To follow some of the events in this story, it is recommended that you go back and read A Day in the Life of The Moderators:
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=16760593
" Hello Ara, this is Dr. Greggory House, and it is my job to inform you that you only have thirty-six hours to live," said Dr. House.
" Well, can you tell me what i have?" i asked House.
" You have Lycanthrospinalmialsogenitalitis," he said.
" Sounds bad," i said, hanging up, i return to sleep.
8:00 AM, the next morning
" Twenty-four hours..." i say to myself," I know, i better call Ashley." The phone rings, and rings, and rings...
" Hello, Ara!" said a deep male voice.
" Hey, can i speak to Ashley?" i asked.
" This is her *cough*" replied Ashley.
" Look, i only have twenty-three hours to live, and i just wanted to say that i--" i started.
" Yeah?" said Ashley, dramatically interrupting me.
"---i found another man!" I hung up the phone.
" Now, to head in to the office and tell the gang i wont be moderating anymore."
9:57 AM
" Ara, get your a** out of my guild, i fired you several short stories ago," said Underground.
" Look boss, i only have twenty-two hours to live," i said.
" Oh, sounds SRS," said Underground," Security!"
" Okay, I'm out of here!" i said, running out of Underground's office.
" Ara, didn't you get arrested or something?" asked Lennons.
" Uh, yeah, they let me out early, for, uh..." i trailed off.
" You escaped, didn't you?" asked Lennons.
" Yeppers, but look, i gotta go take over the world before i die in 22 hours," i said, running out the door," Tell Rockney i love him!"
12:00 PM
" Yummy sandwich," i said to myself," now, onto world domination." I raised the thong of power above my head and hopped on the next plane to Washington D.C.
1:00 PM
" Hey Presidentay" i said to Barack Obama.
" How the hell did you get into my office, past all the security?" asked Obama.
" nevermind that, you and me are going for a ride," i said.
2:00 PM
" Ah, Air Force One," i said, breathing in the air.
" You will never get away with this," said Obama.
" Why do you guys always say that? i mean i only have 15 hours to live, and you come in all trying to ruin the moment--" i said.
" Uh, Ara, we are still rolling," said Michael Bay, as i wrote that, a random explosion appeared behind him.
" Oh, uh...sorry, can we continue this, Obama?" i said, sarcastically.
" Certainly, i mean i get mentioned in this writing more than the actual guild members, that must mean something," said Obama.
" Dude, you are being held hostage by a man with absolutely no idea how to fly Air Force One, and your okay with it?" i asked.
" Oh my god, can we continue shooting?" said Michael Bay, his coffee cup explodes in his hands.
" yeah, when ever your ready." i said.
" Five, four, three, two," he said, mouthing out one.
4:00 PM
" And so, i was all "McCain, ima win this s**t so hard, and your Palin will come running to me" and then i won," said Obama, half puking from all the beer and weed we were using that didnt get filmed because the FCC would come and rob us of our money.
" That's cool, but i can top it," i said," so Rockney is all "take this box of bunny testicles" and I'm all "yeah sure" and Rockney disappears, leaving me with the gonads. Lennons comes out of nowhere and is all " whats in that box?" and I'm all "IDK, Rockney gave em to me" and Intoxikace spills the bunny balls onto the ground. Then, Underground yells at me to pick them up with my mouth. True story," i say, spitting out a blunt.
" Oh, oh my god, Ara, you are the funniest guy I have ever met," said Barack Obama.
" I know, too bad i only have seven hours to live," i said, walking back to the front of Air Force One, which doesn't make any sense, considering no one was flying the plane for about 5 hours, much longer than the fuel supply should have lasted.
" Hey, you know how to land this thing?" asked Obama.
" Yeah, we gotta find a river though, or a forest, or some kind of suburban area to cushion the landing," i said, turning the plane toward the Guild.
" Watch out for that building," said Obama. I hoped on the seat and turned the plane so it was doing a doughnut in mid-air, a feat only possible while drunk out of your mind.
6:36 AM
The plane slams into the guild and falls onto Writer's Haven below.
" This is the police, we have you surrounded," said Officer Bign'Happy.
" Hey, this dude's chill, we had the best weed-filled day on Air Force One," said Obama," best of all, he said he would write a story about how i single-handedly defeated the Iraqis in the war!"
" Uh, no I didn't," i corrected him.
" Arrest this, this President-napper!" screamed Obama.
7:45 AM
" Hey, don't i get a phone call or something?" i asked.
" Your in Gitmo, you get nothing!" said Officer GaiNproud.
" Phone call from a Dr. House," said a man in a suit.
" Uh, this is Ara," i said, into the Phone.
" Uh, we made an error, and you actually have kidney stones," said House," you will be fine after all."
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" i shouted.
9:15 AM
" Uh, Thong of Power!" i yelled, as some guy in a hooded cape tied me to a peg.
" what was that for?" asked the hooded man.
" Mushugina, Ah Kanick," I said.
" Screw you, i am going to enjoy watching the firing squad," said the man.
" Aim..." said a man in Army uniform.
Two miles away, a gold speckled object races at super-sonic speed toward the firing squad.
" Fire!" yelled the Uniformed man. All five shots went off, the golden object parried the bullet toward the sun.
" We missed?" asked the firing squad.
" Damnit! release him," said the hooded man.
" Thank you," I said, holding the leopard skin Thong of Power in my hands.
" You win this round," said the hooded man, walking me out of Gitmo.
" Rockney, I am going to need a ride back to the guild," i said, into the Thong of Power.
" Oh my god, again?" said Rockney," look up."
Later, at the guild
" And that was mine and Barack's crazy day," i said to the guild members. A single shot rings out, i fall to the ground.
" b***h, please," said the hooded man, lowering his gun.
Son, I think it's Time We had a Chat
" Uh, what is that thing, Ara?" asked Lennons, noticing me take goggles off my face.
" My new What If simulator," i said, hopping out of the chair," i was just testing what would happen if i had 36 hours to live."
" So, that whole wall of text up there didn't really happen?" asked Lennons.
" No, it was a simulation," i said.
" So, anyone who sat through and read that wasted their time?" asked Lennons.
" Well, hopefully they enjoyed the ride, you know?" i said.
" But, wouldn't that be like giving a big middle finger to the readers?" asked Lennons.
" Hey, well atleast we don't cut to mid sentence li---
Dedicated to Seth Macfarlane, whose Comedy is an inspiration to us all.
