Welcome to Gaia! ::

I only briefly scanned through your other reviews, so I'm terribly sorry if I point out the same thing others already have. If so, just ignore it. Also, I'm going to be nit-picky just because (a) you're awesome and (b) if I'm not nit-picky, there would hardly be anything to pick at.



Okay, for this I would say both of your comparisons to vanishing are slightly similar. I think it would be less redundant if you chose just one of them (I, personally, like the cigar smoke on the ceiling).



"Longed".



"Synthetic", and also, I like this description alot. 3nodding



I had to read this a couple times (it's six in the morning, so it may just be me), and I think it's because of the second so. It threw me off a little bit. Maybe make the second 'so' "so artificial as to not breathe, or eat...".



"Genuine".



I'm not sure why the "and" is here; the sentence makes much more sense without it. sweatdrop





Even if it feels like run-on sentences at times (which, I don't think there are any... sweatdrop ), I really love this paragraph and the point it's making. It makes me feel connected with Minerva, which is saying something since this is just the introduction, and it is in third person.


Alright, let me first off say that I really enjoyed this, and I thought it was very well written for being a first draft. And well written in general.

If it was ever confusing at any time, it was because the sentences sometimes became very long, with many interjections, so I kind of lost focus of the original point (I'm guessing the losing focus is because it's early, though. XD)

I love some of the imagery you pen, and the emotion you put forth through your characters. I actually felt something while reading this (granted, it was sad...but it's kind of a sad introduction), and that's always good.

I can't wait to read the next chapter, hopefully I'll get to it before I'm off to babysit. ninja

.:The Artificial:.

Snow: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. And thanks for picking out a few errors. I've been through since posting the original introduction and already edited a number of bits (such as the typos and that first redundant image you mentioned), and as for the other stuff I'll look it over soon!

I also dunno when the next chapter thing will be up, because being the idiot that I am I left my USB disk at home when I came to Dad's, and I'm going down to London on Sunday to pick my friend up from the airport. I'll try and get it up a.s.a.p though.

Flea: Yeah, maybe it is your perverted mind. XD Or, maybe your knowledge of MY perverted mind. Either way I may make a note somewhere that they never actually slept together (though she is capable of a sex life) because I don't want other people to think it as well. :]

I hate the word found. But after the prologue-y chapter one bit I've tried to cut it down much more, and it seems to be working. I know what you mean about "seemed" though. I use that a fair bit too. >_o Though, that's less of a worry. =O

.:Roboto:.

.:The Artificial:.

dramallama That is a very good point. In that case, then, I hate the word found when I use it repeatedly. >_o

NOTICE: After tomorrow I might not be online for a while. This is partly because we're having internet troubles that my step dad is trying to fix (I swear our net is more unreliable than I am, for goodness sake D< ) and partly because I will be out of the house for much of the next two weeks showing my Canadian friend around England.

I have lots of things planned, and although writing does actually come into the schedule I doubt we'll be doing a lot of it. So, uh, I am alive, just not really online much. =D I'll be back, and as soon as my friend is gone I'll be online much more often. <3

.:Roboto:.

.:The Artificial:.

Thanks for the feedback. :3

I got about 1k or so written over the last two weeks, which is shocking, but what's even worse is that I'm toying with the idea of starting a new novel. I'll still work on this one, of course, but I might just give myself a break from this trilogy for a while. It's driving me insane because I can't get inside Minerva's head properly, so maybe writing something that doesn't need effort for a while might be better. =O

.:Roboto:.

.:The Artificial:.

Update: I'm going to be in Ireland for the next week, and won't be back until the 2nd of August. Don't think anybody will miss me, but here's a little update anyway. :3

.:Roboto:.