Hisa-Ai's Wonderful Writings

[Hisa-Ai]

Most of the stuff that I have posted on other websites is poetry so that's mainly what I'll be putting up here. Probably nothing new for a little bit, just stuff I've already got up on FictionPress and/or TeenInk.  

[Hisa-Ai]

A Question of Death

The quiet is scary.

It makes me

Gasp for air.

It makes me nervous.

Though I sense

No darkness

In the air.

In the dead

Of the day,

Do you know

How hard

It is to say,

I'm frightened?

The words

Barely escape

My thoughts.

When I turn

Expecting something there

But there's nothing.

Just space.

Empty, quiet space.

Somehow, that's worse.

If there was something,

At least

I'd have a reason

Other than

I hate the quiet.

Because I don't.

I love peace.

I love quiet.

Except this is too quiet.

No such thing.

I'm alone.

Except there's

At least

One person

In every other room.

Surrounding me.

And that's worse.

I'm in a cocoon of people.

Trapped in a box.

No way to break out.

They're there.

Except they make

No noise.

Noise would be better.

A headache would help.

The quiet

This silence

Is too much to bare.

Slamming doors

Barking dog

Blaring music

Off-key singing

Out of tune playing

Yelling parent

Screaming child...

Anything

Just anything

To break my trance.

I can't say a word

My lips won't move

They can't say a word.

My brain won't function.

Why are they so quiet?!

What are they hiding?

What do they know?

What don't I know?

Knowing would help.

There's something to know.

I sense it in the air.

Why won't they tell?

Why can't I know?

Knowing would be worse.

Whatever they're hiding

It's bad.

Is that why they won't tell?

Is it too bad for me

To handle?

No,

Eight knows

Why can't fifteen?

Does it involve me?

What did I do?

Nothing that bad

So why are they quiet?

It's normally so loud

So loud

I can't stand it.

There's yelling

And lots of noise

I get frustrated.

But at least I know why.

I'm frustrated now.

But without a reason.

Or is there one?

I don't know.

No one will tell.

What's going on?

What are they planning?

Where is this panic

Coming from?!

Not a surprise

No one's birthday

For at least

Two months.

What's up?

Are we moving?

The computer's cold

The TVs on mute

Cell phones all on silent

Telephone being ignored

iPods are dead

Mail hasn't been checked

Doorbell's being ignored

Everyone's just staring

Off into space.

In their own corners

Their sanctuaries.

What are they thinking?

Why can't I read minds?

Why won't they

At least tell me?

They're scaring me.

I shouldn't be afraid.

At least until I know why.

They'll never tell me.

I can tell

From the thin line

That replaces their smiles.

My dog won't bark

But my cat hisses

Won't even come near me.

Why?

And they ignore me.

I say their names

All of them

My siblings

My parents

My pets

My friends.

They turn

Their heads snap up

And their eyes widen

Sparkle with hope

But then die again

And they look

Right through me.

Won't answer my questions

Won't head my pleas.

Tears stream

Down my face

My scream catches

In my throat.

What's the use?

They don't ask

What's wrong

Like they used to.

Like they don't care.

That makes me angry

Or don't they know?

I wish I knew.

But somehow

I think that'd be worse.

Whatever they're hiding

Whatever they won't tell

It's bad.

Whatever it is,

I'd be worse off.

If only I knew...

 

[Hisa-Ai]

I wrote this next one last Summer and, since it's almost Summer again, I figure why not put it up here?

A Teenage Summer

Long sunny days,
Short clear nights.

Water balloons
And pools.

Short shorts
And long T-Shirts.

Camp-outs,
And sing-alongs.

Best friends,
And boyfriends.

Bonfires,
And midnight showers.

Wild nights,
And peaceful days.

Sneaking out,
And getting caught.

Texting,
And IMing.

Rainy days,
And good books.

Daytime TV,
And late-night TV.

Sunrise,
And Sunset.

Dogs on the beach,
And on your bed.

Salty air,
And equally salty hair.

Fast dinners;
Slow desserts.

Parties,
And bad music.

Choices,
And decisions.

Old movies,
And old friends.

Family vacation,
And vacation from family.

Having fun;
Just not caring.

Not thinking about tomorrow.

A Teenage Summer.

Some call it wasted time.

But what they don't get,
Is that a Teenagers Summer,
Never seems wasted,
Through a Teenagers eyes.

A Teenage Summer,
Never fades.

A Teenage Summer,
Is forever.


 

[Hisa-Ai]

Contradictions


They ask you to listen,
Then make not a sound.
They ask you to watch,
Then blur your vision.
They ask you to speak,
Then censor what you say.
They ask you to dream,
Then say it impossible.
They expect so much of you,
When they themselves do so little.

 

[Hisa-Ai]

Guitarist


Pick up your guitar baby, and make my dreams come true.

Grip your pick baby, and get ready to break through.

Start strumming baby, and sift through souls like you do.

Just play from your heart baby, and you'll reach mine too.

 

[Hisa-Ai]

Is It So Wrong?



Is it so wrong to dream;
So wrong to hope;
So wrong to wish?

Is it so wrong to want?

