Welcome to Gaia! ::

nap eh? that sounds like fun. better than working like I did today, it was really slow, and the second customer we had honestly was a b**** she was when she got up and got to the store. Man, some people, first the things were kinda tight together so she couldn't pull them apart, then she's just wondering and we ask her if she needs help, when she finally comes up I ask her if she's ready to go, cause she's like heading towards the direction of the register any way. She's all pissed and says that she felt that we were rushing her, I mean, I honestly don't know why people think things, our service is better than most places. I ask her if she found stuff alright and she says no so i ask what was she looking for and she's still pissed and says "I'll just go somewhere else." I mean, what the crap... we have better customer reviews than say, Office Max, and Depot, and she's just all pissy. man, some people...

that's the life of retail for ya, you get to deal with people like that... *sigh* I need a better job...

meh I'm fine with it, if she wants to go spend more of her money and get crappier customer service then i say so be it... ya freak... yeah, I know, I just wish people weren't so crappy to us workers, I mean, we're technically there for them, we want to give them good service, but when they treat US crappy we really don't want to help them... it's like karma...

Well...this seems...productive....

Posted on my Facebook:

"Awakening the Storm (Recounting a Week, Reflecting on a Lifetime)"

I have had a series of awakenings all lined up neatly back to back for nearly a week, but due to their smallness, I did not think to record them. Still, I feel like together, they are more than worthy of note--they cloud my mind with dark and stormy thoughts, and demand to be poured out as black letters on a screen, uncaring of who reads them.

I suppose it started last Wednesday. My plans fell apart for the day, and relatives came in to visit from--of all places--Birmingham, Alabama, to visit my dying grandfather. I ended up coming out to my religious aunt, and realized--after a rapid series of events that ended very poorly for everyone involved--that some people will never change for many reasons, but most often because they either do not want to and see no reason to, or because they do not know how to change.

On Thursday, after I had suffered two days of my family (and the visiting ones weren't the problem, believe me), I realized that I was hurting very deeply, and there was only one name in my whole phonebook that I wanted to call and cry to--belonging to a person who I care for perhaps too deeply, and lean on too often. I decided to endure the waves of sorrow and bitterness and angst that the days had caused alone, if not stoically; I wept quietly for a long, long time.

On Friday, I went to Metrocon with my brother and a couple of (his/our) friends, but I ended up spending much of my time with old friends whom I had encountered there. I was at once barraged with feelings of disappointment for something I had anticipated to be far more than a glorified anime-hookup and for letting myself grow distant from so many of my friends, whom I had been so close to for so many years. I relived old times, but also grew sad at the present state of things.

On Saturday, tiny burning embers of hope and faith would catch fire at a small concert. I was again shocked by the talents that so many people have that so few know about, and felt like I had lost opportunities by going only to this one, and not many more. This was compounded as the night went on by perhaps the nearest I had ever come to my heart breaking since late junior year--and finding the strength to mend it once more with passions fully as alive as I am and the courage to make the difficult things work.

On Sunday, I gave up a part of me irreversibly, but felt more complete for it. I watched my favorite anime and rested and allowed myself to bask in the sweetness that summer can bring--and somehow accomplished far more than I had in many, many days by doing so little.

On Monday, I realized, lamentably, that my grandmother is not and will never be my mother. It is sad when the daughter cannot live up to the legacy of the mother, but it is nearly unforgivable to have these positions reversed. I have to wonder if Mama took her kindness and generosity and openness with her to the grave, because now I recall that my own seems so childish in comparison, and that grandma's is little more than a half-hearted attempt at goodness.

And in the wee hours of today, I realized that already a whole week had passed, and yet...I'm not ready yet. I think that's what this whole week has taught me: that I am only human, and that I have to grow and mature just like everyone else--even if that means dealing with pain and grief and the agony of my memories and my (still breaking) dreams and my (still broken) heart. I feel jaded and weak and pathetic in a way I cannot begin to describe, but I know I must be stronger than this. If I can't make it through the end of the last summer of my childhood without shattering--when my soul should be strongest--perhaps I do not deserve to continue onwards.

But I can't deny my heart: I'm not ready yet. I'm still listening and waiting for that siren's song, that sweet, sorrowful swan's song of passing adolescence, to guide me towards a better place or otherwise end completely. I'm not ready for college, and I'm not ready for adulthood. I'm not ready for a relationship, and I'm not ready to fall headfirst into love. And yet...here I am, on the edge of all these things and falling so quickly.

So it's time now to recognize the central theme: that time is running out, and I'm losing my grip on normalcy. The calm of yestermonth is now past, and the storm begins to rage all around me, shaking walls that have long since broken down. Now is the time to learn if my life ended before it began, with my umbilical cord wrapped too tightly around my neck. The ground that began to give way on May 4th, 2006 has finally slipped away from me like ribbons in the wind. Now is the time to jump--to learn if I will sink or swim or fall or fly.

Love & Vale,
~Andrew

I loves it cause I helpded youz a little. ^3^

(And Leavy-Kun, I read your whole post, just don't know what to say about it. <3)

*SQUEE* For Nick. xd

aw, I like, we kinda match *my dragon nuzzles yours* AW... mrgreen

Trust me, you don't know stress until you come so freaking close to loosing a family member. I'm still a little shaken up, my brother has been driving semi's for about 10 years... he rolled the first time today, with a liquid substance in the trailers (milk) not one of those big box thingy's this is a liquid hauler. He walked away with, some stitches on his side and some staples in his head, with a bit of road rash. He is lucky.

I say, if you have a problem believing in fate, karma, God, or whatever the h*** you want to call it look at these, then decide...


A few yards from the actual crash site.


At the wreckage yard Drivers side


Passenger side


and to prove that my brother is a lucky S.O.B. that's him...