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Ovan Maxwell Vice Captain
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 Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 6:27 pm
Why do we soe ourselves to the ground
When they are destened to fade away
They are the same that make us dance
Thus adding joy to our life
Perhaps there is more than just strings
People are more than just puppets
Never let the world fool you otherwise
No strings mere strings will make you live
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 12:47 pm
you should enter this in my inspirational poem contest. you have a good chance of winning 1,000 gold.
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Ovan Maxwell Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 12:48 pm
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 12:54 pm
i think so and believe me it's better then most of the poems i have been getting.
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 1:32 pm
I really love the puppet analogie very good you should definetly enter it in the contest
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 4:37 pm
Ovan of the Twilight MD Why do we sow ourselves to the ground When they are destined to fade away They are the same that make us dance Thus adding joy to our life Perhaps there is more than just strings People are more than just puppets Never let the world fool you otherwise No strings mere strings will make you live
Made spelling adjustments for you. May I suggest Firefox for it's spell check feature.
I am going to be brutally honest. It sucked, it was poorly wrote. It was lackluster and uninspired. You had an interesting idea and made it bland, loose ended and lacking little form or structure except what you thought a poem looked like. At a mental state this is where I am at with you the writer and what you've wrote.
I would totally rewrite this after doing some research, truly understand the puppets mentality and truly try to understand the mentality of the puppet master. I myself am a puppet master of some sort, even I too have strings. This is the nature of things if wish to look at it through that spectrum.
Rewrite it.
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Ovan Maxwell Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 4:43 pm
umm, I wrote this because I wanted to, on a whim I might add. Im ok with this, just because I liked it the way it was.
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 4:47 pm
Ovan of the Twilight MD umm, I wrote this because I wanted to, on a whim I might add. Im ok with this, just because I liked it the way it was.
Read some of my work, that is inspired. I'm not saying not to like your own work, what I am saying is I didn't enjoy reading it.
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Ovan Maxwell Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 4:56 pm
Well, then dont read it and keep your opinions to thineself
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Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 5:02 pm
Ovan of the Twilight MD Well, then dont read it and keep your opinions to thineself
Don't be a ******** cry-baby and accept constructive criticism from a good poet.
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