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 Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 4:10 pm
Ari's ears flicked back at the unexpected outburst from Kazuki. Out of everything he had imagined happening, it certainly hadn't been this.
Which then made him wonder how much else had had been wrong about. Made him wonder about his and Kazuki's relationship. He had thought that maybe, it could be saved. But if he had misjudged his mate so much, if they had really grown so far apart...now, Ari was really beginning to fear.
"Our relationship does matter, more than I can even begin to say. Of course you matter, you're my mate," and Ari refrained from adding 'I think' to the end of that sentence. "And I'm sorry, I assumed that you were fine, since you tend to wander off for months at a time for...well, for whatever reason you have. I just thought that it'd be easier to deal with that now, than trying to sort out everything between us. I do want to sort it out. But I do also have obligations I need to serve to the rest of the tribe as well."
And then Ari noticed that all of the fight seemed to go out of Kazuki. That the other practically collapsed on the ground. And...were those tears, leaking down his face?
"Kazuki, are you alright?" Ari asked, nuzzling him.
Maybe he should have had his children stay. He was coming to quickly realize he didn't know what to do at all.
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 4:36 pm
"Well.." Started Kazuki looking up sadly. He could feel a monster deep inside of him trying to get out. Was this what anger felt like? He closed his eyes trying to remain calm. This was not like him, he was always so calm and reserved and now here he was crying his eyes out and feeling so angry. He stopped when he felt Ari nuzzling him. It felt good....
Kazuki was just starting to calm down when Ari spoke. How?! Kazuki's eyes shot open. Just how!? He got up just as quickly and backed away. He looked at his mate, wait! Was that even his mate? He didn't know anymore. His expression was that of someone who had been smacked on the muzzle. He couldn't understand how could Ari be so dense?! It was just like before. Kazuki's legs started to shake and his tail twitched angrily.
"Can't you see I'm not ok!" His normally calm eyes were now looking like purple flames.
"Ari, can you be as dense as to see that I am not ok! I was disappearing for months because I didn't know what to do. I had lost my way and you weren't helping. Again you don't notice the most obvious of things. I was gone for months, and you can't even tell that I have become fatigued by my journey. That I have lost body fat during this trip. Then I return to have my mate question not my well being, but my ELDERSHIP!" Kazuki's voice cracked. He looked away tears were just streaming down his cheeks. He fought his entire body to not just collapse right there. He was tired, hungry, and drained physically and mentally now.
"Instead of asking me: why I left, what was wrong with me, was I well, or if I was just plain mad for being gone all this time with two kits you of all people focus on our tribe! Yes they are important but damnit Ari isn't your family important too?! You say I am important that I am your mate. Then why, just why do you worry if I'm going to be the elder or not!? Do you want this tribe for yourself?! Do you want me to disappear?! Its only when you see me upset and angry does it cross your mind to ask if I am alright..." It was then out of the blue that Kazuki started laughing. It wasn't cheerful, it was twisted and very sad sounding. He kept laughing until his legs gave out. It surprised Kazuki as he yelped when he hit the ground with his stomach and chest. There was also a sharp pain in one of his front paws. The fire was once again gone from his eyes. He just laid there staring at the ground. His eyes clouded and dark. Finally after what seemed like a long time he spoke.
"You know Ari, sometimes, just sometimes, it might be better to put your personal affairs first before your tribe. If your personal life is a mess then how can you manage a tribe when in back of your mind there is so much more going on. You become distracted. " Kazuki then just sighed shakily. He knew he was crying again but it was clear he didn't care. He just laid his head on one of his paws and looked away from Ari. Ari was not the same fox he knew when he was a kit. His tail managed to curl around him as his ears just hung down looking limp.
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 7:48 pm
No matter what he did, or what he said, he was just making it worse, wasn't he...?
Maybe he should stop, before he made it worse still.
But no, because he knew for a certainty that that would hurt Kazuki the worst of all, if he just gave up and walked away.
But damn it, Kazuki was his mate, and it was hurting him to see Kazuki hurting. It hurt him still more, to know that this was his fault. All his fault!
How the hell was he supposed to fix this, if his mate was acting so different from before!
How the hell was he supposed to fix this, if he was really as blind as he seemed to be...?
