Welcome to Gaia! ::

You may have been wondering where the hell I might have been for the past several months. That's expected... I had completely forgotten to write in you, after all, since my return from visiting Rhia-chan. I really need to stop doing that... Finding you and dusting you off after about 8 months is a pain in the a**. I'm sure you don't like it much either, do you?

So! It's about damn time I get you caught up with things, ne? Now, how to explain... The last time anyone wrote in this thing was when I was gone? Well, damn... a lot's happened since then.

For starters, things were a mess when I finally got home. Demare had, somehow, managed to split himself from his body into the two cat plushies I'd given him for his birthday. Domonic had no idea what to do with the two, and quite frankly, neither did I. It took me about a month to figure out that the reason my spells weren't working on them was because I needed to... "exorcize" the other soul from the body before putting them back in it. God, I hate this... necromancy stuff. I don't know why I kept the books around, but I'm kinda glad I did. These spells can be pretty dangerous if misused, or if they fell into the wrong hands. Anyway, I managed to get that done and Demare was finally whole again. ...Well, as whole as a boy with two souls can be. As for the brat I took out of their body, I sealed him in an amulet Domonic had brought with him during our last travel to his home town. I don't know what to do with it right now... The kid was bothersome, and a bit on the creepy side. Maybe Demare could ask that friend of his what can be done about it.

What else happened... Well, Manny's been wanting to get outside a lot more. At first it was fine because the weather was okay, but around the time it started getting colder, he got very sick because he felt it was necessary to play in the rain. He was okay, but he got very restless having to stay indoors and in bed all day. Demare and Layla kept him company during most of that time as I had gotten sick myself from trying to take care of him, but what worried me was that he didn't seem to be able to handle the cold very well. It was strange... For a few days, he had a very high fever, was very congested, and could hardly sleep at all. When I had a doctor check up on him, he'd told me it was just a simply cold. Even he didn't understand the violent trait it had given, and thought it might have something to do with his immune system. Once Manny was better, however, he ran some tests to follow up on that theory. ...Manny is completely healthy. His body is fine. Maybe it's just because he's a toddler... I suppose we'll find out when he grows up a little more, ne?

I love Layla to pieces. She's so precious and adorable, even if she can be a tricky little brat. Finally, at long last, I gained a daughter... I don't care if she's a prankster. She annoys Demare, and that's good enough for me! It's funny, really... watching the two of them together. Layla isn't intimidated by him at all, even when he tries to threaten her with his dagger. The second person ever to not fear him, in fact. Well, at least of those that live under this roof. I remember one thing she managed to pull off wonderfully. While he was asleep, Layla drew pictures all over Demare's face with a permanent marker. It was childish, I know, but it was so darling and it wouldn't come off for days. All of that just because he told her that she acted like a dog. Gotta love child immaturity... Needless to say, he's left her alone since then.

Christmas was wonderful. Domonic tried, once again, to propose to me, and after a lot of thought, I finally gave in. I normally don't care much for human traditions, as I feel that for us... marriage isn't exactly necessary. As demons, we don't have any special rituals to be bond to someone; we simply give our vows to one another and that's the end of it. However, Domonic was raised to be human his entire life, while I had only been partially raised that way. This wedding thing is more important to him than it is for me, so... I decided that for him, I'll do it. Because I love him enough to do such a thing, and I'm willing to try anything at least once. Anything to make him happy, ya know?

The first of the year started out pretty bad, however. Shadow came to the house again... Luckily, Domonic and I were nearby this time and we stopped him from trying to take Manior away. I don't understand... I think he was going to finally leave me alone. Had we not gotten there in time, there isn't a doubt in my mind Manny would have gone with him. Demare, however... I was very upset with him. It was as if he tried to get Manny to go on purpose. He didn't do anything to stop Shadow, and had simply ignored the presence of the demon. I didn't understand... I thought he cared about his brother.

I mean... I really don't care what Demare's past was like. That was... the past. This is the present. I wish he could see that... I wish he could see that we're just trying to be his family. It would be nice if he would call me... mom... However, I don't expect him to. So long as he accepts the fact that I love him like I do any of the other children, I'd be fine with him just calling me Neko. That boy... One day I'll understand him completely.

So now we're up to around... earlier this month. My feien finally came home after being gone for about a year. Merri isn't talking to me, Raylan is worried about being a bother, Tahki's causing trouble, and Ares is trying to seek out her friends. It's good to have them home again... I missed them so much. I just hope I don't get the feeling that I want to kill them again. Not long after they arrived, two more decided to show up, so now I have six of them. Well... ******** great. I'll have to figure out how to work this out, because there is no way in hell I'm going to take care of SIX of them. Especially not after the dreams I've been having...

Before I mention the dreams, I want to say that I feel like I've been a terrible mother. Even though I try very hard for them and give them as much love as I possibly can, I still feel as if I'm ignoring them somehow. Manny doesn't have any friends aside from whoever lives within the house, and he doesn't have anyone close to his age to play with. Layla has been wanting to visit the library for quite some time now, but neither Domonic or I have had the time to show her how to get there. Demare's mostly been locked up in his room, reading some of the old tomes I've collected. I mean, for Pete's sake... Johanna arrived not too long ago, and it was Layla who had retrieved her. I feel like a horrible guardian! I'm not making time to take them out to do anything. I haven't done anything fun with them in... well, MONTHS. I'll need to try to change this soon... I don't want to leave them with a bad impression of me in their minds.

Now I'm back to the dreams again. You see, I have reason to believe that I may be dying. Night has become a welcome mat for nightmares, my dreams growing more and more vivid as the days go by. I dream of death... dying in several different ways as if it can't choose which way is perfect for me. At first, things were merely simple. I would dream of getting a fatal wound, I would grow scared, and I would awaken. However, as the dreams grow more gruesome and I become more and more frightened, I wake up later and in pain. It's as if my dreams are starting to become more real as the day grows nearer... As if I were to die by my dreams. Just the other night, when I woke up, I had begun to cough up blood. The next morning, Domonic examined my body, and found that one of my ribs had been broken, and it nearly punctured a hole in my left lung. I fear that Death is on my doorstep, and has begun to knock on my door. Eventually, I'm going to have to open it, otherwise it could break down the walls itself. I just pray that I still have more time...