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 Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 2:48 pm
Well I posted this in LI without much luck so mabye here will work better? *fingers crossed* Here I go.....
In my eyes I have a problem and it's just getting worse. I've tried talking to my family about it but they're stuck now on how to help me. I don't know where to start so I'll just give you a run up on the last year.
Back in January I comfort ate for the first time thinking nothing of it because I was depressed. I had already been depressed for some time before hand and didn't know how to handle it any more. I was on tablets and everything. Since then I started doing it more and more and it got out of control. I would eat uncontrolable until I was uncomfortable full. I did this about four times a week. And since Jauary my weight has risen 19lbs. I'm now 131lbs, which for my body shape is not good. I can't seem to stop this over eating.
About four months ago I researched over eating on the internet and I think I have compulsive eating disorder. At first when I found out about it I thought that's silly I would have to be very overweight before I have it but now I'm not sure. I looked into it in more depth and I think I have it, even my mum has asked me if I want to talk to someone about it but I don't want to, not if I can do something for myself. My weight rise and the pain in my stomach after binging is getting on stop of me and is sinking me even deeper into a depression.
And now recently I have fallen for a guy who I've know for over 3 years. In the last 2 years we've become better and better friends but now I like him more. I hear last year he felt the same way. Except for celebrities I have not liked someone like this for years and I'm scared of my feelings. He's also naturally a skinny guy who eats a lot of junk at school. I'm starting to feel self consious around him because of my weight and even that I don't deserve to have fun with him. It sinks me even deeper into a depression. I don't think he's a shallow guy but I can understand if he naturally gets turned off by my weight gain. I don't want him as a boyfriend but I want to have fun with him, he doesn't have a girlfriend or anything.
This whole situation is getting me so down I cry several times a day which I'm fed up with but can't help it. Even now my eyes are sore and swollen from crying last night and this morning. Thanks if anyone has read all this, help?
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 3:21 pm
I think your biggest problem is your lack of self confidence. I think that is really the driving force behind a lot of what is going on. Unfortunatly that is a hard one to change. The best thing you can do is set goals for yourself. They have to be things that you want to do and can do but wouldn't normally. ie. go out walking for 20 minutes or something like that. That way when you actually put some effort into reaching your goal you get the satisfaction of achieving it.
You might want to talk to a doctor about the depression and over eating. You are no where close to being over-weight but if you want to be more fit and active you do have to do some work for it. You have to choose to say no when you start feeling full. Maybe set a timer. Eat slowly and then stop after 20 minutes? If you are still really hungry go back for another 10 in half an hour?
Basically it's all about working hard and feeling good about it. Laziness is always the easiest thing for any of us but you don't feel any pride when you do the easiest thing.
As for the guy. Your weight does not, and never will, make you more or less worthy of anyone. The fact that you have gained some does not make you undeserving. If he likes you hen it will be because of the person you are and your personality. If you don't want him as a boyfriend then just enjoy his friendship and try not to worry so much.
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 5:53 pm
I know how hard it is to deal with self esteem issues, really I do. My best friend is always telling me when I build up confidence everything else seems easier. He's a very smart person, he's right.
I started thinking I was pretty and smart, and I stopped needing to eat as much. Now instead of overeating I eat about as much as I should. 131 doesnt seem bad, I'm waaaaay higher then that. How tall are you?
And as for your friend, he has a fast metabolism. Nothing you can change about it. Remind yourself you have two different body types, and that's FINE. If you want to just be his friend, then thats fine. My best friend is my ex and we are uberclose. Just act as much as a friend and it will be fine 3nodding
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 10:37 pm
I fail to understand the comment of "I don't want him as a boyfriend, but I want to have fun with him." Does this simply mean that you want to enjoy pleasures of the flesh without a relationship, or simply enjoy hanging out together?
In any case, as stated above, your self-esteem is near ground level. As Fat b*****d so intelligently put it, "I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat." It's a vicious cycle, and I myself can empathize with you. However, as also stated by Chalda the Wise, it's 100% up to you to get yourself on a diet and exercise plan to begin losing weight. Once you start, not only will you start to become slimmer, but the added endorphines will help raise your spirits.
As for the "I-don't-want-him-as-a-boyfriend-yet-I'm-concerned-that-he-won't-like-me-in-a-girlfriend-sort-of-way" situation, you're best bet is to simply be yourself. Who cares if you have a little bit of curves. You want any guy to like you for who you are, not what you wish you looked like. While it may seem like life is pathetically low right now, it'll pick up. Remember, peaks and valleys.
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 4:48 am
Thanks, that helped a lot. I'll be going for a run today so I hope that lifts my spirits a bit. I've heard the stuff before about weight isn't a problem, to me it's not but I don't know what goes through other peoples heads. I can't help the way I feel and I'm just scared my weight will keep going up and I will get so unhappy it will be 100% out of control.
Soleq - What I mean in not wanting him as a boyfriend but I want have fun it that I've never felt the need for one, I don't know why. But I want to be comfortable hanging around with him, as in having a laugh fun, but it's hard to do at the moment. That way if anything was to develope in the future weight and the guilt of my eating habits will not be the first thing on my mind.