"Why? Why would it be any better if I were angry?" Ari asked, picking up on that one little thing Kazuki kept coming back to, unable to even process the rest. "Why would I be angry? I missed you! And I'm glad that you're back. I had thought that the decision to live away from the tribe...I had thought that somehow I had driven you off, and so I was glad every time you came back. I was glad whenever we could spend time together again."
He had to figure out what to say. What to do. How to save them. If that was even still possible.
Kazuki complained that Ari missed the most obvious things. So, instead of turning his face away from Kazuki in shame, like he wanted to, he forced himself to stare at his mate, and really look.
Yes, now that Kazuki pointed it out, Ari could see that he was thinner. That his coat seemed to lack luster. He looked like a fox who had not been eating well for a long while.
He was treating one of his front paws funny. Delicately. Almost as though it was sprained or broken. And Kazuki was crying. Hurt, and crying, and Ari just wanted to comfort him, and make it all better, but he felt as though he had forgotten how.
Ari licked the tears away, wishing Kazuki would stop crying. Wishing he could figure out the right thing to say, to do, to fix it all.
And all he could think of to do was try to address Kazuki's concerns. Even though the voice in the back of his mind was convinced now that, no matter what he said, or did, he would only make it worse.
But damn it, he would definitely make it worse by doing nothing!
"No, I don't want the eldership to myself. That's the last thing I want, Kazuki. I can't manage this tribe by myself. I've tried, I've been trying for months, and maybe the tribe hasn't completely fallen into ruin, but it's nothing like it was when it was the both of us leading."
Ari tentatively nuzzled Kazuki. "How can I manage my personal life if in the back of my mind I'm worrying about the tribe? You, and our kits, deserve better than only part of my attention."
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 8:04 pm
Kazuki who was still crying silently listened to the other fox who was his mate.
"I'd prefer you to be angry because I deserve it." Finally the truth was out. Kazuki felt terrible for leaving. He felt that Ari deserved to be mad at him and to yell at him. He sniffled and rubbed his nose against his good front paw.
"I just left, no warning, no notice, nothing. You should be mad at me for leav-" Kazuki stopped when he felt his mates tongue against his cheek. He looked stunned again. He couldn't even speak. He just listened to Ari. Then when Ari began to nuzzle him Kazuki caved. He was shaking again but even as he trembled he moved closer to Ari. One of his paws he kept off the ground as he scooted closer. He buried his face into his mates chest. It was muffled but it was clear that he was crying much louder and speaking to Ari.
"I'm sorry! I should of never left! It wasn't you that was driving me away! It was me! I was losing touch with myself, having to be elders, then raise kits and our relationship wasn't doing too well I got scared and ran." Kazuki sobbed into his mates neck until his body stopped shaking. He was not one for being so emotional and it bothered him to be so weak. Once he regain control he moved his head away a bit to look at his mate.
"I want to still be an Elder, and I still want to be your mate if you'll still accept me. I know I haven't been the best mate or elder lately but I promise to make up for it.." Kazuki's eyes moved away from Ari. He lowered his head ashamed. His tail managed to catch Ari's tail and coil around it. Kazuki almost felt like falling asleep. Ari's scent was welcoming and any anger he felt towards his mate was gone. He just wanted to be closer to Ari and inhale his scent. Slowly but surely his head leaned in and rested against the other fox's neck. He inhaled sharply that familiar scent of his mate. This was home and Kazuki was glad to be back.
Piko who had become extremely worried after a while visibly relaxed and sighed. He felt it was time for him to go and find his sister. He smiled faintly and got up to leave. He had been worried that things wouldn't be good, but thankfully he was proven wrong. He turned and followed the tracks left by his sister and others. He was sure he would get an earful from her.
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 8:28 pm
Ari just let Kazuki cry into his chest for a while, as he wrapped his tail around Kazuki's. It would help Kazuki to get this off his chest, Ari thought.
"Of course I'll still have you as my mate," Ari reassured, as he nuzzled Kazuki again.
He wanted to stay like that, just the two of them, for a bit longer. He wanted it to be just the two of them for a long time, while they sorted everything out. While they fixed their problems. While they got to know each other again.
But he had promised the other members that he and Kazuki would be there soon. He did have the obligation.
And, if he wasn't misreading Kazuki, then they would have a long time to sort through everything, with Kazuki staying around.
