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It all started in early 2008, and has come to a screeching halt at the end of this year, 2009.

I started the year, my final year of schooling, going strong. Going through the motions. Study, straight edge boyfriend, catching up with girlfriends, being home for tea most nights with my mother and brother.
I then tired of the straight edge boyfriend, ditched the poor boy and decided a little bit of fun couldn't hurt.
I started paying less attention to my original girlfriends, and traded them in for a newer and what I thought would be a better version to pass the time. A poisonous threesome of self-absorbed bimbo's who place way too much emphasis on the role that boys, alcohol, boys, partying and boys play in leading an 'awesome' life. If ya get my gist.
I then tired of the studying, as it didnt fit in very well with getting blind and spending 80 percent of my time staying at some drop kick bmx'ers house constantly with the poisonous three.
I then tired of being home for dinner, and eventually being home at all.
At a big risk to my mother's mental health, I threw my childhood back in her face and told her it was best for me as a person to move out. That I couldn't 'take it' at home anymore. Stupid, stupid idea. I stretched our relationship to breaking point, I manipulated my father into financing this venture of mine by making him believe that I truly was hard done by at mum's, and living out of home was what was best for me.
Simultaneously, my stupid also selfish little brother moved out, making for one very lonely underappreciated parent.
I then, luckily, gradually tired of the poisonous three and the brainded bikers, and discovered love. In a very raw and strenuous form, in the form of my new housemate.
We struggled with the feelings, playing games with each other's heads. Insulting, using, belittling each other relenlessly. We tried to be together, we failed. Then we try, try, tried again.
I tired of school and was still tired of study, but mercilessly, somebody up there decided to throw me a bone. I did amazingly well in my exams considering circumstances, and got into exactly the course i wanted to. Things were pretty cruisy for a couple of months there, I had my lover. I had some of my friends back. A new life was gradually folding out before me and I really quite liked it.
And then, there was fire. Everything myself, my lover, his brother/my other housemate owned went up in flames. Like so many on that day, mind you. I'm thankful we weren't one of the cities which burned completely.
It shook me to the core.
My boyfriend broke up with me, he couldn't handle the emotional heat, so to speak.
My mother lost it because I wouldn't move home, so eventually I did, but I hated that I had no other choice.
It took so long to build up my possessions again.
So much paperwork, so many phone calls, I tried really hard for the 3 of us that had suffered to utilise all the charity available to us.
I fought long and hard to get my boyfriend back... I succeeded eventually, with much psychological trauma on my part, and as I learned recently, with no real long term effect.
After 6 months of more trial and error, we're seperated again, for good.
I'm forever postponing going to university.. To the point where I wonder if I'll ever go at all.
My mum is suffering once more, though not at my hand, thank god. Her fiance left her, and as we are to each other the only family available, I'm putting most of my time and effort into keeping her glued together. Which is a nice distraction from my own heartache and disappointment.
But I cant help but wonder, is that all there is for the women in our family?
A bunch of friends who mostly let us down. Family not worth acknowledging, who can never be of value to our lives. Partners who make us feel as though no matter what we do, we aren't worth the time or effort, the only thing that kept us in the relationship was our sheer determination and hardwork. Jobs that disappoint us, and study that ends up irrelevant to future jobs. Endless amounts of debt and struggle, from the start to finish of our adult lives.
Some call me morbid, I say realist.
Is this as good as it gets!