversations with her peers.
Kiezani is also considerate of other's feelings, tending to be the wise voice against conflict. With brothers who loved to get the last word in when bickering to one another, Kiezani was the referee. She would try to find out the reason behind the argument, and try to come to terms that satisfied both of them. It tended to work quite well, making them pleased in the end, fight long forgotten.
But even with all the good and bad features to her, she is a seeker of knowledge, and truly loves to learn new things. Besides her intrigue into the old legends and stories of the deeds of the Dragonriders, she loves to make stories up, and is quite good at it. Perhaps this makes her good at lying as well, to a degree.
Virtues: Considerate, hard-working
Flaws: Socially inept, rather smug about her knowledge.
Other:
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Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 9:27 am
History:
Your history seems really choppy. While her reaction to her mother’s death and father’s retreat makes sense, it’s almost like she just suddenly decides to try for something else – this isn’t really explained. Why does she make that decision, and why is it so sudden? Also, you mention later on that her brothers did nothing for her but always wanted something different for her… that seems odd to me. If the family is close, and they don’t have a problem with Kiezani, then why did they do nothing? Especially after the loss of their mother? That’s a time for family to pull together.
Additionally, while dreaming of the Dragonriders, very few people actually ever manage to be Searched, let alone Impress so it’s almost always just a dream. Why would she be so set on being a rider if she knew being a farmer would lead her to better things? Seems like you’ve got her with a plan early in life – to be a farmer. Otherwise, farming doesn’t actually lead anywhere spectacular, and usually just leads to more farming. Again, she made such a hasty choice but wasn’t sure what to do? With no craft, family, or lodging, she’d be hard pressed just to survive.
The search part of her history is fine, but I find it hard to believe that her only plan was to be Search to maybe Impress to a dragon and then convienantly is Searched not too much later. If you could perhaps highlight the time between her decision to leave her family’s trade/find something better and when she was Searched, I think that would answer some of my questions.
Description:
If you could please give a description in paragraph format, that would be appreciated. Clothing, facial expressions, and all that are also important to know – a list of traits is good, but each section of the form requires a paragraph or two of description.
Personality:
You mention nothing about her brothers being bad tempered in her history and rather seem to stress that they want good things for Kiezani. How can they care (but be distant) and be burdensome, oppressive, and cause trouble for her at the same time? If you could clear that up in the history, that’d be great.
I also don’t see the connection between skill and awkwardness when it comes to female company. Could you explain that? Do you mean she feels inferior for her lack of skill in the domestic disciplines? I’m a little confused as to what that means.
The biggest contradiction I see is this one: she speaks her mind with ease to a group of boys but is somehow terribly shy in groups and has trouble with conversation. The two are opposite in their implications – is she shy or is she social? From her awkwardness with the girls, I’m inclined to think she’s more shy then social, especially if she’s learned to be a loner. Again, later in her personality you talk about her ability to settle arguments, which also contradicts her shyness. You have traits for and against someone socially capable but I find it difficult to understand just what she is.
That she’s set goals is a good thing, but why would she set a goal in something she’s obviously uncomfortable with? Was there a catalyst to cause that decision, like with her choice to not be content with farming anymore?
If you could address these things, I’d be happy to review her once more. Please colour your changes red so they’re easier to pick out.
Thanks!
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