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[f] The Poet's Daughter (full 3rd chapter is here!)

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:36 am


The Poet’s Daughter


One

The Festival of the Crieda, six days of parades, feasting and superstitious traditions, was coming to a culmination. In the small homes of Sali Reala, fires burned brightly like small suns, and the satisfying aroma of roasting meat wafted over the city. The sounds of thousands of families, chattering and settling down for a final, sumptuous meal rose, soft murmurs on the wind. I could hear, see and smell it all as I stood on the small balcony that led from my rooms to what I figured was one of the most beautiful views in the whole city. Below me was the palatial garden, which during the day enchanted me with the smell of roses, my favorite flower. The sun had begun to set and the roses had hidden their scent from me until tomorrow. However, the garden did not make the view; no, it was rather the entire city, spread before me. The palace had been built years ago upon the highest point of the city, and streets radiated from it, leading to the high, white walls that served as our guard, which put together, made a view that in my opinion made it perfect.

Finished with my gazing, I slid back inside my room, letting the sheer blue curtain fall back into place behind me. My room was small, but comfortable, I had been in the rooms of the princesses and they were too large for my taste. My room was warm and cozy, with my chaise bed tucked in the corner, spread with a large emerald cushion and the deep blue pillow and matching sheet, embroidered with gold thread in a rose pattern, a gift from my father at my sixteenth birthday. At the foot of the bed was my chest, made of dark wood carved with many symbols, meant to give beauty, good health and good fortune. The chest was carved shortly before my birth, to bring luck to the new child. It was to the chest that I headed, raising the lid to rummage through the many fabrics that lay inside. I pulled out a light beige cloth and a sheer, light violet silk. I rummaged for a little longer, finally finding a white cloth, wide as my hand, and a darker violet silk. I threw the cloth onto my bed and turned towards my mirror. I combed out my long, dark hair, still damp from my bath. A cascade of curls danced over my shoulders with every stroke. I slid my arms out of the simple cotton robe, and then proceeded to wrap the beige cloth around myself, finally knotting it in the back. I slid the violet cloth over my head, tying it tight around my body and then attached two gold trinkets that gathered the cloth at my shoulders, exposing the soft skin of my arms. I inhaled; smelling the sweet perfumed scent of the lavender that scented my chest and all that was inside. I took the white strip of cloth and wrapped it around my head, knotting it under my hair. The cloth held my hair out of the way, symbolizing my purity and my eligibility for marriage, even though I had no wish to be wed. Over the white cloth, I put the deep violet cloth, wrapping it carefully around my neck and shoulders. Only a sliver of white could be seen and all of my hair was covered; another symbol of my unmarried status. I stared once more into the mirror. My thin lips are the palest of pinks, and I pursed them in a vain attempt to make them look fuller, but to no avail. My long, black eyelashes were feathers, becoming the perfect outline for my eyes, one of the few features I liked about my face. My eyes were the grey-blue of a stormy sky, scattered with flecks of gold and copper, like sun breaking through the clouds. I could not help but have my eyes dart to the shape of my face, absent of the narrowness and high cheekbones of the elegant ladies of the Peshe’s court. My face was rounder, its one advantage being the sharp jaw line it produced. My face had none of the elegance of the other women; and I could feel the difference, especially when it came to the looks the men gave. The men of the Peshe’s court craved what was different, and as I said, I had no wish to become married to any of the men whose eyes followed me, the court Poet’s daughter.

The soft tinkling of the bell that stood by my doorway called my attention.

“Who is it?” I called, sliding a thin, engraved gold band onto my wrist.

“Your mother,” a melodic voice responded, “who wishes to see her daughter off to her first night as a lady of the court.”

I smiled, then stood and parted the curtain that led from my room to the hall.

“Drea, my child. You look beautiful.” My mother stood there, a full head shorter than I. Even as she grew older, she maintained the grace and beauty that had followed her throughout her life. We had the same eyes, nose and hair, but our features varied greatly. She had the thin courtly face that matched the other women, and had the full lips that the others wished for. She was dressed simply, in rich red and black. She did not wear the scarf I did; as a married woman, she did not have to wear one.

“Thank you mother.” I turned to the small table under my mirror and slid a thin gold ring onto my finger.

The bell rang again

“Come in.” I said.

My father entered the room, everything my mother was not. He was tall, with long graying hair and a carefully trimmed beard. What my mother did not give me, my father did, particularly his gift as Poet.

The court role as Poet was one of the few positions that could be given to women, though most were male. As my father’s only child, and as inheritor of his storytelling talent, I had been formally training to take his position since I was six, but I had an obsession with stories for my entire life. Father had been telling me the stories for a long time, and I knew them all by heart. I had even discovered that I had the ability to add something new to the stories, which had been highly encouraged by my father.

“Are you ready?” He asked me.

I nodded. Tonight would be my first performance for the Peshe’s court, and I could not help but notice the fact that my stomach felt like it was being wrung out like a newly washed robe. My mother bowed to my father, then kissed me on my forehead.

“Make me proud.” She said, then disappeared out the door to go help the Peshea prepare for the feast.

