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 Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 4:00 pm
'Ros had been in a situation like this...once...but he was one of the ones who was distraught...fraught with emotion...and he remembered all too well why he'd built his walls. But dammit...those walls were not what they were...there was a door contructed in them now...meant for only one person, and that one person had unknowingly walked right through.
But not that the coon intended to let the mother of his children know that. Nope. That would be more than he was willing to part with. Hikuzu already owned far too many pieces of 'Ros's soul...and the auburn-haired male was not yet ready to relinquish it in its entirety.
Edging to stand as close to the singer as possible, golden eyes seemed almost apathetic to the distraught twins, but then...'Ros was very good at pretending. These were people that his little troubadour cared greatly for...and so he knew that as much as he wanted to he must neither be abrupt nor lecture, so he said nothing, and instead shifted to be beside the bearer of his children, putting an arm around him.
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 7:02 pm
Fhyst tried not to wince. For a moment it seemed that he would be able to relax, that he would be able to spill out the pain that had washed over him completely. The offer had been made for him to speak, but in the next his 'father' had told him .. basicly not to say a darned thing about what he was feeling. He couldn't just tell his brother, that was the whole darned point. He was in turmoil inside and he needed to speak to someone outside of it all.
Fhyst swallowed and bowed his head. "I see.. uh.. yeah.." He didn't see though, not at all. Keeping his face in shadows for the moment he tried to plaster a false smile on his face. Best to pretend.
How he wished that he could speak to someone. Someone not in such pain. His father was not the one to offer his shoulders to the burden. His twin was part of it.. and... The coon... the coon was not one at all. He couldn't speak to someone that hated him, and the chances of being offered the chance....
Finally the fox took off his hat, and coat, folding them and placeing them over the back of a chair. "I.. shall head to my room thank you kindly." Again with the false smile. "I am sorry for being a trouble."
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 7:23 pm
"Fhyst!" Takiro whined. He knew his father hadn't meant his words that way, he really did want to listen but then he looked about to cry. Takiro's eyes were observing his replacement dad and then they looked to Fhyst. "Why are you doing this? Why do you hate me now? You're running away! From everything! From me... from me Fhyst... I love you and you're running away from me..." The always happy twin was not happy now and he began to cry, the cries turned into sobs and he latched onto his brother's arm. "You look so fake brother... my dear brother... why ... why brother...."
The grip loosened and he sunk to his knees slowly, then buried his face in his hands. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair at all. Why did he have to be part of so much pain? If it would make Fhyst happy Takiro would've kissed him five million times over. Anything to make that smile real, anything to make their family okay again. But his broken pregnant father and his father's new boyfriend weren't useful and now with his best friend, his brother, his true family, on an emotional rampage, he was alone. Utterly and disgustingly alone and it took him over. He wanted Fhyst to say he was sorry and for his brother to hug him. To even take five seconds to acknowledge that Takiro needed him. He needed him more than anything and he was walking away again.
Hikuzu watched the scene, watched their expressions with awe when Takiro started the commotion. He was stuck in flashbacks and pain and it swirled round and round his head and body and he felt he wanted to throw up and die right on the spot. Not even a drug could do such pain to him. There was nothing that could hurt worse right now.
His body jolted when he felt 'Ros grasp him protectively and helpfully. His red eyes burned into the other's delicate auburn ones and he melted. Things seemed to vanish in the other's eyes and his hair had not yet settled on his shoulders as he had calmed down. The eyes were sweet to him, no matter what. Beyond everything he cared for 'Ros so absolutely that he was only pulled away when Takiro fell to his knees sobbing. Hands suddenly clutched at his ears as his eyes went wide, "No...no..." He murmured insanely. "Don't....." He ducked his head, starting to go into the worst trip he'd ever had. That day, that horrible day where he felt like he would die...
It was the shop. He was on the floor. Aure. Aure's beautiful face. 'Hikuzu come home? I'm sorry...' The touch. The recoil. The hurt. He watched him leave. Watched the tears patter to floor. He was gone. The memories, the memories... suddenly with a gasp he jolted back and clung to 'Ros, "Don't go... don't go...." He had this terrible feeling that 'Ros was going to leave him just like Aure.