Is it so wrong to try;
So wrong to push;
So wrong to work?

Is it so wrong to move forward?

Is it so wrong to love;
So wrong to kiss;
So wrong to flirt?

Is it so wrong to like him?

Is it so wrong to hate;
So wrong to fight;
So wrong to tell him off?

Is it so wrong to not like him?

Is it so wrong to die;
So wrong to bleed;
So wrong to hurt?

Is it so wrong to cry?

Is it so wrong to live;
So wrong to have fun;
So wrong to laugh?

Is it so wrong to smile?

Is it so wrong to rock;
So wrong to roll;
So wrong to sing?

Is it so wrong to dance?

Is it so wrong to stand-out;
So wrong to be unique;
So wrong to think?

Is it so wrong to be myself?

Is it so wrong to dress myself;
So wrong to not gossip;
So wrong to actually make friends?

Is it so wrong to not care?

Is it so wrong to be human;
So wrong to breathe;
So wrong to blink?

Is it so wrong just to be?

Is it so wrong to enjoy life;
So wrong to be human;
So wrong to be an outcast?

Is it so wrong to not be a carbon copy of you?

Is it so wrong to be me?

 

[Hisa-Ai]

I wrote this in eighth grade about this guy who's locker was right next to mine, I had almost every class with him, and I had a major, major crush on him. And then he sat right in front of me in my Honors Geometry class in ninth grade (I'm still in ninth grade, but I'm home-schooled now. Still, it was a pretty good first semester) and once he borrowed one of my pencils and then he gave it back to me at the end of class and I haven't used it since. His name's Tony and... Uh, yeah, I think I've given away enough. Gods, I am such a girl...

Just A Crush

I look that way,
He looks this way.
I look this way,
He looks that way.

We bump in the hall;
We exchange apologizes.

I act nonshalant as he walks away,
Go back to my locker and try to breathe.
My stomache is full of twists and knots,
I switch my books and walk away.

In my class I glance his way,
Hoping no one notices;
My teacher most of all.

In the hall I look away,
Hoping it's not obvious,
Yet thinking it is.

My peers say nothing,
I'd deny it all.

He occupies my thoughts,
So much I can't concentrate.

I constantly curse his name.
After all,
It's his fault, I mean,
Who told him to be so irresistable?

Certainly not me.

It doesn't help,
That I know him,
And he's not a jerk.

Not fair
That I have to think this way;
So cliche.

In my room I breathe a sigh,
Trying to clear my mind.

He's not interested;
He's got a girlfriend.

It'll be over soon, I smile.
After all, it's only just a crush.

 

[Hisa-Ai]

Just a random tid-bit that popped into my head one day.

Muse

My muse is like my childhood:

Long forgotten;

Never understood.

 

[Hisa-Ai]

My Art Boy



Sitting there,
On his art chair.

I try not to stare,
But there's just something,
Oh so captivating,
And so fascinating,
About the way he is.

He just sits there.
But it's something more.

Something like the way
He's there,
But never really there.

He seems deep,
Yet so disconnected,
Like he's in a sleep.

He draws his best
At what we're told to do;
Takes his time,
And tries to see it all through.

I've never really seen his work before,
I've never really let my eyes explore,
As they want to.

I can only guess what I might see,
Yet I think he'd surprise me.

He's quiet, but not shy.

I try not to judge,
Because there's usually more to see,
Than meets the eye.

I try to stop thinking,
---I don't even know his name!---
But the harder I try,
The more my mind nags.

He's only a boy,
I tell myself.
Not even a crush.
So why am I fascinated by him so much?

He's only a boy.

Only a boy I see once a day.

A boy I don't even know.

A boy in my art class.

He's an art boy.

He's my art boy.

 

[Hisa-Ai]

This one was really popular among my friends. They all seemed to like it and it was on FictionPress for a while, but I recently deleted it, and now I just decided to see what people on here thought about it. It's currently untitled because I can't really think of a good title for it, so if anyone reading this has any suggestions, feel free to let me know.

Untitled


Silence.
And comfort.

Darkness.
And sound.

Wanting.
And knowing.

Thinking.
And feeling.

Wishing.
And needing.

Things wanted.
And things needed.

Asking.
And demanding.

Seeking.
And nothing.

Winning.
And losing.

Everything in life
Comes from somewhere.

Dreams.
Maybe nightmares.

Whatever it may be,
Follow it.
Chase after it.
Just know,
That even if you fail,
You'll always have the memories.
Of how hard you tried,
And of how badly you wanted it.

And you'll always remember,
That from nothing,
Can bloom,
Whatever.
You.
Want.

 

[Hisa-Ai]

I wrote this poem, I think, on, like, the second day of school. I was feeling totally out of place and everything was still so new and I still couldn't find my classes on time and everything was just so hectic that I just needed to get it out on paper. So at lunch I sat down with my pen and notebook and I came out with this. Now just keep in mind that I wasn't in the best frame of mind when I wrote this and I was sitting at the same table as the FootBall team(Actually, I sat down first so they were sitting with me, if you wanna get all technical and stuff...) so, on top of everything else, I had to drown out their mindless chatter. High school Football players officially made my list of people to destroy when I take over the world that day...

