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Any: What the flying fruity fruit?! gonk


Hayate: Did you know that smell is the strongest sense tied to memory?
Ryu: You got that from that cologne comercial, didn't you?
Hayate: ... ninja So what if I did?

Leifang: Who wants a piece of my pie?

Road trip story was fine and all except for the yuri suggestion in there gonk stare stressed

Anywyas..umm..lesse...

Ryu, Hayate, Jann-lee: *singing doo-wop*

Long story short, I am a sick and twisted man and will forever be one as long as either hentai or video games exist. xd

Anyway...

Scenario
On a team stake-out, a "mistake" [read ********] on Hayabusa's part caused both him and Hayabusa to be captured by some DOATEC thugs. A few hours have passed since then, and the duo - namely Hayabusa - is getting quite restless...

Hayabusa: [singing] Nobody knows the trouble I've seen... nobody knows but Jesus -
Hayate: [exasperated] Will you shut up, man?! scream
Hayabusa: You just can't realize the fact that I've adjusted to life on the inside. I'm hard now! mrgreen
Hayate: Is that right? stare
Hayabusa: As a prison b***h, I would not expect you to understand. rolleyes [sees a guard] Hey, there's one of the guards; pretend you don't know me... [stands and goes to cell door, pleading] Hey! Let me out! I'm not a shinobi like this other guy; I'm... uh... a Jedi. Yeah, a Jedi! Don't make me cast lightning on you, b***h! scream
Hayate: [mumbling] Dumbass. stare
[guard scoffs and walks away]
Hayabusa: Dammit! That's the first time that didn't work! WTF? confused
Hayate: Yeah, how about that? Oh, and thanks for the support, Ryu. Way to be a team player. stare
Hayabusa: Hey, I gotta think about myself here.
Hayate: There's no "I"in "Team", Ryu. stare
Hayabusa: Yeah, and there's no "You", either. So, I guess if I'm not on the team and you're not on the team, then nobody's on the goddammit team! The team sucks!! scream
[A fight suddenly breaks out between the guards and an unknown force. Miscellaneous gunshots and screams of agony are heard flitering through the air.]
Hayate: The Hell's going on out there?
Hayabusa: Maybe Ayane and Kasumi came to bust us outta the joint. I dunno if I can live life on the outside again though, Hayate. I'm all institutionalized and s**t! cool
[fighting stops abruptly]
Hayabusa: ...
Hayate: ...
Hayabusa: ...
Hayate: ...
Hayabusa: ...Well... this is an awkward moment. sweatdrop
Hayate: On the real.
Hayabusa: Oh well... I've been puttin' something off for a while that might get us outta here, but I warn you, it might scare you a little bit.
Hayate: You want scary? Tell Kasumi you forgot to record Sailor Moon... domokun
Hayabusa: All right... ikuze (Let's go).
[cell door opens suddenly]
Hayate: The Hell... was that it? You opened the door?! That wasn't scary at all!
Hayabusa: What the f-... I didn't do that. Somebody on the outside must've did it. eek
Hayate: Well... screw it. Let's rock.
[Hayate and Hayabusa escape]
Hayabusa: Freedom! It smells so sweet! Let's go rob a liquor store on the way home! whee


End 3:16

You all need more insanity in you life. xd

And now... a public service anouncement brought to you by your friends from the Dead or Alive series...

Cognizance: Picture Zack in one of his full-bodied outfits. This'll make [slightly] more sense.

Ein: Hi, how're you doing? wink I'm Ein from the popular 3D fighting franchise, Dead or Alive.
Zack: And I'm Zack from the same franchise. whee
Ein: But we aren't here today as world famous characters who are, as you know, dead-friggin'-sexy. 4laugh
Zack: That's right! We're hear to tell you how to run your life. cool
Ein: Many of you are probably considering getting a tattoo. Or, as you young people like to call it, a "tat".
Zack: Or, adding another one to your already impressive collection. 3nodding
Ein: That's why today, we are presenting a special "Point-Counterpoint" edition of Dead or Alive... "Should You Get a Tattoo?"

...

Counterpoint - Ein
I think it's quite clear that you should *not* get a tattoo. And allow me to justify this remark with elegant - yet very simple - numbered list.

1.) Tattoos are permanent.

2.) You are a goddamn idiot. And I'd like to support this mathematically, if I may. Take your current age, now subtract 10 years from it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren't! (3.) Zack suXX0rz. I pwn.) The fact of the matter is, you're just as big an idiot today; it's just gonna take you 10 more years to realize it. now imagine if you had drawn a picture on your arm 10 years ago. Would you be happy with it today? Chances are you wouldn't be.

