Welcome to Gaia! ::

Do what feels right, okay? No one can tell you what's truly best for your piece. However, I would suggest either remarking on it's change of color, or changing it's original color to gold altogether.
-Leavaros

Welcome back, Tommy! I was worried that this story wouldn't get finished, and it was really starting to upset me. I'm glad that you're in the writing mood again.

It kind of threw me off that Arianka, a young woman with a modest income would be living in a large, inherited house. If she has so much, why work at all? It seems like she was in an apartment, or at least a smaller space earlier. If you had established the setting in more detail at the beginning of the story, I think this chapter would make alot more sense.

Beyond that, a "weapons room"? Does she live in some sort of castle? At the very most, perhaps she would have a suit of armor as a family heirloom, or a pair of old swords somewhere, but an entire stockpile of weapons is rather incredulous. It just doesn't seem consistent with her earlier character. My personal image of her was the resourceful type--girl in trouble, gets some makeshift weapons from her apartment, etc. Maybe a gun to scare off ex-boyfriends. When you brought in the house and the weapons though, I felt the believability of the character kind of drop out the bottom.

But that's just one reader's opinion.
~KK

I just read all of it. It is really good and original. I have only seen anything even remotely like it in Oblivion in one of the side quests and in the Dream Merchant. You should really copy it into a word processor to weed out typos though.

You mess up 'an' and 'and' a lot. Word catches things like that, so i thought most word processors would. Sorry.

Looking forward to it. Expect more Vel & Val in late May.
-Leavaros

Turtle

Anianka looked around her misty kitchen, the clock above the table frozen to silence, and shivered. She moved to look out the window, the world frozen, her neighbors stopped short of getting in their car, a bird frozen mid-flight.

“What’s going on?” She wondered out loud.

“Child...” A flighty, velvet voice behind her. Anianka turned.

“Who..?” Before she could finish she found herself staring at a turtle the size of a German Shepard. The turtle was looking back into her eyes. It wore an intent but sad expression on its reptilian features.

“I am Skilpadde, the world of Dreams rests on my back.” His head went down for a second, as if to bow. “You have been drafted to save the souls who enter upon the dreamscape of Maroque.”

“What?” Blinking, Anianka simply looked confused. “From what?”

“From becoming demons, child.” Skilpadde replied.

“Like Kyonsei?” She asked, trying to make sense of it.

“Yes, like Kyonsei.” His head bobbed in agreement.

“What can I do?” Anianka asked, “And why should I? I hate people.”

“You can’t escape destiny, my child.” His words were deliberate and slow, his voice at once gravelly and willowy. “The Lake, my dear. More will be revealed to you there on what you need to do. But I can tell you a little bit now.”

Skilpadde let out a heavy, deliberate sign, and laid himself down, making sure he was comfortable. Anianka got impatient.

“What can you tell me then, Turtle?” She demanded, roughly.

“Patience, dear. I’ll get to it in good time.” He replied, and motioned for her to get comfortable.

Begrudgingly, she complied, seating herself at one of the chairs by the table. Being impatient meant that waiting for the turtle to begin explaining was torture, and she fidgeted a bit.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the turtle seemed to be ready to talk, and she watched him intently. Now she knew why he needed to freeze time to talk to her.

“Alright now, child.” Skilpadde began. Anianka had a sneaking suspicion he was being even slower to prove a point. What that point was, though, she had no idea. “I can tell you that this is very, very dangerous. You must find the Guardian of the Lake. He will be the one with the most information for you.

“As for what I can tell you, you might want to grab something to eat, child.”

A Little Explanation of Monique for your Pleasure

Anianka watched the turtle intently once he began to speak of the Queen of Maroque.

“We aren’t sure when, exactly, she died there, but we do know she must have been a spoiled, deeply ambitious young woman. She managed to bend and reshape Maroque to fit her will, wrangling unsuspecting visitors into trusting her, only to kill, and in turn steal and demonize their souls upon release.

