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 Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:33 am
kp is dcvi miyo_esparanza
I don't think that most middle aged women that already have children are getting abortions because pregnancy was a terrible experience (although I *could* see some of them justifying it that way). I know that for me, personally, if I got pregnant right after this baby was born, I'd abort. I'd do it because I wouldn't want to ruin the lives of my existing children, my husband, myself, or the life of my unborn child. I would not want to bring a child into the world that I couldn't care for. I love my babies too much for that.
I agree that sex too young, or pregnancy before the maturity to handle it can be very VERY traumatizing. But, like you said, just plain ol' living can be mentally traumatizing.
Hell, even 100 years ago, having your first babies around 20 was late. That doesn't meant that having them that early wasn't traumatizing.No no, on the contrary, I was saying that middle aged women who have children are probably less likely to have a hard time with a pregnancy IF they have had children before. Moreover-- I can't begin to fathom what it must have been like to have children at like... fourteen. Was it traumatizing? Maybe it was normal way back then. Maybe it can be normal today... imagine going to your family at 13 and telling them you are pregnant. Perhaps if they all patted you on the back, maybe the feelings would be different. But I can't begin to imagine, again.
I personally don't think that getting pat on the back, and having your family accept and support you being pregnant at 14 would make it any less traumatizing. I mean, from what I can tell, a least some of the mental trauma comes from the changes that your own body is going through. I know that at least some of the mental trauma I've had with this pregnancy belongs to how much my body has changed, and what labour is going to be like. Furthermore, I bet that 'back then' they not only would have been more uncertain about whether or not you'd actually live from being pregnant or giving birth, but they wouldn't really be able to prepare you for actually having the baby. Rather, not that they wouldn't, but that they didn't.
Hell, just getting your period is traumatizing; I can only imagine what having a baby at 14 must have been like, especially before they had as many support groups and medical science had advanced to where it is.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:49 am
I suppose it depends on your family history. Considering the massive amount of blood loss my Mother had whilst having me, the fact she was in labour for something stupid like 30 hours and that she had to remain in hospital for a long time afterwards, means that if it wasn't for the modern wonders of the C section I wouldn't want children because I wouldn't want to take the very real risk of dying to have a child.
Someone once told me that that made me selfish, hmmm doesn't it make them selfish to judge me because I'd rather live and do some good in the world than bring another life into it which might well have not had both parents to look after it.
I do want children some day, but I am dreading pregnancy because I know with my family history I will suffer, and with the fact that I already have back problems caused by very large breasts, considering that they will grow in pregnancy I guess I will have a pretty horrible time.
If I'm "selfish" for not wanting all of that if it weren't for the medical intervention of preventing hemorrhaging through blood loss, or being able to have a C-section before the pressure on my spine actually causes irreversible damage then I guess that I'm happy being "selfish". How selfish of me not to want to either bereave my partner or lumber him with the responsibility and financial problems of looking after his broken wife and a baby.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 9:45 am
This is going to sound kind of silly after Anardana's post, about the blood loss and stuff, but I'll say it anyways.
My pregnancy has gone pretty well. No complications, only a couple of scares, I'm healthy and baby's very healthy ('robust' is the word that the docs keep using). It's been uncomfortable, because I'm quite small, and the baby is very long, but other then that, it's been relatively good, despite my complaints.
When I first got pregnant, and later on during the pregnancy, and even more now that I'm actually past my due date and could literally be giving birth this afternoon (if these contractions keep coming on *crosses fingers*), I kept being reminded of something that's sort of .... 'wrong' with my family.
See, nearly everyone in my family has had notoriously large heads at birth. To the point that about half of us have needed C sections to be born, since our heads were too big to fit down the vaginal tract.
This isn't something that would make me consider abortion, and that's not what I'm trying to say. But it's definitely a complication that I would really rather not have to worry about, and it's been a yucky smudge on my relatively good pregnancy.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:11 pm
miyo_esparanza This is going to sound kind of silly after Anardana's post, about the blood loss and stuff, but I'll say it anyways.
My pregnancy has gone pretty well. No complications, only a couple of scares, I'm healthy and baby's very healthy ('robust' is the word that the docs keep using). It's been uncomfortable, because I'm quite small, and the baby is very long, but other then that, it's been relatively good, despite my complaints.
