|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:27 pm
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out
your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you
cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was,
"You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you
can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must
have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:31 pm
Things to think about:
1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
14. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your spouse/mate told you to do it? And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!
16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:52 pm
I just love all those jokes. I was crackin' up reading all of them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 9:57 pm
you people, are hilarious
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 7:17 am
I recently came across some rathe amusing pictures and seeing (or not seeing) many posted, I'll do just that--post.
This is an origional piece by the graphic designer Žiga Aljaž, (found at http://www.3delavnica.com/portfolio/Sigmund/); enjoy smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:42 am
I heard the best thing for curing a head ache was written right on the aspirin's label, "Take two and keep away from children".
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:53 pm
I learned this one in Greek Philosophy class, you can dress it up any way you want but it's basically:
The masochist asks "hurt me", and the sadist replys "no".
lol
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:07 pm
a jew a preist and a monkey walk into a bar. They all say ouch
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
