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 Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 1:30 pm
LadyFireCat (I suppose I'm just trying to get a bit of practice in? I'm kinda new to Rping scene, and I didn't really know what to do. So, I'd be grateful if you could give me any tips. Thanks, again.)
:3
I don't know how much I'll be able to do for you, but we'll know after you make a few posts and I can really assess how good you are. Please continue on.
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 1:59 pm
Attention:
First post has been updated with your ranking as an rper in my eyes. Now to others you might be lower or higher depending on what their definition of a good rper is, but this is mine. :3 I hope that by the time you are done with all this, you are as good of an rp as I am. XD If that means anything at all.
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:11 pm
(Okay, then. ^^)
Mira sighed, her feet already worn out from all the walking it took to get here. Remind me why I decided to come here again? Oh, yeah because I wanted to learn. Gods, I'm an idiot.
Thinking so, she collapsed against the wall, sliding down until she hit the floor. She was blocked from the view by a small table with a vase filled with flowers on top of it. Thunking her head back onto the stone wall, she sighed again, tired beyond belief. I might as well take a rest here. Nothing else for me to do. With that she curled up in her little niche and closed her eyes, laying her head on top of her pack.
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 6:26 pm
Aurak noticed that the mistress wasn't saying anything...
He looks down to his chair and noticed that his seat was about a medium sized chair. It has a small red-leather cushion on the seat, and the back rest was about three feet tall. and was solid, no bars on it or holes on it for that matter.
He tries to sit on the chair at the table, but it was too small, and he was sitting on his tail. He stands back up and looks down at the chair.
Great! How am I going to sit at this table with my tail and Wings?
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 7:29 pm
LadyFireCat (Okay, then. ^^) Mira sighed, her feet already worn out from all the walking it took to get here. Remind me why I decided to come here again? Oh, yeah because I wanted to learn. Gods, I'm an idiot.Thinking so, she collapsed against the wall, sliding down until she hit the floor. She was blocked from the view by a small table with a vase filled with flowers on top of it. Thunking her head back onto the stone wall, she sighed again, tired beyond belief. I might as well take a rest here. Nothing else for me to do. With that she curled up in her little niche and closed her eyes, laying her head on top of her pack.
Lets see, this sentenceQuote: Thinking so, she collapsed against the wall, sliding down until she hit the floor. Quote: Pondering this for a moment, she collapses against the wall and slides down until she hits the floor. Quote: Thinking about it, she collapsed against the wall, sliding down until she hit the floor. Quote: She was blocked from the view by a small table with a vase filled with flowers on top of it.
In this sentence you don't need the worth "the". The limits the amount of views you cannot be seen from. I am assuming like a circle has limitless amounts of points around its circumference, there limitless amounts of views you cannot be seen from. The rest seems fine though. :3 Good going.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 12:29 pm
A middle aged man pulled a map scroll out of his worn, tan traveller's bag and rechecked his location. His tired, crimson shaded, sunken eyes quickly scanned both map and surroundings, obviously accustomed to such strain.
"Come on Deugaro." The man chided himself mentally. "The abbey is just down this path, there you can rest."
Deugaro stretched his neck, accidentally looking at the sun and continued his slow steady walk, blinking the spots from his eyes.
He loosened the heavy red cloak from his neck, the high temperature here being brutal, and wiped the sweat off his face with a black shirt covered arm. The outdoors were quiet, there was no sounds of wildlife and neither was there any wind. Only the unforgiving sun beating down on his onyx coated body and lightly tanned skin. For once he was grateful for the old, worn down, red headband he wore soaked with water.
"Please let there be a wash room." He hoped, the large stone walls of the abbey coming into view. "I most likely reek like the dead."
(I'm rather new to Role playing, so could you be brutally honest?)
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 4:32 pm
Aeros Endeem Aurak noticed that the mistress wasn't saying anything... He looks down to his chair and noticed that his seat was about a medium sized chair. It has a small red-leather cushion on the seat, and the back rest was about three feet tall. and was solid, no bars on it or holes on it for that matter. He tries to sit on the chair at the table, but it was too small, and he was sitting on his tail. He stands back up and looks down at the chair. Great! How am I going to sit at this table with my tail and Wings?Quote: He looks down to his chair and noticed that his seat was about a medium sized chair.
observed
spied
saw
noted
There are more, but I just wanted you to understand you don't need to use the same thing over and over again like a blunt instrument. Writing is beautiful and you should use every word you can to create a work of art.
Also, there is a question of tenses again my dear boy. You alway end your actions in either 's' or 'ed', but not both in the same sentence unless its very specific circumstances. So for you in this case, lets just say never put them in the same sentence for the time being, okay? The sentence correctly would have been:Quote: He looked down to his chair and observed that his seat was about medium sized. Quote: It has a small red-leather cushion on the seat, and the back rest was about three feet tall. and was solid, no bars on it or holes on it for that matter. Quote: It had a small, red-leather cushion on the seat and the back rest was about three feet tall. The wood was solid, with no bars or holes on it for that matter.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 8:06 pm
(( sweatdrop Sometimes i go too fast for my own good... sweatdrop ))
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 9:37 pm
Aeros Endeem (( sweatdrop Sometimes i go too fast for my own good... sweatdrop ))
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 10:41 pm
Aniur Its fine, just slow down and take your time. This isn't speed posting. What you're doing here is getting used to using grammar properly so you don't have to think about it when you go to do a post. It should become second nature so your creativity can take over without you having to worry about little technical things. D: Take a break. I have a full day of work, then cooking dinner for my dear when I get home so chances are I won't have time till Monday to do much anyways. ((Yeah... i do need a break... lol))
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 11:00 pm
Obviously, they are unused to a structured environment...
