I know that my PM told you to skip the Chabad, but I shouldn't have said that. I said that because of my personal feelings about Chabad. There are things to know about them, though: One, they are not the only form of Chasidism; two, Chasidism isn't the only form of Orthodoxy.
dancing-in-the-streets
Sort of off sides question- How will being homosexual effect the process of conversion? Isn't it a pretty frowned upon situation in the Jewish faith?
Yes, and no. Yes: There are a great many Jews, including many learned rabbis, who think that homosexuality and homosexual relations are anti-Torah entirely, everything about them is perverted, and so on.
No: They are mistaken. See, the Torah mentions one specific act that homosexual men must not engage in: "You shall not lie with a man in the manner that you would lie with a woman." In other words, no face-to-face penetration. The Torah mentions not one word about homosexual women.
Torah does, however, mention dozens of restrictions upon
heterosexuality. How many days are forbidden due to a woman's menstruation and the required 'white' days afterward in which there is no uterine bleeding. How many different people are forbidden: one's sister, aunt, cousin, wife, daughter, mother, another man's wife, a woman and her mother, a woman and her sister... The weird thing is that no one's trying to condemn heterosexuality. There are so many more laws against it, you'd think that they'd just say, "This is all too hard to remember, so we'd better just extend this to all heterosexuality." But that doesn't happen, because that's flat-out ridiculous. Human beings have sexual urges. We're designed that way. It would be utterly unnatural to demand that we try to suppress one of our most basic, human, integral aspects of our desires to express the inexpressible joy of love for each other.
It continues to amaze me that anyone would expect another human being to cut out this aspect of their very soul. It's amazing because it is so inhuman, so inhumane, to desire or require anyone to deny that part of themselves. It sickens me, frankly. The great Rabbi Hillel said, "Do not do to another what is hateful to yourself." I can't imagine anyone demanding that someone cut off such a huge part of who they are, deny its expression, call it ugliness and abomination. It pains me especially that there are Jews who think this way.
But though there are Jews who actually would think that way, it is not a Jewish way of thought -- any more than it's a Christian way of thought to kill all your children while they're young so that they don't grow up to become sinners.
Unfortunately, IMR, while you're trying to convert is not the time to mention your lesbianism to your rabbi. He or she might be extremely supportive, but then again, they might be so rabidly bigoted (unfortunately no community is entirely without this) that they might not help you, and might even seek to hinder you by informing all their rabbi buddies about you, which could present some serious obstacles that don't need to be there. It would be better to simply refrain from discussing any sexual issues with your rabbi at this time, and if anyone does ask, simply say that you aren't comfortable discussing such topics. Out of his own modesty, a rabbi shouldn't even ask the question, nor should you ever feel required to answer it because of your own modesty.