Not My School

Not my school,
Not my place.
So many people,
Hardly a familiar face.

Too much to do,
Not enough to say;
Just holding on
'Till the end of the day.

The classes are much harder,
And all around the school,
I scurry from place to place,
Feeling like a fool.

I don't know where my locker is,
Don't know her name or his.
Not even sure if what I'm doing
Is right or completely wrong.

Everything's so different
From where I once came.
There's so many new kids,
How to remember all those names?

The teachers at this school,
Are all so different.
They don't always explain;
Claim they're only there to give us the tools.

More decisions and freedom;
Not always fun.
There's a lot of boredom
When it's time to play the responsible one.

The workload isn't lighter;
The studying isn't spare.
Notebooks and textbooks everywhere;
So tempting to pull out that lighter...

Finding balance takes time, I'm sure,
But not as much
As finding peace of mind.

High school seems so challenging,
Not really fun.

I go here,
But it can't fill the void;

This place is not my school,
Not my home away from home.
I don't belong here,
This is not where I should go.

 

[Hisa-Ai]

Once Upon a Time...



Once upon a time...
I was young;
I was naïve;
I was innocent.

Once upon a time...
I was sweet;
I was loud;
I was outgoing.

Once upon a time...
I had no worries;
I had no fears;
I knew nothing.

Once upon a time...
The only pain I ever felt,
Was when I fell off my bike.

Once upon a time...
I knew not the meaning of good-bye.

Once upon a time...
My favorite place in the world,
Was school.

Once upon a time...
My best friend lived across the hall from me.
And her brother,
Was the boy of my dreams.

Once upon a time...
My brother was my hero,
And my other best friend.

Once upon a time...
I was the youngest;
I had the world in the palm of my hands;
I could do whatever I wanted.

Once upon a time...
I was going to rule the world.

Once upon a time...
My biggest goal in life,
Was just to hang out with Barney for a day.

Once upon a time...
My mind was pure,
And full of only happy thoughts.

Once upon a time...
The only thing that mattered,
Was when I got to go to the park.

Once upon a time...
The only shots I took,
Were at the sky as I swung on swing sets.

Once upon a time...
Boys were idiots.
But it was okay,
Because they were young.

Once upon a time...
Everyone got along.
And everyone was friends,
Because it was more fun.

Once upon a time...
We were all going to be President.
Because we all wanted to change the world.

Once upon a time...
I never thought twice.
About anything.

Once upon a time...
I never questioned anything.

Once upon a time...
I trusted everyone;
I believed what they said;
No questions asked.

Once upon a time...
I was able to watch TV,
Without my mind being filled with thoughts of violence

Once upon a time...
The only fighting ever done,
Was between Pokemon cards.

Once upon a time...
I would cry over silly little things.
And my brother wasn't making fun of me;
He was too busy trying to make me laugh again.

Once upon a time...
My world was always the same;
Nice and even and fair and stright-forward and happy...

But never boring...

Once upon a time...
I always wore a smile,
Because I was happy.
And my tears were never sad ones.

Once upon a time...
I was able to walk down the street with my friends,
Without worrying about bad things that could happen to us.

Once upon a time...
I always spoke my mind.
Because when you're young,
No one really cares.

Once upon a time...
TV was worth watching.

Once upon a time...
I never imagined myself where I am now.

Once upon a time....
The world was different.



Once upon a time.




Once upon a time,
Was a long time ago.

Once upon a time...


My once upon a time
Is no more.

What about yours?

 

[Hisa-Ai]

Premonitions


I see things all the time.

Sometimes what no one else does.

But I don't really know when or why.

I know I see them, my brain nags at me

Until they happen for real.

When they do, I see a play-by-play;

A run-down in my head.

Suddenly I'm over-whelmed.

I can't breathe for a split second or five.

My eyes widen-they simply must!-

And time seems to slow down.

Finally when I can breathe again

I quickly glance around.

Wondering if anyone else felt that,

Or if they know what's going on.

They have to!

It's so obvious!

So real yet so surreal.

How could they not?

But I push past it;

I've had millions of these moments

And there's millions more to come.

I think people will shun me,

Make fun of me.

Or call me 'Freak,'

So I keep it to myself.

Always wondering

If anyone else feels it,

When time slows down.

 

[Hisa-Ai]

Self-Inflictioni

Pain, shooting up her arms.
Hurt, riding on her wrists.
Scars, hidden in her heart.
Betrayal, written on her face.

A girl with no plan of forgetting,
Or even moving on.

Stuck in time and frozen in place,
Moving so slowly yet running away,
Wanting so little but needing so much.

Day after day she tries to hide it,
Her pain, her hurt, her scars, her betrayal...
And day after day she fails to hide it.
Day after day the world can see
Exactly why she's so lonely.

The world can be a cruel place,
Especially for a girl, trapped
In an abyss of darkness
And pain,
Brought about by self-infliction.

Wishing too much,
And hoping too little.

Everything that she's been through
Has taught her one thing:

The world is a dark place
When you've got no one there,
To help you pick up the pieces,
And try to move on.