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 Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:02 pm
( journal post | șɵʟɵ )
The First Day at the Academy
__________________________________________ How do I describe my first day? I feel as if I am being trained to be a scholar, not a warrior.
... Yet, I suppose that is to be expected. One cannot simply train their body and neglect their mind; doing so would only invite disaster in war. But I am restless. I want to learn to gain control of myself so that I may protect what is important to me - to my family. I could take the readings home and study them in my own time, let me learn techniques, let me understand what it means to protect something important to me!
What I write here I cannot express verbally. I have no one to say these things to, because no one will ever understand me as well as I do. It may be a pessimistic outlook, but all I have to look forward to is ridicule from my brothers and disappointment from my father; I know he would not approve of my overzealous approach to my new life at the academy. But onto the actual happenings at the academy, and less on my rantings.
Class is very interesting, but again, I am restless. Eager to get up and run around. I sound like a child when I say this, and I suppose that isn't far from the reality of things. Until I graduate from this academy and become a full-fledged fighter for the Legion - for the Emperor - I will be considered a child and not a man. That is why I must focus on my studies and work hard to excel and succeed. Failure was never an option.
I would rather train than study, and I would rather study than talk to others much. My good friend and brother, Yuudai, is in the academy with me. Outside of him, I interact very rarely with my peers and am not bothered by the lack of impression I must make on them. I'm not here to impress anyone except my teachers, and I will do so through proving my worth, not shooting off my mouth or playing the class clown.
Yuudai... I am filled with apprehension when I think of his family and their position in this war. Our families are very close, yet on opposite sides. If things were simple, we would all be on the same side and there would be no problems. Yet here I am, training to someday face him on the opposite side of a weapon.
I admit, such thoughts distract me.
I must learn to push such things aside, to the back of my mind. I will face them later, when I am stronger in both body and mind. Until then, I will... I will always protect Yuudai and his family. And my own.
I will become a tool. I will become a weapon. For the ones I love.
In the end, this was less about the academy and more about my own feelings. I apologize, journal. Until next time.__________________________________________ _________________________________________. . . water runs from the snow.
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:03 pm
He lost.
It was difficult to focus on the task at hand when he was still so angry. He'd allowed himself to be egged on and had charged stupidly into an equally stupid fight. He'd ruined his best friend's mother's flower garden and they'd broken the door, and...
With a grunt, Ran raised the axe and brought it down on the chunk of wood. Rather than allowing itself to be cut in half like a decent log, it was clipped by the axe and twisted off the stump, landing on the grass with a 'clunk'. He grit his teeth. Pick up and repeat.
He was grateful that nobody in his family had approached him once he'd set to his chores. His mother had given him 'the look' and his father as well, but when it came time for him to hunker down and do what had to be done they let him be. He had already worked to repair the door, and his hands and knees were caked in dirt from rifling through the garden, replanting flowers and carefully placing the dirt back where it belonged.
He knew he had been disrespectful. He knew he had been childish. And he hated himself for it. No respectable man - if he could call himself that, at this point - would allow himself to be ruled by his emotions so easily. Thinking of Yuudai's sneering face made him swing the axe with too much force, and again the wood tumbled to the ground. The only evidence that he had even touched it were the missing chunks.
Going to pick it up once more, Ran steadied the log but took a moment. He stared out at the trees, over them. He imagined a place beyond them. If he could separate his anxieties from himself and toss them to the wind, would he be free of them, or would the wind just send them back again? No, running away from his problems wasn't the answer, and burdening something else with them certainly wasn't acceptable, either.
With one swift, sure swing, Ran brought the axe down for what felt like the hundredth time. It connected, and the log was split in two, each piece falling to the left and right. A few birds flew from a nearby tree, likely startled by the break of silence. He sighed and reached under his headband to scratch his forehead.
Cool down. He had been in the wrong. He had gone to apologize and only made things worse for himself and Yuudai. Why was he so immature? It pained him to think that he was such an... idiot. He beat himself up for it and knew he deserved it. If anyone was going to punish him, it might as well have been himself.
