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 Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 1:40 pm
"Stage fright is kind of a fun analogy," said Chance with a gentle laugh, not intending to make fun of Otto. "But I must admit, it's usually relatively easy for me to be comfortable in bed with someone else, as long as I know what I'm doing."
He gave a little shrug. "Which goes back to the whole perspective thing; I realize some see it as me being 'loose' or whatever other s**t names people come up with, but I just like what I like, and it's okay if people don't like that, it's just how I am."
His smile was a little rueful, but Chance just gave another laugh, raking curls from his face again.
"Okay, well, you have a point there," he said, grinning. "Got anyone in mind that you think I would enjoy the company of? Present company already included," he added, gesturing to Otto.
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 2:11 pm
"There's a lotta people that are hard on folks who sleep around." Maybe a lot was pushing it. It was a select few with loud opinions, more likely. "I don't think it says anythin' bad about your character." He should take his own advice. He was hard on himself for slowly becoming more liberal with his libido, and had trouble dealing with it. Something to work on? Or was it a warning? "I'm not sure I could be that free with myself. I'd like to, eventually. Sex is.. personal, to me. Or I thought it was, anyway. I always fight desire down until I think I can justify it somehow. As if I got a line of jury to prove somethin' to." A lot of his issues stemmed from deviations to that very moral code. If he let go of that attachment, would that make him terrible? Or just teach him that sex was or could be just another way to enjoy others. A passionate activity. Or perhaps he only had sex with lovers because he was too shy to do it with anyone he didn't know well enough. He waited to be seduced, so he could feel secure during the act. "Sorry if that's too personal. This whole night has been a whacky share fest for me." Otto tried to think of other people he held in high regard. Good company. He felt happy that this guy considered him good company, despite all his whining. "Cami is fun to talk to. I first met her cause she said she was worried about d**k Centipedes." He paused. "Long story. I ain't sure I remember how it started." "Uh.." Huh. He had to have more friends he found good company. Most of them were girls though. He didn't even hang out with many people lately, he realized. "Huh..." There had to be more. "Sorry, I don't hang out much with others... Oh. Ripley. He's got about as much expression in his face as a brick, but he's good people."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 2:23 pm
"So I've seen, from Twitter," said Chance dryly. "My mantra is just to enjoy the things you enjoy; you don't have to agree with what other people do, but you also don't have to rain on their parade if they like something that you don't. It just seems pointless to me to care so much about what you think is right and wrong for someone who isn't yourself."
A small laugh escaped him. "Don't worry about being too personal, I'm not the type that goes around telling everyone else things. And as you can see, I'm already pretty open and honest in general," Chance added, giving Otto a reassuring smile. "As for sex being personal...that's okay, really. I know it's like that for a lot of people. But you don't always have to justify it if you just want to have a good time. There isn't a rule that says you have to fulfill a certain quota or please certain people just so you can have a good time yourself."
He hummed a little. "I don't know a Cami, but it's a pretty name, I'll have to see who she is - and I'm not entirely certain I really want to know what a d**k centipede is," Chance added, sounding mildly and cheerfully horrified. "I like fun people, though."
There was a small smile that had wormed itself onto Chance's face, and he laughed. "I've met Ripley, and yes, he's good people," he said, eyes twinkling with amusement. "In fact, I think he's one of the better people I've met so far, even with the whole face brick thing."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 2:42 pm
Otto nodded. Otto wanted to to be able to just view sex as a good time, and not a commitment. Because honestly, he felt he was missing out on something. There had been a large handful of times he'd wanted someone, but felt so ashamed of himself for it, he'd push the feeling down. Pushed it down, and covered it up with either hatred, discomfort, or aloofness. Chocolate was the only vice he allowed himself to indulge in with no holds barred. It was normal. Normal, and allowed. Otto decided to let the subject die. He'd best not dwell on his awkward uncertainties. "I didn't wanna know either, but she scared me into thinkin' they were a real thing." Deus and Halloween taught him to believe in the possible. And the horrifying. Otto enjoyed Ripley's company, mostly because he was sensible. Also because Otto could poke the bear a lot and still have him as a friend. "It's hard findin' friends who are fun but sensible. Rational... Rational in Deus is like finding a four leaf clover."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 2:53 pm
There was a small pause.
