Welcome to Gaia! ::

“I don’t hate you. Please don’t go away. I don’t want you too.”

Cailen almost did not have the chance to finish the sentence before another flood of tears escaped from behind Alice's eyes. He didn't want her to leave. He forgave her for what she had done. Knowing that he could forgive her for her mistakes, she had to find it in her heart to forgive him for what had happened. Alice couldn't agree more with him when he said that so much had happened that day, it really made a person think.

"I... I won't go away," she managed to speak as she allowed her arms to wrap around him, clinging to him like her life depended on it. Relief washed over her but it was very short lived. Sure, Cailen had forgiven her for sleeping with Adam - but that was only half of the battle. Bella was still missing and no one knew what was going on with her right now. As much as Alice wanted just to stand there in Cailen's arms and forget that anything else in the world was happening, she knew that was not a smart idea. Thinking back to the text that Adam had sent to her, she wondered if perhaps it had something to do with Bella. Alice had been so wrapped up in her own emotions that she had not even considered that may have been what he wanted. "I... we need to see Adam. He texted me... he said he needed to talk to me. It may have been about Bella." Alice informed Cailen of what she was about to do, almost as if she felt the need to ask for his permission to speak to Adam after what she had just admitted to doing. She knew that in the text, Adam had stated he wanted to talk to her alone, but she couldn't begin to justify leaving Cailen right now to see Adam.

She hoped that Adam would have some sort of good news. If Bella was returned safely then everyone could sleep easy that night knowing that everything was going to be okay; or so Alice thought, anyway. She was still so unaware of what else was going on. Before she could open her mouth to ask if Cailen would mind driving to Adam's apartment, Alice felt an ice cold finger tap her on the shoulder. Turning around, she saw a woman who looked to be in her late twenties with dark brown hair, or perhaps it was black.

"Excuse me, are you Alice Humphrey?" the woman questioned. Alice was unsure if she should respond to the question, this was the second time that someone she didn't know approached her and apparently knew who she was. Alice decided that the best thing for her to do would be to lie, just in case this woman was somehow connected to Bella's kidnapping. "No, I think you've got me mistaken for someone else. I'm sorry," she tried to sound as polite as possible, hoping that it would end the conversation with the woman as quickly as possible.

"My apologies, miss. Have a nice day," the woman replied, not sounding convinced at all by Alice's lie. At least she decided against pressing the issue further and began to walk away towards the parking lot.

Still slightly shaken from finally telling Cailen the truth, and now with the added icing to the cake of some other stranger seeming to know who she was, Alice turned herself back in Cailen's direction and took a hold of his hand. Squeezing slightly harder than usual without realizing it, she decided that she wanted to get out of the hospital area as soon as she could in case any other mysterious strangers showed up. "I won't go to Adam's unless you come with me, but since it might be about Bella, maybe we should go over there now?"

As soon as Cailen gave the go-ahead for heading to Adam's, she followed behind him as he made his way over to his car. Walking over to the passenger's side, she flung the door open and climbed inside. She hoped that Adam had good news about Bella. Although if it was not regarding Bella, she wasn't sure what could have been so important that he needed to talk to her right away. He said... alone. If it were regarding Bella, surely he wouldn't have made that request. Alice began to realize her dilemma. If there was something on Adam's mind that he wanted to talk out with her, she knew him well enough to know that he would not even begin to discuss it in the presence of anyone else.

Upon arrival at Adam's apartment building, Alice decided that perhaps it would be best for Cailen to wait outside of Adam's unit until she could determine if his news regarded Bella or not. She was not sure if Cailen would oblige, knowing fully well that there was no way he would trust either of them to be alone together. Perhaps if she promised it would only be a few minutes. What could happen in a few minutes, anyway?

"Do you... maybe it would be best if... maybe I should talk to Adam alone first. I promise it'll only be for a few minutes. Just to see if it's about Bella. If it is I'll come get you right away," Alice barely managed to get the words out of her mouth.

When she reached Adam's door, her fist pounded upon it forcefully, more out of anxiety than anger. She was nervous as to what Adam may have wanted to tell her and was also nervous at how Cailen was feeling that she had left him behind, even if it was only for a few moments. As the door opened, she quickly stepped inside and spoke, "I asked Cailen to wait outside in case it's not, but is this about Bella?" She cut right to the chase.