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 8:22 am
ALRIGHT
I HAVE READ THE TOP PIOST AND THE POST YOU MADE ABOVE THIS ONE
SORRY SOLEQ AND CHALDA BUT I GET BORED EASILY
SO I AM JUST GOING TO CHIP IN WITH WHAT I CAN IN HOPE SOME ONE READS IT AND GETS WHAT THEY NEED FROM IT
(THAT MIGHT BE YOU ROMMIE OR SOME ONE ELSE HOW SHOULD I KNOW)
SO HERE I GO
DEPRESSION IS A MEDICAL CONDITION WHEN IT EFFECTS DAY TO DAY LIFE
BUT THERE ARE CERTAIN TABLETS AND PILLS YOU CAN GET TO HELP IT
(THOUGH I THINK YOU SAID YOU WERE ON TABLETS ALREADY)
SO ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT
BECAUSE YOU COMFORT ATE I FEAR YOU MIGHT OF EXPANDED YOUR STOMACH
IT IS A MUSCLE AND CAN GROW AND GET STRONGER AND BIGGER WITH USE
SO BASICALLY YOU MIGHT FEEL VERY VERY HUNGERY MORE OFTEN
BECAUSE IT TAKES MORE TO FILL YOUR STOMACH AND IT FEELS LIKE THERE IS LESS IN IT WHEN IN ACTUAL FACT THERE CAN BE A GOOD AMMOUNT IN IT
THERE ARE WAYS TO SHIRINK YOUR STOMACH BUT THAT TAKES A LOT OF PLANNING
AND IT IS KIND OF PAINFUL
I DO NOT THINK YOU SHOULD GO FOR THAT RIGHT NOW
BUT IF YOU ARE INTERESTED JUST REPLY TOTHIS SAYING SO OR JUST PM ME
I KNOW A GREAT WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT IS TO SPEED UP YOUR METABOLISUM
I SUSPECT THAT IS WHAT THIS GUY DID
METABOLISUM IS HOW FAST THINGS MOVE THROUGH YOU
SO IF YOU SNACK ALL THE TIME YOUR BODY WILL BE REALLY EFICIENT AND PUMPING THINGS THROUGH
BUT IAM NO EXPERT ON THIS SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO TALK TO SOME ONE WITH A LITTLE MORE KNOWLADGE
ALSO WORKING OUT WORKS WONDERS ASWELL
BUT ONLY THE RIGHT KINDS
I KNOW SOME SORTS OF WORKING OUT (LIKE WEIGHT LIFTING) WILL BUILD MUSCLE
AND OTHERS (LIKE RUNNING)
WILL HELP YOU BURN FAT
SO YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO THE WRONG THING OR YOU WILL LOSE LITTLE WEIGHT AS YOUR FAT WILL BE TURNED RIGHT INTO MUSCLE
OFCOURSE THAT IS GREAT
BUT NOT REALLY IF YOU WANT TO BE THIN
(MOST GUYS DO NOT LIKE OVER MUSCLLY WOMEN)
SO FOR THE GUY YOU LIKE
YOU SAY YOUARE GOOD FRIENDS WITH HIM ALREADY
SO HE SHOULD KNOW WHAT A COOL PERSON YOU ARE
I AM STARTING TO THINK THAT IF HE WANTED TO GO OUT WITH YOU HE WOULD OF ASKED SOME WHERE IN THE 3 YEARS YOU HAVE KNOWN HIM
OR HE MIGHT OF JUST SEEN YOU AS UNATTRACTIVE BECAUSE OF YOUR LOOKS
BUT IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME
AND IF THAT IS NOT THE CASE THEN HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO LOSE THE FRIENDSHIP YOU ALREADY HAVE
BUT THEN AGAIN HE COULD BE SHY
I DO NOT KNOW HIM SO I CAN NOT ASSUME TOO MUCH HERE
OK I THINK THAT IS ABOUT ALL I WANT TO SAY RIGHT NOW
IF YOU WANT TO TALK MORE AND REALISE I HAVE FORGOTTEN I EVEN POSTED THIS JUST PM ME OK?
I HOPE I HELPED mrgreen
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 7:59 pm
hmm...
well this is hard I mean... I dont' know what to tell you and then again I do.
I guess I'll make a list of options
about the weight gain:
1: tell your parents about your depressed feelings and about your constant binging.
2: Talk to someone else who you trust very much, like another family member, a really good friend or even a counselor or teacher.. anyone as long as you trust that person.
The depression thing in general:
1: again either tell your parents or someone you trust.
2: try to think of all the positives in your life... Try reading the book entitled 7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens, it explains a lot and helps you. The book teaches you how to think positive and how to center yourself and your life.
The guy thing:
Every girl is beautiful in their own special way. Go for it, if you like the guy, then go for it. Or just be friends with him, get to know him really well... and let nature take it's course.. because sometimes if you become more and more of a friend to a person then, it will become more then friends...
Honestly though the best advice comes from within yourself. So even though you think you don't know the answer.. you do you just got to think about all your options and not think negatively.
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