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 8:56 pm
"Hikuzu..." The coon's voice was soft, and for once, contained traces of the tender emotions which he himself had not once truly given into...and wouldn't unless there was some major cataclysm. Unfortunately they appeared to be teetering on the brink of one...but then, 'Ros was desperately trying to convince himself that such a thing would not happen, that he wouldn't have to come out from behind the fortress that he had built about his heart and soul.
"...I won't abandon you." Strong hands were about the slender musician's waist, and his golden eyes flickered to the twins...this was not helping...not at all...it could not have come at a worse point.
And then...his a** was ringing...
s**t. Damn cell phone. It sounded altogether too happy and innocent for being such an interrupter...bad bad bad timing. But reluctantly, he pulled the innocent piece of plastic and wiring from his pocket, and answered it. Crud. It was home. The voices on the other end of the line were no less frantic...and they could pull on strings that he couldn't deny. The order was a simple one...come home. Now. And the auburn-haired coon had no choice to obey, he'd never heard his father so distraught.
Hell...he didn't even have time to explain. Snapping it shut, he pulled the angelic fox to him. "I have to go for a while, I'll be back...all right?" And he sealed his words with a kiss...lingering but a moment.
Rising to his feet, he glared at the twins, "And you two...you listen to him...and listen to one another. If I judge anything by your words then you won't make a goddamn mess of this...you will kiss and make up and anything else you have to do...I just don't want to see this place and these people in wrack and ruin when I get back...is that understood? Good. Thought so..."
And without so much as waiting for a reply, and cursing a thousand times over, swearing rather creatively under his breath, he left the room...hoping that whatever was wrong at home was something that could be fixed in short order.
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 11:24 pm
Fhyst looked down at his brother, who was holding his arm a moment. When the restriction let go, and his brother, sobbing slid to the floor, the other fox had no idea what to do. Instinct begged him to go to his twin, hold him close and tell him all would be well.
He just couldn't do that. How could he say something that he himself didn't feel. He felt as though he was being stabbed a million times.
Then the words of the coon, telling him what to do. Saying he could judge things.. yet, the orders were too simplistic, and yet impossible to follow.
Kiss and make up?
That was one thing he could not do. He could not touch his brother anymore. To do so.. would be to make Kiro cry.
"I will... stay here.. but I can .. not ... I can't... hurt you more Takiro." He knelt down beside his brother, keeping his hands to himself.
He had caused so much damage by a little gesture that seemed so.. natural. How could a kiss destroy everything?
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:49 am
The response to that voice was a gentle look, but he still clung to the other, begging him. Those hands secured him in this world and were his lifeline, but that ringing disturbed him. It drove fear out of the shadows and sent them likes razors to the front of his defense. Watching the other's face nervously, Hikuzu began to realize the other was leaving and when he was pulled close, told the other had to go for a while (far too long in his opinion) and then kissed him, Hikuzu felt as if he was going to cry. There went his life. Out the window like a bird. Simple. Fragile. Fleeting. And then it was gone.
For many a minute the angelic fox stared at the spot where his coon had been. Where the father of his children had been. Where his safety had been. He saw nothing but emptiness. Everywhere. It was all empty for everything would leave him if given enough time. Everything would die around him. His life was worthless and he didn't want to live it. He wanted to curl up around the only thing he had that couldn't leave -the children he carried- and die that way. Slowly he saw the world fall apart into pieces and it all went black as he passed out.
'Ros was gone. He was gone. He wasn't going to be back, it was a lie... just like his lies about not abandoning him. He was going to be alone forever. Alone in his sorrow with children he couldn't care for alone and other children that were, practically, loosing their minds over something so trivial that struck a memory chord he didn't want to hear. The beautiful song in his mind, the one that he had written with 'Ros, seemed to vanish and as he spiraled down into darkness, he felt it suffocate him.
Takiro looked up at his brother as he spoke to him and then he reached out his arms and hugged the other. It was a flailing hug that said the young musician was desperate and in need of his brother. He shook his head as he tried to cling to Fhyst. "You didn't hurt me! You hurt yourself brother! Why can't you see that I'm fine? I just... I just... you took it so.... horribly and I'm sorry..." He didn't really care about the coon's words. Fhyst was his brother and he'd do what he thought was right if he had to.