But then again, a just a few extra minutes wouldn't matter that much, either...
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 5:56 pm
Aaraendorlia watched in interest as Thea sprang away, curious as to why she had. Then when the purple and black Elder appeared, she was in awe once more. He too, shimmered in the moonlight, the Lunarie members seeming to shake alive in his presence. She sub-consciously bowed a little in greeting. She heard the Elder Ari's dismissal and was quick to follow Thea.
She admired the scenary, ejoying how the snow looked in the moonlight and at the icicles that hung from the trees' branches. 'Kind of like home!', she thought, her face remaining impassive as she thought of the Far North. Shaking off her feelings, she sat next to the paint-splattered vixen that she had been searching for, for how many days she could not count.
'Both Elders seemed to need to have long talk, to take something off their chests with equal urgencey. I guess it was a private matter!' she observed, recollecting on their reactions, however slight, at seeing one another. 'Still.... it seems strange for a such a tribe, known for it's calmness and solidity, to have its leaders having secrets from their tribesmen. Or perhaps I have just made to wrong assumtions about this situation. 'Wandering feet lead your mind astray', is what Nayelie always says! Or was it 'Stupid foxes will never change their course unless told to do so.' ?'
She felt a tail wrap around her own, bringing her out of her thoughts. She smiled warmly at Thea, squeezing her tail in return. She sighed in contentment and nuzzled the vixen's cheek, feeling as though they were the only two in the world.
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Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2009 8:04 am
"Well, for the time being melted snow might work as water, but the rest of the year I could drag some water to them in a giant leaf or something," Kin'iro suggested, seriously considering this. She cotinued to dig through the snow until she found something. "Hey, Nato, over here!" She had unearthed a few herbs in her digging. They appeared frostbitten and near-dead, but perhaps they were alive enough still to be of some use.
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Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 10:18 pm
She wondered what Ari and Kazuki would think of her sudden reappearance. Kazuki, who backed the love she and Anjafey felt for one another would probably be more disappointed than Ari, who seemed to despise the idea of the separation of life mates. Hell, she couldn't even remember the name of the idiotic fox that had ruined Anjafeys' life; No wait, scratch that, it had just come back to her.
"Rendo..."
The air about her speaking of the name seethed with malice and her beautiful, glowing, crystal blue eyes narrowed in disgust. She made sure that was done well before emerging onto the scene and meeting with the tribe. Perhaps things would go well and Anjafey would show herself and not hate her. Perhaps Kazuki and Ari would understand and welcome her into the tribe.
It never hurt to be optimistic....
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:29 am
It was rather easy to see that their two Elders needed some time to themselves. Sieg followed after Thea with their newcomers, gently nudging Lila to come with him.
"Did you tell your Elders you were coming? ...How long can you stay? We're supposed to have another snowstorm soon." He smiled to his mate, happy that they were finally together again. He could understand why Kazuki was crying... It hurt. To be away from one's lifemate... And he couldn't imagine if he and Lila had to split up their kits... Well, if they had any.
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Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 10:21 am
Piko, who was tired of following the current group he was with let the group depart and headed towards the mountain side once it was in view. He looked around and would stopped to sniff at the snow covered ground. Where were his other brothers and sisters? Surely they all couldn't have gone after their father Kazuki. Piko frowned a moment and then started to peek into the caves at the mountain side. Though he had already guessed they weren't there, since he couldn't pick up their scent. This worried him. He moved away from the mountain side and looked around once more. Where could they have gone. He pondered on this for a while, thinking he might ask his fathers once they returned.
Yuchia meanwhile continued to stay with the group. She did notice her brother wandering off towards the mountain area. She wondered what he was up to but decided he would be alright on his own. Plus they where in the tribe lands. Nothing could go wrong. She smiled and just stayed put with the group.
It would not be for a while that Kazuki would awaken. He yawned and stretched out his front paws wine just slightly. Blinking he looked around. It was pretty empty except for a familiar light blue elder at his side. Kazuki smiled and slowly stood up. A sharp pain struck him from one of his paws. It was then he remembered it had gotten hurt when his body gave out and he fell. Kazuki shook himself out to attempt to fix his fur. He knew it was messy and out of place. It had to be after all... A faint blush rose to his cheeks as he remembered what had taken place not too long ago. Glancing at his mate, Kazuki smiled. He was very glad to be home.