Before Adam had the chance to answer, Alice noticed the woman seated on his couch. It was the same woman that had confronted her in the hospital's parking lot not more than fifteen minutes before. She grew both worried and angry. Worried because if this woman knew Adam, that surely her earlier lie was going to be exposed. Angry because it hadn't even been an hour since Adam had been all friendly with her, and now he had another woman in his apartment? Alice knew that she had no right to be upset. She was not dating Adam - she was dating Cailen. She had chosen Cailen when she decided to tell him the truth. Yet somehow the woman being there bothered Alice more than she could begin to express.

"Well... I see you've got company," Alice emphasized the last word, giving it an almost "dirty" inflection. She turned to walk out of the apartment when the woman spoke.

"Adam, you really seem to have lowered your standards if she's the latest notch in your bedpost," Alexis clearly had taken offense to how she had been referred to by Alice. Alice watched as a look that could only be described as pure evil fell over the woman's face. The smirk that indicated she was not finished worried Alice. She wanted to keep moving, to just leave the apartment before this woman had the chance to drive another stake in her heart, but her brain just didn't seem to be relaying the message to her legs to walk away. "Well, sweetie - if you've ******** him, better get yourself tested. He slept with me first and well, see for yourself." With that, Alexis pulled the positive test result out of her pocket and tossed it in Alice's direction.

Reaching down in horror, Alice picked up the paper and could not believe what she was witnessing. HIV Positive. Her stomach churned. She was going to be sick. Was this... Alexis telling the truth? The test looked like it came from a legitimate doctor. She looked at the date on it, and it was definitely done prior to the night that she herself had slept with Adam. For a few moments, Alice was rendered completely speechless while Alexis found herself chuckling at Alice's expression.

"... Adam... did you know?" It took everything Alice had to keep tears from falling once more. She was not going to allow herself to cry in front of Alexis. Now the only question that remained was if Adam knew about this and just didn't bother tell her before he potentially infected her as well. Oh god... don't tell me this is why I've been sick.... Her voice turned a shaky, yet somehow stern at the same time. "Did you know about this before you slept with me?" Alice demanded, now looking Adam square in the eye. She was not moving until he gave her an answer.

If there had been any semblance of color left painting Alice's face, it had drained completely as Adam poured out everything, explaining everything, letting out everything that he must have been thinking. Many times she wanted to interject and apologize, but instead she allowed him to keep talking. She wished that she hadn't been so impatient to show up and find out what it was that he wanted to tell her - perhaps if she had just waited, Alexis would have already been gone and the news would have been easier to swallow. No, you idiot. It wouldn't matter when you found out... Alice wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. Instead of all of the above options, she just stood there in dead silence and allowed Adam to speak until he was finished.

"I'm selling everything I have and moving back to Boston. Hopefully I can earn the money in time...I roughed out at eight thousand. I'd have it all if I sold the car, which I'm going to, but I don't know if I can sell it in time. I'd have to wait until tomorrow when the dealership's open. Thats all I wanted to tell you."

Boston? No. No! You can't go back to Boston! Wanting to say the words out loud but still behind unable to do so, Alice thought them instead. She couldn't just allow him to leave, she couldn't allow him to just throw away his friendship with everyone because of what happened. Sure, selling his possessions would help gain the money to free Bella, but that didn't mean he had to move away did it?

Adam's next sentence cut through Alice like a million tiny shards of glass. Each one more painful than the last. "Please go Alice. I don't want to see you anymore." Normally, Alice would oblige with his wishes. Normally she would turn around and leave his apartment, never speaking to him again - to give him what he wanted. But this time was different. This time she felt a fire from deep inside well up and come to the surface.

"No," she stated firmly, planting her feet into the ground as if she were a tree. She wasn't going to budge from where she stood. Instead, she took the door from Adam's grasp and closed it, further proving that she wasn't going anywhere. "I'm not going anywhere, and you aren't either. You can't." Her firm voice was starting to falter. "If you do go back to Boston... I'm coming with you. I don't care what you say right now. You're not leaving me behind. I couldn't take it... I...."

