Nikolita
I did have an online relationship back when I was 14 (the one I had before that doesn't count, the guy was an a*****e and I wasn't old enough to know better), and that didn't turn out well due to reasons beyond our control.
What does this have to do with online dating? That seems to be more of a personal/age issue than anything else.
Nikolita
I don't see the point in it, especially if you're capable of finding someone locally to date.
You assume that people go out looking for dates. I fell in love with my husband. I didn't choose to. I didn't go advertizing that I was looking for a date. I just fell in love.
Nikolita
- Not having to spend money on dates.
I disagree. Online dating isn't a free ride or anything close to it. We spent a fortune on mailing letters to each other, phone bills, digital cameras so that we could send each other pictures, and travel costs to be together.
Nikolita
- Some people might get a kick out of knowing that someone loves them, all the way from the other side of the world (or wherever the other person lives).
This is just a tad condescending, don't you think?
Nikolita
- You can fall in love with someone for who they are, not just what they look like.
There's also the conversation aspect. In an offline date, it's easy to be distracted by activities. You can spend two hours with someone in a movie theater without saying a word. But in an online relationship, you have to be able to keep up a conversation for hours. That does wonders for determining compatibility.
Nikolita
- Spending money on phone cards/internet fees to talk to someone.
You mentioned in the Pros that there's no money involved to go on a date
wink Ultimately, the money issue has more to do with what the two people involved are willing to spend (or feel they should be spending) rather than the medium through which the relationship is carried.
Nikolita
- Not being able to see/talk to your partner whenever you want, due to distance issues.
You can't see/talk to your partner whenever you want regardless. I'd love to have my husband home right now, for example, but he's at work.
Nikolita
- Family might disapprove.
Same goes for offline relationships.
Nikolita
- People can act totally different online and have a completely different persona online, than how they really are offline.
People can have one personality when you are dating and a completely different personality once you are married. Other major life events, such as getting pregnant, can show profound changes to take place in relationships and the attitudes of those involved.
Yeah, it's something to be aware of. But at the same time, it's not something people should just say "oh, those silly internet relationships" and imagine that they are safe from such foolishness.
Nikolita
- This person could by lying about who they are. They could be lying about their age, gender, sexuality, etc. They can show you pictures that aren't theirs, and act like someone very different from their own persona.
Firstly, it's important to remember that people can ALWAYS lie about who they are.
Secondly, I think it's important to realize that there are some simple precautions that can be taken. For example, share pictures frequently. Play silly games like "ok, now take a picture of you holding up a sign with my name on it." The chances of them finding pictures of other people that personalized
and constistently looking the same are extremely minute. Be wary of people who "don't have a webcam/digital camera" and seem to make a lot of excuses about not getting one. I saw a webcam for $20 in the store the other day and I live in Canada where electronics are horribly overpriced. There isn't an excuse not to have
something for exchanging pictures.
When I was dating online, webcams and digital cameras were much more expensive than they are now. My husband couldn't afford one. But he still sent me personalized pictures by pressing his face (and other body parts, rofl) onto his father's scanner. If you notice that your partner is avoiding the issue or not displaying serious interest in sharing pictures with you, assume that
something may be wrong.
Nikolita
- It's possible to be in an abusive online relationship. My first-ever relationship, the one that I said didn't count, was with a Mexican guy, if I remembered it right. He spoke spanish I think, but he was a few years older, and turned out to be very controlling. Even though he lived thousands of miles away, he didn't want me talking to any other guys, even my male online friends. Obviously I eventually smartened up and ended things.
This has nothing to do with online relationships. This has to do with relationships of all sorts.
Nikolita
- There are online ***** and sexual predators, and even though most people probably think "oh it won't happen to me", can you honestly be 100% sure that someone you've talked to online isn't a sexual predator? There are people who will try to lure children and young teenagers to meet them someplace, and then they are snatched and never seen again.
On A&E the other night, there was a show that highlighted the dangers of online dating and sexual predators online. If it's on again, or if you know how to get a copy of it, watch it - it was a good show.
It's also important to note how much easier it is to protect yourself from an online predator than from an offline one. Online, they usually don't know any more about you than what YOU reveal. It is very easy, therefore, to protect yourself. But what are you going to do when faced by a predator while walking home from school? It can be much more difficult.
Be smart. Don't give out your personal information (phone, full name, address, even hometown) until you are reasonably sure that the person is trustworthy.
When you go to meet them for the first time, do it in a crowded place and bring friends. Personally, I brought my mother and step-father. If neither of you is willing to travel alone to meet the other for safety reasons, you might consider a family vacation. If your family is unwilling or you are a little old for family vacations, plan a vacation with some friends. Come up with activities your friends, you, and your bf/gf can do at your destination all together.
Nikolita
- If there is a sexual aspect to the relationship, and one of the persons involved is a minor, the other person can get in trouble for it, and possibly go to jail. 18 is the age of being a legal adult, so just be careful. Know your local laws, and be informed, lest one or both of you get in trouble.
Again, this has nothing to do with online relationships, but with relationships in general.
Anyways, I hope you don't mind my commentary. I don't want to seem rude or anything, but I just felt that I had to give some of my own stances to the points you brought up
smile In case anyone wants to know, I've only dated online once. We dated online for about 7 months before we met in person. After that, we met a couple times in person. I met his family, he met mine. My father even paid for both of us to travel to Switzerland so that he could meet him. I even exchanged letters with his grandmother in Russia with the help of an online dictionary.
After about two years of dating online, I graduated from High School and we moved in together. We had lived together 3 years when we got married (June 26). We've recently celebrated out 5 year anniversary.
