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 Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 4:07 pm
I have a really big problem! Last year I became really messed up and now I am having a hard time getting out of it. I cut myself really bad. I don't do it as much anymore but when I do do it is bad. I look in the mirror and tell my self that I am worthless. All I think about is dying. I can't let anyone know this because my school guidence counsler found out last year because one of my friends found out what I was doing and told her. Well she then told my parents. Anyways now everyone thinks that I am over it and fine. It's not true though I put on a good act. I act happy and like nothings bothering me but it's not true. I still do drugs and smoke and drink and have sex with people who don't mean anything to me. Even though it's not every day or even every other day anymore I still do it when it's around me. But I really truely do not want to. I just can't help it I do. I also know that I have to quit hanging out wiht my "friends" because they do pressure me to do it and will power is somthing that I am really low on. I just don't want to loose them because I've been friends with them since kindergarden. My sex problem is really wierd and please don't call me a slut because I am not. But I have a problem I can't have sex with anyone that I date. I have sex with random people though easy. Everyone I have sex with though treats me like s**t. and it makes me feel even worse about myself. Please help me to sort everything out. I really need someone to help me get my act together.
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 10:44 am
As an aside, I edited the tags out of your post since it was REALLY stretching the page out. I think you had mistagged and it caused it to mess up the post.
Anyways, about your situation... it sounds like you have very low self esteem/self confidence and possibly depression of some sort.
I would suggest speaking to a therapist if your not already. If you are already speaking to one, they're obviously not doing well enough with you and you may want to start looking for another one.
If you truely want to end all this destructive behavior, no one is going to be able to do it for you. YOU will have to get some more control over yourself and decide where your priorities lie.
If you're worried about losing friends simply because they've been "friends" with you since kindergarten, then that's no reason to keep them... especially if they are a party to your chaotic behavior. I've had to ditch friends that I've been friends with for 15 or more years because it turned out that they weren't *really* my friends. These things happen. It'll pass. Time does go on and you will make more friends.
What you need to focus on is getting yourself well, and worry about your friends and all that other stuff later. Life will continue to be miserable until YOU do something to help yourself.
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:57 pm
badloki As an aside, I edited the tags out of your post since it was REALLY stretching the page out. I think you had mistagged and it caused it to mess up the post. Anyways, about your situation... it sounds like you have very low self esteem/self confidence and possibly depression of some sort. I would suggest speaking to a therapist if your not already. If you are already speaking to one, they're obviously not doing well enough with you and you may want to start looking for another one. If you truely want to end all this destructive behavior, no one is going to be able to do it for you. YOU will have to get some more control over yourself and decide where your priorities lie. If you're worried about losing friends simply because they've been "friends" with you since kindergarten, then that's no reason to keep them... especially if they are a party to your chaotic behavior. I've had to ditch friends that I've been friends with for 15 or more years because it turned out that they weren't *really* my friends. These things happen. It'll pass. Time does go on and you will make more friends. What you need to focus on is getting yourself well, and worry about your friends and all that other stuff later. Life will continue to be miserable until YOU do something to help yourself. All I have to say is amen to that.
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Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 4:55 pm
I used to be like you, and in some way I am still. I was ******** up, I used to cut my self, I tried to commit suicide more than twice. I did drugs, I drank, I did anything to get my mind off the worries of life. but now I regret not getting help from anyone. Get help, phone the someone, tell someone, there are people out there who will actually help you. I didn't want to tell anyone what was happening to me before. My friend found out by accident. But the more people that I let into my life, the more happiness I feel. The more people I tell, the better I feel. I never used to talk to anyone. I was "mute" for a whole year.
If your friends presurring you into doing things that you know are bad for yourself than stop, if they truely are your friends, than they will understand.
I have a therapist, they help me, I go there now once a month and just pour out everything that I have bottled up inside. Everyone looses friends, I've been on this earth for nearly 18 years. I can say that I understand people more than they understand themselves, but the one person that I can't understand is myself. Try to understand yourself, learn that what your doing in worng, fix yourself, if they really are your friends, than they will respect you, you have to fear nothing, but if they don't, leave them, tell them to ******** off if you really have it, I've done it, I don't regret it either.
you need to do things now to better yourself, not to make your friends proud to have you hang around with them. Gather all your thoughts on the positive, try not to think about the worse.
