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 Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:58 pm
Man, writing a bunch of poetry after a year of writer's block feels really good. xd
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Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:29 pm
I actually just got an idea for the book i'm working on and I'm probably going to turn it into a Roleplay... ok straying from gaia i need all of you to give me your honest opinion http://nickch87.deviantart.com/art/My-Business-Card-82662235
what would you say if you got this handed to you as a actual business card?
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Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 11:14 pm
Tommy Cullen On the subject of shampoo and conditioner, who else can't use conditioner? If I do use conditioner, my hair is greasy the very next day. So when I stopped using it, my hair stopped getting so greasy. But it still got so greasy all the time. So I kept switching shampoos, and the only one that works for my is Fructis Balanced Care Fortifying Shampoo for dry roots and greasy ends. Instead of it being gross after two days, I don't have to actually wash it for three (I shower every day, but I don't wash my hair every time). Its fantastic. I save a lot of money on shampoo now, because my hair doesn't get as greasy as it used to. And its a lot softer and nicer, too. But not only is that the only shampoo I can use, I still can't use the conditioner that is supposed to go with it, because it just makes things the way they were before I started using it. Isn't this fantastic? I come back and talk about hair products, of all things. XD 
After two days my hair gets really greasy. I think because I touch it all the time. So my hair probably isn't as greasy as yours, but it sound like you have a good thing with the Fructis. I can't use regular conditioner in my hair or it makes my hair greasy. I condition after I dye my hair, though. I only dye it like once a year or if I'm having a life crisis. xp
Shampoo and Conditioner in ones are all I use. I have to switch every once in a while because my body becomes immune or something. Same thing with deodorant.
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Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 6:53 pm
While we're talking about it, I totally know what everyone here means. I wash my hair on average once a day, at least. And believe me when I say I know writer's block.
Sorry I've been gone for so long. It's been my Spring Break, and...well, honestly, I needed some time just to be a high school senior. I've had more fun than I can account for, laughed and cried more (together and separately) than I have in a long time, and rediscovered a kind of drama I've missed, full of good gossip and better friends.
I feel like something in me is broken, but...I'm not sure I need it anymore. I...can anyone here relate to having a golden opportunity that was meant to be, and then missing it? The only way I can put this is that today I feel as if I have a hole in my heart. I haven't felt so hopeless since.... Well, since Mama died. Between facing tomorrow and yesterday--all of my tomorrows and yesterdays--I am crushed.
But...good times remain in my heart, too. Friends I had rarely seen filled my days, and I'm sure stories will fill my ears tomorrow, and perhaps for many days. I will have to be content with this, as I do not think I can make any more changes, good or bad, for a while.
For you, my friends, it is not too uncommon to see me at the edge of my stamina. But for the world to see me so weak...I do have enough pride to be upset by this. But...is this pride? Or is it self-respect.... I suppose only time will tell.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that, like P!nk, I'm not dead.
Love and Vale,
-Andrew
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 7:56 am
@ Arrow: BTW thanks for the recommendation of Ender's Game, it's good, kinda violent, i mean the kid is only 12 and he already killed 2 people and doesn't know about it, just defending himself.
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 6:51 pm
Isn't it interesting though what people are capable of...? That's what really came out in the book for me. I loved Valentine.
So tired. Must go to sleep. Wanted to comment first.
-Andrew
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 10:48 pm
Yeah it is, I find it funny how Graff is just screwing around with him, and he knows. I'm almost done with it, i'm to the part where he just got leave for a switch and he doesn't want to go back.
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 12:08 am
So I went and got an Industrial put in today, in my left ear. It hurt like hell, but I feel it was worth it, because of how great it looks. <3 Maybe I'll take you guys a picture.
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:11 am
yeah, sure, you put one up and muse has been bugging me for a pic, i'll put one up after i get the highlights done in my hair...
*edit: and omg, i just heard they plan on and are working on making Ender's game into a movie... blaugh
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 10:58 am
Alright, I should have a picture by Friday.
I'm getting another tattoo, as well, not tomorrow, but next Wednesday. I'm going to get the Finnish word for Dragon up my right arm. After that, I'm getting three different turtle tattoo's, I just have to decide what order to do them in. Because I've got one for my ankle, one for my right arm, and one for my lower back, where the spine connects to the hips.
And soon, I'll be getting very, very light purple streaks in my hair. Probably in the next week or so. Maybe two weeks.
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:27 pm
Purple streaks? I wanna picture! *whine*
---
I started this to tell you all of my recent days. Including a 'holy' pair of pants, an awkward presentation with an attractive boy, a poem, and a random act of kindness that warmed my heart--in the form of frozen coffee. I might still tell you all one day, as an introduction to another story.
But today, I have finally put to words a realization that has set my heart to shining for many weeks, and changed my whole attitude and manners of speech. What could this be about?
Why, flirtation, of course.
You see, a couple weeks back, I realized that I had been flirting with old angers in my heart, for awkwardness rather than for joy, with a seizing sense of many opportunities lost rather than one looking forward to many opportunities. In the end, my flirtation was often cruel, and many times, groundless.
