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 Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:40 pm
He hadn't known how much of an impact he'd had until then. Sure, he'd seen the change in her, but hadn't know how far it had stretched out. As he chewed and thought on this, he felt... accomplished.
"I've just been happier. That's made all the difference in the world."
He kissed her sweetly, despite the french fry he'd just had. Some things just weren't important anymore, like embarrassment. They were comfortable, trusting, and happy.
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 2:01 pm
She smiled with the kiss pulling back to look into his purple eyes.
"Well I'm glad I even did that much..." She played with his hair a bit, taking another bite of food with her free hand.
There was a bit of a silence as the two finished up eating before Jess spoke again, seeming to snap out of her thoughts. "You know I've been debating on what I should go after...i mean degree wise... Part of me wants to get a basic business degree so i can get work whereever...I mean i'm good at it....I've managed to handle the stocks I have in my name rather well, and i'm fairly good at managing... I know it's something my father's always wanted... kinda like take over the business you know? So he can retire...maybe that'll make them happier...he'll actually be home with my mother more often.." She shrugged a bit, not mentioning she ahdnt even spoken to ehr parents isnce their little falling out.
"Then again part of me....still has no clue..." She sighed with a smile, glancing up at him.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 3:26 pm
"Don't do something big like that for someone else. Do it for yourself because it's what you want to do."
Alex knew it was easy for him to say that. He came from nothing and was going to be a history professor if anyone would have him. But Jess came from wealth and had expectations to live up to. He was just some kid from the poor section of the city who had a dream and enough time on his hands to get himself into serious debt.
But that was why he worked so hard, so he could pay off his loans.
"It's like... you have all this time to do this, you know? But the world makes it out to be some grand plan that you have to graduate by a certain time or else nothing will happen."
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:54 pm
She smiled distantly, picking at her food. "Well...we dont always...Have time I mean..." She shrugged a little, sipping her drink solemnly. "Some times...You can have a dream set out, and maybe you're own timeline ot have it done in...but the world has other plans for you. The next thing you know, life as you know it just...aruptly ends. And you're left turned upsidedown, and have to start from scratch, picking yourself up along the way...." She sighed, setting it down as she leaned back against his couch.
"But...You're right....I mean I do like it sort of...its a good reliable back up plan but..." She shrugged. "I'm still trying to find my nitch..." She glanced to him before stealing one of his fries.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 5:20 pm
"Well, right now, you can't plan ahead perfectly. You have a niche right here in this apartment, where you like to steal my fries and fall asleep on my couch. that's a start, right? And you have Kitty. If working in the book shop doesn't turn your brain on, just being surrounded by all those books, then maybe the world of literature isn't your true calling."
But he knew she didn't hate working there, so maybe it was her calling. Heck, he didn't know.
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 5:46 pm
She smiled and kissed him sweetly. "You're right..." She sighed resting her head on his shoulder. "Instead of worrying myself to death over the future...." She nuzzled under his neck and kissed his jawline. "And jsut focus on the now...." She smiled. "Now...things are near perfect..."
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 5:56 pm
"Near perfect?" he asked, kissing her back. "And what, may I ask, would make it absolutely perfect?"
Though perfection in his world was never attainable, maybe he could make it so for Jess...
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 7:24 pm
She smiled, shrugging shylly as her cheeks grew red. "I dunno...maybe another kiss." She narrowed her eyes rougishly, leaning in, her lips colliding with his once more.
"I do like kissing." She couldnt help but let a small giggle out that had been forming in her gut for awhile now.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 11:39 am
"I think I can accommodate this..." And anything else was said with a kiss. Alex had been waiting for the right moment all day, to just hold her and land kisses. Jess had been so wonderful helping Kitty and doing her own work at the same time... it reminded him of himself, with too much work and not enough time to think.
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 2:26 pm
And there, just like that, All of Jess's worries and frets over her future were instantly gone, disolved away with the first kiss as she sunk into a deeper bliss with the second and the third.
Thats always how things went when they were together, they were always so ...happy in these quiet moments alone.
Jess wished it could last forever...
But life never seemed to do her any favors.
After a few more weeks of what felt like a perfect day followed by another perfect day followed by another, Jess was starting to develop feelings for Alex...she was a bit scared to acknowledge, yet excited all at once. Though of course she said nothing yet, not sure if he felt the same. Yet somewhere within these perfect weeks, just when things couldnt get any better...Jess changed...
One evening she was giggling and kissing Alex goodnight, the next morning she didn't call. She didnt call that day, nor the next.
Even when Alex called her to check in, she merely said she was feeling ill.
She even seemed to disappear weeks at a time, cutting back from seeing her boy every day to every other, to once a week...
and each time she seemed a bit distant and solemn. She promised him it was just stress from school and not to worry. Though every kiss was laced with disintrest and distance.
