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 Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:03 pm
As soon as he felt her hands leave his face, Mikaril's eyes flew open, looking at Ssu with an expression of bewilderment and surprise. Why had she stopped? As she reached out to wipe the tear from his face, he realized that it had to have been his tears that halted her. Feeling shame douse the strange smolder in his chest, he bit his lip and lowered his eyes a little. "I'm sorry.....I didn't mean to....do that. I...." He looked up then, as she related what she thought of forceful taking. She....DIDN'T want to force herself onto him. Her gentleness was sincere; it had to be. She wouldn't hurt him if he pulled away, or even if he didn't pull away. Did this mean that she actually.....loved him? What would he do? How would he be able to tell if he loved her back?
Feeling himself relaxing a little bit more than before, he nodded and slipped himself further down to lay himself beside Ssu. "I never have either. And it's just fine for a bed, though I'll be glad when you have a real one to sleep in again." He reached out clumsily to wrap his arms around Ssu, which made him feel like a child trying to hold an adult, but he made himself remember that here was a female who just wanted him there, to be there and not for her to harm. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on her, how nice she was being, willing himself to open up. He could feel it inside of him, wanting to desperately, and to her more than anyone, but it was still reminding him that if he opened up too far, there was no shutting it again quickly, and he would be leaving himself totally susceptible to anything and everything. If Ssu chose to lash out.....the damage could be irreparable. But he was beginning to truly believe that with her, the lashing out would never come.
Tilting his head close to her and almost tucking it in, he ventured a whisper. "I'm really grateful....that you're this way. I never knew a female could be so kind and....gentle." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm so new to the entire idea of love.....I've felt love before; I love Kyil like he was my real brother, but as to the sort of love you want.....I don't think I've ever felt it, and I'm not sure that I would recognize it if I did. But if I did.....I can't think of any other person that I would want it to be directed toward."
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:27 pm
She chose to ignore his apology. It was easier to pretend he had not spoken those words, because then it was easier to pretend there had been no reason for those words to be spoken at all. Ssussun merely laid herself down on her 'bed' and stretched her legs out a bit. When she felt Mikaril lay down behind her, she smiled faintly and shifted into his arms embrace. It was a bit of a challenge to manipulate her body so that he could hold her easily. She was definitely the taller of the two, being female and all. Still, by bending her knees and shifting down a little bit she was able to comfortably settle against Mikaril.
His words were a bit unexpected. After the evenings events she had assumed her Ril would want silence now. Instead though he spoke of...love? Was that what she was after? Ssu found her heart picking up. Love had not been the word she had been thinking of when she had begin to make her moves on Ril. The word itself was always linked with weakness and disapproval. Still... there was a definite sense of content right now. Ssussun closed her eyes as she formed a slow answer to the male holding her. "Do not dwell on it Ril. There is no need to be grateful. I am just protecting what is mine. I see no purpose in abusing you or Kyil. You'd hardly want to stay and I have no desire to chase after servants. I personally believe that if you hold something of value...you ought to treat it as such." She paused in her speaking and twisted a bit so she could glance back at Mikaril "Do not speak so loud of such things my Ril. Someone may hear you. I know what I want, and you know what you feel. We can keep these things to ourselves for now Ril. We have many miles to travel, many hours to spend together, and many days to pass. We will see what comes in the future, as it happens. For now...hold me. And if you feel secure enough..kiss me. I won't force anything more out of you, so long as you do your duties for the Circus and do not betray me."
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:56 pm
Mikaril nodded as Ssu would speak of her true intentions. He should have known that she would not speak of love in what they were doing now. Not that he thought she was loveless; she WAS caring, but he could remember a time when he was repulsed at the very idea that he mgiht know the concept of love. Granted, with Kyil the repulsion was gone very quickly, but if what Ssu said was true, she hadn't had anyone worth exercising that emotion toward. Just a bunch of hungry males, eager to sample her without any thought of her own state of emotion.
He nodded quietly, sensing that now was probably a better time for quiet, and not more spilling of emotions. After all, she had only just gotten him to be close to her; any more condescending and she would probably suspect something of him. "I understand. And I won't speak any further of it. But I will say I'm still glad that you have no desire to hurt us. It means a lot to us; so many females can be so careless with the things they like to use...with the people they use." He met her gaze more steadily this time. "Don't worry; I do tend to say things carelessly, but there are some things that even I know would be bad to say outside of places like here. But there's no one else here besides you that I'd like to speak to, you and Kyil." He looked at her more steadily. "Right now, the last thing I would want to do is betray you, after all you've done for us."
He fell silent then, closing his eyes and resting his head. He didn't want to spoil anything right now. All he wanted was to lay there and try not to fall back into the same state of panic that he had started out with. He would do what she asked and hold her; he wasn't sure he was quite familiar enough with this to venture a kiss, but at least that was something she didn't require of him just yet. Baby steps was what he needed right now; they had lots of time to get a feel for each other mentally as they were on the road. He smiled a bit when he realized that apparently he wouldn't have to worry too mucha bout keeping his promise to Kyil. If Ssu really did feel this way, there was much less chance of him having to take Kyil through the Wilds and escaping back to Eryndlyn because things grew ugly at the circus. On the contrary, with each passing minute, the situation seemed to be growing more.....beautiful.
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Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 6:46 pm
Ssussun closed her eyes after Mikaril finished speaking. For the first time since she had claimed him, he had looked at her with a serious expression. The fear was still there, but that was a ever present expression on most males in the underdark. She exhaled slowly, and shifted her back up against Mikarils chest. He seemed sincere enough in his words. She supposed that was a good thing. His desire not to betray her was a good sign. She had until the baby was born to make him familiar and content here. Then she merely had to convince him he could not leave. He had to stay...she was certain she could make him do that without having to come down on him. Ssu closed her eyes and relaxed into the feeling of his body next to hers. It was very nice...though it could be so much better. Perhaps later... oh yes...there was so much potential for later...
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