He grabbed another log and swung to cut it in half, succeeding on the first try this time. Again. He repeated until the entire pile was cut, the chore taking the better half of his evening. When he was done, he was sweaty and exhausted, but he felt... better. He felt a little better, like he'd been able to vent out some of that anger. Another apology was in order, obviously. A sincere one.
He was a Legion. He would someday be a warrior. Obviously, he was not prepared to be that man just yet, but someday.
His father was there at the door to greet him when he circled the house. Ran immediately met his eyes because it would be disrespectful not to. The two stared in awkward silence; Hideharu moved aside to give Ran room to pass, and as he did so asked gruffly, "Feel better?"
Ran looked at him, brow bent upward in what he could only imagine was a sickly look. But he attempted a smile and nodded.
Crossing his arms over his broad chest, his father returned to gazing at the horizon. "Good." Before Ran could enter the house he added, "You will take a portion of our recent hunt to his family tomorrow."
Ran sighed. "Yes, father," he murmured, expression stoic again. Wash, rinse, and repeat. Hopefully this time things would go over a little more smoothly. Their version of a conversation over, Ran entered his home and left his father to contemplate the evening, as he often did. It was wonderful that he had an excuse to go back, but...
It was also just so frustrating.__________________________________________ _________________________________________. . . water runs from the snow.
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Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 8:14 pm
( journal post | ʀϵғʟϵϲтɪɵɴ )in response toBe Wary of the Woods__________________________________________ I am not the type of person who enjoys attention. I am also not the type of person who desires to be the 'hero' of the day... or so I thought.
Today, my brothers and I were out hunting. We were seeking small game, nothing significant, because it was only the three of us. A deer would have been nice, but certainly nothing the size of a bear. Sadly, what one wants and what one ends up receiving do not seem to coincide much.
There was a disturbance in the woods, and we were lucky to be there to offer our aid to a man who was being chased by a bear. This bears repeating: a man was being chased by a bear. I can only wonder what made the bear act that way; at the time, it wasn't important. My brothers took care of the bear and I the man, who I soon learned was named Jianyu. He is a Legion, like myself. However, he is of higher rank and much more accomplished than I. I found myself admiring him almost instantly, regardless of the situation he had been in.
I took him to my home and my mother tended to his wound. He was incredibly polite, and I fear my apprehension and awkwardness only served to make him uncomfortable. Nevertheless, he retained his polite attitude until I escorted him home. I sent him with some herbs so that he may continue to treat that arm of his.
He wanted to repay me. He was very resolute in this, and I gave in and told him he could teach me the bow, if he wished, and perhaps join me on a hunting trip. It didn't feel right to ask something of a wounded man, but it would have been rude to continue to refuse his request. What else could I do? I did not want to insult him by offering something trivial and not worth his time.
I will admit, I greatly look forward to these lessons. Our next visit should be very interesting, if he returns. No -- I am certain he will. A man with those eyes would not lie.
Qian Jianyu... he is something else. I hope his arm heals without repercussion. I also hope to see him again. Perhaps soon, if time and situation permit it. I expect someone of his rank and caliber to be busy quite often, but he gave me his word. I only hope I am not a burden to him.
His words weigh heavy on my mind:
"On one condition: that you also will not force yourself in my presence."
Force myself... when am I not forcing myself? Pushing myself, wanting to be stronger and wiser all at once. If I am unable to relax around the majority of the world, how am I to relax in front of someone who is not only skilled at what he does, but respected and deserving?
I truly need to learn to relax. Letting my guard down is not something done easily, but I hope I can learn to grow comfortable enough to gain valuable experience from my eventual lessons. How long he plans to make them last is unknown, but if I can even become a small bit better, I will be a happier man for it.
I am weak. There are things I wish to learn but cannot teach myself. If I am to ever be ready to join those who fight, I must do everything in my power to correct these flaws of mine.
Take care and heal, Jianyu. I look forward to learning from you.__________________________________________ _________________________________________. . . water runs from the snow.
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 3:33 pm
( journal post | șɵʟɵ )
Coming Home
__________________________________________ -space holder-__________________________________________ _________________________________________. . . water runs from the snow.
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