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 Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:59 pm
So first off I'd like to apologize for asking for your guys' and girls' help so much. Anyway, i'll get to the point. Its hard to explain the whole story to you guys, because it would literally take me over 2 hours of writing. Anyway, there is this girl who used to be my friend. I say this because I don't want her back as a friend. Anyway, weekly, I help her deal with her problems that she gets herself into, and I dig her out everytime. Serious stuff too, for example one time she was going to have sex ( I apologize if this gets a bit innapropriate) but decided she didn't want to but had already commited to him and set a date and time and all that stuff. (she isn't a member). So of course, she had treated me like dirt again, so she comes back to me, apologizes, sounds sincere, so trying to be Christ like I accept her apology and forgive her. So then she immediately comes to me with the problem i previously mentioned. So alas, I dig her out, give her advice, and talk to the kid she had commited to, basically did everything for her. So then shes all greatful and all that Jazz, but alas she weekly has me dig her out of problems then insults me, and lies to me, and stabs me in the back. And stupidly every single time, i forgive her. Each time its getting harder and harder to forgive her, but I do each time. One time she went out of her way to piss me off and lowered my self esteem so much that I felt absolutely useless. I got over it, but anyway. So last friday, I went to a school dance, danced with 7 girls, and felt great the next day, like girls actually did possibly like me as more than a friend. Saturday, she goes out of her way to upset me again, because she was pretending to be in a relationship with her friend to make his ex girlfriend jealous. I told her that she was lying by doing that, and that she would be extremely upset if someone did that to her. She didn't care and insulted me and all that Jazz. So now for the time being I'm ignoring her, I don't know what to do. I'm going to keep praying about it, and I'm trying to forgive her but I'm sick of being treated like a door mat. Can anyone help?
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 8:32 am
For one thing, you are not stupid for forgiving her so often; that is a very Christ-like quality. However, that is not to say you should trust her. I think you should continue to forgive her, but don't let her get you down, if that makes any sense. Sorry, I'm not very good at this.
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 3:12 pm
I have had similar experiences. Its hard to try to help others who may not want the help. My old Young Women leader once said the way to help other people drowning is to stay on firm ground and throw a life preserver to them instead of jumping in yourself. The Spirit will guide you to know what to do. Follow the promptings and I think everything will work out.
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:59 am
Theres a big difference between forgiving and letting a problem happen again. You forgive her, but tell her to leave you alone. Period. She isn't worth your time anymore. You got better things going. Stop answering her texts, by all means don't accept phone calls. Yeah that sounds mean, but you have degraded yourself enough trying to fix her problems and all that.
Forgive, but stop. That's my advice.
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 2:10 pm
dp4ever21 I have had similar experiences. Its hard to try to help others who may not want the help. My old Young Women leader once said the way to help other people drowning is to stay on firm ground and throw a life preserver to them instead of jumping in yourself. The Spirit will guide you to know what to do. Follow the promptings and I think everything will work out. Its not that she doesn't want help. She always will come to me asking for help, I solve her problem for her because I'm not one to turn away those in need, and then she turns around and stabs me in the back
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Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 5:01 pm
Tell her you wish her well but you just can't be there for her anymore the way you have been. Tell her you know someone who can and bear your testimony of Christ. Give her a Book of Mormon with your testimony in it. Pray for her a lot and tell her that you'll pray for her happiness. (Do say specifically "for her happiness" because just "I'll pray for you" can sound judgmental even when you don't mean it that way.)
And now it's time to do what others have said and stop responding to her. I know it feels mean. Christ doesn't abandon us when we need Him, how can you abandon her? But while you are trying to be Christ-like, you are not Him and I think it's time to acknowledge to yourself that some things are out of your grasp -- and she is one of them. She has to walk this road on her own; you can't make her see what she needs to see. Hopefully, she will in time. And by giving her your testimony of Christ, you've given her a life-line she can use when she needs it to find her way back. It may take her a long time and many mistakes but by giving her that key to Christ, you won't have left her alone.
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Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 1:31 pm
Scriptue say that we should forgive everyone.
But I agree with the others, maybe your friend will learn something if she gets in a situation and finds she has to get out of it on her own.
Friends are important, but you want to surround yourself with good friends.
