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 Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 2:25 pm
RaiRai Sashanaru I had the baby, I finally got pregnant and now it's gone.. I know nobody offered me any councelling and I was into my second trimester... all i got was a card with a phone number to call if u miscarried that my hubby happened to see on the wall. it doesn't say if it's a support group or something else.
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:08 pm
Well, even if there isn't information present at the doctor's office, thankfully the internet has sprouted in support groups for miscarriage, stillborn, and infant death groups if you want.
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:39 pm
Kailani_Leiko RaiRai Sashanaru I had the baby, I finally got pregnant and now it's gone.. I know nobody offered me any councelling and I was into my second trimester... all i got was a card with a phone number to call if u miscarried that my hubby happened to see on the wall. it doesn't say if it's a support group or something else.
I'm still so upset for the both of you. I can't imagine how it must feel. sad
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 5:29 pm
I feel like I had it and lost it.. just slipped through my fingers. What if this was my only chance and it's gone now?
I've cried less today but it still hurts inside. I can't find any joy in anything. Nothing interests me. I just sit around staring at the wall. I don't want to use the PC much, play any games, look at any websites, knit.. nothing.
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:31 pm
RaiRai There really need to be more support groups for things like this. This probably sounds very emo, but if I lost my baby now, I'd probably want to die. And I'm in my second trimester, like you were, so it's a scary thought to have in my head that the same could happen to me.
I'm still so upset for the both of you. I can't imagine how it must feel. sad RaiRai, I think you're farther along than I was... If you're past the 14 week mark the chances of miscarriage is seriously lower. And you're right, I wish there were more support groups, it would help so much. Following the miscarriage I wished I could die but then I realized I needed to be here for my hubby and that helps me keep on sometimes. I miss my baby so much I can hardly breathe sometimes... I just sob my heart out. I see him everywhere I look... My arms litterally ache because he's missing. I'm just starting to be able to sleep again, not to mention eat. It's a good day if I can manage to get dressed. It's even better if I leave the house. I can't be around lots of people anymore... I feel like it's tattooed to my forehead. I ask why a young girl fooling around can have a child she doesn't want, but the baby i long for is taken from me. And Sasha: Nothing will feel right for a while. You will go thru steps of grief... anger, sadness, denial...etc. It's ok. Someone told me that there's no specific way to grieve this loss, you just feel and do the best you can. You were actually TTC, my baby was a surprise. So tho I had my baby longer, you wanted yours so very much and you tried for months. Don't let anyone tell you how much you should grieve. Just don't bottle it up inside. Btw.. my doctor told me this miscarriage won't affect my chance at other babies. it's not your only chance. I journal my feelings and write letters to my baby when things get to be too much. Maybe it'll help you too.
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:17 am
I'm going through this weird phase now where all I want to do is "be with" hubby if you catch my drift. I know that's pretty tacky given the situation. He wants to try again as soon as we can and I guess I do too but part of me feels guilty for that.
I'm also scared I'll lose another baby.. I don't think I could go through all this a second time.
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 10:29 am
Sashanaru I'm going through this weird phase now where all I want to do is "be with" hubby if you catch my drift. I know that's pretty tacky given the situation. He wants to try again as soon as we can and I guess I do too but part of me feels guilty for that. I'm also scared I'll lose another baby.. I don't think I could go through all this a second time. Beilieve it or not, it's not tacky. "Being with" our hubby is also a form of comfort and helps get thru the hard times. I can't be with my hubby yet due to residual bleeding from the miscarriage but I want to. The doctor told me to wait until it stopped. It's ok to want to try again right away, but please get info from your doctor. I need to wait till I get a normal period again, but hubby and I decided to wait another year to try to give my body & spirit time to heal properly. I'm also having problems w/ low iron levels because of the massive amount of blood I lost and I need to get that back to normal before I try again cuz that's hard on a pregnancy. There may be things your doctor wants to fix first to get you and a potential baby healthier. And I'm scared to loose another baby too... I have nightmares about it. Trust me, I know how you feel.
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 11:59 am
I'd recommend that most people who lose a child wait a little while. My family have been through a few losses, my cousin was one of them. The egg was caught in her fallopian tube, causing her great pain. When she went in for surgery, they tried to make the egg move down, but they had no choice but to remove it. She was told to wait 6 months until she tried again. She waited two weeks.
I could understand why she'd want to do that, she desperately wanted a baby. But at the risk of her own health, I think she could have made a better choice.
The journal suggestions sounds like a good one. I'm actually getting into crafts and designing fronts of journals. I'd be willing to send one as a gift if you feel you do want to do this to help you grieve, Sasha.
