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 Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 1:36 pm
GGG,
i worked again today, it was okay. got to know a few of the girl's, and one who is pretty cute and gives off a pretty strong bi-vibe, if i'm not misinterpreting. it would be wicked cool to make some friends around here, especially if they are open minded.
we went to see chuy's dad again yesterday, and all that driving gave me a majorly sore back. plus, we fought. i asked him if he would take care of chuy saturday night while i go to a party, and he was skeptical. i think he might have agreed, but then his sister jumped in and said i deserve some me time, since i have chuy all the time by myself, and his mom agreed. once they got him feeling sufficiently defensive, he went off on me and told me not to talk to him, how he works every day and then comes home too tired to go out...
it doesn't matter. i'm not wanting to get a babysitter for chuy because i need me time. i was disappointed when i found out he couldn't go, but they are not setting up for children, and it's a religious event. it would be mega rude to take chuy.
anyway, i was pissed he acted that way, and pissed that his sister said that. having chuy live with me is not a burden, it's not a responsibility. being wih him all the time is not something i do because ihave to. i love hanging out with him, he's such a fun kid. i'm actually considering not attending the event i had planned after all, and finding one where kids are welcome. i don't wanna celebrate the new year without my baby!
anyway, i finally got my avatar how i want it. the CoCo kitty made it perfect. i can't think of a single thing i'd like to do with it now. now i can start on my house!
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Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:03 pm
Update on the uber-rant of the other day, with a short review for those who didn't read the entire thing (I don't blame you at ALL!).
Praxis (the teacher certification exam) got my social security number wrong on one of my tests when they reported scores. I mentioned that a while back.
I was told a few weeks ago that if I didn't get it fixed, I wouldn't get my teaching license, and I'd loose my job, and basically, my place in the masters program I'm in, and all the hours I've put in so far.
I emailed Praxis on the 6th. I got an email back the same day, saying they were sending the info.
I was called in about a week later and told that my deadline for getting everything fixed, and my license in order was the 1st of November.
I emailed them last week, because they hadn't gotten back to me. That was Friday, I belive.
Today I got an email back from Praxis. The scores go in the mail November 2.
And I can't even send the superintendant that email, because the school's filter catches it and sends it back. Something about inappropriate language. *wants to scream*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, my boyfriend is in Austin at the Game Writer's Confrence until Friday evening.
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Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 12:26 pm
You guys seriously don't have to read anything I post for a while...I'm bogged down up to my neck in crappiness.
Today I should have been able to get off before noon. I'm doing (as I've mentioned) the GEE retesting, and today the students finished quickly. One of the perks of doing the retesting is that the teachers involved can leave when students are done.
But I had a meeting to go to. So I got stuck staying until 2nd lunch. No BIG deal, just a bit of an annoyance.
So I checked with the substitute, to see where the students were in my lesson plans.
Let me back up a minute:
Monday morning, before duty, I came in around 7 and cleaned off my desk. I made sure there were copies of my lesson plans (including a backup plan for the freshmen, in case I couldn't get the Romeo and Juliet movies, or in case they were bad), ran copies of handouts to be used either in class or as homework (depending on the lesson plan followed), made sure there were up to date copies of the discipline sheet, and that all necessary text books were all stacked on my desk. The lesson plans were lined out down to how many minutes each assignment should last, and I provided a kitchen timer. I wrote (in red ink) on the lesson plans exactly which curriculum activity they went with, so that if students finished the work a little early, the substitute could look at the curriculum (which was printed out and laid beside the lesson plans, AND pulled up on the computer and on the correct page) and make any adjustments needed.
So I checked with the substitute to see where the students were in my lesson plans.
They weren't! "I didn't even know you had left plans." is what I was told. My seniors are reading the play at their own pace (it has to be done by Monday, I said), and the freshmen are writing a speech that ISN'T EVEN ON THE PLAN (if they want to!), or working on their research paper (that was to be done COMPLETELY out of class!), or reading R&J (if they're done, or don't want to do the other stuff). Not only was I already behind in the curriculum, now I'm a week FARTHER behind. The seniors should have had an entire activity from the curriculum done, and the freshmen should have either had an activity done, or had a MAJOR grammar week. Instead they've not covered any of it.