"Are they a real thing?" Chance asked curiously, turning to look at Otto. "Because if so, that's horrifying. But it's also kind of a good story about how you met someone," he added with a laugh. "It's fun to have to tell someone that the reason you began talking to a friend is because of d**k centipedes."
He hummed again. "Well, there is that, I've learned," Chance said musingly. "Ripley is probably the most sensible one I've met; most of the others have their various shades of extremeism, not that that's a bad thing. It's been quite an adventure trying to figure everyone out."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 3:37 pm
"I really hope not." Otto murmured, his gaze narrowing. He could imagine it. That made it worse. He fought back an urge to gag. Still, it was a funny thing. To have met her over something so horrifying and odd. "Yeah. Most of them are worse on twitter than they are in person. Sometimes not by much though."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 3:49 pm
"...are you trying to think about what it is," Chance asked, catching Otto's narrowed eyes in the dim lighting of the field and laughing. "I don't think that's such a good idea."
Thinking about Twitter made him roll his own eyes, however, and Chance shook his head. "I've met a few of them, the ones that talk most on Twitter," he said, amicably. "But not all of them. I was reprimanded the last time I said anything because apparently I 'lord over everyone' and am 'condescending.'"
He didn't sound offended in the slightest, however, instead there was a more amused tone to his voice.
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 3:58 pm
"It wasn't a good idea." He agreed, rubbing his eyes. "********. There goes sleep tonight." Funny, considering Chance couldn't sleep most nights. Otto gave a small of huff, knowing full well how twisted the dwellers of twitter could twist words and personalities if they so chose. "You and everyone else." He said with a light eye roll. "The folks who say that s**t usually got their own sins to make up for."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 4:04 pm
"Welcome to the land of not sleeping," Chance deadpanned, but he reached out and patted Otto's shoulder in a consoling sort of way.
"See, and therein lies the problem," he added, in reference to the whole Twitter situation as he dropped his fingers away and leaned back casually. The corners of his lips quirked up a little. "Everyone on there is so busy telling everyone else what their opinion is on things that don't actually concern them, or don't actually make any sense getting offended over."
The grass felt cool against the palm of his hand; he idly sifted his fingers through the blades. "I did notice you're pretty good at standing up and saying something when people call out s**t," Chance said, smiling. "That's pretty cool of you. I'm relatively ashamed to admit that most of the time I don't say anything at all, since I'm not a huge fan of getting involved in unnecessary drama."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 4:08 pm
"Thanks." He smirked lightly. "Truth be told, it's best not to bother. None of'em wanna hear what people gotta say if it goes against what they want. They get real entitled. Like their point of view is all that matters in the end." Opinions were one thing, but the hurtful and nasty spats were ridiculous. "It's a snake pit, man." "God forbid someone lives a life that opposes their ideals."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 4:32 pm
"I get the whole 'everyone has a right to live the way they want,'" Chance said, waving a hand in a noncommittal sort of way. "And that's how I usually live my life, but trying to force that your way is the right way is not how you're supposed to about it."
He shifted on the blanket, crossing one ankle over the other. The sky had started to lighten, just a smidge; it must have been nearing very early morning, which meant that he and Otto had been talking for longer than Chance had realized.
"The point of life is to just experience all the things you can and have a good time, not cater to someone else's whims just because they don't agree with it," said Chance with a smile. "Screw anyone that tries to tell you that you're wrong for living a certain way just because they think that they know better."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 4:45 pm
He wanted to take the man's words to heart. Otto was always scared of doing something that would make others look down on him. Not that he catered to the whims of others. He spoke up when he felt the need, and fought back all the time. If Otto didn't agree with something he sure as Hell didn't pretend to just to gain approval. "They sure do think they know better." He murmured, repeating the information with consideration. "There's a power in it. The fear of rejection, or alienation. Goin' against the majority, or outing yourself on somethin' sensitive is hard. Maybe they know to speak against them will be like running into a forest with antlers on during buck season." "Or they really are just in love with themselves. They get off on finding faults in each other, and making them feel shitty about it." He looked to Chance. "Remember I was talkin' bout Cami? She's real open about her uh.. sexuality, right? Maebe too. People like her get reemed for it. Made to feel like whores or some s**t. But it ain't nobody's business. It's disgusting to see." He felt heated just remembering. "How do they sleep at night, after puttin' someone down for the things they do.. Just fall back in their pillow all smug and satisfied."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 4:55 pm
He tugged at a piece of grass until it snapped, breaking free from the ground. "Yes," said Chance simply, turning it over between his fingers. "Think. They only think that their opinion is the right one, and I've usually learned that the louder someone is trying to proclaim their opinions as gospel, that they either don't actually believe it themselves, or they're afraid of something they're hiding."