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Posted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 5:52 pm
If you truly want to change, but know that you'll falter when all of these things are around, perhaps you need to start removing yourself from these environments. As hard as it may be to do this, it's a big step in the right direction.
I think you should also talk to a counsellor. Venting to a person who isn't actually involved in your life can be very therapeutic.
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Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 11:40 pm
Id say youre going through s**t. But know what? youre not alone. Theirs someone out there who cares for you, hun. At LEAST two people truly love you. Youre hurting those people when you do those things to yourself too. Dont hurt those people. Dont hurt yourself. My advice to you is just start talking about it. If you dont already do so, go here, watch the animation thingers narrated by famous people, then go to "Share your story" and talk things out. Talking helps hun, trust me. I used to cut and i used to have bulimia. I still have after effects from bulimia, and i STILL want to cut badly. i have other problems to fix too. Good lucky <3
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Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 3:34 pm
I agree with most things that previous people have said. I've had a few very bad years myself. You will have to ultimately help yourself out of this, though I won't lie and tell you that it won't be really, really hard.
It took me 3 years of blood, sweat, and tears (literally) to overcome my own addiction to cutting--I was only able to reach my first real milestone two weeks ago, as I accidently cut myself while I was wrapping presents and I was able to look at my thumb and think "Ow, I should get a bandaid," instead of getting an insistant urge to cut myself in other places as well. That was after forcing myself to give up cutting ever since last May. If you can have someone to go to, a friend or a counselor or anybody, it is really, really helpful to be able to go to someone and tell them whenever you have the urge to cut. They can talk you through it and start relieving some of the need--though sometimes I know it can be too much and you have to cut anyway. It at least can help you stay rational.
Anyway, I'm rambling a bit, sorry ^_^;; My advice would be to go to your friends and talk about this, if at all possible, and then to also look for an official help website or teen-help phone line where you can call and just talk to someone whenever you need help...counselors are great, but if you're thinking about going to one, go to a professional one at a clinic...school counselors are supposed to be able to help you with your life issues, but in my experience, they really can't do much...they're usually too busy with schedules and random administration duties that they can't really have enough time to concentrate on the personal problems of the students--let alone assure you that whatever you tell them will remain confidential.
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Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 4:39 pm
Always remember: though you sometimes may think nobody will ever cry over your grave if you commit suicide, the truth is at least 20 people will do. As I say to those who wish to commit suicide in LI: save suicide for when you have to battle angry Mujahideens in Dzhovkhar Ghaala and your orders are to raid a Chechen stronghold.
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Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:59 am
Well, I heard about people having sex with random people, people that threat them like s**t. I heard it had something to do with the selfesteem of the person. If it's low, like yours is, you find yourself incapable of, for example, having sex with those you care about, because you're afraid they'll think you suck or whatever crazy ideas you might have about yourself. People that already threat you like s**t, can't threat you any worse, so that's probably why you have no problem having sex with them. The reason of why people with problems like yours need that sex is different for everyone. I heard it could be a relief because the partner 'agrees', by threating the person like s**t, with the persons viewpoint about him- or herself. Or it could be just as a distraction from the bad stuff that is happening. You using drugs and smoking, etc., is undoubtely for that reason.
I don't know if that's of any use to you, but it might for others. I myself always like to know why I'm doing things, or not..
I think you really have some issues you need to work out, and I also think you cannot do this by yourself. Keeping the act up, that you're happy and stuff, will only make you feel worse about yourself. I speak from experience. It's not necessary to go out and cry every random minute, but surely there is one person you trust enough to share your emotions with? I don't think you will be able to stop doing what you are doing - cutting, drugs, sex - as long as you don't solve the actual problem. I don't know what has made you or is making you so unhappy, but it is of the utmost importance for your health and happyness that you get rid of this. I therefore suggest you seek professional help, because I think that, even if you find a friend to stand by your side, you will not be able to sort this out by yourself. smile
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