Alice paused for a moment. Here she was, on the verge of begging Adam not to leave, with Cailen just outside waiting for her. The sick feeling in her stomach did not disappear but only grew with the distaste for herself. She did not want to hurt Cailen in any way, but at the same time, she was not able to stand by and watch Adam leave her life forever. She frantically searched her mind for the words she wanted to say. It seemed as if there were so many things at once that her mind became so clouded that nothing was coming out. But she had to say something. This was her last chance.

"If you left... it would break me," she admitted, loosening her footing in the ground and taking a step closer to Adam, almost as if just standing too far away from him was becoming too painful for her to do. "Don't push me away, please. This is just... so much to process. But maybe I'm not even sick. I would still have to take the test anyway." Alice wanted to smack herself right there for the tangent she had gone off on. While it was possible that she wasn't infected, although seemingly unlikely, it didn't change the fact that Adam was still facing the deadly illness. Alice knew how it felt to battle an illness, to be sick all of the time. She knew it all too well and wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy, let alone such a close friend. "I wish I could cure you. I wish I was able to take it away. I'm used to being sick, I'm the one who's used to having a constant illness." Once again, Alice fought back the urge to slap herself across the face. This was not what he wanted to hear right now, or so she thought. For all she knew, at that moment all that could be on his mind was wishing that she would just get out of his apartment, and out of his life for good. Unfortunately, Alice knew that was something she was just unable to do.

"Earlier, when I was at the hospital, I almost sent you a text message. Of course it accidentally got sent to Skylar, but that's an entirely different story and something I have to sort out, but that's not the point. I had wanted to tell you that I didn't regret what happened between us. That while I was sitting there waiting for a doctor, that you were the one I wished was with me." Once again, Alice paused. She was still not getting across the point she was trying to make, and surely Adam must have been growing frustrated with waiting for her to say what she had to say. He had, after all, told her that he didn't want to see her anymore. What if he really meant it? What if he didn't care that she was attempting to pour out her heart? Just the thought that he might hate her was almost enough to shut her up. Maybe I should just leave. He doesn't want me here. He never wants to see me again.

Alice began to contemplate if she should just respect his wishes. It seemed as if she wasn't able to properly articulate what she was thinking anyway. Without even realizing it, once again, tiny droplets of water released themselves from her eyes and danced down her cheeks. For a brief moment, she decided to give up. She decided that she wasn't able to convince herself to fight for someone who didn't want her. The fire from before inside of her prevented her from doing so. No. She wasn't going to be able to walk away, not this time.

"Adam... you can't leave. I need you," Alice spoke, her voice now barely above a whisper. She took one more step closer in order that she close whatever physical gap remained between them. Perhaps also to close whatever metaphorical gap remained between them as well. Without thinking about it, and giving herself the opportunity to have second thoughts, Alice leaned in and pressed her lips against his. Shying away after only a few mere seconds, but without moving too far away from her friend, she spoke once more. "If you want to leave for Boston... I'll go with you. I'll drop everything in this town. None of it matters if you're not here." She knew that Cailen was still so close that at any minute he could walk in and witness everything she was saying, Alice decided to throw all caution to the wind, even though she was unsure of what she would do if Cailen were to find out. Right now, nothing mattered to her more than making sure Adam didn't leave. "Promise me you won't leave me behind..." she paused her sentence only to look up into Adam's eyes, so that if he were to glance back, he would see what she was about to say was completely serious, "Promise you won't leave and I'm yours."

"...That talk you and Cailen had earlier...when you told him about us. What did he say?"

Alice had somehow known that question was coming. She knew that she somehow had to tell Adam that Cailen had forgiven her. How was she going to phrase this? The second she told Adam that they hadn't broken up, she knew that he would close his heart off to her forever. He would leave and never look back. But she also knew that she couldn't lie - that would only cause more damage.

"He... didn't seem happy, but..." she paused, almost as if the next part of the sentence would be far too painful to speak. Of course the fact that she had ended with but made it painfully what she was going to say next. "... he forgave me. After everything that happened today. He already lost Bella...."

