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 Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 11:01 am
Not to seem bitchy, but plain old jackster has some bad a*** grammar/sentence structure/imagination.
*Not bad-a**, which is good, I mean like when you say (for example) This is some cheap a** ring! Basically, it's worse than bad.
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Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:01 pm
Unless asked to help in this area, I plan on leaving all the grading up to the Skipper.
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Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 10:02 pm
[Its a marine corps leadership trait, taking initiative to help out wherever, I'm not saying you guys failed or anything, that's up to Suicide Soldier, but I like observing and being nosy razz ]
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Posted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 11:53 am
Plain Old jackster John
Army
Bus Arrival
On my way to boot campI sit in my chair just staring at all of the people, as I am in such shock I never thought that there was so many people like me who were interested in the Army. The people on the bus started doing a head count I was so calm it was starting to scare me. But the closer the got to me my nerves kicked in like a punch that you just dont expect. The head soldier stared down at me and smiled. As he stood there it felt as if hours were passing by as sweat started to fall off my face. I looked him in the eye and after our little staring contest he walked away with a little respect for me. While waiting for my arrival I listened to all of the yelling and orders that were going on in the bus i couldn't even hear myself think. I turned my body to the window and stared out to look at the scenery in front of me, I close my eyes and an image pops in my head. My image if "her' just looking at me with those eyes, those beautiful eyes as her hair moved in the wind. I remember her touch like it was just yesterday she held me. "She" was my best friend and my mother Rose. Suddenly I was slapped on the back as I jumped and snapped back to reality. The head soldier laughed at me and yelled "were here buddy you better get with it" ((Well, I would grade this but, I'm not sure that I can understand it... sweatdrop Good spelling! Horrible grammar and sentence structure, and I'm sure that you did puppet another recruit on the bus, me, and probably the bus. I am going to need another sample, please read the AMP first before you engage in another set of roleplay. Also, by the way guys, if you want to become Drill instructors... you have request to do so, to me, and then have me approve. whee ))
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Posted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 11:56 am
QuintesentialyNonsensical Caleb D. Quint Marines Bus Arrival Caleb glanced around the bus, eyeing up the other recruits. After all, they would be the only people he would see, besides the drill sergeant, till his training was finished.
A lot of the recruits surrounding him were around his age, an almost equal mix of male and female, and most had the same enthusiatic, excited look on their faces. He guessed most, if not all, of them had had a choice when they had enlisted. Unlike himself.
The drill sergeant stood, grabbing a pole running the length of the bus' ceiling to steady himself, and barked for everyone to disembark. Caleb rose from his seat and made his way to the front of the bus, apprehension growing inside him. What had he got himself into?((Good spelling, good grammar, good sentence structure, it was understandable. You ALMOST broke the AMP, by puppeting my character, but it's reasonable to assume that I was holding on to the bar. I'm going to request another roleplay sample from you, just to make sure. )) Drill Sergeant
Military D.I's
Bus
Arrival The drill sergeant turned rapidly to face the new recruit. Glaring at the new marine, the DI decided to make an example of the new recruit. "Soldier, how tall are you? How much do you weigh? Are you gay soldier?!" He shouted, a blue vein in the top right corner of his forehead beginning to bulge.
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Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 12:10 pm
Can the sample be the same as my previous, just with the puppetering edited out?
If so, here's my sample:
Caleb D. Quint
Marines
Bus
Arrival
Caleb glanced around the bus, eyeing up the other recruits. After all, they would be the only people he would see, besides the drill sergeant, till his training was finished.
A lot of the recruits surrounding him were around his age, an almost equal mix of male and female, and most had the same enthusiatic, excited look on their faces. He guessed most, if not all, of them had had a choice when they had enlisted. Unlike himself.
He noticed he was now almost alone on the bus. Guessing that they must have reached their destination, Caleb rose from his seat and made his way to the front of the bus, apprehension growing inside him. What had he got himself into?
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Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 12:41 pm
QuintesentialyNonsensical Can the sample be the same as my previous, just with the puppetering edited out? If so, here's my sample: Caleb D. Quint Marines Bus Arrival Caleb glanced around the bus, eyeing up the other recruits. After all, they would be the only people he would see, besides the drill sergeant, till his training was finished.
A lot of the recruits surrounding him were around his age, an almost equal mix of male and female, and most had the same enthusiatic, excited look on their faces. He guessed most, if not all, of them had had a choice when they had enlisted. Unlike himself.
He noticed he was now almost alone on the bus. Guessing that they must have reached their destination, Caleb rose from his seat and made his way to the front of the bus, apprehension growing inside him. What had he got himself into?((lol sure. I guess you don't have to answer my questions; don't ask don't tell right. wink YAY! you passed! Also, designate your non roleplay speak in bracket, such as these, or [], {} ))
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 6:16 am
[Okay, thanks for passing me. What now?]