The purple elders eyes glanced towards the path the others had taken a while ago. They had to get back to their duties. As nice as it was to enjoy each others company and more they still were elders of the Lunarie tribe. Kazuki sat down and gently moved his tail as best he could around his mate. He didn't want to wake Ari up but he had to. Leaning down he gently nuzzled the other elder.
"Ari...Ari, Time to get up." When calling didn't work Kazuki moved to Ari's ear and began to nibble at it. A loud growling sound broke the mood and Kazuki quickly moved away embarrassed. His stomach really had the worse times of making its presence and status known.
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Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 11:01 am
Ollures nose twitched due to the sharp, frigid air. Her eyes closed briefly as she let out a heavy sigh. The scent of the tribe carried over the snow and she knew she was close. Her heart sank a bit though, this was something she did for love, and she knew not what to expect. Pain was something relatively new to her heart; Separation was something she was use to and thought nothing of, until now. Why did she care so much to put herself through this; This which would ultimately turn into a fiasco as things of the heart so commonly seemed to do in her case.
She remembered when she was younger and she actually cared enough to participate in family dealings. Now she only visited if it was a set date for something important or there was an emergency. Kirina could handle herself in most cases, but every once in awhile even she needed aid.
As she came closer to where the tribe was gathered she reflexively wrapped her tail about her mid-section and her ears drooped. Her reaction was partly from the cold and partly from the poor reception she anticipated.
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Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 9:27 pm
Ari hadn't intended to sleep afterwords, but he was so calm and relaxed for the first time in a long time, it had sort of just happened.
His tail twitched as he slowly came to his senses from a deep sleep. The first thing he saw when he woke was Kazuki, and he couldn't help but smile. Maybe things weren't wholly fixed between them, but they were better, they were definitely better, and for right now, better was more than enough for him.
"Good evening," Ari said, with a slight smile. He noticed Kazuki's disheveled fur, and started to fix it as best he could, but he paused when he heard a rumbling sound.
"I suppose we'll have to find some breakfast before returning to the others. We should at least start heading back and see if we can't find something on the way."
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 9:31 am
Kazuki became a bit flustered when his mate started to clean him and even more ashamed as his stomach made its presence known once more. He looked away embarrassed by the situation but nodded.
"It might be a good idea to do that before addressing our tribe duties. I rather not have my stomach interrupting you or me." Kazuki let out a soft laugh watching Ari. He got up avoiding to put weight on his not so good paw and looked around. It was going to be hard to find any food. It was winter and most animals were hibernating or just not around.
"Well what shall we have for breakfast?" Kazuki questioned as he sniffed at the ground. He wondered if maybe they could find a rabbit or something of the sort. Nothing large just something to keep his stomach quiet.
Piko was still just wandering away from the mountain when he noticed a vixen. He stopped for a moment and observed her. She seemed familiar. Maybe she hung around the career that had watched over them at times? Did that even happen? He couldn't remember. Though he noticed she seemed to walking in a daze. Debating with himself and his usual approach to things he approached the vixen. He was careful to not alarm her. As he wasn't sure if she was friend or foe or just out of her mind. He cleared his throat a good few feet away.
"Ummm.....Are y-you alright?" He asked watching the vixen closely. She seemed familiar he just couldn't remember. It had been so long ago when he had been here within the tribe lands and with its members.
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 3:36 pm
Her eyes shifted slowly to the male that approached her, and her eyes twinkled briefly as he stammered in what seemed to be nervousness. Her tail uncoiled from her mid-section and she nodded slowly in response to him.
"I'm well actually, thank you for your inquiry. I can tell I'm close to the Lunarie Tribe but I know not how much further I need to travel, tell me, have you seen them?"
Her eyes seemed to intensify and their glow increased in brightness briefly as she focused her surreal gaze upon the one known as Piko.
(Assuming he was actually talking to me and that I didn't miss something.)
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 3:39 pm
"Whatever we can find. There might be some deer around, if we're lucky." Kazuki was so lean, Ari thought that his mate hadn't eaten in quite some time, and so something smaller wouldn't do it.
And yes, he was right, there were some deer tracks, that seemed to be recent. He followed the tracks for a short ways, until he came upon the herd. He waited for Kazuki to catch up to him, so they could plan how to best ensure their success.
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