Chance pulled another piece of grass free and held it up to his lips, between his thumbs; a whistle sounded out from his cupped hands, slightly muffled.
"Some people get off on s**t like that," he said, lifting his head. "Some people feel like they're more powerful the more they trample over other people. There's also, I've learned, a really shitty double standard when it comes to sexuality," Chance added, eyes narrowed a little as he glanced sideways at Otto, lips pressed together. "I'm open with my sexuality too, but when it's a guy, it's usually seen as something to be impressed by. Granted, the fact that I don't care about gender and that I will occasionally wear something deemed 'feminine' means that I have less of that - but when it's a woman, suddenly you're a slut or a whore."
He shook his head, holding the grass up again and letting out another sharp whistle with it. "It's ******** up, is what it is. People who do that sort of s**t, who stomp all over other people because of their own insecurities are full of s**t. You're right; it's nobody's business. Screw them."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 5:07 pm
"Cheers to that." Otto agreed, watching in amusement as Chance used blades of grass to make noise. He used to do that all the time as a kid. He wondered if he still knew how.. Idly, he wondered if Chance wore dresses or something, which truth be told, he'd have to try very hard not to laugh. But that was Otto's sense of aesthetic against someone else's. Otto was sure he enjoyed a great many things deemed feminine. And really, if he was ashamed of such things it would make him a hypocrite in his defence of his female friends. But he was a hypocrite. He knew that. He'd had an idea that men could only be with women, yet there he was now. He'd been with a guy, and had to endure the torment of coming to terms with it, and his ideals being shattered from the shield he'd built up against the whole ideal. He was a guy. He was supposed to want and enjoy a certain sort of life. He was supposed to want one woman; a soulmate. He was supposed to only make love with that one woman and never stray. But that had been off. Thrown completely off. He'd strayed from every single rule. Now all he had to do was make his peace with it. The ideal he'd built up, based on his family's upbringing of course, had just not been for him. It had caused stress and led to a complete deviation out of sheer build up of wants and needs he refused to let himself enjoy. Even now, there were people he was sure he'd not allow himself to be attracted to out of the fear that giving in would make him a bad person. Small steps. His gaze lifted to the sky. "s**t, it's late... or, early." He shrugged. "When in Rome. Guess I get to see the sunrise."
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 5:23 pm
Otto wasn't far off in his thinking; there was the occasional time that Chance found a certain dress or a skirt more comfortable to wear than actual pants, or a shirt that was in the women's section at the store that he preferred more than the ones in the men's section. But Chance's upbringing had not been the same as Otto's, in spite of them being similar in some regards; he had suppressed all of the emotions necessary to be embarrassed, had buried them so far deeply inside of himself that he knew that they were gone by now.
"Well," said Chance, lowering his hands and the now limp and slightly bedraggled piece of grass to his lap. "You can at least rest assured that Cami and Maebe never have to worry about me calling them whores or sluts, unless as a term of endearment," he added, with an amused smile. "I don't know either of them, but that's one thing that you can be certain of - or yourself, for that matter, or anyone else that you know. I don't do that whole judgmental thing, it's too petty."
He opened his hand and a gust of wind rustled the blades of grass on his palm, eyes straying towards the horizon - or at least, as much as he could see of it.
"It's always better to see a sunrise with someone else," said Chance with a smile. "And nights go by faster, as clearly evidenced."
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