She turned her face away from Adam's, not wanting anyone to see her in that moment. She was so incredibly torn between two individuals whom she cared for so deeply. As much as she couldn't bear to hurt Cailen, especially after today, Alice was now feeling the new gnawing in her stomach; she couldn't let herself hurt Adam either. Taking a few steps away, Alice placed her head in her hands, completely unsure of what she was going to do or say next. To make matters worse, she knew that time was of the essence, she needed to make up her mind, and quickly.

"Cailen and I have... we've always been together, for as long as I can remember. That's always what has made sense to me, and I've never strayed from it," Alice wanted to tear up once more, but she forced herself to fight back the urge. She needed to get out everything she wanted to say before she allowed herself to be interrupted by tears again. "Of course we didn't break up, because even when we do, it never lasts."

Alice wanted to stop there. She wanted to just tell Adam that she was staying with Cailen and walk out. Not because she was sure that was what her heart actually wanted, but because it was easier. It would be easier if she just dismissed whatever her heart was saying and walked away. If she did, then she wouldn't be the Jezebel that slept around and broke Cailen's heart right after his precious twin sister was kidnapped. Everyone will hate me if I don't walk away and let Adam go... but if I do, will I hate myself? Alice had to think hard about that one. Sure it was great if everything was wrapped up in a neat, almost perfect bow, but if she wasn't happy with herself, it wouldn't matter how easily things worked out.

"Do you want to know the difference between you and Cailen?" Alice questioned, although she did not pause long enough to let Adam answer before telling him her response. "You've never broken my trust. Never. In all of the years we've been friends, you've been truthful towards me. Aside from today, but you had a reason to lie to me, you did it for Bella's sake. I can't count how many times I've sat and wished for the same thing with Cailen. I've wished that when he told me he was finished with gambling, or that he didn't have a problem... I longed for him to be telling the truth. At first, I allowed myself to be naive and believe that one day he would give it up. I loved him too much to even think of losing him. But as time went on... it got harder. It hurt more every time he went back to that casino. And then today with Bella...."

Alice needed to stop talking, it was becoming harder and harder for her to let out the words. She backed herself up to the wall behind her and slide down so that she was now seated on the floor. Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to compose herself enough to continue with what she was saying. "I won't lie to you, Adam. I still love him. Maybe I always will - I don't know that for sure. But if I were to ask myself who it would hurt more to walk away from, right now?" Before she was able to finish her train of thought a tickle started to work its way up her throat and she began to cough. As if there could be worse timing. Adam must have been hanging on her every word, and now she had to stop because of a little coughing fit. Although it seemed like the cough wasn't letting up. "I... sorry... just give... me... a second here...." She tried to explain in between each cough, growing more and more frustrated with the situation. Each cough made her more and more lightheaded, she was thankful she had previously sat down, or else she may have tumbled over as she had done twice already that day. After a few more agonizing moments, the coughing finally ceased.

"Maybe all of this back and forth with Cailen has left me jaded... but I could walk away from him and survive. I'm not so sure if I let you walk out of my life... if I'd be able to say the same," she finally managed to take the leap and say. "Even if you walk away from me right now... I don't think I can stay with him... it's not fair if I've got such strong feelings for someone else. It wouldn't be fair to him to have a girlfriend constantly heartbroken because the man she wanted walked away."

As much as it pained her to say it, she knew that it was true. Even if Adam turned her down, she could not return to Cailen, not now. Not after everything she was now realizing she felt. It wouldn't be fair in the slightest. She cared about Cailen, and he deserved to be with someone who could love him with all they had. Alice now knew that she couldn't be that person anymore. She knew exactly what she had to do.

"Cailen is waiting outside, and I need to tell him that I can't be what he needs anymore. After that one of two things is going to happen. I either go home after that, and try to figure out what I'm going to do from that point forward, alone; or, I come back in here and we figure out what we're going to do next. But that's up to you," Alice rose from where she had been seated, "If you want me to, I'll come back and whatever happens next we face together, if you don't - then you have to let me know before I walk out that door. I'll say goodbye and I won't tell anyone that you're going to Boston if you don't want me to."

With that, Alice walked towards the door and took her turn to place her hand on the handle, waiting for his response.