She started becoming sick. It started off as slight headaches, to being bed ridden. She wa looking skinner and paler by the day, the life seeming to be sucked out of her. Even when she was feeling fine, she'd cancell a date wit Alex, saying she was too exhuasted and needed to just sleep.
She had tried not to elt her preformance working at Kitty's shop to fall too much, whichit didnt, and even though her behavior had changed, Kitty was too envelopped with Samson to note anything too serious. Ecspecially when she assured her friend the same thing she told Alex. "It's just stress..."
Though she did feel guilty for blowing everyone off, she'd make herself make time for them...
Like tonight...
Alex had invited Jess out for dinner and relaxing back at his place, do a little cuddling, and maybe finally reach a point of intimacy.
Yet this plan seemed for naught, for once again, Jess seemed distant, emotionlessalmost, with exception to a few soft, sad smiles and pecks here and there.
her eyes had dark circles andshe said she was merely up all night studying, saying she was apparantly failing a class or two at this point...
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:06 pm
Alex was convinced he had done something very wrong.
Every outing, Jess seemed like she was tolerating him or just trying to appease him. He once asked her if she was sick of all this, but she had insisted no, that it was just her. Just stress, just life being horrible to her.
She had also said a few times at least that things would get better, but they never did. And so, Alex was convinced that everything must have been his fault.
Logical and intelligent though he was, Alex did guilt trip himself for small things. This wasn't a small thing.
And so, he invited her out for dinner, but still nothing got better. He'd even decked out his apartment in candles and some finery, but nothing seemed to spark any life in her. Jess was just tired and sad, and there seemed to be nothing he could do about any of it.
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:10 pm
"I'm sorry..." She said out of nowhere, setting down a small glass of wine he had even gotten for the occasion. Everything had been perfect yet she was still so quiet.
"I just ...had a rough night last night...and I'm still trying to catch up..." She rubbed her eyes tiredly, trying to give him a smile.
"I mean...with cramming and all..." She shrugged and leaned up to give him a soft yet sad kiss on the neck.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:14 pm
In truth, he was starting to get annoyed. But he couldn't just brush it all off.
"Maybe you should get some sleep, then," he said, looking at his wine and nothing else. He'd tried so hard. And it was basically wasted, with her half empty plate of chicken sitting on the table.
"Just sleep, though. No studying, or you'll burn yourself out even more... I mean, it is school, right, Jess? It isn't me?"
Alex looked up at her finally, looking rather sad himself.
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:23 pm
Jess's eyebrows raised as she sat up a bit, shaking her head. "No! Not at all..." Her hand went to his. "It's just...Life..." her eyes fell as she shrugged before looking up at him again. "I assure you it's nothing you did or say...alright? If anything you're keeping me...as together as I can be right now..." She frowned and looked away, catching sight of the clock and sighing.
"...You're right though....Maybe...I just need some sleep...." She removed her hand and reached for her purse which was next to her on his couch. She stood after givin him one last kiss, not realizing her phone slipped out of the small hand bag.
"I'll call you tommorrow...ok baby?" She gave him a little nuzzle before moving some of his hair back, gazing into his woriednad hurt purple eyes, her own haggard and troubled blue looked guilt ridden...
She pulled away and headed for the door...
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:39 pm
Alex watched her go. He wanted to believe her, so badly, and a small part of himself allowed it to be true. But more importantly than wanting this all to make sense, he just wanted his Jess back. He was beginning to feel something far more than affection over the past few weeks. Alex was starting to believe that he might actually love her.
With the apartment even quieter than it had been before, Alex plunked down on the couch with a notable puff. The wine, the food, nothing had made her smile. And just when he was about to lay down, his hand clunked against something hard on the cushion. It was Jess' phone...
An idea popped into his head. It was roguish and slightly amusing, but hopefully it would make her laugh out loud. He would take a shirtless picture of himself and put it as the background of her phone, and when she opened it up, she'd see him in his slightly muscled glory.
And so, off his shirt came and the phone flipped open to reveal the small camera. He made eyes at it, clicked, and there it was. Alex turned the screen towards him to see how he looked, but his brow furrowed. There was his picture on the menu screen, but there seemed to be a slew of newer, darker pictures, too...
And they all looked like that clubbing picture Jess had showed him earlier, where Sam could be seen. But the dates were all recent.
Alex's heart began thumping as he enlarged and scrolled through them all. There was Jess, dressed in scanty clothing, looking drunk with those posh friends of hers. The lights, everyone all grinding together in a puddle of people... he could practically feel the bass beat emanating from the phone.
Studying? he thought. Like hell she'd been studying. And cramming? Maybe cramming the bar's snack selection as she drank her mind out of her skull. Alex seethed, knowing then he'd been lied to and all of Jess' tiredness had been from nothing more than hangovers and clubbing with her skanky friends.
His shirt came back on along with his coat. He had to see her before she went to bed.
Besides, the least he could do at that point was give her back her phone.
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