My father offered me his arm, and I took it. He gently began to lead me out of the room.

“You look more like your mother every day Drea.” He said softly, making me blush to my embarrassment. “Are you nervous?”

“Yes.” I said simply.

“Don’t be. You will to more than fine. I have heard you.” My father paused, dramatic as always. “The Peshe will enjoy it, and so will the rest, even if their opinions do not matter in his mind.”

“Does the Peshe listen to anyone?”

“Only when he wants to. And to me of course, he can never resist a story.” My father smiled. “And because he listens to me he will listen to you.”

Father led me down the long stone hallway to the top of the main staircase. Below me, I could see long tables laid out with every delicacy imaginable, silver plates glinting against the blood red tablecloth. Small groups of people paraded around the room, dressed in their finest. Women bled jewelry and men with cloth draped over proud chests were everywhere eying the food and each other. Whispers of gossip passed from person to person. Mothers and fathers alike matched their children up against each other, pairing and repairing. I was led down the stairs in a dream. I was unable to think past the meal, past my time to stand and tell a tale. My father lead me to his seat near the Peshe’s and the Peshea’s thrones. The royal couple was not there, they were to make their entrance just before the feast would begin. Father showed me a cushion next to his at the low table.

“This is where you will sit,” said Father, then he disappeared to speak to one of his many friends.

I took the seat that I had been showed, quickly glancing around. Next to me sat a man, the same height as I was. His head was bowed, and his red-brown curls spilled over his forehead, ears and neck. He stirred as I moved to sit.

“Hello” he said as soon as I sat down and arranged myself: feet tucked under my skirts. As he glanced over at me, it was then that I noticed that his left eye was clouded over. Both eyes were a bright green, but the left one was foggy and slowly followed where the other darted.

“Hello.” I said nodding my head in a simple greeting.

“You are the Poet’s daughter, Drea, are you not?” He asked, giving me a gentle half-smile.

“Yes.” I paused, searching for the man’s identity. “I’m sorry, but who are you?” The man must be important to be sitting so close to the Peshe.

“No, it is I who should be sorry. My name is Oren.”

Oren. The name struck me; I was sitting next to one of the sons of the Peshe. Suddenly it made sense: Oren was known for his blind eye, but was still one of the Peshe’s favorites even though he was unable to fight because of his disability.

“Pleasure to meet you Pesheito Oren.” I gave a bow hands pressed together in front of me, as was proper.

“Don’t bother with the formalities. I have no importance in the court; my title is an empty one.”

“But you are the Peshe’s son are you not? And one of his favorites, no less?”

“Yes, but I don’t like all the bowing and titles and ‘oh I am here to please you’” said Oren with a grimace.

“I’m sorry; I did not mean to offend.”

“No, I am not offended, I would just like to explain,” said Oren. “Though few listen to my requests.”

“I will try to, Pe- Oren. I am just afraid to make a mistake. It’s my first night as a full member of the court.”

“I don’t blame you. The court has never been a forgiving place, has it.”

“I suppose not.”

“So what makes tonight so different? You have eaten with the court before.”

“I am to present a tale tonight, to introduce me as my father’s successor.” I paused, “How did you know I have been with the court before?”

“I have spent my time learning. I study and learn about the members of the court at mealtimes and those sorts of events. The Poet’s daughter would have to be a subject of interest, seeing that you would take his place.”

“And what do you do when you are not studying the court?”

“I study other subjects. Math, history, and the sciences mostly, though I am a great supporter of the arts. I enjoy reading, and use it to learn everything I know.” Oren smiled his half-smile again. “I even read up on fighting and battle techniques one time when I was feeling particularly left out on my brothers’ activities.”

Oren fascinated me, he was educated on every subject I could think of, and could discuss it in depth. He held my interest while people began to drift to their seats, including my father, who seemed pleased that I had found someone to talk to. I knew that my shyness in new situations worried him, so my new friend pleased him.

A muscular man sat down across from Oren and me. The newcomer had short-cropped pale brown hair and deep brown eyes. He wore a cloth that was brilliant yellow, standing out in comparison to the pale blue one Oren wore.

“Oren, my brother!” said the man loudly, and I instantly recognized Reeay, the Peshe’s oldest son, decorated war hero and heir to the throne. I bowed deeply to him. “Who is this tasty young morsel next to you?”

I could feel my father tense up next to me. I blushed at Reeay’s brash remark, but it was Oren, not my father, who came to my rescue.

“This is Poet Drea, the Poet Droye’s daughter. She will be performing for us tonight, so I would advise you to not agitate her, else she may tell some rather unappealing story about you.” Reeay’s pride was as well known as his unruly behavior and at Oren’s comment his face turned as red as the tablecloth.

“I will keep that in mind my half-blind brother.” Oren did not seem irked by Reeay’s comments, and watched as his brother stood and took his place at his father’s throne’s right. The large kettledrum at the far end of the hall began to boom, sending vibrations through the hall. My face turned toward the curtain at the head of the table. Two servants pulled the curtain back to let the royal procession through. My mother, one of the Peshea’s ladies in waiting, was part of it. At the end of the procession was the Peshe and Peshea, arm in arm, both dressed in gold and deep blue. The entire room rose as they entered and reseated themselves after the royal couple did.