*fumes, slightly*
I don't mean this to offend anyone, but when I put in more effort in planning than I do for when I am teaching, it really is a smack in the face when it ALL goes to waste.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, one of the students I re-tested in GEE is my age. Isn't that both nice (because she's still trying, at least) and sickening (because she's still HAVING TO try)?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, apparently the email address that I had for the superindendant was an old one. She did get the behavior plan, (which I just emailed to a different address from her, as she never mentioned getting it, or the Praxis thing I sent) but though she just emailed me back and let me know that, she hasn't said a word on the whole "you might lose your job if you don't get stuff fixed" thing.
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 8:33 am
happy samhain, everyone! i hope we all have a great year.
oh, my, we had such a wonderful weekend! it started out friday night with trick or treat at the zoo. chuy got some pictures with a (costume) lion, mrs. potts, some dino and dragon props, and darth vader. the darth vader didn't actually work there, was just a kid trick or treating near us. when chuy asked for a picture, the kid got so excited. you could tell he felt like a celebrity, it almost made me cry. i love to see people so happy.
anyway, saturday night i went to my witchy party, and a friend's mom watched chuy (nevermind that she was more eager to do it than his own father, grrrr). he had pumpkin pie, watched monsters, inc., and she made him a superman cape.
the friend (who is actually my sister's boyfriend) and i carved some pumpkins and headed out. i dressed as a flapper. he had a robe with a modified endless knot (instead of square, it resembled a goat's head). it was so much fun, we had a few drinks, played a guessing game, and did a secret desires ritual (not necessarily in that order). he and i got along really well. it was the first time we really just hung out, and we got along famously. he's loves to talk about religon as much as i do, and knows much more about it.
sunday, we went to see chuy's dad. his mom asked me to leave because chuy never wants to hang out with anyone else while i'm there. spud and i left, and he took me on our first date. he said he owed me at least one real date, seeing as how we fooled around quite a bit in high school but never officially went out. we went to the mall to see an old friend, ate sushi, and went to wake up another friend and chat before he had to go to work. he was really sweet. i'd forgotten how much he cares about me. if i hadn't had chuy and gotten engaged to his dad, spud had every intention of "coming back and sweeping me off my feet." i love the spud. he's great.
last night, we went around the neighborhood, then went to my restaurant for a milkshake. talked to some people there. all in all, the best halloween ever, and the best samhain ever, while you're at it.
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 12:30 am
Dear GGG Journal.
Well, life is normal. But one thing worth mentioning.
My house is only 4 years old and a few of the roof tiles came down with the wind.
Not only that but the people we built our home through said they don't have the name of the contractor to fix it.
So my galant hubby got some roffing supplies that matched our roof and fixed it himself.
heart heart
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 8:43 pm
Dear GGG Journal:
Things have finally setteled. I'm still pretty ticked at the admin...when I brought my scores (finally!) to them, they just smiled and made a copy. BAH! All that fussing and threatening for nothing. It really ticks me off.
In other news, I'm getting over being sick, which is good. Things are beginning to settle in life, and I'm trying to help my roommate find a place to move in December when our lease is up and she and her fiance move in together. I wish my man's lease was up then, so we could be together, but next door is close enough. smile
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 9:47 pm
GGG,
i finally , no, wait, rather the state finally got my child support case together and scheduled a hearing that i have to try to get postponed (same date as my ACT test). my ex was mad at me cuz they apparently set a sum of $4g, but based it on him not having helped me out since chuy was born (almost three years). he thought i had told them he never helped me at all, but we talked and i told him that wasn't the case. i suggested he find bank statements and check records and all, and we are okay now. our friend offered the first day to act as a go between, keep things civil, but i told him i didn't want that. if we can't be grownups and at least communicate for our son's sake, we're not good parents, the way i see it. even my parents always found a way to coordinate visits and all. one thing they were a really good example about was always making sure we got to see the other, with one lame exception my mom pulled when i was a sophomore.
anyway, i am happy that is getting started and totally psyched i was able to talk to him and calm him down when he got the summons. i am getting really good at talking to him and helping him see the positive side, and i think he is really starting to understand i am not trying to hurt him.
this weekend, chuy is staying with him while i go to a party in downtown okc. i am totally psyched, i finally get to really hang with my new pagan meetup group. plus it is the day after my friend's bday, and he is going with me.
my son is potty training, and this morning i woke up to him leaving the room. he hung out with my dad getting ready for work, and papi taught him to shave, i think. it was great. he is learning to open doors, and this morning i fell asleep for about an hour, and he didn't even make a mess or anything. just hung out and watched cartoons. it was awesome.
