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 Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:42 pm
.........I LOVE YOU. heart
That was the most awesome intro I've ever read, ever. I can't wait to see more!
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 1:39 pm
That.Was. Amazing.~ Internets for you!
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:24 pm
Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed. I think I had way too much fun with this paper. :/
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:00 pm
I'm supposing, disappointedly, that you already handed this in. Although it is heartbreakingly well-done, I still must admit to you that it is a minefield of grammatical errors. You have to watch where your commas go; it needs way more.
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:01 pm
That has got to be the best God damned thing I've read concerning the piece of s**t that I wasted 4months of my time reading.
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:59 pm
Jerba I'm supposing, disappointedly, that you already handed this in. Although it is heartbreakingly well-done, I still must admit to you that it is a minefield of grammatical errors. You have to watch where your commas go; it needs way more. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I did this in a matter of hours, around midnight and didn't really care to double check. Though, that shouldn't ever be an excuse, it's how I do all of my papers. It's okay though, because I attend and international school, there are people in my class that has even worse grammar than I do. xD
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Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:47 am
Well yes the grammar wasn't best, and you could use to space apart with some indented paragraphs too.
But I read the whole thing; absolutely brilliant ^-^
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Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:43 am
Crystal Kyuketsuki Well yes the grammar wasn't best, and you could use to space apart with some indented paragraphs too. But I read the whole thing; absolutely brilliant ^-^ Oh, no worries I had it nicely indented for paragraphs and everything. I just got lazy when I copied and pasted it here. xD Thank you.
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Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:49 am
After reading through your intro, I think you've done better than you give yourself credit for~
Aside from some grammar problems, the only other issue I can think of off the top of my head is about Adonis. Adonis was actually a mortal conceived from an incestuous affair and happened to be rather attractive. He was killed either by Ares as a boar or a boar sent by Artemis, depending on what version you read.
Granted, that's basically nitpicking on my part. Overall, I think you did well. :3
...So if Edward is like Adonis, do we just need to lock him in a room with a boar?
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Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 2:58 am
Yuulin After reading through your intro, I think you've done better than you give yourself credit for~ Aside from some grammar problems, the only other issue I can think of off the top of my head is about Adonis. Adonis was actually a mortal conceived from an incestuous affair and happened to be rather attractive. He was killed either by Ares as a boar or a boar sent by Artemis, depending on what version you read. Granted, that's basically nitpicking on my part. Overall, I think you did well. :3
...So if Edward is like Adonis, do we just need to lock him in a room with a boar?
Well, the internet can be misleading, can't it? xD Thank you for pointing that out. I definitely should have done a better research. I was just taking it off of the top of my head. I could've sworn it said Greek God in the books, but then again, who can take that book seriously for facts. xD
If we lock Eddy in a room with a boar, the boar would die from the sparkles. Which would be horrendous. Text at the end of each message
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Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:54 am
I liked your style, just fix those grammatical errors(and your Adonis error) and I think we have a winner!
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