“Let us feast,” said the Peshe simply, and the feast began. Dancing girls swirled around us with exotic, billowing costumes in every color. Tiny bells had been woven into the edges of the fabric, and more were fastened around their wrists and ankles. I searched for my friend Lisse, who I knew was dancing tonight. I spotted her near the end of our table, dressed in a bright orange dress that made her tanned skin stand out, and her straight, black hair shone as it swirled around her. I smiled at her and she smiled back. I tuned from my friend to the food spread before me. I helped myself to roasted meat and fresh vegetables, but I found that I could not eat much. Even my favorite dish, eggs topped with cracklings and dollops of fresh cream, could not stimulate my appetite. Oren and my father ate heartily on either side of me, and between bites, Oren peppered me with questions about my life in the palace, and my training to become Poet.

Finally, the plates and dishes were cleared, and I saw the Peshe speak to my father. He nodded, and the Peshe rose and called for the attention of the court.

“My friends,” he boomed, “I have a treat for you before we taste the sweets of our dessert. Poet Droye would like to treat the court to the voice of his daughter, Drea, who is his successor. Please, enjoy.”

My father gave my arm a squeeze and I stood, slowly, and walked with my head high to the Peshe’s side, bowing before him then turning to take my place facing the members of the court. Hundreds of pairs of eyes stared back at me. I inhaled deeply and began.

“Listen as I weave a tale
A story of a hero’s love
The story of Leidro
And his three great tasks.
His love would not go scorned
Nor would he find it given
Through his dedication,
He would win it,
Through three great feats.
Hear my prayer, Maeda,
Lover of the Poets.
Lend me the thread,
To weave a fine tale.”

Finished with the opening, which began with the Poet’s signature line and ended with a call to Maeda, goddess of the Poets and arts, I began the story of Leidro, one of the most famous heroes of our legends. The story I told tonight was one of the earliest Leidro stories. Leidro had seen the Peshe’s daughter, Vene, walking the streets with her maids. The hero became smitten at once, and went to the palace to ask for her hand in marriage. These were the days before Leidro’s fame, and the Peshe did not wish to give his beloved daughter. The Peshe decided to give Leidro five impossible tasks, but Vene saw Leidro make his case and begged him to reconsider. The Peshe declared that Leidro would undertake three tasks to win his daughter’s hand. Leidro’s first task was to find the ghost tiger and bring back his skin. The tiger was pure white and was attacking small villages on the northern border of the Peshedom. No one was able to kill the tiger, and he was rarely seen, though he attacked almost every night. Leidro stood watch all night in one of the villages but fell asleep again and again. The fourth night, a woman who hid her face came to him as he was falling asleep and gave him a drink, which allowed him to stay awake. The tiger carried magic, which made everyone he came near fall asleep, but the potion protected Leidro. Leidro faced the ghost tiger and slew him with his sword.

When Leidro returned to the Peshe’s palace, the Peshe was surprised. He took the tiger’s skin and gave it to his daughter as a cloak. Then he sent Leidro to fetch the feather of the rare Ki’lia bird. The Ki’lia birds are the said to be the most beautiful of birds, but they were well disguised. Some said that a feather from a Ki’lia bird would turn into a jewel when plucked from the live bird’s body. This was the test the Peshe gave to Leidro. Leidro set off to the mountains, the rumored homeland of the bird. He searched the trees for the bird, but to no avail. On the second day of searching, Leidro fell over a root, and saw a Ki’lia bird before him. Leidro followed the bird for a day, keeping his distance so he would not scare it away, but he could find no way to grab a feather. The bird could not fly, but it could move quickly through the forest. The bird had come to a rest in a clearing, and Leidro came to a rest too. He was tired and hungry, but he could not stop for fear of losing the bird. The cloaked woman who had given him the potion appeared beside him and gave him a small reed whistle. Leidro blew the whistle and the bird walked towards him and allowed him to pull a feather. The feather instantly turned into a brilliant green jewel with a feather etched inside of it. The hero turned to thank the woman, but she had gone. Leidro brought the jewel back to the Peshe, who made it into a necklace for Vene.

Leidro’s final task was to find his way into the labyrinth of Cae’drila and retrieve the horn of the monster that lived there. Leidro sailed to the island and found the abandoned palace that housed the labyrinth. He searched through the palace and found the labyrinth, but he was afraid that he would lose his way in the twists and turns. Once again, the cloaked woman appeared and gave the hero a spool of yarn, but she would not answer his questions about who she was. Leidro used the yarn to mark his way and discovered the beast that he was to kill. The monster had the body of an oversized dog, with the head of a horse and the horns of a ram. Leidro slew the creature and brought the horn to the Peshe. The Peshe became angry at Leidro’s accomplishments, and threw him onto the streets.
The cloaked woman had come to Leidro again as he lay in the street before the palace. She covered him in the skin of the ghost tiger and helped him to stand. When she removed her cloak, Leidro saw that it was Vene, who was also wearing the necklace with the Ki’lia stone. She reminded her father of his promise and the happy couple was married.