Zack - Counter-counterpoint
Unless it was cool, which brings me to my main point; tattoos *are* cool. Just so long as you avoid the following rookie mistakes, you'll be straight...

1.) The barb wire ring. Nothing screams 1998 like a barbed wire ring around your bicep. You'll like a defensive linemen for the Chicago Bears, and if you get the tattoo, you're probably about as smart as one. rolleyes

2.) The band logo - any band logo. Think about it. The only pop star to remain famous for over ten years was Madonna, and you're not fooling anyone by getting a tattoo of her. neutral

Ein: [interrupts] Really. stare
Zack:[continues] Last but not least are the tribal designs and the Kanji characters. No one gets it! confused And let's be honest, you don't either. Someone had to explain it to you, and you don't even know if he or she was tellin' you the truth.

So avoid these common pitfalls and a tattoo can be a wonderful, rewarding experience... except for the pain. stressed
Ein: It is at this time that I would like to inform everyone that my friend Zack here has a tattoo on his neck. His *neck*! In plain sight where anyone can see it! From the movie "Blade" starring Wesley Snipes. [aside to Zack] It's "Blade", right? Not "Blade II"?
Zack: Actually, it's from the... comic... book. sweatdrop
Ein: Yeah, that's great. I'm sure your boyfriend loves it. stare
Zack: In closing, be sure to choose wisely when getting a tattoo. Don't repeat my mistakes. cry
Ein: Well... look. If I can't *stop* you from getting a tattoo, at least let me offer up a good suggestion: why not get a tattoo of your *favorite character* from your *favorite 3D fighting franchise*? [shows picture of Nightmare from Soul Calibur; Ein frowns] Ugh, I mean you *other* favorite 3D fighting franchise! [shows picture of Jin Kazama from Tekken 5; Ein frowns again] Okay, you know what? Screw you! [scowling] Seriously, what do I care? Get a tattoo of a California Roll in the middle of your forehead; that'll give Ryu a boner. stare

End 3:16

I had some goods ones typed up before, but Gaia always logs me off before I can post them. Dammit; I need to leran to type faster. stare

Ein: C'mon, Jann Lee. Let's dip. biggrin
Jann Lee: Let's *dip*? Holy hood rat Sally smokin' crack in the alley, let's *dip*?! Let's dip?!?! Great chicken livers and gizzards and all that type s**t that come with it, with mashed potatoes and gravy in the middle goddammit! Let's di - [get's punched]
Ein: Just shut up and come on!! scream

Thank you, Doafan. mrgreen

And now, more twistedness from the dar corners of my mind. whee




Scenario
Thanksgiving in Germany with dinner being prepared by everyone's favorite Germanese girl. whee (Remember that Hitomi is half-Japanese, with respect to ethnicity)


Kasumi: Hey everyone, how're you all feeling? wink I'm Kasumi from the popular 3D fighting franchise Dead or Alive.

Ayane: And, as you all know, I'm Ayane from the same franchise. biggrin

Kasumi: It has come to our attention that many of our fans - Ayane-neesan and myself - have gotten into several heated arguments over which of us is better looking, which of us fights better -

Ayane: Who, as we all know, is myself. 4laugh

Kasumi: [to Ayane] Is that right? stare then why am I considered the "Ryu" of Dead or Alive and you're just the "Ken"? And, as you and I both know, Ryu is far more popular -

Hayabusa: [off-screen] Damn straight! cool

Kasumi: [to Hayabusa] Not you! I'm talking about Ryu from Street Fighter! scream

Hayabusa: [still off-screen] ...Oh... [voice cracking] Never mind... cry

Kasumi: Anyway, we don't really keep up with current events - especially outside of Japan - but from what we've been able to figure out, Ayane's fans did something to cause a disaster amongst *my* fans and now everyone is being forced to evacuate to Canada and France...and for some odd reason, the whole thing is being led by some giant pitcher of red punch with what looks likes a drawing of a face on it. We don't... really know the details. confused

Ayane: Yeah. and *my* fans are trippin' about how Kasumi's fans are being mean to them, and want them to pay money for crap like roads and schools instead of cool stuff like NASCAR and shotguns. Also there's something about hot sauce in there somewhere. like we said, we don't really... know the specs. confused

Kasumi: But this isn't about large groups of people hating themselves; it's moreso about small groups of people who are able to hate on a much more personal level...