“Over time, she gained more and more slaves, some willing, and they built for her a large, fantastical castle. Monique lives there, but it is not guarded - for there has never been an attack from which to guard. She feels she is safe within not only those walls, but all of Maroque itself, for eternity.

“Of course, her pets help keep it that way. Starblaze, the serpent of the Marshes, devourer of mortal and demon souls alike. You have been passing awfully close to him, Anianka. Be careful, he is not to be taken lightly.’”Snowbright, the giant carnivorous Rose plant and her seedlings, on the opposite side of the mountains. She would have made a fast meal of you, dear. Avoid her, if you can.” Anianka made a brief note of that in her mind.

“Under the mountain are a people Monique has, to this day, no idea of. A Dwarven race, called the Incoborous. Fat, though muscular, covered in tattoos, short but formidible. They are always watching, and you may meet them sometime. They have vast underground tunnels and cities below Maroque, and not just the mountains, though their main dwellings are in that area.

“When you get to the Lake, though, you’ll know exactly what to do I cannot explain it to you, it is something you must figure out for yourself, my child.” Here Skilpadde gave pause longer than normal. “But I fear you must be extremely careful, my child, for there are many perils on the way, some of which you have seen,”

“The bird-wolf...”

“And some you could never imagine. It was a very good idea to select weapons, but they may not be enough to keep you alive if you run afoul of a creature like what you call the “bird-wolf” or anything like it.

“And should you run afoul of Monique herself, I fear nothing shall save you. For her magic is old and strong, and you’re yet to cast a single spell.”

Anianka quirked a brow, shifting in her seat. “I can use magic?” The concept was foreign to her, but she was intrigued by it. “How do I..?”

“Only in Maroque, child.” Skilpadde replied, shaking his head. His tone was sullen, but it went back to the lilting drone of conflicting tones as he continued. “You shall figure it out in good time, dear one. You and Dei both.”

“You can’t tell me how to do it?”

“Child, I cannot tell you how to do something that works differently for every person. You must learn it yourself as Monique did. Only then will you truly be able to defeat her, as I am sure you must.”

“Why do I have to meddle in something I had no ******** clue was going on?”

“You are the chosen one, child. You can’t fight it, and neither can I. If I could change it for you, I would in a heartbeat. However, Destiny is Destiny, and it cannot be altered.”

“How cliche, Tortoise. I’m unimpressed. What’s to stop me just joining forces with this Monique? Sounds to me like she’s got a good thing going for her.”

“Do you really believe that it would be so easy as to just join Monique?” Skilpadde sighed, and his speaking quickened just a bit. “Think, child. Monique is, for all of her age and experience, just a spoiled teenage girl with too much power for her own good. You can do one of two things. You can kill her, or you can make her see the error of her ways. Now, which one sounds more likely?”

“Harsh... Brutal. I like the way you think, Skilpadde. If you want this spoiled brat who things she a queen dead, I can most definitely do it for you. Where is this castle of hers?”

“It is not that easy. You must first travel to the lake, or you will never be ready in spirit or body.”

Anianka looked at the turtle, contemplating his words and weighing her options as time stood still for her alone. On the one hand, Skilpadde could be bluffing, and she could join this Monique. On the other, it could be truth and Monique could be impossible to join forces with. The big question in Anianka’s mind, though, was what she would get out of it. What was being offered to her in return for killing this “spoiled teenager?”

She tapped her fingers on the table for a moment, impatient and waiting for more. When Skilpadde did not continue, she twitched impatiently and asked her question.

“What do I get out of it, and what do you really get out of it?” The turtle stared his blank stare, blinking for what seemed like the first time in the entire time they had been sitting there.

“You get the chance to do something you’d be locked away in your own world for, and get away from it with only the realm of Maroque knowing you’d done it.” He told her. “And I... Well, I get peace and order in my realm once more.”

Anianka laughed. She didn’t care one bit for the peace and order - it never tickled her fancy much - but getting away clean for killing someone did sound right up her alley. It seemed Skilpadde knew what she wanted, and how to get her to listen to him. She shrugged her shoulders.

“I’ll do it.” She said.