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Ever had a firend think differently of you because of your lack of faith?
  Yes
  No
  I never disscus it with my friends
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Literacy Ninja

PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 5:03 pm


Don’t read if you have the attention span of a gold fish :

Alright so I am having a problem, it involves me and the person I’m dating right now. He is a believer to say the least and as the days go on and our six month has come and gone, I am finding it harder and harder to talk to him. I feel bad but I really like discussing things that make people of the church(s) uncomfortable, topics that I can discuss freely and deeply with my atheist friends. But that’s not even my problem. No, not at all, I think that I have been very tolerant of his faith and he has sort of been tolerant of my lack of faith. However something has happened recently that I found to be (1) highly offensive and (2) highly insightful to how narrow minded those of faith are.

Here’s the scoop: For the past couple of weeks the guy I’m dating has been stressed out, and on the down low. He told me that his mother had taken him aside one night to have one of those “so what about your life blah blah blah” talks. My reaction was typical, ‘Parents do this all the time, its what they do, especially for people like us who are so close to being out of their control’. He spent about an hour dogging the subject until I finally told him to get to the point or leave, and he said that his mom thought I was the problem. But no, no my friends the twisted tales of a teenager doesn’t stop there, his mom thought that I was causing his bad mood all because a little idiot decided it would be cool to tell her that I was an Atheist. She then apparently spent the rest of the conversation trying to convince her son that because of my athleticism he was become stressed and less happy. And the problem is, as much as he tries to hide it I think he took what his mother said to heart. Which is very sad because I thought I was dating someone with a lot more balls than to be swayed by that. I haven’t tried in any way to make him think like I do, but when he want’s to talk stem cells or abortion or stuff like that I let him have it, bluntly. Because that’s what I do, bluntly state fact.

However he has tried to put his faith on me, very discreetly that is. He invites me to do things with his youth group, or his family that always have to do something god-related while their together. He once took me on a canoe trip and they stopped on this little piece of land in the middle of the river to have a communion…a ******** communion! In the middle of a ******** river with crackers and juice and all that jazz. I told him point blank that I would not take part in any of it and promptly walked away to have a gander at some aquatic life, far, far away from their patch of holy land.

The more I think about the more I would much prefer us being friends but he doesn’t want that, because he loves me. But I can’t say the same, because I don’t…however I’m a ******** nice person and can’t tell him that I just want to be friends because then he will slip into depression and crap. But I am SICK of the religion thing. What the hell should I do? I have already told him that I will not change for him and that I don’t appreciate him using religion in every freakin debate I try to have with him. Someone help me for the love of evolution! None of my other religious friends try to push their faith on me, even my best friend and we are at polar opposites when it comes to these things, why should by “boyfriend” be any different?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 5:09 pm


I don't see what the problem is... oh no, wait. Now i do. Your friend is retarded. Maybe letting him have it (the i don't love you talk) would indeed make him go further down, but hey, EVERYONE gets out of those holes eventually. Why should YOU put your wellbeing under his?

In short, i say: ******** him.


Don't worry tho, you'll have more understanding and less apprehensive dudes on the guild. I'm sure their opinions will sound a lot more... compatible with what you want. twisted twisted

AnonymouZ


Literacy Ninja

PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 5:15 pm


Yes well this is the point, I would love to break it off however I have an emotionally brittle person on my hands here. I would feel bad if I just dropped him on his christen a**. Because then he would be even more emotionally distraught than he is now. And I would have to see him everyday for a while and he would try and talk me back into things.

Don't anyone dare get the impression that I am not highly considering saying ******** you...all I asked for was a second opinion. (Hmm it's kinda spelled wrong in the title. ********... stare )
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 5:53 pm


I see where you are coming from, and if I understand you you want a way to let him down slowly without completely breaking him. I think you should just come out and say that I did't try to change you (I assume) so why are you trying to change me? During this debate you can go towards "I will enjoy spending time with you and your friends as long as I'm not being forced to do anything". If that doesn't work, I'm pretty sure you can Google break up lines ninja

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Sanguvixen

PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 6:24 pm


First of all calm down.

One of the first things you can do is come up with a list of the things that you two do/have done together that you know makes him happy. You can even talk to him about it. Reminence about the happy times.

Talk about how things were before his mother said what she did. Afterwords ask him how now is any different than before? You can also emphisise that you really love him, and his religion is not an issue for you.

Tell him you respect him for what he beliefs in, and thus expect him to respect you for what you don't believe in. Also tell him that his mother is having a normal reaction to finding out that someone she mothered is dating an athiest. The only reason she's saying that you are making her stressed out, is because she is afraid. He doesn't have to be afraid because he's already learned something that his mother has yet to learn.

Do what you can to show him that being an atheist doesn't make you a bad person or cause him to stress out, and that you want to stay with him. Just that...you'd like to find it within the relationship to have the level of respect that was there before.

He's got to realize that stress is a natural thing.
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 6:46 pm


I once dated a guy who was a white supremest, anti-gay retard. He wouldn't let me meet his family, and was "too scared" to meet mine. I knew that he wasn't emotionally stable, but I had to break if off. It devastated him. I had to go to the guidance counselor at school to talk to them about how he may hurt himself, because I broke it off with him. They ended up removing him from my study hall. I didn't tell him the true reasons why I broke up with him, because I knew he'd hang himself if he had any inkling that he was the problem. I was a senior and he was a sophomore. I told him that I just didn't see our relationship surviving me going to college.

Personally, you can't worry about people ALL THE TIME. You have to watch out for yourself too. It's not selfish to realize that this relationship isn't going to work out, and it's best to end it sooner than later. It would be best for both of you. He has a youth group, and apparently a very nosy mother to help him through the breakup. You need to find a man who will understand and accept your choices in life. You don't need someone who's trying, albeit subtly, to convert you all the time. My fiance is agnostic, and I'm atheist. We respect each other's choices, and reasons for making those choices. Hell, I remember my fiance's father telling him that I'm no good for him. He thought that since I stopped attending college after getting an associates degree, that I was a bad influence. Well, he doesn't know s**t, because I'm back in college and on my way to becoming a pharmacist. That and he lost his only son, because of his comments. Yeah, my fiance picked me over his father, and their relationship is over for the time being. Not a great ending, but it needed to be done.

If his parents can't respect you, and he can't even respect you, then you should just end it, and end it soon. Just be open and honest, not cruel, with him. Maybe you'll help him out with his future relationships. He'll either stop trying to convert his girlfriends, or he'll just date those girls he sees at church.

_C r y s t a l_RB


_C r y s t a l_RB

PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 7:15 am


What did you end up doing?
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!!!The Green Apple Undertow!!! - [the random subforum]

 
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