The tale was a long one, but I was surprised that no one had fallen asleep during the performance, as I had seen them do to my father so many times before. I told the story in great detail; in the prose form I had been taught. When I had finished, I was greeted with great applause, which I responded to with a graceful bow. The Peshe stood and offered me his hand, which I held while touching my forehead to it reverently. A smile spread across the royal face, and I was relieved to find that I had found approval. Oren offered me his congratulations as I sat back down.

“Your father has taught you well.” He said, and Father beamed with pride.

“There was no need to be nervous, now was there.” Father said in my ear, and I had to agree.

As the dessert course appeared, I realized how hungry I was. I ate several small cakes made of sweet cheese and topped with cream, along with pastries and other sugary delicacies, all while sipping the chocolate drink that I was offered, which had been flavored with pepper and vanilla liquor. Slowly people rose from the tables and they were moved for dancing.
Several drummers and a reed flute player settled themselves in the corner. They began playing a wild beat that was a men’s dance. They leapt through the air, clothing billowing as the stomped their feet in time to the music. My father stood off to one side, unwilling to dance. I caught a glimpse of Oren, whose sinewy form was surprisingly agile with the dance, though he seemed frighteningly thin compared to the muscular men who surrounded him.

Lisse hurried up to me and threw her arms around me.

“Oh, Drea, you were wonderful!” she exclaimed. “It felt like the story came to life. I could practically see Leidro fighting the tiger in front of me.”

“Thank you.” I smiled. “You were amazing, as usual.” Lisse grinned.

“Drea, I just discovered the most wonderful news!”

“What?”

“I’m going to be married!” she said, green eyes aglow. “To Avred.”

Avered was the son of Seral and Greida. Grieda was the Peshe’s oldest daughter, and it was well known that Avered was fond of Lisse, and reciprocally.

“Lisse, that’s great!” Though I was not interested in marriage for myself, I knew that the marriage was something my friend wanted, and I would not stop her. “When will you be married?”

“In a month. Oh, Drea, I’m so happy.”

“And I am happy for you. What a match!”

“Isn’t it?”

Then Avered came for his future bride. The men’s dance had ended, and another song had begun with the slower tempo of a couple’s dance, Avered desired a dance with my friend. More people had descended upon me to offer their compliments, and I fielded them gratefully. The crowd began to clear and as I shook the hand of the last person, I came face-to-face with Reeay.

“I underestimated you, Drea.” He said with a smile, neglecting to use my proper title, which I felt insulted by. “Your voice is just as beautiful as your looks.”

I groaned under my breath. “Thank you.” I said as politely as I could.

“Dance with me.” He commanded.

As the Peshe's son I had no choice but to accept, as much as a loathed to.Reeay led me to the open floor rather eagerly as if I was a prize to be shown off. Several of his friends, equally rude, ogled at me and made rude noises. I was furious by the time the dance began. Reeay may have been graceful on the battlefield and training ground, he was a clumsy dancer. He followed the steps as if he was a clockwork machine, not as a living human being. And, because he was leading, I appeared clumsy as well.

“I am surprised that a pretty morsel like you isn’t married yet.” He said, leaning closer than was necessary as we stumbled around the floor. His breath smelled of wine. “What makes you so unmarriageable?”

“I don’t want to.” I responded to curtly. Reeay laughed

“You are entertaining Drea! Really, what’s your little secret, I promise not to tell.”

“I don’t want to get married.” I said slowly.

“You just haven’t found the right man.” said Reeay smiling. “I could fix that for you.”

“I doubt it.”

“I think I could. Every girl wants a strong, handsome man who can take care of her right. And I know someone who would be perfect for you.”

“If you are referring to yourself, forget it.”

“What’s wrong with me? I could have my choice of girls.”

“Then marry one of them. I already told you: I will not marry you or anyone else.”

“I don’t want to marry anyone else. I want to marry you. I’ve been watching you, you’re very pretty and I’m sure you’d learn to like me.” Reeay paused. “I will marry you Drea.”

The song had ended and I began to back away from Reeay

“I think not.” I said before disappearing into the crowd. I ran up the grand staircase and headed to my room. I glanced back only once, and saw that Reeay had not given pursuit, but stood on the main floor watching me flee. His arms were across his chest and he had a very amused expression on his face. I prayed to the gods that tonight Reeay had drunk too much to remember his promises.
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 11:22 am


Not bad. Much better because it isn't in a ridiculous color. (I've got to add that rule....) The characters seem faint right now, which might not be a bad thing, but you should flesh them out more later. The dialogue is good--much better than most I've read, and again, is better without being blue. However, certain words like "palatial" and phrases (most of which don't come to mind), limit the grace of the piece itself. You might try reading it aloud, and editing the work from there.