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 6:17 pm
Dear GGG,
I went to Las Vegas this weekend. My cousin, Angel, had her 21st birthday party over there. It was held in a suite in the Luxor Casino. It was really nice!
The thing is... well, I love my cousin very much... in fact I love all my family very much, but I constantly feel out of place whenever I am with them... In my immediate family all the "kids" are guys. I am the oldest and the only girl grandchild. When we were little I always thought my other (girl) cousins didn't like me. (Note: all my girl cousins are 2nd and 3rd cousins) Like I said, I feel they don't really like me. Just before the summer, my cousin Angel and I began talking. She went away to Scotland for school and she told me to email her every day. So me, being the person I am, did so. She wrote back to me and we got to know each other and I thought things would be different... They aren't... things are the same as they use to be except now, I miss her because I don't talk to her anymore... It's really hard on me because I don't have any friends and I just always thought that it would be great to be friends with my cousins. I'm friends with my guy cousins... in fact, they are all like my brothers... some of them are even closer than my real brothers... but a girl needs lady friends... at least... I feel like I do... I don't know... I also feel like I might be being too sensitive or something... I'm told I over react a lot... I don't know... I'm confusing and hurting myself again...
Other than all this... I've been at my new job for about a month now... I like it there... except my supervisor... she makes things really difficult for me. She's new with the company this year (as am I) but she doesn't seem to know too much. Sometimes I feel I know more about how everything works than she does! On Friday I had an incident with her, not too big but she did make me cry... (I think I may actually be too sensitive) But I haven't talked to her since so I hope she doesn't try to push me out or anything.... I wouldn't be able to handle anything like that again...
Also, seeing as I was away on vacation this weekend I found out last night that one of my favorite WWE wrestlers, Eddie Guerrero passed away. I was so sad, I cried for him when I found out and cried throughout the program... I feel like crying now just thinking about it. He was a very talented and charismatic person and I am going to miss him.
Wow, reading over this I do seem really sensitive and whiney... maybe? Oh well, I am who I am... But sometimes I feel that I'm not... does that make sense?
-Blu
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 8:58 am
Dear GGG journal.
The sadest thing ever in my life happend. crying I had to give my Garath to the humane society. When he gets outside and loose, he becomes a wild animal, literaly. One of the neigbors was teasing him, and she ended up getting bit. crying
It only left a scratch, but she was so upset. I didn't want legal problems with the neigbhors, so he had to go. I had no choice. And with him went my heart. crying
I can't figure out what the Lord wants from me. I've been called to be the greeter at Relifsociety, and also I've been given two sisters to Visit teach. And now, the bishop bric has called my husband and I to be on the activities commity for our ward. I'm not sure how I'm going to keep up with it all. On top of that, I'm now a member of the RelifSociety board, and have to attend thier meetings.
I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to figure out what God wants from me at this time.
Also I've been voted in as the "historian" for the Womens group for the Utah Civil War Association.
Sometimes Life is best when it's boring, perhaps I'm just supposed to have that reinforced for a time.
~ Gwyndara ~
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 9:55 pm
*hugs Gwen*
Sounds like things are stressful for you right now...and losing a family member doesn't help. I hope you learn what God wants for you...sometimes it's easier if you can see what's the pattern is.
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:45 pm
Dear GGG,
This is a little late, but Thanksgiving was cool. It was at my Nina's house this year. The only thing is that I had to leave early because I had work the next morning and couldn't partake in our annual after dinner festivities. (We play poker. I did get to play a few hands and I won! Which is why I wanted to stay. I was lucky! sad ) Anyway, I was sitting by the phone when it rang so I answered it. It was my cousin Jon, who is in Iraq right now. All holidays we use to (and still) spend together but when we were little, Thanksgiving had always been a little more special... I guess because we both like food so much! xd I was so excitied to talk to him and felt my voice crack a little because hearing his voice made me miss him so much more and I wanted to cry, but I didn't... I was strong for him and held it in. I needed to go out for some air afterwards though...