However, Takiro could not let the pain continue. He could not let it linger and hurt them both. The fox didn't even have time to take notice of their 'father', who was passed out and looked very pale. He only had eyes for his twin. "One more chance, give me one more chance Fhyst! I'm begging you..." He looked up into the eyes of the other and slowly, very slowly, he leaned up to kiss him, wondering if the other would be the one to recoil this time.
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 9:17 am
Unlike his brother Fhyst did not recoil, did not pull back from the kiss. He did however freeze a moment in deep shock. This wasnt real his mind claimed. But it was.
When the shock left him he realized just how real it was. His brother was kissing him. Fhyst slowly wrapped his arms around his twin, holding him protectively close and kissing back. He didn"t want to break it untill Kiro pulled away. He had to though. "Kiro... is father crying?" He whispered the words brushing his twin across the cheek lightly. "Are we makeing him cry?"
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:05 pm
Shivering a little at being held so close and to have his brother pressing back to him with a kiss, it was odd. For some reason though he didn't care because it made Fhyst happy. Didn't it? It did... it did... and that was all that mattered. Fhyst was important beyond any measure of words and there was no one in the world who connected to him like his brother could.
Then a hand brushed his face and he heard the words his brother spoke. Eyes scanned over their father and there was a sharp intake of breath. "Fhyst... I think we hurt him... he looks really bad..." He whimpered and buried his face in the other's shoulder, feeling terrible and at a loss for what to do.
In that black void that was his mind the world seemed to be taunting him. It was everywhere. Laughter everywhere. Coming from everyone. Nobody wanted him around. Even the twins were turning their backs on him. Alone in the huge darkness made his breathing heavy and made him crippled. He curled up around his knees and looked at a glow in the distance. With a jolt he got up and started running.
It was his guitar.
As he touched his precious instrument it crumbled to pieces before him. The ashes melted away around the edges of his feet and tears spattered the darkness. There was a white horizon, melting into purple, which melted into black surrounding him. Everywhere he looked was vibrating with the same things he shouted or did. As his tears pattered into nothingness there were blue glowing ripples everywhere as if it was raining.
Then in front of his bent over figure was 'Ros, just like he'd looked standing behind the club that very first day. He was smirking with angry retorts covering his face and those glasses and that scarf. The things that defined his coon. The only one he'd ever shared his bed with. In his arms were two children, their faces not visible but one of them having a scarf of his own and the other having his own 'Ros imitation glasses.
Slowly the troubadour raised his hand at 'Ros who turned and walked away, holding the two boys. ''Ros! Damnit don't leave! Don't leave! Come back to me! Come back!' Hiku's voice echoed and vibrated in the bleak world of his mind. Slumping over with his head in his hands and crying a bit, he looked up to see that 'Ros was waiting. Pushing himself up to his feet he jolted after the other, hand extended, however, he couldn't seem to reach him. Just beyond his friend were the twins, hugging each other and being happy. Tears flew behind him as he ran faster, trying so hard to reach the unreachable.
Meanwhile, his real body was simply slumping over and looked like a living corpse. It looked like Hikuzu was about to spike a fever and his unconciousness was very obvious at this point. He was drowning in the recesses of his mind and cold sweat poured down his face. Moans and murmurs came from his throat, like he was pathetically trying to find something but he couldn't and was highly distraught with it all.
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:15 pm
Fhyst felt even more hiddeous now. He stepped away from his brother and knelt before his father's slumped form. What was he supposed to do? Such a huge mess and what caused it? A kiss. Stupidity really. He should have known better. More than anything he knew he had to build up the walls between him and his brother.
"It can never happen again Kiro.. not if this happens because of it. Forgive me for all of this wrong. I will make it better. I swear it."
He bit his lip, his ears folding down tight as he pressed one hand to his dad's arm. "Forgive me. I didn't mean any of it. I wont do it again. Please come back to us. You said you have babies in you. Don't kill them with your saddness."
Did any of the words even make sense?
