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 Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 6:35 pm
Heh. Vets need to realize that sometimes, just SOMETIMES, they need to realize that an owner knows their pet better than they do. I went to go get softpaws on my kitties today. When it was Guido's turn, the vet went at him with little rubber gloves, like dishwashing gloves. I TOLD him he should use the doberman gloves. Guido's like Ole Yeller after he got into the fight with the raccoons. I swear, he's EVIL! Anyway, the vet just smiled placatingly at me and told me he'd had enough experience dealing with softpaws, he knew what he was doing. SOOOO long story short, the vet got a nose job and a manicure without anesthetic.
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Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2004 2:19 am
Divena and her family hilarity has my vote! heart
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Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2004 8:51 pm
i'm so happy my family is good for something sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 12:42 am
Quote: Lord: Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him. Guard: Not to leave the room. Even if you come and get him. Lord: No, no. Until I come and get him. Guard: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room. Lord: No, no. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave. Guard: And you'll come and get him. Lord: Right. Guard: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him from entering the room. Lord: No, no. Leaving the room. Guard: Leaving the room. Yes. Lord: Alright? Guard: Fine. Oh.. if if if if if ahhh if we... if if if ... Lord: Look, it's quite simple. You just stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave the room. Alright? Guard: Oh, I remember. Ahh can he leave the room with us? Lord: No... you just keep him in here, and make sure... Guard: Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had to leave and we were with him... Lord: No, just keep him in here... Guard: ...Until you or anyone else... Lord: No, not anyone else. Just me. Guard: Just you.. Lord: ...get back. Guard: Get back. Lord: Right? Guard: Right. We'll stay here until you get back. Lord: And make sure he doesn't leave. Guard: What? Lord: Make sure he doesn't leave. Guard: The Prince? Lord: Yes. Make sure he doen't leave! Guard: Ohh, yes. Of course! I thought you meant him. You know it seemed a bit daff to guard him when he's a guard. Lord: Is that clear? Guard: Oh, quite clear. No problems. Lord: Right. (He starts to leave, the guards follow) Where are you going? Guard: We're coming with you. Lord: No, I want you to stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave. Guard: Oh I see. Right.
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 2:34 am
She Elf Ok, true story here... One time, when she was real little, one of my daughters was in the bathtub, and it was filling. Just then the phone rang. I decided that my daughter was old enough not to get herself hurt, and I instructed her to call me in to turn off the faucet as soon as the water started to get too high. After not being able to get off the phone with some relative or something, I rushed back into the bathroom, realizing that it had been a really long time, and I was not called in to turn off the water yet. Sure enough the water was still on, and pouring over the sides. I quickly shut the faucet and grabbed towels and started mopping up the mess. "Why didn't you call me in?!" I cried. "Well", she answered, "The water started to get high, and I almost called you in, but then it stopped getting any higher." stressed I swear, true story. *giggle* That's so cute!
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 3:33 am
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 3:48 am
Amai Sakura-chan At work one day, about 2 years back or so, I was making nachos for a group of costomers, and I was dead on my feet tired. As Im half asleep at the cheese machine I hear one girl say somthing along the lines of "ewwww don't eat that" It quickly became apparent that the male of the group was eating the popcorn because it was free. Onme of the girls said "thats soo cheesy" I turned arund with the nachos inhand and said "actually, thats corney, the nachos are cheesy....." heart blaugh blaugh sweatdrop heart That's awesome, LOL. mrgreen
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 4:45 pm
Bradbury Amai Sakura-chan At work one day, about 2 years back or so, I was making nachos for a group of costomers, and I was dead on my feet tired. As Im half asleep at the cheese machine I hear one girl say somthing along the lines of "ewwww don't eat that" It quickly became apparent that the male of the group was eating the popcorn because it was free. Onme of the girls said "thats soo cheesy" I turned arund with the nachos inhand and said "actually, thats corney, the nachos are cheesy....." heart blaugh blaugh sweatdrop heart That's awesome, LOL. mrgreen
Glad SOME one finds it amusing. Readers digest didnt...or wait...did I finally send it in...::is all confused now:: heart
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 9:46 am
Quote: Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 9:48 am
Quote: Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 9:52 am
Quote: These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place: Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 10:10 am
Quote: There was a contruction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said ''Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell. The worker agreed -- not like he could do anything else -- and he was on his way. When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, “Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the fiery pits.” Then the worker replied, “That wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could throw me in the pit afterward.” So he fixed the wall. Satan, intrigued, asked, “What else can you build?” So the construction worker went about his job and made many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done, hell was a paradise. It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it. Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said, “I think there has been a mix-up. That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven.” Satan replied, “No way -- he's built all sorts of useful stuff for us. We're keeping him.” God then said, “Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you in court. We're going to sue you for this man's soul and damages. Satan just laughed: “And where are you going to find a lawyer?”
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 10:11 am
Quote: A lawyer defending a manaccused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merelyinserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is nothimself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offensecommitted by his limb." "Well put," thejudge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year'simprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer'sassistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 10:25 am
Quote: Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" ''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--" ''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" ''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--'' ''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so. ''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 10:41 am
yes, i am bored and i am going through a joke site, deal with it stare Quote: A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"D! ! aaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
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