::With a blank look on her face, she stared outward past the people gathering to either side of her as if they were little more than wisps of dust. Her demeanor had nothing to do with tardiness or noise level, only to her duty as a paladin in training and the honor she would show to the position.
Some things could not be forced she knew. Lead by example her father had always told her.
A small silver bell waited for her attention beside the dinner plate before her. Behind the door to her back, shuffling could be heard as the cooks of the abbey readied for their signal. While she was not the master of this holy ground, those in charge allowed her to take certain liberties with the staff in order to train the ones who would seek her out.
The first lesson would be respect. Respect for those around them, for those who would help them in any way and respect for themselves. These, she believed, should come easy for all of them. It was the second part of the lesson she was worried about. If some could not grasp that they should pay even ones who were considered the lowest some regard, how would they handle giving their enemies such consideration? Let alone their weaponry. Magic and steel could take on a life of their own in the heat of battle and if not given the proper respect would turn on their masters, rendering them helpless as children.
She knew this all too well. Her mind wandered to the scar that ran from the side of her breast and around to the front of her stomach. It was a constant reminder that if she did not stay vigilant, steel could fail in cruel ways. Some ways tended to be crueler than others.
Closing her eyes, she relaxes a little and lets go of the firm grip she had been keeping on her magic. While she was no great sorceress, the masters of the abbey had given her a few tricks to use on her students in order to keep some control. She could only use these gifts here on the grounds though where what little magic she had was amplified. A soft wave of energy pulses through the sanctuary like rippling in a pond, telling her the location of each and every student who had passed through the gates. Upon accepting her offer they had been tagged magically so she could keep an eye on them. Along with this pulse, she sends a thought to each of their subconscious minds, urging them to find the dining hall. The ones already present feel a trace of satisfaction of a job well done, though they had not a clue as to why.::
((Its late, I'm tired, I'll review what I've written in the morning to make sure its on the up and up. :3 Play off of this people. I've given you some interesting things to work with. Deugaro, I will get to you after work tomorrow some time in the evening.))
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:08 pm
Deugaro A middle aged man pulled a map scroll out of his worn, tan traveller's bag and rechecked his location. His tired, crimson shaded, sunken eyes quickly scanned both map and surroundings, obviously accustomed to such strain. "Come on Deugaro." The man chided himself mentally. "The abbey is just down this path, there you can rest."Deugaro stretched his neck, accidentally looking at the sun and continued his slow steady walk, blinking the spots from his eyes. He loosened the heavy red cloak from his neck, the high temperature here being brutal, and wiped the sweat off his face with a black shirt covered arm. The outdoors were quiet, there was no sounds of wildlife and neither was there any wind. Only the unforgiving sun beating down on his onyx coated body and lightly tanned skin. For once he was grateful for the old, worn down, red headband he wore soaked with water. "Please let there be a wash room." He hoped, the large stone walls of the abbey coming into view. "I most likely reek like the dead."(I'm rather new to Role playing, so could you be brutally honest?) Quote: His tired, crimson shaded, sunken eyes quickly scanned both map and surroundings, obviously accustomed to such strain.
Quote: His tired, sunken, crimson shaded eyes quickly scanned both map and surroundings, obviously accustomed to such strain.
I just love that you used that word. It is an impressive feat of vocabulary from someone on this site I'm sure of it because I've never seen another soul use it. I might not have looked in the right place mind you, but it does warm my soul a bit. X3 Just thought I would note that.Quote: Only the unforgiving sun beating down on his onyx coated body and lightly tanned skin. Quote: Only present was the unforgiving sun beating down on the onyx coat that covered most of his body and his lightly tanned skin.
Other than that, its okay. You have a very distinct way of writing. There might be more issues in this post than what I caught, but I need another post by you before I truly pass judgment. :3
Otherwise, very nice. Continue on. Ask any questions, write any concerns or complain if you wish in your next post. :3
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 8:55 pm
Mira jerked awake, her head falling off it's temporary pillow and banging on the floor. She clutched her head as she tried to curl in on herself, her back telling her why it wasn't such a good idea to sleep on the cold, stone floor. After a while she recovered, blinking her grey eyes slowly to readjust to the light. How long was I asleep? I hope it's not too late. I don't really want to get in trouble for sneaking in here without informing someone...
With a heavy sigh, she brushed herself off, bending down to retrieve her pack and slinging it over her shoulder. Now, she thought looking up and down the hall, where do I go?
Standing still she cocked her head to the side, trying to listen to the sounds echoing through the hall. Mira felt the urge to go farther in, though she didn't know what lay in that direction. Making a decision, she started walking towards the pulse of magic, hoping that it would take her to the dining hall or someplace populated with people.
(I'm just asking, but when your character sent out that pulse of magic, did it also mean the people that arrived late and met no one? 'Cause if it didn't I'd have to edit my thing...)
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 10:16 pm
LadyFireCat (I'm just asking, but when your character sent out that pulse of magic, did it also mean the people that arrived late and met no one? 'Cause if it didn't I'd have to edit my thing...)
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:09 am
Deugaro had just gotten through the abbey's gate and began his walk to the large building itself, enjoying his stroll and admiring the landscape and architecture but frowning slightly at the state of disrepair.
"How could this place be so run down?" He questioned himself mentally. "Are there not people here?"
His pondering was cut short by a pulse of magic, and he instantly dropped into his fighting stance on instinct. He was so caught off guard, he never noticed any message within.
Within a few seconds he noticed no alarms or enemies so he continued towards the abbey his eye constantly on the look out.
(Times up at Library!)
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