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 Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:09 pm
Tumbling Down
Each day felt just the same as the last, and she was only twenty-four. Twenty-four, but sometimes, she felt like she'd lived a lifespan and a half. It didn't help that she lived alone, a single woman amidst a reasonable and professional staff that meandered silently through the halls and kept her home immaculate.
It wasn't that she didn't like her life. Just that, sometimes, she felt like she was a side character in her own story. As a child, she'd often pretended she was a princess, but those kinds of fantasies didn't suit a woman her age. She could easily see herself slipping into a static existence, the lonely mistress of a manor left to her by an indulgent father, doing little but hoarding her money and playing music from dawn to dusk.
Well, at least she had her hobbies.
Pausing next to a window that stretched from nearly the ceiling to her hip, Nan rested her hand along the sil, looking out over her extensive property. It was well kept and green, lush grasses and pretty, fragrant flowers dotting the grounds for as far as she could see. Though it was all lovely, it was still a bit lonely.
It didn't help that she was shy, and didn't often seek the company of others. She had friends, of course, but not good ones. She'd had lovers, but none who stayed. The only constant companions she had were the staff, and really, she wasn't close to any of them.
Maybe it was time for a little change.
Turning from the window, she decided she would take a walk and see where her feet took her.
---
Standing before a dilapidated looking building, Nan realized she'd never seen it before. She wasn't all together far from her home, but it was getting chilly outside and the knee-length coat she'd donned was doing little to keep the cold out. It seemed like as good a place as any to explore.
Stepping inside, she smiled when the familiar, musty scent of the library washed over her, and felt instantly at ease. There was something about the aged building, stuffed to the seams with books who had seen generations turn their pages. Enchanted, she immediately veered into an aisle, running her fingertips along the spines.
Not a trace of dust. The library was old, but loved.
Tilting her head back, bangs sweeping over her forehead, she scanned the topmost row, searching for a title that intrigued her, and realizing with some surprise that she didn't recognize any of the books. She'd read a fair few, so it was surprising that a library could hold an entire selection she'd never touched.
"Oh, how lovely.." Stepping forward, she continued down the line, unsure of which to pluck off the shelf first.
Nearing the end, she began to draw her hand away, only to have her finger get snagged. Blinking, she looked to the shelf, saw she had accidentally drawn a book out from the others.
Hesitating only a moment, she withdrew the book, running one hand over its aged cover. "The Steel Towers? I've never heard of it."
When she flipped it over, the back of the book was blank, but that only intrigued her more.
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Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:15 am
July 16
I used to keep a diary all the time as a little girl... I wonder when I got out of the habit. Probably when I became an adult, as I got out of the habit of doing a lot of things I loved. What's the rush, anyhow? Why do we always have to change so drastically to become "adult" that we forget what it was like to be children, and happy?
Speaking of children... there's one here. He's mine, I suppose. Well, I didn't have him, but he... came to me, from a book. A book I got from a strange library. That's really the only explanation I can come up with, though it seems like insanity. At this point, I may be a little crazy, and I probably would think I was, but - but there are others like me as well. Doctor Yam-Yam oh goodness he scares me sometimes has a child as well, and I've heard there are others...
Dasdeva is a good boy. He's quiet and seems to always feel out of place. I know how that feels. I can't help but think that we were meant to find each other, and that's why that book caught me that day. (At this point, I'll believe anything, including that The Steel Towers selected me and not the other way around.) We're good for each other, I think.
I just wish he could feel a little more comfortable... he told me that he's afraid to break anything. I told him that things are just things, but he still walks around this place on cat's feet. I'm not sure if that's just a habit of his, or he's still afraid of this place. But he shouldn't be, should he? It's his home. Maybe it wasn't always, but it is now.
I was thrust into this parenthood rather suddenly, but I'm starting to get the hang of it. We read together, well, I read to him, because he loves the stories but doesn't know how. Sometimes we play games, and he likes to sit and listen to my play music, and... I like to let him hear. I've always been very skittish about my playing, but I don't mind having him there. It's strange, isn't it? He seems like such an old soul for a little boy. I can't help but feel like he's someone who's seen much more than I have, even though that's ridiculous, and he certainly doesn't remember any of it.
Well... I have some books on parenting. I've been reading those, and Dasdeva is interested in them too. I figured there was no harm in letting him know that I was new at this business, so we sometimes read those together, too. He offers insights that the books can't, and tells me things that save me a lot of grief and headaches. He really is a good boy.
I need to hire some tutors soon, I think. I'll ask him how he feels about it before I start looking around.
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Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:57 pm
July 16, later
Dasdeva and I went to the park today. Well, we went shopping for clothes, and then in an unprecedented act, he asked to go to the park. I sat down on the bench and he went to play, and we were quickly joined by another child and his guardian. While the children went to play, I had a much needed conversation with an adult. It was.. very nice. He was a gentleman, and even though he was a stranger, talking to him did me a world of good.
One, because he, like the Doctor and I, acquired a child from apparently a book. Another, he had a very calming presence, and reassured me when he didn't have to. I feel more confident about trying to be a parent, and like things will be all right if only I do my best and take care. It's nice to have at least someone's vote of confidence, even if I lose my own sometimes.
Dasdeva had fun, and he seems to have made another friend, which I'm glad of. I hope to see Mr. Williams and Chase again soon, and perhaps arrange to exchange contact information so that the children can play more often. Das needs more friends, and Chase seems like such a good boy. That, and Dasdeva probably needs a strong male influence, and Mr. Williams appears to be a steady, confident sort of man. Not that I would depend on him, of course, but in a manner of speaking, we're all in this together, aren't we? I.. I hope the others feel that way too, and we can be one another's support.
Ever since we came back, though, Dasdeva hasn't really seemed to want to talk to me. He took his things to his room very obediently, put them away, and has proceeded to ignore me since. I can't think for the life of me what I've done to upset him... I can only hope he'll talk to me when he's ready.
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Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:49 pm
September 13
It's... it's really been a while since I wrote, hasn't it? Dasdeva and I have gotten used to one another, and we're doing very well. Better than I would have thought. He's really gotten used to living in the house, and he doesn't seem to be so afraid of bumping into things. Though...
Well, I still see him looking around sometimes, like he doesn't quite know if he belongs. I suppose I can understand that. The more I think about it, the more it makes my heart ache, though. I've gotten very attached to him, and I'd like to think he feels the same. He's still such a quiet boy, even though he recently hit a growth spurt that took me by complete surprise. I wonder that anything takes me by surprise anymore, but... it was a shock to see him come in the dinner several inches taller.
Oh, it was so cute. His sleeves were too short and his pants were highwaters. We're going to have to go shopping again.
I feel like a terrible person sometimes. I've gotten really wrapped up in parenting, and my music, and I've neglected everything else. I wonder how Mr. Williams and Chase are doing... and the Doctor, and Amir... I should really make an effort to go see them. I... I wish I wasn't so shy.
Dasdeva still doesn't smile much, but he continues to read with me, and is making progress learning how to do so himself. I'm so proud of him.
Oh, I really love my son.
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:41 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 9:44 am
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:12 pm
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