Welcome to Gaia! ::

Thank you. That makes my day. Anyway, I edited my post to say this last page, but in case you didn't see it, I'll copy-paste it here.

Oh, one other thing, Haven! You can be a medic, but if someone else creates a profile centering around it (a med-student who was going to be a surgeon at a big hospital), they'll take priority. They'll become the official team medic, and Balthezar will be emergency medic if they're unavailable.

I put up another really really short post. Sorry sweatdrop

crafty crafty hehe
sweatdrop I'm usually a 4 paragraph kind of rper, although I don't repeat stuff, and its all content. I just have writers block...

Weee, I have posted my entrance!
I hope it makes sense and is up to par.

Haven, I like your style, and I like your character, so please don't get too upset at me about this. I just want to help you improve your writing so you can get better.


Proper etiquette asks that we write in a past perspective. Don't end your verbs in 's', end them in 'ed'. That'll do a lot to improve your post. Umm... You said myself at one point, try to keep it third person... You used 'wonder' instead of 'wander' a couple of times.

That's it for grammar. It's not wrong, for the most part, it's just from a different point of view than we use in roleplays.

There were a couple of other errors about where things were, but one of them was my fault. The other one is that the changing rooms are upstairs. You don't need to change at the entrance.

There are some other issues, stylisticly, but if you read other people's posts and see how they address things, you should amalgamate very well into the game.

I'm sorry, I don't want to make you upset, and I really do like your ideas! But I'd like to work with you to make you a better member of our game.

I really would appreciate that.



Anyway, addressing the mistake I made, I obviously didn't clarify this enough. And it was my bad. Confirmation of identity should take a long, long time. Almost the entire first floor is just security! They'll ask you for your letter of acceptance and some other sort of identification, which they'll promptly get to work confirming. Then, you'll be asked to answer a series of questions about your own life that the facility has recovered. A retina scan and fingerprints will be taken, and they'll take your picture to create your official Academy ID Pass.

The process is long and ugly. And very, very, military. This is how my mind works.


Also! Because I never stated this out loud, I guess. This is all very official. Every accepted student received a sealed, official letter of acceptance inviting them to the Academy. It's not just a 'I heard I got in' kind of thing. This is huge. You're one of less than a hundred people authorized to enter this building.

I've lived military all my life, and I know this isn't second nature to everyone like it is to me, but try to make everything the NPC's do very stiff, organized, and stoicly military. If you're confused as to how they would act, leave a short post with an ((OOC)) asking me to play them for you. I'd be happy to.

Well, you can just skip past it. Have your character mumble something about it being annoying and taking too long gets the point across without actually having to go through all of the details.

Talking in the past tense is an acquired skill. But once you master it, it's a much clearer way of speaking. In past tense, you're able to sequence events much more smoothly than you can speaking about them as if they're happening right now.

And did you edit the post? Because it still looks exactly the same. Maybe it didn't take?