Here's something for you people to chew over in your heads. I was with a guy (lets call him Adam) for 14 months. On our 6th month anniversary I slept with him because I honestly thought I he loved me. After that, all he wanted to do was have sex with me, and I let him. You see (I need to take you back in time a couple years here, so you understand better), because of the h**l I went though because people wouldn't/couldn't accept me for who I was (I choose to be different. I am bigger then your "it" girl, and I don't want to be the same as everyone else), I got bullied a lot. That, in turn, has caused me to now suffer from what is a mix of narcissism and clinical depression. I don't know the exact word for it.

So it makes me , more so then the norm, become attached to people who "love" me faster then I should, and I also take emotional abandonment by these people to (literally) my (almost) deathbed. I thought Adam loved me, so I did what he wanted. I can't say I didn't like it, because I did. It made me feel like he really did love me no matter what. How wrong I was.

The morning of our 14th month anniversary, he broke my heart. I almost died, literally. I tried to end my own life 17 times in less then a month. However, I never went all the way through with it because I couldn't bare to put my parents through the pain of loosing me.

Ok, now what you know the story, let me get to the point. A month after he abandoned me, I was allowed out for a full night at (well, I was supposed to be at) a cancer fundraiser called the Relay for Life. But my friend and I left. We then ran into some people that we knew from school. Both of them were high as kites and drunk to the point of no return. I wanted an escape from the pain, and both of them wanted to get "laid", for lack of a better word.

So I made what is now the biggest mistake of my life. I....well, I let both of them have their way with me. All I wanted was to forget the pain, at least for a while, and sex is a quick fix. I will regret doing it for the rest of my life, and I could end up paying for it with my life. No protection was used, so I could have anything. I don't think I do, but I might. I've already been tested at a hospital for pregnancy, it was negative. I went and got tested for all the possible STIs yesterday and I will know in a few weeks.

But I need to know, Does wanting to escape the pain and taking the opportunity to escape it, make me a whore? or a slut? because I feel like one. What do you think?