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 Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 7:40 pm
Chel raised a single eyebrow at Abbi. Intrigued, but not sold.
"Do I now?" she questioned Abbi. The idea hadn't even broached her mind, and it needed time to mull it over. At the moment, all it was doing was completely rejecting the idea. So she let Abbi be her words.
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 10:03 pm
"OK. Hear me out." Abbi gestured with both hands at Chel, a staccato motion that meant she was starting her explanation now and would hand the floor over to her in a second.
But for now, the teen would have to navigate a minefield of making assumptions about her friend and her relationship status. Not for the first time today, let alone this month, Abbi really wished she had some of her own knowledge under her belt. As much as she pretended otherwise, her otome games were not really helping right now...
"Maybe? I mean, I think so!" For a second she breathed deep to center herself and gather her thoughts, but a second later they all came spilling out. "Look, you called yourself a whore, so obviously you think you get around in an inconsequential way or like, um, it doesn't matter I guess. And I just think that maybe after, yanno, all this time you've got someone who's like... Gonna stick with you more than just a fuuu... A... Um, er..." Error: Word not found. "A ******** buddy, like, yanno, someone who's gonna take you to laser tag for your birthday! Who's... Really stupid and a total drama queen about the stupidest stuff but like... Someone who makes you laugh and I-D-K, gets you even if he's super lackluster in his gaming knowledge."
Now her hands had begun to flutter through the air uselessly. After a second the teen sighed and shrugged.
"If I were you I... I'd want someone to call my own." Simple as that, really.
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 10:30 pm
Chel felt her eye roll come on before she could stop it. She really didn't want to insult Abbi or her way of thinking, but she'd been down this road too many times. Too many disney princess stories gone wrong and too many empty beds.
"Reaaally doubt Jack's the type ta stick around," was what she opened with. Neither denial nor acceptance, just a fact. "I still kinda dig the idea of a big wedding and kids," she said it with an easy shrug- Chel had dreams well enough, and wasn't hiding them or denying them. "But I just don't think it's for me, man. I got tired of tryin' to wake up next to people a long time ago." There was something horribly sad in the fact that she was only nineteen. "M'better just bein' the whore, yeah. Fits me." Chel said all of the above with a completely relaxed attitude. Her face remained in a loose smile and her chest was loose, entirely unclenched.
It didn't mean she didn't consider it for a moment. Some part of her probably already knew-
But the dominant part of her brain told her to stick to the plan. Believe in your words. "Good try though Abs."
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 11:04 pm
3..2..1...
"JESUS H ROOSEVELT CHRIST!" Abbi was very good and listened to everything Chel had to say, patient despite her building frustration until the very end when her nickname was used. That was the breaking point, and honestly any name would have done it. Either way she would have lost her grasp on her emotions and, already prone to spillage, everything rushed out of the girl.
Careful not to hurt her friend or be altogether too hasty as to cause offense, Abbi left Chel's lap and took five huffy paces away before she turned back around.
"What is wrong with you people?!"
One hand gestured wildly to the pods, but it was more in reference to people not in the room.
"First, its Leslie! He goes out and gets exactly what he wants, he gets exactly what he's looking for. Sure! Its not good, its super unhealthy, but hey I'm not here to pass judgement on people. And you know what? He comes back with more guilt than he left with! Like--How-- Why?!" She's begun to pace, rapidly moving back and forth, her hands bent into claws and trying to move invisible pieces of a puzzle together.
"Then its Dawson! Some girl offers to have sex with him and he wants something more, sure I get that, totally. But like... Then he acts like nobody wants him? Like, he's the loneliest person on the whole Island when he's got Chris an-and that other guy on Twitter and you! And I just..."
She's not winding down, but she's starting to trip and if she doesn't just surge this point home she's going to chicken out. And Abbi, as much as she wants to help, has to say something.
"And you! You of everyone I expected to be level headed about this! You've always got your crap together! Nothing ruffles you! And now Jack... He's just this... He's just a guy and he's tripped you up! But like... Maybe you guys really are perfect for each other. I gave him his birthday present like you told me... And I told him to, yanno, move it or lose it with you. Cause I know him, I know he pretends like he doesn't care, but he does! And sure he drug his feet and was a total a*****e about it but like... He wants you! If he didn't he'd... He'd... He'd leave! But he doesn't! He takes you out for your birthday and he cares, in his own stupid way and just..."
Now she really lost her wind, crumbling back on herself with a defeated huff.
"You don't even know what its like... To not have... To be like this... I just..." For a few beats longer Abbi stands there, letting the full impact of what she's said sink in.
And then she realizes how much she's screwed up.
"I should go."
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 11:27 pm
Chel let her get it out with a remarkable amount of patience. She looked "scared" and "guilty" at the appropriate intervals because that was what Abbi needed. She didn't know who Leslie was (she didn't care). The part with Dawson was hard because she had to fight a smile (it was funny- come on). Then she got to her own personal lecture and it started to sound like her mom and like Chris and like everyone who had even shepherded her in life.