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 5:31 pm
From Hikuzu there was no answer. His dreams were running away from him. His body was fever pitched and he gurgled things that made no senses. His hands twitched and sought unfindable details. Things were alone, even when he was being touched, he had never been more alone. He saw nothing and responded to nothing.
Takiro went over and stood behind his brother nervously. He was afraid that now, just when he was ready to be with his brother in a stronger way he would not be allowed to. Didn't father once tell them he had a problem? Something he'd done that was bad. Perhaps their problem had reminded him? Maybe he wasn't unhappy about the kiss, maybe it was the problem. 'Ros didn't say they couldn't be together.
Eyebrows knit together and he bit his own lower lip, "Father..." Then he raised his voice a bit louder and put a hand on Fhyst's shoulder. "We have to lay him down brother... he looks so sick... this isn't our fault is it? It just can't be..." That's right. Deny everything. It was the perfect time for denial.
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 5:55 pm
Fhyst was inclined to agree with his brother. It didn't seem that they were looking at their father. It seemed that they were looking again at the broken man that had first found them. The one with the hollow promises. Sure they got a home to stay in, but not the love they had been led to think they would get.
Fhyst looked down and shook his head. "He hasn't been our father for a while. Not since.... I don't know but he said that he needed us..that we would help him. Then he pushed us away."
Fhyst grit his teeth. "I wanted to as well. I wanted to help.. but he got the coon instead, and didn't need us anymore. Likely he is upset that the coon is gone. And that... all of this happened."
He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know what to do Kiro.. I don't know anymore. Each thing I do hurts someone and I am sick of it. I want to stop hurting myself and others." He gestured to their adopted father. "He wont even talk to me.. so how can I help?"
He sighed and looked back down at him. "Please.. if I did something wrong tell me and I will never do it again. Just stop ignoreing us! If you want me gone tell me. I can't live like this anymore. You aren't the only broken being around!"
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 6:09 pm
"It won't work Fhyst," Takiro whispered quietly. "I understand that we're both hurt and he didn't give us everything he had promised, but I'm sure it'll work out in the end ... but he's not going to answer you now. Be reasonable... please." He let out a sigh and watched the two of them sadly. One was an unconcious pregnant angelic coon and the other was his brother, his pained beautiful brother.
Leaning down he wrapped his arms around the other, "Fhyst, calm down, you're upsetting me now too. It's bad enough he's this way right now but don't you freak out too... I need you..." He leaned his head on the other's shoulder, peering at Hikuzu. There had to be something, think think think!
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 6:16 pm
Fhyst was starting to tremble, biting his lower lip to hold his sobs in. He was feeling so torn up inside. Nothing seemed to make sense now. He bit his lip more, cutting into the soft skin. "Kiro... I hurt him by kissing you.. and then ... I dont know what to do. I can't handle this." He shirted and pressed hsi head to hsi twin's shoulder starting to cry. "I can't. I am confused. All I wanted was to stay close to you. I hurt you then.. all of this."
He was dizzy, so dizzy. THe room was spinning and he was sure he was going to fall into some pit. He just had to hold on. Just a little longer. "Forgive me.."
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 6:49 pm
"Of course... of course I forgive you." He wrapped his arms around his twin tightly and leaned into him. "Listen to me Fhyst... listen. You didn't hurt me. I'm all right. Okay? I'm fine! Hopefully, Hikuzu will be fine too. You need to take a deep breath brother. It'll be okay, I'm here..." Takiro smiled soothingly at the other, as he pulled away a bit, and stroked the other's hair as well.
"I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you or him." His smiles were slightly fake but he had to try something. Anything. There was so much pain he too wanted to cry. The world seemed to shatter around them as well.
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:44 pm
Fhyst swallowed weakly. "Everything seemed so cut and dry when we were little. All pain could be pushed back and to the side with a simple song, but now it seems the melody is lost. Everyone has moved on, but I feel at times that I haven't. I know I am older, and should not care anymore.. or at least should have moved on too."
He looked at his father, reaching for his guitar, which was leaning on the side of the sofa. "I.. can only do this much to bring back that moment. Do you mind if I play a little?"
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