Ayane: Like I hate Kasumi because she was Hayate's favorite for the longest time. stare

Kasumi: And I hate Ayane because she's trying to kill me... and she has better outfits. stare

Ayane: [to Kasumi] I knew it! Even *you* can't deny my shmexiness. xd

Kasumi: [to Ayane] Mark my words, I'm getting that tank-top of yours with the red writing on it. I will tear it off you if neccessary! scream

Ayane: [to Kasumi] Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd probably tear off some other clothes if given the chance... wink

Kasumi: [to Ayane; appalled] eek Okay, you can stop right there! I'm not that Tina-girl - scream

Ayane: [to Kasumi; grinning] I never said you were; I were just making a side note... wink

Kasumi: In any event, Ayane's right; this is the time that we should come together and hate as a group, like our ancestors did. 3nodding

Ayane: And what better thing to hate than turkeys? twisted

Kasumi: And what better way to hate 'em than to eat 'em by the millions? twisted

Hitomi: [enter stage left] Precisely! whee

Kasumi: [to Hitomi] Hitomi-chan! And Leifang-chan! blaugh How's the dinner coming? question

Hitomi: [to Ayane and Kasumi] Well, I guess that there's gonna be about at least 20 of us... so I figured that 1 turkey may not be sufficient...

Ayane: [to Hitomi] Yeah, I can see how only 3 pounds of meat would leave us a little unsatisfied. rolleyes

Kasumi: [to Ayane] Ayane-neesan, three pounds of *any* food would leave *you* unsatisfied.

Leifang: Yeah, I remember that cheesesteak-eating contest from when we visited Zack for the Fourth of July... whatever that actually was. Anyway, I never would've guessed that you could outeat Bass... and I think he was crying later that day. rofl

Hitomi: [scoffs; to Ayane and Kasumi] In any event, are either of you familiar with the "turducken"? question

Ayane: [to Hitomi] Oh yeah! That's what I do when I go the Monkey House at the zoo and make them mad. 3nodding

Leifang: [to Ayane] Not "terd-ducking", a *turducken*. It's a chicken in a duck in a turkey. whee

Kasumi: [to Ayane] You know because the holiday season isn't quite gluttonous on it's own. mrgreen

Ayane: [to Hitomi] Awesome! blaugh Is that what we're having? question

Hitomi: [to Ayane and Kasumi] Eh... no. Although impressive, I decided to stop short when designing the turducken -

Kasumi: [to Hitomi] Hitomi-chan, you make us seem like real under-achiever's there... stare

Hitomi: [ignores Kasumi] So I decided to make my own variety -

Kasumi: [interrupts] And what's that? A polecat stuffed in a possum? stare

Hitomi: [agitated; to Kasumi] Will you let me finish?! scream Anyway, first we start with a hummingbird -

Ayane: [flabbergasted] A *what*?!

Hitomi: [continues] Put that in a sparrow, stuff them both in a Cornish Hen, then put that in a chicken! Then we put all that in a duck, then in a turkey, then in a *bigger* turkey -

Ayane: [interrupts; to Hitomi] *2* turkeys?? question

Hitomi: [to Ayane] Hey, it's Thanksgiving! blaugh [continues] Anyway, we put that in a penguin, then put that in a peacock, stuff all that in an eagle, then an emu, next comes an ostrich, then a leopard! Then we slap all that in a pterodactyl, and then stuff it all in a Boeing 747. mrgreen

Kasumi: [pauses] ...Awesome! I get a wing! xd

Leifang: I call a turbine! whee

Hitomi: All right! Hunger up, girls! [to Ayane] Hey Ayane-chan, what kinda meat do *you* like: first class or coach? biggrin

Kasumi: [interrupts] You know... if we cook at 350 degrees at 10 minutes a pound... it won't be done for 11 years... confused

Hitomi: [to Kasumi] That's why we're going to deep-fry! whee [foghorn blows in distance] There's the oil now! wink

Leifang: [confused; to Hitomi] ...Hiotmi-chan, what was that leopard for? question

Hitomi: [to Leifang] Presentation! 3nodding




End 3:16

Ryu: FLAWLESS VICTORY!!!

Kasumi: Uh......Ryu wrong game

Ryu: Oh right, SHINE GET!!

Kasumi: Also wrong game

Ryu: Dammit I can get this...........um...........MISSION COMPLETE!!!

Kasumi: Uh.......whatever...