Now Chel is academically challenged. She's always been at least four grades behind where she should have been (she could have been only a year at most, but she never applied the effort to actually better her brain). She can't read most things without getting a headache, it took an inordinate time just to memorize simple instructions, and she purposely buys shoes without laces because its ******** hard to tie her shoes without Chris hovering over her shoulder.
But people- people are so easy. They're like putty in her hand and the only reason she's been interested in Jack so long is because he's a slightly more viscous substance. Abbi is water and she runs through fingers easily. This rant isn't about her problem with Jack- it's not even about Dawson or Leslie. It's about Abbi.
Chel's real feelings are a big fat laugh in Abbi's direction, maybe a pat on the head and a walk out the door. It's bullshit- it's such bullshit. Of course nothing ruffles her- because genuinely nothing ruffles her. Jack doesn't trip her up, no one trips her up. Jack didn't pretend not to care, Jack didn't care. These are truths she holds dear to her heart because if she doesn't then the recipe for carrying herself falls apart and she's left with an unsure puddle of water on the ground.
She's already had this situation figured out- somewhere between Leslie and Dawson Chel had formulated what to say, worked out the outcomes of Abbi's reactions and picked a route.
It's a game and she has to win- failure isn't an option for her composure. She has to be the whore. She has to be the unattractive. She has to be adverse to commitment. She has to be so many things because Chel knows she can't be anything else. You can't fix dyslexia. It's not a disease, there is no cure.
"No don't go-" She fakes a hand over her mouth, pensive look, annoyed expression. Perfect, now- "Seriously don't. Y'got good things in yer big ol' heart I just need a second to uh- take 'em in, y'know?" What a joke. "I never really ... thought about it that way." This much is at least true- she'd never explored the idea of a monogamous Jack, but that's because this is not an option for her- for someone like her. "I just ... I need more time on that. S'at okay? If I say I'll tell you later?"
She noticed Abbi's pacing and leaned back in her chair. A long sigh, for effect at least. This was about Abbi, not her. "Can I clear up a few things for ya? I'm Dawson's whore. And you-" Chel crossed the space to where Abbi was standing- hands on her shoulders as she towered over the tiny girl. "You are every bit as beautiful as they ********' say. People don't like y'out of pity thigh highs. What you been wrastlin' with by yourself? And don't say it's nothin' 'cause I just talked my d**k out and that ain't fair."
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 11:52 pm
In all of Chel's calculations she is absolutely correct. Everything Abbi says is about herself, because in her deepest heart of hearts she is a ball of narcissism. There are people she cares deeply for, she would gladly lay down her weapon and her life for them, but at the end of the day they aren't in her head.
What lives in her skull is a small girl and a ghost, both colder than the other.
And worst of all, what Abbi hates about herself nearly as much as the fact that she is so undesirable and wrong for others, is the fact that nothing Chel says could make her stay. Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Maybe it loops back around to the narcissism, its all about Abbi, after all. Because it doesn't matter, there isn't some magical combination that could convince her otherwise, and even as Chel starts to stand the teen is backing up. Her head is shaking hard enough that her pigtails are swirling around her as though they want to form a physical, orangey bubble. The eyes that watch her friend cross the space between them have grown as wide as dinner plates, blue and big and frightened because she said it before, and she stands by it: Abbi doesn't people well.
There are things she wants to say ("You're not Dawson's whore, you can't be. He would have told me, he can't lie, we both know that." ), there are things she wants to rebut ("I'm not beautiful, not like you" ), there are things she wants to spill even more ("Nothing" ). But Abbi hasn't stopped her backwards movement, she hasn't stopped edging away as though she is caged and the door has opened. Its only a skip to the side and she can bolt off down the hallway and back to the safety of her room.
And its when Chel tries to put her hands on her shoulders, a sign of friendship and understanding, that Abbi finally does flee. She shrugs them off, she ducks down and away, she flashes once in a turn and is gone.
Because of all the things in Chel's calculations, she has figured one thing wrong: Abbi isn't water, she's air. She's there but unnoticed, she is asked for but unseen, and just like a gust of wind she leaves in a hurry, all huff's and puff's and regrets because she wished she'd been brave enough to stay.
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 11:57 pm
Chel lets Abbi go.
No that's not fair to say. Chel had nothing to do with the situation. It's not her choice; Abbi made the choice to walk out. Abbi's fault- it's Abbi's fault- it's Abbi's fault it has to be.
She's worried, but not that worried. Abbi will come around; she's sunshine and rainbows (< It takes rain to make rainbows, > but that's a point for another time) and Abbi isn't the type to hold a grudge; luckily, neither is Chel. It doesn't help the fact that Abbi's gone. Knowing that she'll come back doesn't make her leaving any easier. Knowing that some type of truce is coming doesn't make the climb to agreement any easier.
Chel is right again; they always leave.
She just really wished she hadn't been right this time.
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