All in all, not bad. But it could certainly shine more. I'll add a more complete review at a later date, provided that you keep the story coming, of course.
-Andrew/Leavaros

Leavaros
Crew


love_song_from_your_heart

PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:03 am


Two

The next morning I awoke early, with a sudden urge to take a walk in the garden. I dressed quickly, not in the fancy silks I had worn to the feast the night before, but in a simple, flowing green skirt and a crisp, billowing white shirt. My hair was covered in its usual cloth; today it was lighter in color than my skirt, but the same shade. I wandered down the hall as quietly as I could, though I wanted to run. The garden had always been my sanctuary and today I needed it to be one the most. As I turned into the covered walkway that connected the main palace to a garden, I did break into a run. I slid to a stop at the main gate, a wrought iron archway that curled into a gate, and pushed the double doors open.

The garden was immense; I rarely came upon anyone else, even when I came at my normal time during the day. It was just after dawn now, so I was certain that there would be no one here but me.

I hurried along the long-familiar paths until I came upon one of the fountains. This fountain was the smallest one; but it was comfort to a young girl, now a young woman, who felt small in the Peshe’s large court. It was built into a wall, a stone carving of a sun. The sun had a raised face, and the water trickled from its mouth into the carved basin below. The basin had a ledge around it, large enough for me to sit upon comfortably, which in did. I dipped my hand into the cool water, then did something I had never done outside my room before.

I slid the scarves from off my head and let them drape down my back. I brought the water to my face and poured it first over my face, then over my entire head. Suddenly I found myself crying, but for what reason, I would not know. It wasn’t Reeay, though the events of last night probably had a hand in it. Tears were coming uncontrollably, and I found myself suddenly glad that no one was with me to see this. As soon as this thought came into my head, a hand came to touch my shoulder.

I turned around to see Oren, book in hand, looking as surprised as I felt.

I quickly moved to yank my scarves back over my head, but I did a poor job of it. Locks of hair stuck out of place, and hands shaking, I tucked them away. I attempted to dry my face, still wet with tears and the fountain water, with my skirts, but I soon found that there were still tears coming, much to my embarrassment.

“Are you alright?” asked Oren with worry. “What’s wrong?”

“I- I…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say. What was there to say? “I don’t know.”

“How can you not know?” asked Oren. “There must be something.”

“There is, I think.” I started slowly. “But I am not sure if I could tell you.” Oren was, after all, Reeay’s brother.

“Try me.” He said, sitting down next to me on the ledge.

“It’s Reeay…” I began, and the whole story came spilling out of my mouth, along with all my fears, and what I had gathered from the event. Oren said nothing while I spoke, he simply watched with great interest.

“What can I do?” I said when I was finished, near tears once again.

“Not much for now.” Said Oren

“Oh you’re loads of help, just loads.” I stood quickly, and would have gone running out of the garden if Oren had not come running after me, grabbing my arm.

“Listen, Drea, listen,” he said softly, turning me to face him. “There is nothing you can do now. Reeay may simply forget about what he said, he jumps from girl to girl anyway.”

“But what if he doesn’t forget?”

“I was getting to that. You need to be a bit more patient,” sighed Oren. “If he doesn’t forget, and makes a proposal to you father, find me as soon as you can. I will take care of the rest.”

“I owe you so much Oren,” I said. “How can I repay you?”

“Nothing really,” he said, “I would do a lot to keep women out of Reeay’s hands. Especially one so entertaining and brilliant.”

“You flatter me,” I said, blushing.

“You are more intriguing the more I talk to you,” grinned Oren. “It’s not often I get to have such intelligent conversation with people.”

“I could say similar things about you.”

“We should talk more often,” said Oren. “I often visit the garden this early in the morning, If you would meet me by the fountain, I’m sure that there would be a lot more conversation in store for us.”

“I would like to, surely.”

“Good, the matter is settled,” said Oren with a smile. “Now, why don’t we go to our fountain.” He led me over to the ledge where we had just been. I sat down, dipped my hand slowly into the water, and watched as the waves from my motions lapped against the side of the pool in ripples.

“So, what are your observances of the Court?” asked Oren rather curiously.

“I’m not sure how many I would have,” I said, pausing to think. “I understand little of the Court.”

“What is it that you don’t understand?”

“Well,” I paused again searching for words. “The court’s fascination with gossip, I suppose. I have never been the one to know the latest scandal, nor do I wish to be. But it does fascinate me that the terrible deeds and happenings in Court hold so much sway over people’s lives.”

“It does seem strange doesn’t it,” said Oren. “I think that people try to alienate people who are different than them. Most people aren’t comfortable being set apart, standing alone. So they put others apart to hide the fact that they are different too.”

I couldn’t help but think of all the times I had examined myself, wishing that I was more like the rest.

“Suddenly, I’m glad I don’t participate in the gossip.” I said slowly. “Sometimes it’s better to be different. But, at the same time, being different is a punishment.”

“How is it punishment?” asked Oren

“Well, being different is a source of gossip, as you say.”

“As I say. What do you say?”

“That too many of the men of the Court make women who look different from the rest the object of their affection.”

“Like my brother.”

“Yes,” I said.

“But having someone admire you is supposedly one of the great joys of the world.”

“I’d rather have someone admire me for me that go after me because of my looks or position. That is why I won’t marry, too many men chase women for shallow reasons.”

