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 Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 6:50 pm
LordSesshomaru89 All my jokes are wrong and sick. lol
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 6:52 pm
What's the definition of a Minor Second?
Two oboes playing in unison.
How do you change a trombone in to a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and miss half the notes.
How do you change a french horn in to a mellophone?
Take your hand out of the bell and miss all the notes.
How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three: One to hold the lightbulb up, and two more to drink 'till the room spins.
How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. One to actually screw in the lightbulb, and four more to complain that it's too high and get a Euphonium player to do it for them.
How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.
How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't fit in a lightbulb. *I heard that from my mom... eek *
A man is concerned while he goes to work one day because he has left his tuba in the back of his car, and the locks don't work. While comming out of the building, he saw a mysteryous dark stranger around the back. He ran up and yelled, and the stranger departed. However, upon looking in the back of his car, he found, sure enough, two more tubas.
Yeah, guess which insturment I play? cool
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 6:56 pm
No joke at this time ninja
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:00 pm
... Are you a Cowboy...?
wink
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:02 pm
@Blacke Rose: Those aren't funny! scream Those are co-ool.. eek surprised
And.. do you play the Tuba?
Jokenaz:
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"
The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:05 pm
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "K, just send me your mother."
xd
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:09 pm
Ok, heres a good one I remember from Junior year:
A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."
So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."
"You do? Tell me."
"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:11 pm
[Raine] @Blacke Rose: Those aren't funny! scream Those are co-ool.. eek surprised And.. do you play the Tuba? ...How did you guess? And just to show I'm impartial: What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull? The jewlery. How can you tell when a drummer's at your door? He's late, he keeps knocking, and he can't find his key. Hey, buddy, how late does the band play? Oh, about half a beat behind the drummer. Once I knew a guy who was too dumb to play an insturment, so his teacher gave him two sticks and made him a drummer, but he lost one, so he became a conductor. What's the definition of a string quartet? Two violin players, a wanna-be violin player, and someone who hates violins all getting together to complain about composers. Whats the difference between a violin and a viola? There is no difference; the violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger! A marching sousaphone turned concert tuba was told by his instructor to play quieter. He responded with a straight face, "But loud is my forte!" Ok, that last one was cheating, but eh. My little sister's a drummer. Yes, the peppy, blonde, 13-year-old boy crazy little sister is a snare. I know. stare
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:12 pm
Here is one I remember from 3rd grade:
Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."
Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:
"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY s**t my pants..."
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:15 pm
[Raine] Here is one I remember from 3rd grade: Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..." Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown." Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!" "OK...then I DEFINITELY s**t my pants..." Opposed to indefinitely shitting one's pants. Sorry, I just had to. rofl
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:19 pm
One my father told me in 10th grade:
What do Michael Jackson and plastic bags have in common?
They are both made out of plastic and are dangerous for children to play with.
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:20 pm
I heard THIS one in 5th grade:
There was a little girl named Fufu.
She went to school one day and her teacher said, "How do you spell your name?"
The girl replied, "F.U. - F.U."
Her teacher sent her to the principal's office.
She got to the principal's office and he said, "First off, how do you spell your name?"
She said, "F.U. - F.U."
He said, "YOU ARE SUSPENDED!"
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:22 pm
((Gotta go to work; I'll tell more joke latorz! G'bye!))
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:25 pm
Oh man, Raine, that's a good one!!
Ok, here's one!
What's the best thing about santa clause?
...he knows where all the naughty girls live!
awww yeah.
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 10:29 am
A little boy is sitting with his mother at church in the pews. He leans over and whispers to her:
"Mommy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Well dear," she said, "God is both man AND woman."
"Mommy," he continued, "Is God white or black?"
"Well dear," she answered, a little confused, "God is both white and black."
"Mommy!" the child asked in awe: "Is Micheal Jackson God?!"
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Reply
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