Sometime later...
•••
Otto let his eyes close for a moment, letting the feel of the relaxed air around them, the quiet resting of their breathing, let it truly sink in and relax his heartbeat.
His fingers from his free hand toyed with some of the stray curls pooled under Chance’s head.
“Hey.” He murmured as his normal train of thoughts beginning to find their way back after having scattered like leaves in the wind during the storm of passion between them. “For a while I was sure I didn’t have any future. Remember when I told you that?”
“But I think I was just caught up in The End.. since folks die so much round here. But yanno, just cause we die young, don’t mean we ain’t got a Forever. I been thinkin’ bout that a lot more lately.” Ever since his dream with Alice.
“I don’t wanna get all hot n’ bothered by what might happen to me. It was bringin; me down, and I stopped really living.”
•••
Chance made a soft sound that was almost a laugh, though he was still a little breathless, and it came out almost a sigh. He had let himself fall back against the bed again, black curls a tangled mess around his head, Chance’s head turning automatically into the gentle fingers that pushed back a few stray strands.
He had closed his eyes momentarily but now he opened them again, Chance looking up at Otto, his other hand come to rest lightly on Otto’s hip.
“Yeah,” he said gently. “I remember.”
There had been a lot of that, in the beginning. Confusion over where he was going and what was going to happen. Chance remembered vividly their first meeting, sitting out on the Deus grounds with Otto and his telescope, just...talking.
His brows rose a little. Chance let the backs of his fingers drift absently over one of Otto’s flushed cheeks.
“And what about now?” he asked. “Are you living now?”
•••
“Mmmhmm.” He assured him with a nod. “It ain’t easy, but I won’t stop myself from trying to do what I usually tell myself can’t ever happen. Like researchin’ stuff for that key. One day I’d like to be rid of it.” To have the burden gone, and his strength returned.
He felt comfortable talking with Chance about these issues, especially now in the pleasant calm that had taken him.
“About us too..” That subject was a little harder, because he had to trust himself. Something he’d long since lost. “After what happened with Maebe and Cami, how I messed it all up.. I didn’t trust myself not to make the same mistakes. Thought maybe I can’t ever be mature enough to handle a relationship, cause what if I see somethin’ else I want and just..”
Stray. Again.
He gave a huff, sweeping some of Chance’s curls away with his fingers again.
“If I’m gunna really live my life in a way I can be proud of, I have to trust myself more. I gotta commit to the s**t I wanna do, or think I wanna do.”
“So I’m tellin’ you now.. Not just ‘cause we had sex and I feel real good right now, but for real.. You’re all I need in my life. I ain’t letting myself confuse some random wants and fickle s**t like that ruin somethin’ precious and well built that we have.”
“I just.. Wanted you to know that.”
•••
Chance’s fingers continued their idle movement across Otto’s face, not really doing much more than simply brushing his fingertips across the warm skin of his cheek. “You’ll figure it out,” he said, and it was less of a promise and more of just a simple fact. “At least your stubbornness will keep you going,” Chance added, with a slight tease.
About us, too, made Chance’s fingers pause, just for a second, before he started up the motions again. He knew what had happened with Maebe and Cami; and he knew how much it had weighed on Otto ever since. And he also knew that it had been a struggle for Otto to come to grips with not just being with another guy, but with Chance in general, for several reasons.
Otto’s hand felt tender on his forehead as he shifted the curls away. Chance felt an absurd fluttering in his stomach, almost anxiety, even if he wasn’t the type to be anxious, it felt like anxiety. A part of him wondered if the rest of Otto’s sentence would be something along the lines of and I’m not mature enough to handle this relationship, Chance’s heartbeat quickening without him intending it.
They’d talked about this, too. He’d said he would be okay if Otto decided otherwise, but every part of Chance was currently struggling to accept a reality in which Otto was not by his side, or in his life or in his heart. That had been months ago, almost years, at the beginning of when they’d decided exclusiveness was what they had wanted, and since then, Chance’s feelings had only grown, not abated.
His lips parted, Chance, for the first time, unsure of what he was going to say -
-and then he closed his mouth, startled, as the rest of what Otto had said sunk in.
For a few moments, he just stared at Otto, and then a breathless, short breath of laughter escaped, Chance’s fingers fluttering against Otto’s cheek. He closed his eyes, pulled air into his lungs, and opened them again, pure relief and utter pleasure flickering across his face.
“You just scared the s**t out of me,” he admitted, and slid his hand along Otto’s cheek to cup his face, palm against skin. “I thought you were going to break up with me, and I about had a heart attack, because frankly…”
His other hand joined the first, so that Otto’s face was framed between Chance’s palms, thumbs sweeping tenderly over his cheeks, Chance’s expression one of utmost adoring.
“You’re all I need in my life, too, and I love you.”
•••
Otto laughed unexpectedly. “You really think I’m so ice cold I’d break up with someone immediately after sex?” He grinned; it was absurd, but he just couldn’t help it. Honestly though, he could see why Chance had thought that. It had been an awkward and misleading way of explaining his feelings, in retrospect.
“I love you too.” He said back, kissing him and letting his fingers tangle gently in his hair.
•••
The laughter made Chance laugh as well.
“No,” he said, with a roll of his eyes. “But, well. Sue me for being concerned, mister.”
He gave a hum of pleasure as Otto kissed him, Chance’s eyes falling shut, his fingers sliding through the blond strands with a sweetness that made him all the more pleased that this was his. This life, this moment, this man, all of it.
“You make me happy even when you’re making fun of me,” Chance deadpanned.
•••
“Well, that’s good.. Cause that’s kind of all I ever do.” And he had no plans of stopping.