“But if someone was to admire you for you, and not your ‘shallow’ reasons, would you marry then?”

“If I admired—no loved them for the same reasons they loved me. But only then.”

“I see,” said Oren, “But how will you know that you love them?”

This one stopped me. The question of all questions: how do you define love? I had no answer; love was not a topic I had thought long about. It was not a worry of mine. But, yet, I did not know what it was, or what made it. Or even how I would know if I was in love.

“I don’t know, I suppose I’ll only know when I get there. If I ever get there.” I added hastily.

“If you ever get there,” said Oren with a smile “I hope you have a better answer than that.”

“I hope so too.” I smiled, then stood, “I should be heading in, I haven’t eaten yet.”

“All right, I won’t hold you up for any longer.” Said Oren.

“See you tomorrow?” I ask.

“Of course.”

I turn away from him and head back to the palace, this time taking time to enjoy the beauty of the gardens around me. I break a white rose off a bush near the gate and tuck it behind my ear. By the time I return to my room with a warm bun from the kitchen, I am humming a tune.

After spending the morning curled up with my favorite book of legends, I am visited at lunch by Lisse, bubbling with details about her wedding.

“We’ve had it arranged to be held in the garden,” She told me. “It’s going to be small, only the closest friends and family.”

“That’s the best way to hold a wedding in my opinion.” I say, scooting over on my bed to allow her to sit next to me. “None of the pageantry should be there. Simple is definitely the way to go.”

“Drea, I want you to be my handmaiden.”

I smile; handmaidens are assistants to the bride, usually the bride’s mother at least. Lisse lost her mother a long time ago, and I was honored to be given such an important role in her wedding.

“Of course, Lisse!” I exclaim. “I would love to.”

“Oh, Drea,” she says, embracing me. “I knew you would.”

Lisse and I spend the rest of the afternoon discussing plans, and she suddenly brings up Reeay.

“You left the dance rather quickly last night, after only dancing one song, with the Pesheito Reeay.” She commented.

“Yes,” I say slowly, “Reeay told me that he wants to marry me.”

Lisse gasped. “But you don’t want to marry anyone.”

“Especially Reeay.”

“What are you going to do?” she asks.

“I have help on my side.” I smile. “I met Pesheito Oren at the feast last night.”

“I saw you talking with him, but I don’t see how he could help you.”

“He is determined to keep women out of his brother’s hands. I am to go to him if Reeay makes a proposal to my father.”

“You are lucky to have made friends with someone who is so willing to help you.” Lisse said, as she stood to leave. “And I am also glad that you are expanding your circle of friends past just me.”

We laugh, and Lisse leaves me, probably to visit Avered or to perform for one of the members of the Court. There is no feast tonight, so dinner is served to me in my room. Roasted meat and squash with sugar and butter. I go to sleep early, as is my tradition. I dream only of cool water and a soft and familiar voice talking to me, though what the voice says to me is a mystery, as is the speaker.
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:31 am


Quote:
I’d rather have someone admire me for me that go after me because of my looks or position. That is why I won’t marry, too many men chase women for shallow reasons.


That sentence just annoyed me, I understood what it meant but I think you meant than instead of that.

It's pretty good so far, but the story seems a little too obvious. It's good to forshadow, but it's a little too much here. Also, if you plan just to change it up unexpectedly, you will alienate the reader. It's happend so many times, they are just like, "Why? That just ruined the story. *puts down book*"

CariRae


Kanneric Knite

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:27 pm


i like it, but i could see where it was going after just the first chapter, didn't really like that, but sometimes, that can be hard to avoid, but it is really good, i think, the flow is good and it reads easily
(and no horrible punctuation or spelling errors that i noticed! heart yay for you!)
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:41 am