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 2:50 pm
QuintesentialyNonsensical [Okay, thanks for passing me. What now?] (( Join a battleground! blaugh ))
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:03 pm
Vanessa "Van" Caro
Army
Bus
ArrivalVan was excited, she had been waiting all her eighteen years for this one day. She had grown up with the Army, you see, Daddy was a retired Leitenant Colonel, and her big brother went on to become a Sargent. Daddy had wanted them to be officers like him, but like her brother, she would rather get down and dirty than sit at a desk.
She listened to the excited buzz of talking around her, only catching bits and pieces of everyone else's conversation; from the sound of it, others were just as excited as her while others were apprehensive. She sat quietly in her seat as the bus jostled along it's path. She was prepared for whatever Basic had to offer her. She quickly went over her four years of high school JROTC in her head, and wondered if she would need to know mandatory knowledge at basic as well. What if she said her chain of command wrong!? 'Oh well, whatever happens, happens.' she thought as she felt the bus slowing 'Finally' she thought as she stood up. She was in the back of the bus, and consequently one of the last few to get out
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:12 pm
[Marshmellow-Bunny] Vanessa "Van" Caro
Army
Bus
ArrivalVan was excited, she had been waiting all her eighteen years for this one day. She had grown up with the Army, you see, Daddy was a retired Leitenant Colonel, and her big brother went on to become a Sargent. Daddy had wanted them to be officers like him, but like her brother, she would rather get down and dirty than sit at a desk.
She listened to the excited buzz of talking around her, only catching bits and pieces of everyone else's conversation; from the sound of it, others were just as excited as her while others were apprehensive. She sat quietly in her seat as the bus jostled along it's path. She was prepared for whatever Basic had to offer her. She quickly went over her four years of high school JROTC in her head, and wondered if she would need to know mandatory knowledge at basic as well. What if she said her chain of command wrong!? 'Oh well, whatever happens, happens.' she thought as she felt the bus slowing 'Finally' she thought as she stood up. She was in the back of the bus, and consequently one of the last few to get out ((Pretty good spelling, pretty good grammar, your explicated your character very nicely. I hadn't told you that the bus rolled to a stop yet, but it's understandable that you would assume that it did. You passed! blaugh ))
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:18 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 ((Pretty good spelling, pretty good grammar, your explicated your character very nicely. I hadn't told you that the bus rolled to a stop yet, but it's understandable that you would assume that it did. You passed! blaugh )) [[ Sweet. Just as clarification, that is pretty much my background as well, Daddy is a LTC (not retired yet though) and my brother is a PFC (almost a SGT, >>;; not yet) so... I'm pretty excited for this guild. Onward to the battle ground now, or...? ]]
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:19 pm
[Marshmellow-Bunny] Suicidesoldier#1 ((Pretty good spelling, pretty good grammar, your explicated your character very nicely. I hadn't told you that the bus rolled to a stop yet, but it's understandable that you would assume that it did. You passed! blaugh )) [[ Sweet. Just as clarification, that is pretty much my background as well, Daddy is a LTC (not retired yet though) and my brother is a PFC (almost a SGT, >>;; not yet) so... I'm pretty excited for this guild. Onward to the battle ground now, or...? ]] ((Well, you have to register in the Army section, and in the guild section, and then you can! Gettin aroundz! ))
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 8:37 pm
Nathan Jones
Air Force
Bus
Arrival
The winding turns of the road almost made Nathan sick, but joining the air force kept a flame of ambition in his stomach. He knew his training would be much worse than a few turns, so he sat still and delt with it. He looked around on the bus, studying the expresision on the other recruits' face. They seemed, to him, to be nervous about training as well. He wondered if his drill sergeant would be frightening, like his father had always told him they would be.
The bus drove on for many hours, until finally it schreeched to a rolling stop. I stepped out of the bus and awaited someone to direct me to my quarters.
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 8:56 pm
tylol546 Nathan Jones Air Force Bus Arrival The winding turns of the road almost made Nathan sick, but joining the air force kept a flame of ambition in his stomach. He knew his training would be much worse than a few turns, so he sat still and delt with it. He looked around on the bus, studying the expresision on the other recruits' face. They seemed, to him, to be nervous about training as well. He wondered if his drill sergeant would be frightening, like his father had always told him they would be. The bus drove on for many hours, until finally it schreeched to a rolling stop. I stepped out of the bus and awaited someone to direct me to my quarters. (( I like your enthusiasm. Your spelling needs a little bit of work, but your grammar and over all sentence structure was fine. Technically, you just controlled the bus, and I control the bus. Read the AMP and then post a response to the following thing I tell you. )) Drill Sergeant
Military D.I's
Bus
Arrival
The DI glared at the new recruit, Sidney. His first disgraceful appearance on this bus left the DI in disgust, but fully capable of molding this hunk of clay into something useful. "ATTENTION! Soldier, forward march. I want to see entirely what you are capable of! Present your name, height, and weight soldier. Refer to yourself as 'this soldier' and not as 'I' as well." The drill sergeant barked and spat as he spoke, his blue vein trembling in the upper right corner of his forehead, almost like it was about ready to explode.
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