Work is going good, this week we are supposed to be working five days instead of four but today we were told we'd be working Saturday too! That's six days a week, eight hours a day. That's the most I've ever worked and I'm hoping I can handle it. sweatdrop At least it'll make the time go fast until my cousin comes back and I go back to school and it'll also give me a nice fat wallet! That's good, I can spoil my Godson a little more. 3nodding Speaking of him, I got two new pictures from his momma, finally! They are of him in his minicammy's and saluting. He is too cute!! heart
I still haven't decided what I want to do with school. I feel kind of old to be going to school; I mean I know and understand that I'm not, but still. I guess it's because I'm at a fairly young school... I've been going there for a while now and have doubts about my artistic abilities. I know I haven't been drawing as much as I should which makes me out of practice but being in a class with so many younger more talented artists makes me feel bad. Compared to them, to me, my art is just awful. But, on a more positive note I have found that I am completely in love with the Japanese language. I have only taken the first of five levels at my school but I really like it. I practice often and read my dictionary, constantly looking up new words. When I go to the book store I always go to the language section and look at the books wanting to buy another Japanese language developmental/learning kind of book. If nothing else I am definitely going to continue that. The only thing is that there is nothing I know of that I could do with that kind of learning, besides teach, but I don't know if I can do that either... Well, I guess we'll see.
-Moon
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 4:41 am
Dear Gaia Goddess Guild Journal
It's been awhile since I have last posted.
I'm a fraid I'm failing misrably at my church callings.
It's hard for me to attend my meetings because I work the nightshift.
I feel terrible about it but I'm doing the best that I can.
My cousin Mary just had her fourth child yesterday morning.
she named him David Thistle Heaten
She says he is the pruple weed among her purple flowers.
Her other three are girls. Violet, Lavender, and Lilac.
I do have some exciting news.
Kirk and I are finaly going to be able to get our medical procedures done, and possibly have a baby. If everything goes well, this time next year I could be pregnant. I pray everything goes well.
So thats everything for now.
~ Gwyn ~
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Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 1:06 am
Dear GGGJ;
My parents have forbidden me to have any contact with my life mate/soul mate/love/fiance/best friend/emotional husbad *yes we feel married* under threat of being compleatly cut off from financial help.
I have not seen him since early December.
I had a stomach flu on christmas eve.
The next day my parents found out about us and it has been a constant guilt trip ever since. Because apparently me loving him and giving him any of myself is detrimental/criminal and he is an evil evil man because he moved from florida a few years ago to be togeather, occasionally borrowed small sums of money (that were always lovingly returned) and has had a horrible run of bad luck in the last year mostly culminating around him being wrongly accused of a felony (see my main post about that in life issues). He also lost a job because, while in training, he accedently flashed the scanner light in a kids eyes who was OH in the wrong part of the basket - and OH robin should have had to been reaching at odd angles to get to the item IN the basket while the parents were standing there arguing instead of attending to their bussiness, ie.
-child
-checking out
He has gotten it togeather since Christmas and is in college and has had a solid job, but now the case apparently is going to court. I dont even know what to say about it. The whole thing is too discusting for words. It is all based off what a stupid lieing little b***h of a 10 year old said. Who we first met (OH) breaking into an APARTMENT and still trying to LIE about it after being caught.
My mother is verbally abusive and loves to create a Robin-hobgoblin monster. She has COMPLEATLY constructed this EVIL EVIL being and has convinced herself that is the man I love and thinks I am somehow brainwashed since I dont believe her stupid construction. ._.`
I tried to kill myself over spring break - the stress of not seeing him and having constant s**t from my parents about him (them saying I have no self esteem because I chose someone 'like him') I have had constant pains in my chest - I think they are panic attacks. I seriously am starting to worry that I might have a heart attack before the age of 23.
Oh..
Sorry for not comming around the last few months.
Comming here obviously makes me spill my guts...
I guess I didn't feel like facing or talking about this at all before...
._.
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Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 5:13 am
Dear GGGJ
It's been a long while since my last entry. Mostly because my life has not been a happy one of late.
I went through the entire envitro fertilization and exe procsses only to find that I will never give birth to my own children. I love my husband, but it hurts to know that the two of us will never have a child together.
I have even fallen to the depths so low that I contemplate taking a lover just to get pregnant and then pass it off as a miracle. I'm ashamed of such horrible thoughts. but my heart achs.
I know thier is adoption but until we make more money, and or my husband agrees to foster care, it's not an option.
so many people try to comfort me with words, but the words can not heal my heart. I've been so emotionaly angry for such a long time now.
I find myself angry with God, and then guilty for such angery feelings.
It's been three months, i should be over it by now or at least moving on, but I just can't seem to.
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