Three
The month passed in a similar pattern, I would meet Oren in the mornings and we would have our discussions, often for hours. Oren enjoyed music and played the eriva, a small stringed instrument that one leans against their body and strum. He played well, though he claims otherwise. He would lend me books from his excessive library, and we would discuss them. Many were about government and ideas on society. Some books involved the works of the ancients. I found myself an admirer of the ancient writings. The pure elegance of the writing was magical to me, and I soon found myself trying to imitate the ancients’ style in my own tales.
I still preformed for the court, but not with the frequency as my father. Feasts were not every night, and I was only called upon to perform about once a week. Often, my father and I would perform together, reciting special poems that involved two voices overlapping. The court enjoyed these poems, mainly because they were so rarely recited. They could only be done when there were two Poets and this was only when there was a Poet and their child or a Poet from a visiting kingdom.
One morning I hurried to the garden because I was in a particularly good mood. Oren often would ask me such thought-provoking questions, but I felt guilty that I could never seem to ask their equal in return. However, on this day, I was sure that I had found a question that could almost be as good as his. I sprung it on him as soon as he reached the fountain.
“What character would you like to be, from any story you’ve ever heard?” Oren sat there for a while, I knew better than to interrupt him when he was thinking.
“I’ve never thought about it before.” He said finally, “I think Matrian would be me.” Matrian was the son of Diere, the goddess of wisdom and learning, and he became a hero because he could outsmart any opponent.
“Most like you, or you would like to be.”
“Both I guess.” He said. “With the exception of slaying countless monsters.”
I laughed. “Why can’t you fight like your brothers? You can still see out of one eye can’t you?” I was worried that I had hit a sore spot, but Oren fielded the question with ease.
“Yes, but it isn’t good enough. I tried, trust me, but not being able to see out of my left eye creates a blind spot, and it makes me vulnerable.”
“Oh.” I said simply, suddenly feeling rather sheepish for asking.
“I don’t mind, for the most part,” said Oren. “Sure, I feel bad when my brothers come home as celebrated heroes, but they’ve missed out on everything I’ve been able to learn. Take Reeay for example. He’s the heir to the throne, but he spends all his time fighting and chasing women who will never give him the time of day. He’ll be too dependent on his advisors for help, which may be his downfall.”
“If I does come to that, what will happen?” for a moment I felt bad for Reeay, but that was quickly banished as I remembered why he would be a poor ruler.
“A number of things could happen. Civil war, a new dynasty, or it could just be passed to the next in line.”
“Who is next in line?” I said. No one ever discussed who would rule if Reeay could not.
“Me.” Said Oren simply. “It’s supposed to be me.”
“I thought you said your title was an empty one!”
“It is,” he said, “Even if Oren gets overthrown; most likely a war will break out among our brothers and even some top advisors. It is highly unlikely that I would be able to claim the throne.”
“You could outwit them all, like Matrian.”
“I suppose that is a possibility. I hope it never comes to that.”
I nodded and we both fell silent.
“Who would you be?” asked Oren after some time.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“If you were a character from the stories, who would you be?”
“Adria.”
“I don’t think I know this story.”
I told him.
Adria was the only daughter of a Peshe long ago. The Peshe was old, and he had no sons. He wished for his daughter to marry, but he also wanted her to be happy. Many suitors came to see her and showered her with gifts and gold, but she would have none of them. In desperation, he prayed to Heyen, goddess of marriage and family. Heyen appeared to him and told him to allow his daughter to travel the world as she desired, and she would find a husband of her liking. The Peshe did as he was told and Adria traveled the world. She mingled among the people, rarely staying with the royal families of the nations she traveled through. One day, after a year of travel, Adria was walking along a country road when it grew dark. She knocked upon the door of a small house and was greeted by a young man. The young man’s name was Ered and he welcomed her into his home. He was very kind and served her all the best he had, which was little. Adria was so moved by Ered’s kindness that she stayed with him for a month and helped him tend his small farm. They soon fell in love with each other and Adria revealed that she was the Pesheita, and that she wished to marry him. She brought Ered back to her father, and announced her intentions. The Peshe was disappointed that her daughter had chosen a peasant, but he allowed them to be married. The night before the wedding, Ered came before the Peshe and Adria and told them that he was really the youngest son of the king of Reda and that he had been forced to leave his home to become a farmer because he had neglected to give offering to Ferdor, god of the harvest and he had taken offense. He had served his time for Ferdor, and was now free to marry Adria. He knew why she had been sent to find a husband, and wished to tell her the truth so she could be free to refuse him. Adria was once again moved by Ered’s kindness, and chose to accept him anyway.
“Why do you want to be like Adria?” asked Oren when I had finished. “So you can marry a disguised royal?”
“So I can travel the world, silly.” I smiled.
“Why?”
“Because I’ve never been outside the city walls, and even then rarely outside the palace. I want to see what’s out there.”
“Me too,” said Oren. “Me too.”

Lisse’s wedding was held soon after that, and I spent the day helping her get ready and getting myself ready as well. Lisse looked radiant in her dress, white silk draped elegantly over her shoulders. A delicate gold chain sat on her waist and I had braided her black hair and woven it into a net that covered the loose hair underneath. I then covered her head in the traditional cloth, this time, all white. At Lisse’s request, I was wearing a simple dark blue dress with white vines embroidered into the hems.
“Are you nervous?” I asked as I led my friend through the garden.
“No,” she said “Not yet.”
A canopy had been erected in the center of the garden, and underneath stood Avered, who wore a white tunic. I quickly scanned the guests. Several members of the royal family were there, including Oren and, to my dismay, Reeay. Lisse joined Avered under the canopy and I, my job finished, stood off to one side, half hidden in the green vines and tiny, star-shaped flowers that adorned the canopy.
The ceremony was dull. Weddings happen often in the court, and though this was the smallest I had ever been to, the proceedings were the same. The couple exchanged vows and flowered crowns, and as a conclusion, Avered removed Lisse’s scarves to symbolize her change from maiden to wife.
The ceremony was followed by a banquet, and the guests were free to mingle as they liked. I quickly congratulated Avered, who was surrounded by his friends, and joined Lisse, who was with several of her friends, all of whom were also court dancers. I had met all of them several times before, but I never became good friends with any of them. Lisse smiled sweetly as I greeted her.
“Are you going to sing for us Drea?” she asked.
“You can sing and tell stories?” said a girl near my friend. “What talent! I would like to hear you.”
“I don’t know…” I said slowly.
“Please, Drea,” said Lisse, “For me? For my wedding?”
“I suppose I could. If the bride requests.”
“I do.” Said Lisse. “Please?”
“Fine.” I said, “What should I sing?”
“I don’t care,” she said flippantly, then stood on one of the stone walls in the garden. “Attention! Drea’s going to sing for us!”
“What are you doing?” I hissed, “I thought I was just singing for you.”
Lisse just smiled, and climbed down from her post. A group of people had begun to surround us and I had already spotted Reeay among them. I closed my eyes, opened my mouth and began:
“Days move forward, nights retreat,
But you will forever be
In my heart, in my heart.