When I first got pregnant, and later on during the pregnancy, and even more now that I'm actually past my due date and could literally be giving birth this afternoon (if these contractions keep coming on *crosses fingers*), I kept being reminded of something that's sort of .... 'wrong' with my family.
See, nearly everyone in my family has had notoriously large heads at birth. To the point that about half of us have needed C sections to be born, since our heads were too big to fit down the vaginal tract.
This isn't something that would make me consider abortion, and that's not what I'm trying to say. But it's definitely a complication that I would really rather not have to worry about, and it's been a yucky smudge on my relatively good pregnancy. I can see why you are worried. Having to have a C section at the last minute would not be good as they have to make the cut in the opposite direction don't they? The scarring is supposed to be worse but it's better than damaging yourself or your baby in the long run. ^_^ I really hope that you get to give birth the way you want to, also if it helps I've been reading up on C sections and it is possible to give birth naturally after them, you can have more than 3 C sections (I spoke to a woman who had 12!) and you can still breastfeed, it just takes a bit longer to kick in. 3nodding I looked it up because everyone keeps telling me I should not have an elective C section because of all these horror stories like "you can't have more than 3 and you want 4 kids so you'd have to have on naturally but the scar tissue tears open!" "you can't breastfeed after C section because it isn't natural so you don't lose the baby weight as easily" Apparently it is all a big myth, mostly because there are many doctors in this country who are trying to get elective C section outlawed. It makes me so mad, selfish bastards imagine they know everyone's reason for wanting one. Still if they outlaw it before I have children then I will either go private and pay a doctor a large sum of money to do it for me, or go to another country and get it done.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:26 pm
Anardana I can see why you are worried. Having to have a C section at the last minute would not be good as they have to make the cut in the opposite direction don't they? The scarring is supposed to be worse but it's better than damaging yourself or your baby in the long run. ^_^ I really hope that you get to give birth the way you want to, also if it helps I've been reading up on C sections and it is possible to give birth naturally after them, you can have more than 3 C sections (I spoke to a woman who had 12!) and you can still breastfeed, it just takes a bit longer to kick in. 3nodding I looked it up because everyone keeps telling me I should not have an elective C section because of all these horror stories like "you can't have more than 3 and you want 4 kids so you'd have to have on naturally but the scar tissue tears open!" "you can't breastfeed after C section because it isn't natural so you don't lose the baby weight as easily" Apparently it is all a big myth, mostly because there are many doctors in this country who are trying to get elective C section outlawed. It makes me so mad, selfish bastards imagine they know everyone's reason for wanting one. Still if they outlaw it before I have children then I will either go private and pay a doctor a large sum of money to do it for me, or go to another country and get it done.
Yea, I've already discussed it pretty extensively with my doctor. Seems that even a last min C section would be pretty much the same as a normal c section. At least in my case, I'd presumably have been in labour for some time before the decision to have a C-section would be made, and they'd have time to prepare. It wouldn't necessarily be an 'emergency', just .... a necessity, since the baby's head/body would be too big to come out 'in the natural way'.
If it happens, it happens, but it'd be nice if it didn't.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:38 pm
Personally, I have no real idea how good or bad pregnancy is. I've never been pregnant. Nor have I ever known someone while they were pregnant. Certainly I've known people who were pregnant at some time, but for them pregnancy was a thing of a past. For these women, pregnancy was either an awful thing that they endured to get the end product (a child) or it was a thing that they enjoyed on the whole but didn't like many particulars of (as in, it was an experience they ultimately enjoyed although they would have preferred to do without the morning sickness and so on).
That being said, I imagine that pregnancy is much like sex. Done willingly, it generally isn't that bad. Hell, I'm sure some women love being pregnant. But when it's happening against your will? I can only imagine how awful that would be. The very idea of having something growing inside of and changing my body when all I wanted was for it to stop makes me shiver.
All the women I've known who gave birth chose to be pregnant. Certainly not all of these women had planned all their pregnancies, but not one of them was pregnant against their will. They had all sat down at some point and made the decision not to have an abortion. Some had made this decision before becoming pregnant, some made it after becoming pregnant, but every last one of them had possessed the option to abort and had chosen not to. No one sat down and told them, "Yes, I know you don't want this to happen to your body, but it's going to happen anyway."
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