Welcome to Gaia! ::

I am really really at a loss of where to start. I guess I'll open with what I've already opened with. None of this is important. It's all speculation and wild fantasy, it is also my personal testimony.

I've been through many arduous debates with a wide range of people and gotten little to everything I am out of it. I am an autotheist. I worship myself from the future after I've gone through- I'm just going to post a few sectioned off pieces of my diary. I tried I really did to get this thing out again but I don't feel like trying anymore.

Please ask questions, I'd love to answer them.

I realized recently that I'm not an atheist because I myself am a god and I worship myself. But I'm a god only after a multi-dimensional trip that may or may not be triggered by future enlightened me. I realized this after another crazed attempt to get some other dimensional being to (this multi dimensional being was myself for the first time this time and for that matter had any identity at all for the first time) pick me up and send me on my trip. A trip that might and most likely won't ever happen because my concept of the multiverse is that all possibilities no matter how minute and irrelevant are represented with their own unique dimensions and therefore there are millions of billions of INFINITE other myselves tons of which will also be making the same request to that one godly me. I say one because the enlightment gained through the time-space-dimensional travel will have combined all the Mudora's who went through the trip to combine into one. I may still become a god, but all probability points to it being just another delusion of grandeur/hell. I say grandeur/hell because I expect the multi-dimensional trip to take me (other or otherwise) through bad dimensions and good dimensions and weird dimensions and many other dimensions in an incredibly long (at least to the perception of the eventually to be the god Mudora) trip. And yes I am saying that I would go through hell(s) for the chance to achieve the level of Godliness I am imagining. Turns out I'm not an atheist. I'm an autotheist instead. Of course I have to be willing to fail through these hell dimensions I'm imagining because of the aforementioned Mudora combining into one Mudora god. It may even in fact be that there is no combining neccesary as every imperfect Mudora falls in the course of the trip either failing to resist just ******** chilling in a heaven dimension getting lost in a weird dimension or dying in a hell dimension. Leaving only one perfect Mudora. Any additional surviving perfect Mudora's would just as I said before combine via enlightenment. All of this most likely just insanity. And I really need to stop thinking that other gods if existent would give ANY sort of a s**t about me. I keep imagining them pointing laughing and talking amongst themselves about how wrong I am. But even that is ******** presumptious as hell. Why would any god take ANY notice of me? Such a ******** arrogant b*****d this particular me is. Really wouldn't make it all the way through that trip to divinity even if WHATEVER happened to trigger the trip in this particular dimensions me.
Okay so my father calls me a true christian because I believe their is the potential for divinity in everything. If divinity really is so far above human comprehension than how the ******** do we know how to worship it? It might want really weird things or things we already do every day which is why we aren't all blasted to hell for our, mutiny or, disregard of this god that takes worship in a strange way. I imagine anything with a great difference in it's intellect and/or consciousness would be something like a Yokai. Strange to us humans, with unknowable agendas. The point of all this is simply that how you worship divinity does not neccesarily fit into the worshipped divinity's idea of worship AT ALL. So, next time someone tells me to pray or something I'm going to tell them that god's will is unknowable and praying does not have a high chance of being god's preferred way of worship. Or something.

So I was thinking what I'd do if I suddenly reached god level Mudora and I realized I would leave a copy of myself behind. A perfect copy. Now while the divinity had left and had a copy chill out doing the exact things it would have had it not reached god hood I could very well be just a copy of my original self and I wouldn't know. This thought depressed me until I realized that divinity is in everything and if a perfect copy of divinity were left behind then it could very well become divine itself. But being a copy not knowing it's a copy and being identical to the original (or at least the last god level Mudora to leave) it would leave a copy behind just like the one before. And in this way I've realized I could very well be THE SEED OF GODS. It'd be a different me every time so If I do reach god hood and leave the whole copy of myself behind thing than I wouldn't be here anymore but because the copies have to be perfect they'd have all the previous memories despite not having lived them personally. So yeah, THAT.

burning_eyes

But if you have the potential to rise to godliness, then what stops the rest of us from doing the same? Are you claiming that you are the only one to reach this state because you are the only one who has reached this level of enlightenment? There have been many before you and there will come many after you, in all of your dimensions, do you think no one else has felt in themselves the potential to be god? So that you will not be one god, but one god among many. And if you can truly claim yourself to be a god, then wouldn't that mean you are worth worship, being more perfect than humans?

And do you yourself follow a certain set of morals that do not come from yourself but from some unknowable SOMETHING out there that is beyond comprehension? You might say that you act upon your own volition and that there is no outside force, but that would be untrue because one cannot define WHY something is good or bad without defining something other than themselves.

Also, if there are an infinite number of yourself, then how will you ever reach the end of them to this great god-you that you claim? It sounds more like Hindu reincarnation to me.

I am sorry if I come off as combative. I am not, just simply curious. I have never met anyone with your views and it interests me.