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Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 4:10 pm
Kasi Karra Scriptue say that we should forgive everyone. But I agree with the others, maybe your friend will learn something if she gets in a situation and finds she has to get out of it on her own. Friends are important, but you want to surround yourself with good friends. This is so true, maybe she needs to dig herself out to learn. Friends are needed, but make sure they are the good friends.
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Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 7:06 pm
I agree with everyone else. She's abusing your nature. it's good to forgive people but that doesn't mean to let them walk all over you, let her know you wish her well, but that you can't handle her problems anymore. Maybe suggest that she goes to some sort of counselling. Most high schools, and universities have them, there may even be a community centre available.
It sounds like her problems lie deeper than just getting herself into trouble, and it'll be for her benefit to deal with her issues head on. mrgreen
Keep praying the Lord will guide you!
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Posted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:15 pm
You should keep forgiving her and like others on here have said let her deal with her own problems.
Here is an old saying I like.
If you give a man a fish they live for one day,
But if you teach a man to fish they live for many days.
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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:16 am
Instead of ignoring her tell her how you feel about shes doing to you and tell her that you cant keep giving her chances.
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Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:14 pm
NightWishFan Theres a big difference between forgiving and letting a problem happen again. You forgive her, but tell her to leave you alone. Period. She isn't worth your time anymore. You got better things going. Stop answering her texts, by all means don't accept phone calls. Yeah that sounds mean, but you have degraded yourself enough trying to fix her problems and all that. Forgive, but stop. That's my advice. I absolutely agree wholeheartedly here. Forgiving is one thing; letting someone walk all over you is another. Jesus is our ultimate example, and he forgave everyone, but NEVER let people walk all over him. Think about cleansing the temple. Another example is of parents with children. A parent forgives their child when they hit someone, but they certainly won't let it happen again (or, well, at least try; discipline doesn't always work xD). It sounds to me like this is a rather abusive relationship, so my advise is get out. Forgiving doesn't mean giving someone everything they want, especially in this case.
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Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 2:21 pm
Keep forgiving her, but some times you just have to let her fall, otherwise she won't learn any thing. Forgiving someone doesn't mean giving them what thay want or letting them take you down with them
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:19 pm
It's so nice that you care about her so much to put youself though all of this. Right now (to to stick up for her) but she's obviously confused with her life and really needs help, perhaps even professionally. You've been there for her through so much, and you've done all you can do, but you still have to think of you every-so-often. You are just as important as she is, and you dont' diserve to be hurt and treated this way.
Sit her down and lay down the line. Tell her that you are sick of being treated this way (be firm yet gentle or she'll never listen to you and walk all over you again). Tell her she's a good person and you know that, but she's making stupid choices and needs to stop, or you'll stop being there. And keep true to that. She really needs a slap in the face or she'll keep using you like this until you make it stop one way or another.
It's going to be a hard hard road, but you can do it! Just have faith in yourself, and who you are, and you'll be just fine wink
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:47 pm
Tell her how to solve her own problems. Stop doing it for her. Be firm in refusing to sort out her issues for her. She has to grow up some time. Stop letting her insult you. The second she insults you, walk away. I don't think anyone would willingly subject themselves to garbage like that. Put space between the two of you as well. You don't want her to be your friend anymore, so make that clear. If she has your phone number, block her number. Erase her number from your phone's memory as well. When you get around people like that, it's best to not let them get too close and to not get sucked into their whirlwind drama. Sorry if that sounds a little harsh, but that's what you have to do. She's a toxic person, and you don't need something like that in your life. I applaud you for being so Christ-like, but you can't do that to yourself.
My dad is like that. My mom thought that she could change him. After 11 years of being a doormat, she finally divorced him. It was probably the best thing she ever did for herself. Now, 10 years after my mom and dad were divorced, he still tries to get me and my brothers and sisters involved in his drama. I just don't let myself get caught up in it. I wish I could just kick him completely out of my life, but he's my dad, and I love his side of the family. For the most part. Yeah. Getting her out of your life as much as humanly possible is the best thing for you. You will feel so much better. Trust me. Even if she spreads terrible rumors about you throughout the school, you will still be so much better off.
She needs to grow up, not have babysitter.
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