Join your hand with mine today,
Share your tale with me and say
That I will forever be
In your heart, in your heart.”
The song was short, mostly because I was too nervous to sing any more. Telling stories to the court was one thing; it was a skill I had confidence in. Singing had only been validated by my parents and Lisse, but for all I knew they could have been being nice. Therefore, I was very surprised to find my singing greeted by enthusiastic applause.
“You have talent,” smiled Oren coming over to meet me. “I’m surprised that you aren’t a court singer in addition to poet.”
“I’m not nearly as good as the Singers” I blushed. “I don’t have enough strength in my voice.”
“With the right training you could, but I suppose you enjoy telling stories more.”
I nodded quickly, not wishing to encourage the idea that I want another job in the court. If some of the women found out, I’d be labeled as a show-off and a snob, and if you get on the wrong side of enough women, you’ll be shunned for life by court society. And even though I don’t care much for the court’s gossip, your reputation is your most treasured possession at the court, no matter who you are. It does you no good if you are disregarded by all. Pitiful, I know, but there are some systems that you cannot escape.
“Well then,” said Oren “I was just speaking to your father before I came here.”
“Why were you talking to him?” I said, worriedly. If a man was speaking to your father, it usually meant a wedding would be soon.
“I have a surprise for you.” Now I was worried, after all I had told him, he could not be expecting me to marry him. I would never let him!
“I would like to know,” he continued, “if you would like to accompany me on a trip.”
“A trip!” I exclaimed “To where?”
“A tour of the kingdom. I just got permission from my father, and I requested that you accompany me, for entertainment.” his voice lowered “but, just between you and me, it’s so you can see the outside world as well.”
“How did you get the Peshe to agree to this?”
“I just told him it was a dream of mine, to see the kingdom outside these walls,” smiled Oren. “So, will you come?”
“Of course!” I said.
“Then it’s all set. I’ve gotten permission from your father and mine. We leave in two weeks.”
“Two weeks! How can we plan a whole trip in two weeks?”
“I’ve been planning this for years; I already know all the details and everything is easily arranged. All you need to do is pack. We’ll be gone for at least a month.”
“A month.” I was astonished.
“Probably longer, we may stay a couple of extra days in some places.”
“I’m fine with that.”
“Good.” Oren smiled. “Well, then I will see you later.” He bowed his head and walked away.
“Drea!” I heard from behind me, rather loudly. I turned and saw Reeay, coming up to see me.
“Hello Pesheito.” I said as I bowed.
“Walk with me.” He said, and I had no choice but to follow. He led me away from the wedding party and towards the large fountain in the center of the garden. Reeay sat down and motioned for me to sit next to him.
“I would rather stand.” I said simply. “What did you want to speak to me about?”
“When will it be our turn?”
“Our turn?” I could already sense where this was going.
“Yes,” said Reeay pausing. “Of course, it would be a lot bigger, more people, maybe in the main hall.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Our wedding, of course.”
I laughed. “Oh, since when was that happening?”
“Well it isn’t set yet, but I will talk to your father, I promise.” Reeay stood and quickly seized my hand. “I cannot see myself without you.”
I tugged my hand away. “I can.”
“Please, Drea.” Reeay was staring straight into my eyes. “I love you.”
“You’ve spoken to me twice, Reeay. How can you love me?”
“It was enough.” He said. “You know the stories, can’t you believe in love at first sight?”
“I know the stories well enough to know that they are just that, stories.” I turned to leave.
“Then you don’t believe in love at all?”
I paused. “Over time, yes. Just I don’t believe that it would be at first glance, or even the second or third.”
“Then give me time. I’m sure you would learn to love me.”
“No, I really don’t think I would” I resumed walking
“Just give me a chance.” I heard Reeay’s voice plead.
“When will you learn to take no for an answer?” I called over my shoulder.
I didn’t bother waiting for an answer. I hurried back to the party and proceeded to avoid Reeay at all costs. He apparently took the hint, and left soon after.

(Thank you all for your comments! It is a work in progress... right now im just trying to get thoughts into [MS] Word. (no pun intended))

love_song_from_your_heart


CariRae

PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2009 1:26 pm


Oooh it's lovely. I had thought this was lost to the many pages of unfinished stories. It's like a graveyard. Any way, going on a trip makes it completely unpredictable you never know what you will encounter. I admit I was mistaken.
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