Not to say that it hasn't always proved healthy. Among the many lessons flirtation teaches are the expression of admiration and the reminders of modesty and humility. Many lessons show a revealed sense of openness and respect for goodness that far exceed mere conversation--flirtation leaves us raw and tender, undivided and whole in our attentions. Perhaps that is one of the greatest lessons of all--learning to lay bare our souls that others may know that we can see the goodness in them, naturally, and that it is attractive. Those who are flirted with learn too how to accept graciously the compliments offered them, and call again to their better nature.
There are two types of flirtation that I have come across that are healthy.
The first is the pursuit of pleasure. Simply put, fun and companionship can be sought out best when 'going out on a limb' with the other person. This is a personal process, one in which the one must extend himself to the other. I will admit, this can be intoxicating.
The second is in the admission of affection. It is the far more personal of the two, and the far more reaching. It goes past the body and pulls something from the spirit. It is purer in form and infinitely more complex in nature than mere lust. In stating affection, we can create affection. In giving voice to feelings that transcend relation--in something related closely to, but undeniably different than flirtation--we can give rise to answering feelings in another person, sometimes as timeless and unconditional as virtue itself.
And it is this second, higher 'flirtation' (when has a word been so poorly defined!) that draw to us those people who have the power to save us somehow. In my case...they have saved me from myself. Or perhaps the reverse process is true--that we discover this flirtation through those who have power over us. In any case, I truly believe that through the union of these two things--the admission and the person--that we can be healed of even the most grievous hurt, or cured of our original sin.
Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps this is heresy, or far worse, madness. But it is so clearly written in my heart that I cannot deny it. That honesty simply existent, that admiration freely given, that care always offered, the intimacy between people...how can wickedness stand in the face of such purity and goodness? How can a sickness of the spirit spread when confronted with such a panacea?
I can only conclude that with each new intimacy, I come closer to who I was meant to be. I am starting to really think on what my greatest evils are self-inflicted, or else, flaws not obtained but inborn. While in the end, the change must come from within, it must first begin from without. Something or someone must spark the drive to change. For me, at least, that has always come from those people closest to my heart.
When I confessed my feelings for John, I felt naked. For the first time in ages, I felt like I had something to lose, and that I was playing on an even field. Yet even then, I felt like it was the right thing to do--the natural thing to do. And when he accepted me...when he hugged me, he set something free inside me. I don't think I could explain it fully if I had all the elegance of all the great writers in all the world.
But I will say this: I was right. He was a key to my heart. But what did he unlock? What on earth did he set free? I feel like a sentence has been lifted from me. I feel.... More...more whole. There is a strange seed growing in me, and it feels wonderful. Soulfulness and individualism.... Goodness is evident even in the start. Could this be...could this be the fulfillment of the oldest lack? Could this be my personal revelation?
Could this be my original goodness, freed of its twin evil?
I dare to dream.
---
Dream...and that reminds me. The strangest thing happened today. I heard a poem, "If" by Kippling, and wouldn't you know it, but for the first time, it seemed like there was a brighter hope--and once more I felt freed from my surety of future tragedy.
Love and Vale,
-Andrew
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:22 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:13 pm
I don't think I want to read that right now. I'm already in a bad mood and after seeing the title, I'm pretty sure it'd just make it worse.
----
Why does time seem to go by slower when you're anticipating something? I'm dying my hair right now and these 25 minutes are taking forever to go by... 7 minutes left though! My mom is going to kill me when she sees that I died it black. xd
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 3:09 pm
So my boyfriend dumped me. April 15, 2008 8:30 pm.
He says, on the phone(with slight memory loss)," I feel we should break up."
Me," Ok" I'm in an utter panick. I almost started crying right there.
"I just don't feel the same way anymore. I thought I should end it before we got too far in our relationship. Do you understand?" What is he saying? When he asked me out he said he loved me. He asked me to marry him 13 times it was a joke, but he meant it as he would love me forever. He even would argue with me about who loved the other one longer or more!
"Yea, Ok, I understand." Saying anything just to try not to start to weeping. I didn't exactly succeed, I let out a sob. crying gonk
I disguise it with a cough because I have been sick for a couple of days.
"We can still be friends right."
"Yea sure. "
"Bye"
"Bye"
He also said something about how he would still pay for prom and I denied it. I dont exactly remember how that fit in, though.
Then we are still in an instant message online. He says,"dont be sad"
"I'm not. I kind of expected it you have been distant the last couple days." Yea he has been distant, but I thought it was just because he was stuck at his Dad's house and we hadn't been able to hang out in a while.
"Yea now i have to tell my mom."
"Yea."
Then that's it the last time I have talked to him sinse. I saw him in passing today in the hall, but I tried not to make eye contact or anything.
What is with that one day he loves me more than anything else in the world, universe, time ,whatever other gushie junk, then I don't feel the same way anymore? Could someone explain that to me.
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:05 pm
(Dead guild... Makes me sad.)
CariRae: I know you probably don't want to believe this, but if he can be that callused breaking up with you then I think he was probably fooling himself and you in the process about how he really felt from the very beginning.
I'm sorry about your heart ache. But just think of it as if HE'S the one missing out, not the other way around. If he knows he broke your heart and doesn't care then he doesn't deserve you OR your tears. I know you're a very special person and you may not want someone else now, but trust me when I say that you deserve a HELL of a lot more and that you WILL get what you deserve.
The way he acted intrigues me, though. It reminds me of people who have already found someone else. And I've seen that a LOT.
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