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:00 pm
I haven't seen a doctor yet. I got my medicaid papers in the mail today and it upset me so much that I couldn't even read them.
I'm going to take my last hpt tomorrow to make sure I'm registering as not pregnant again. I figure if I had an hcg of 45 on Friday, that I should be at a non pregnant level by now...
bleh..
At least I stopped bleeding, it actually wasn't that bad.. it was like a period with a few more clots.. but emotionally.. eek
There is this obnoxious part of me trying to be optimistic but there is no way all that came out of me and there would still be a baby in there..
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:23 pm
Sashanaru I haven't seen a doctor yet. I got my medicaid papers in the mail today and it upset me so much that I couldn't even read them. I'm going to take my last hpt tomorrow to make sure I'm registering as not pregnant again. I figure if I had an hcg of 45 on Friday, that I should be at a non pregnant level by now... bleh.. At least I stopped bleeding, it actually wasn't that bad.. it was like a period with a few more clots.. but emotionally.. eek There is this obnoxious part of me trying to be optimistic but there is no way all that came out of me and there would still be a baby in there.. you're lucky, I'm still bleeding almost 2 weeks later (tho it's in the the very last stage) and i passed so much clots and tissue. Plus the amount of blood I loss was terrifying, my iron level is so low now because of it. It was really painful, i had contraction-like pains while passing everything and everytime I cried I'd get cramps. It sucked. stressed
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:07 pm
You were a good deal farther along than I was though too. I did take my last HPT.. negative as I thought. Ugh.. someone kill me now gonk
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:07 pm
=___= Sasha, honestly.
If you are so negative and this causes you so much angst, why are you trying for a child? From the second you got that positive test, you've been anything BUT happy. Nothing anyone says make it better, what else do you want anyone to say? That you'll NEVER get pregnant again? We don't know that and neither do you. That your body will abort every pregnancy? Again, we don't know that and neither do you. That this was your ONLY chance? Come on. None of us know and it's way too early in the game to call it quits and decide you just can't do it.
I understand you're hurting and upset. I know you're worried. I know it was hard for you to get pregnant. But try to look for the silver lining: you're not infertile. Which if it were me, I'd be ECSTATIC to know that. This pregnancy didn't take. It sucks but it wasn't meant to be and you can try again. Give yourself some time, work it out and work on running positive scripts in your head. How can anything good ever happen if you're so entrenched in negativity all the time?!
It's been so draining for me to read, I can't imagine what toll it has on you. crying
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 10:03 am
Dirge, I hear what you're saying... but sometimes letting those negative feelings out helps. Atleast she's not stuffing them down inside which is way more unhealthy. It hasn't been that long since she lost the baby, she just needs to vent. She's going thru what every woman who miscarries goes thru. I went thru it, I just wasn't up to coming online so none of you went thru it with me. We just need to be here for her, she will see the silver linings and be optimistic again. Right now her body, mind and soul just took a s**t kicking... She's allowed to be depressed. If it bothers you to read it maybe we can make a seperate thread for those of us who've lost a baby to talk in.
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 10:48 am
Kailani_Leiko Dirge, I hear what you're saying... but sometimes letting those negative feelings out helps. Atleast she's not stuffing them down inside which is way more unhealthy. It hasn't been that long since she lost the baby, she just needs to vent. She's going thru what every woman who miscarries goes thru. I went thru it, I just wasn't up to coming online so none of you went thru it with me. We just need to be here for her, she will see the silver linings and be optimistic again. Right now her body, mind and soul just took a s**t kicking... She's allowed to be depressed. If it bothers you to read it maybe we can make a seperate thread for those of us who've lost a baby to talk in. I think that's partially the point. For the last two pages this has become the miscarriage talk thread, when it is supposed to be directed toward women who are currently pregnant to discuss pregnancy. It's a bit off putting I'd think for a woman who is pregnant and doing fine to encounter such persistant talk of miscarriage and crippling depression. It's enough to honestly stop anyone from wanting to talk about their own pregnancy in a good light with other pregnant ladies. And while no one expects someone to have a time limit or a requirement on how and when they can grieve there is a limit to the amount of uncomfortableness that you are allowed to project onto others. BUT while one is in the middle of that grief they're not likely to think logically about the possible imposition they are putting onto others. And this goes both ways too. In fact I've been toying with the idea of moving the TTC thread to Life Happens mostly because of the likewise assine posting by pregnant women or women who got pregnant easily who pop in and say "dur just relax ahahaha" which is just as offputting and ill thought out, and frankly rude in my opinion. If you'd like to make a miscarriage support thread I wholeheartedly believe it would be a good idea.
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:00 am
It's ok, I just won't post about it in here anymore.
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